tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40123884963315873372024-03-12T19:30:04.461-07:00Must not FearOne woman's quest to vanquish fear in the face of Esophageal Cancer.Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.comBlogger350125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-72569272002866332892012-03-16T18:47:00.000-07:002012-03-16T18:47:18.818-07:00Thank You and I Love You<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m having my sister post this. It will be the last entry into the blog. I’m gone, now, but what a wonderful time I
had! Oh sure, the last bits were not
much fun, but the great life I have had certainly counted for much more in the
scheme of things.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To my family: No
other people could have loved me, nor taken care of me with such grace of
spirit, nor such generosity and consideration.
I know it was hard on you; lots of times, harder on you than me. I can’t say don’t grieve, because that’s a
normal part of the process of dealing with loss, but as soon as you can, start
to laugh. Call Polly. She’ll make you laugh, and she’ll need to
laugh as well. I want you to remember
that I loved to laugh and I loved to smile, so do your best. <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I do not have to tell you how much I loved and will continue
to love each of you. I hope I showed you
this as I lived.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To my friends: The
support and love you all gave me through this most challenging of journeys was
astounding. You know, Facebook was a
good thing; I got to make sure that the people I cared about were kept in the
loop… a crappy loop, to be sure, but a loop nonetheless. Some days, your words of encouragement were
all that was between me and abysmal despair.
Your positivity fueled mine and just knowing you were there for me and
knowing how much you were rooting for me; well, that strengthened my resolve to
keep fighting. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But the fight is over, and as we all must, I have gone on to
continue the journey. Where the journey
progresses is anyone’s guess, but one thing of which I have continued to be
certain, there is nothing about which to be afraid.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Special thanks to all the people at Arizona Family Hospice;
I felt such love and caring from each of you as you made my transition fearless
and mostly painless. <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dr. Fastenberg, my medical oncologist, thank you for always
being up-front about everything. You are one of the rare breed of caring
oncologists, and I adore you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dr. Ramaswamy, you treated me with compassion, intelligence
and great humor; and you know I love humor.
Best of all, both you and Dr. Fastenberg treated me as a fully-fledged,
intelligent member of the team, and for that I love you both.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And as I have exhorted you all in the past, when you love
someone let them know; when you find someone to be charming, let them know;
when someone does something that makes you happy, tell them. Share love, share happiness, share peace.<o:p></o:p></div>Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-73801295605629517522012-03-01T04:12:00.001-07:002012-03-01T04:12:54.599-07:00Shoulder mets?Last night my shoulder began to hurt....and read hurt as painful enough to make me cry. Nancy applied one of those moist heat things from the microwave. Oh that helped a ton.<br />
<br />
I took some morphine and tried to sleep, but thtat didn't quite work so well. Now I wonder if the bone mets have gotten to my shoulder, gods forbid.<br />
<br />Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-19234129388490907922012-02-27T21:47:00.000-07:002012-02-27T21:47:20.360-07:00I hate Dizzy!I had a lovely shower today, thanks to aide Jennifer.Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-86462007876982080042012-02-25T16:15:00.001-07:002012-02-25T16:15:13.385-07:00Sick and DizzyMust tell hospice nurse.<div>
<br /></div>Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-79307194166181573722012-02-20T09:13:00.001-07:002012-02-20T09:13:09.140-07:00Journey to deathI am sitting here on my La-Z_Boy recliner, and may I say it is THE most comfortable sitting surface I own. If you want to see it, it's a Carlyle recliner. It was pricey, but oh so worth every penney.<br />
<br />
Anywho, I have lots of time to think these days. My hospice nurse would love to see me take a trip, but it's so problematic hauling all themedical equipment around. And I'm just talking for the lung disease, never mind the cancer. And then I think why lug it all around? If you are really ready to die, do you need it? Well that's a damned fine question. I don't think it behooves me to HASTEN my death, and besides, the point of this blog now is to describe the the facets of experience in light of a waning life.<br />
<br />
I don't want to fear it and I don't want my readers to fear it. It's such a natural progression on our journey' and everyone we have ever loved, encountered, and been annoyed by has taken it. And I can't imagine that any deity or deities that had a hand in our creation would simply abandon us at this end point.<br />
<br />
Perhaps I just think this to give myself comfort, but I have seen those that wait for me, and they tell me I have time yet. Maybe it won't be the most pleasant of times going forward, but I WILL be going forward!<br />
<br />
LOVE, HUGS, AND BLESSINGS TO ALL.Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-43345957108540742012012-02-17T00:08:00.000-07:002012-02-17T00:08:17.569-07:00TIME TO CONFESSI must confess to nurse Betty later today, that I am getting dizzy again. I would have to bet it's caused by growth in the brain tumors. And, there is now pain when I try to eat, although the strawberry ice cream was no problem.<br />
<br />
I hate confessing to any kind of pain because I know they will want me to take some kind of pain killer, and they all mske me sick. Oh well, though, I do still want to be able to eat, too.<br />
<br />
Should be an interesting day ;) Love and hugs to all!<br />
<br />Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-84313588708047890392012-02-14T18:46:00.001-07:002012-02-14T18:46:28.505-07:00My Funny Valentine<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxpgfzopNZy5tyxEJGdCBSWeCLVI0vMZQT58Z4jRmi5nTwn82GQvKcKij3Usa265vifblEnlkdV_uzKnG3KaVRJTYBiU_-czoKdamgPam66AK80PA7QK2uj-7B5ZZfRIbyvHWfvX-TDrs/s1600/005+(2).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxpgfzopNZy5tyxEJGdCBSWeCLVI0vMZQT58Z4jRmi5nTwn82GQvKcKij3Usa265vifblEnlkdV_uzKnG3KaVRJTYBiU_-czoKdamgPam66AK80PA7QK2uj-7B5ZZfRIbyvHWfvX-TDrs/s320/005+(2).jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
It's little Tyra, a rescue Toy Poodle/Chihuahua. Not to worry, my sisters will love her when I am gone.<br />
<br />
We were both rather tired.<br />
<span id="goog_1144631175"></span><span id="goog_1144631176"></span>Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-10586904298000366742012-02-14T11:04:00.000-07:002012-02-14T11:04:11.490-07:00Far Too SleepyToday I feel like I did when I came home from the hospital; weak and very tired. I don't know if I just overdid it too much last week when I was feeling great.<br />
<br />
I do have a bit of a sore throat, but Nurse Betty took a look and said it was red, but fine. My labs were great from last week, too. So why do I feel like I could sleep forever? Oh well, back to the walker and that's not such bad thing. I guess I'll just go back up there to my La-Z-Boy and doze some more.<br />
<br />
Love and hugs to all!Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-22530680310234168712012-02-11T23:13:00.000-07:002012-02-11T23:13:09.491-07:00Sprout's SundayOkay, today I am going to take my first foray outside of my house since I entered hospice. I was trying to decide what kind of goodies to get, and then realized I won't be having a paycheck for at least 4 more weeks.<br />
<br />
So, that's rather narrowed my selection a bit. :)<br />
<br />
But, I do want to get a big hunk of fresh ginger to make some tea; nothing better to settle one's stomach.<br />
<br />
I had a lovely visit from my friend, V. Corrigan. She wrote in the memory book that Linda, my hospice social worker had made for me. It's got a beautiful cover of parrots, and three marmalade cats.<br />
<br />
Strangely, I spent most of today dozing...I just could not stay awake for long. Oh well, I guess I needed it .<br />
<br />
And speaking of sleep, I guess I'll get some more in, now.<br />
<br />
Love and hugs to you all!Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-86513538481614874552012-02-08T08:25:00.001-07:002012-02-08T08:25:33.087-07:00Pizza CravingsI know that the fact that I can still eat is almost miraculous. The main esophageal tumor takes up 60% of my ...um...esophagus. :) But holy moley, I get these cravings for things I haven't had in years, or for things I normally don't care.<br />
<br />
However, Jane brought home a cowboy pizza from Papa Murphy's yesterday, and it was spectacular. It's the kind of place where they make it, but you have to bring it home and cook it. Yum.<br />
<br />
I had a letter from Banner Baywood asking me how much I enjoyed the care I received during my last hospitalization. I'll be calling in my report soon. I'm still so angry with them, and yet there were definitely staff there that went out of their way to make up for what happened with the two original murderous loons. Should be an interesting conversation. :)<br />
<br />
I posted a picture on my Facebook page of the very sweet surprise my Hospice Nurse Betty brought me yesterday. It was a wig!! I have no hair again, which is fine, really, but we had talked about wigs although I never thought to actually GET one. Well, Betty got it for me, and I am thrilled with it. The hair is straight, which is odd to me, since my real hair was massively curly, but it's still a cute wig. Makes me want more, but that would be very wasteful, and with my upcoming retirement and the expense of COBRA, I can't afford to be frivolous. :P<br />
<br />
But the wheels of retirement planning are finally moving right along, so hopefully, we'll be there soon.<br />
<br />
And now, love and hugs to all!<br />
<br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 6.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><v:shapetype coordsize="21600,21600" filled="f" id="_x0000_t75" o:preferrelative="t" o:spt="75" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" stroked="f">
<v:stroke joinstyle="miter">
<v:formulas>
<v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0">
<v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0">
<v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1">
<v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2">
<v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth">
<v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight">
<v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1">
<v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2">
<v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth">
<v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0">
<v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight">
<v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0">
</v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:formulas>
<v:path gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect" o:extrusionok="f">
<o:lock aspectratio="t" v:ext="edit">
</o:lock></v:path></v:stroke></v:shapetype><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 6.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><v:shapetype coordsize="21600,21600" filled="f" id="_x0000_t75" o:preferrelative="t" o:spt="75" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" stroked="f">
<v:stroke joinstyle="miter">
<v:formulas>
<v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0">
<v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0">
<v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1">
<v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2">
<v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth">
<v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight">
<v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1">
<v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2">
<v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth">
<v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0">
<v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight">
<v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0">
</v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:formulas>
<v:path gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect" o:extrusionok="f">
<o:lock aspectratio="t" v:ext="edit">
</o:lock></v:path></v:stroke></v:shapetype></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 6.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><v:shapetype coordsize="21600,21600" filled="f" id="_x0000_t75" o:preferrelative="t" o:spt="75" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" stroked="f">
<v:stroke joinstyle="miter">
<v:formulas>
<v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0">
<v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0">
<v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1">
<v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2">
<v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth">
<v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight">
<v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1">
<v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2">
<v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth">
<v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0">
<v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight">
<v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0">
</v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:formulas>
<v:path gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect" o:extrusionok="f">
<o:lock aspectratio="t" v:ext="edit">
</o:lock></v:path></v:stroke></v:shapetype></span>Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-81453443187946205672012-02-04T12:37:00.002-07:002012-02-04T12:37:53.358-07:00Happy Saturday!And I am indeed pretty darned happy. With the valium on board, the vertigo is almost a thing of the past. Not sure how that works, but I'm good with it! My friend, Jon, says valium is the only thing that took care of his vertigo, so I guess it's getting more use in that area. It's just so LOVELY not to feel dizzy every time you move.<br />
<br />
I had a visit from the Hospice Chaplain today. First time he'd ever had a pagan client, and he was intrigued. He was very respectful and we generally had a good discussion. I'm happy to hear pretty much every person's view on spirituality, as long as it doesn't involve burning me at the stake. :D<br />
<br />
The Boeing retirement package came, finally, so I guess I'll sit down and with the help of Jane, probably, get that all ironed out tomorrow. You know, there's so much to decide! But gotta get cracking if I'm to get 'er done for a March 1 retirement date.<br />
<br />
John Alfonso got my taxes done for me; the man's a saint. I just was afraid my little tumor riddled brain would screw something up, and I KNOW John won't. :)<br />
<br />
My hospice nurse says I should be up for a trip to like a grocery store or something. I'd love to go to Trader Joe's, but I don't think it could handle my scooter. Wide aisles are not present at my local TJ's down at Gilbert and Baseline. But I could go to Sprouts. I love that place anyway. Good, local produce, yummy goodies, etc. What's not to love? Maybe NEXT weekend. :)<br />
<br />
So, anywho, I'm feeling pretty good, which makes me happy, and I'm once again just living for today.<br />
<br />
Love and hugs to all!Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-37899082269938629332012-02-01T22:22:00.001-07:002012-02-01T22:22:17.767-07:00Arizona Family HospiceThat's my hospice. They are relatively new, but I really like the people with whom I have dealt so far.<br />
<br />
Today I met my goal of getting to the bathroom by myself, thanks to my 3-wheeled walker. Later, I fired up the electric wheelchair and went outside to get the mail! It's these little victories that help keep the smile on my face. My sisters Nancy and Cathy built me a curved ramp to get me out the front door. It works like a charm! Sadly my house has LOTS of step-downs ... one step only, but a hinderance all the same.<br />
<br />
I had a visit from the hospice doctor yesterday. He just said, essentially, to do whatever I want. So, I had two chocolate chip cookies today. I felt so decadent. :)<br />
<br />
The amazing care and empathy of this hospice's staff truly impresses me greatly.<br />
<br />
Now off to bed I go. HugsAnd kisses to all.Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-16301940693004119552012-01-29T22:32:00.001-07:002012-01-29T22:38:34.382-07:00Retirement?I would never have retired at 53, but it looks like I have no choice. Thankfully, I just hit 35 years with Boeing so qualifying for said retirement is no problemo.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I shall call in tomorrow to get the ball rolling. I guess I should work on disability at the same time.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My appetite is back with a vengeance, and I think, while I can still eat, I should take the bull by the horns and eat what I darned well please.<br />
<br />
<br />
I did eat a whole , albeit small, bowl of chicken tortilla soup.</div>
<div>
<br />
<br />
Time for bed. Love and hugs to all!</div>Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-16054443454506746732012-01-28T13:06:00.000-07:002012-01-28T13:06:49.292-07:00eatingi can smell chicken tortilla soup! Jane,my sister, has been cooking...yay. My friend, Annette, came by, bearing fine company ...i love her...and Dunkin Donuts.:)<br />
<br />
But i was good and had greek yogurt for breakfast.Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-56655391573785084842012-01-26T19:39:00.002-07:002012-01-26T19:39:15.375-07:00getting strongernow that i have been sprung from a banner facility, where religious prosecutions are alive and well, i seem to be gettong much stronger. of course, now i am being taken care of by people that love me :)Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-77911563017016461932012-01-25T21:24:00.001-07:002012-01-25T21:24:26.633-07:00still heresorry it has been a while since my last post.<br />
<br />
Things have been hopping on the home front. my electric wheelchair was delivered today, as well as my hospital bed. <br />
<br />
i'm a bit tired and overwhelmed.<br />
<br />
and now i need to sleep.<br />
<br />
love and hugs to all.Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-4118306847989363452012-01-20T10:27:00.000-07:002012-01-20T10:27:23.482-07:00terror at banner baywoodi had just finished saying a prayer for whomever was coming in via helicopter when i decided to say a prayer for me for some strength, and to get rid of this dizziness. i kind of sang it. i freaked a couple of people out. they threatened an exorcism and to just burn the witch.<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
ok that last part freaked ME out.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
so yeah i'm back in the hospital with not a littlte trepidation.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
love and hus to all.</div>Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-16874275829314668722012-01-15T14:16:00.001-07:002012-01-15T14:16:25.544-07:00Sumo Legsthe Decadron that I take to keep the brain swelling DOWN, has given me Sumo wrestler legs. This is actually quite uncomfortable.<br />
<br />
Soon it won't be a problem any more because once the radiation does its thing, we can begin a taper off of the decadron and my normal legs will return YAY!<br />
<br />
Looking forward to the Golden Globules, if only for Ricky Gervais again.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow we return to our daily radiation schedule, brain and thigh zappage at 2:10PM.<br />
<br />
Sorry, tired, but love and hugs to all.Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-23947619592905401412012-01-12T16:47:00.002-07:002012-01-12T16:47:32.655-07:00HospiceI made the decision today to apply to hospice. My oncolgist says all we can do now is try to give good palliative care, and we're going to go through the course of radiation on the bone cancer, and the radiation on the brain. This way, I can have a good quality of life with what's left, and not have to go back through the torture of chemo that doesn't work.<br />
<br />
I got through the initial brain radiation, and it wasn't of course as bad as my antipation of the terror. I did come home with waffle marks all over my face from the evil mask they snap onto your head and adhere to the table. You WILL NOT MOVE! Jane says they were more like honeycombs.<br />
<br />
One of the ladies I always see while waiting for radiaion brought several of us homemade bread. Mine is blueberry and carrot. It was still warm, and very fragrant. And MY was it fabulous. I grabbed a hunk to eat on the way home. This is same woman who knitted me a purple hat because I didn't have one. She's a snowbird from Michigan. An angel of a woman.<br />
<br />
So, my primary care doc, Dr. Ramaswamy is going to get the hospice stuff started. We will probably wait until both rounds of radiation are finished. But I can't tell you how relieved and happy I am at making the decision. I no longer have to go through treatments that ultimately don't work, but torture me in the meantime. I can concentrate on my job, my family, my friends, my doga and help them undertand that this is the very best decision I can make right now. And I am happy!<br />
<br />
I'll keep you up to date on my progress as we take this journey; I am almost excited to see where we'll go.<br />
<br />
Love and hugs to all!Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-88757213199556074472012-01-11T15:01:00.000-07:002012-01-11T15:01:19.575-07:00Constipation<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Berlin Sans FB","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Now that I have your attention with my
indelicate post title, let me explain that cancer patients are universally
beset with either constipation or diarrhea.
Dang, I can never spell the D word right! Thank you spell-check!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Berlin Sans FB","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Berlin Sans FB","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Constipation usually is a result of trying not
to live in pain. It seems most
painkillers will cause it. I try to eat
a lot of fruit and thanks to some lovely ladies this week who sent me an Edible
Arrangement, I had some FANTASTIC fruit to eat.
</span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: "Berlin Sans FB"; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: "Berlin Sans FB"; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><span style="font-family: "Berlin Sans FB","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> But even lots of fruit doesn’t cut it
sometimes. And thus, it’s on to
Phillip’s Milk of Magnesia. I remember a
Gallagher bit about constipation. He was
making fun of the products that promise ‘no cramping’ ‘stool softening’,
etc. Gallagher said that when he is
constipated, he wants a BOMB! Amen
brother.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Berlin Sans FB","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Berlin Sans FB","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Now, let’s get past that fascinating subject and
on to a strange time in the hospital at the New Year. I had several visitors, amazingly all at the
same time. One of the hospital’s admins
came to see me, as well. She was
perturbed because I had no religion listed on my paperwork. I just find it easier to leave it blank than
to have to explain that just because I am pagan, I don’t worship your
devil-figure.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Berlin Sans FB","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Berlin Sans FB","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So, she just came right out and asked me, and being
under the influence of some interesting drugs, I told her, “I’m a pagan.” You would have thought I told her I was a
commie baby eater! She got pale, started
to back from the room, when one of my visitors told her, “But she’s a GOOD
one!” Oh my gosh, I cracked up. Anyway, we never saw THAT admin person again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Berlin Sans FB","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Berlin Sans FB","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> I’ve
always thought that spirituality should be between you and your chosen
deities. You can have a more personal
relationship and communication that way.
But I understand the need for a community-based spirituality. You have like-minded people, willing to
support you, and give you comfort in troubling times. My sister is a Christian Minister, and a more
loving woman you will never find. She
writes incredible prayers, and I know how much she loves me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Berlin Sans FB","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Berlin Sans FB","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In the books about coping that I am reading,
there is an emphasis on spirituality being a boon to your coping
mechanism. I find it soothing to write
prayers. As a pagan, you are free to
express your devotions in the most simple or the most elaborate means. I like to keep it simple. Especially since the brain tumors. :D<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Berlin Sans FB","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Berlin Sans FB","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Love and hugs to all!<o:p></o:p></span></div>Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-76989199324339417132012-01-10T16:43:00.000-07:002012-01-10T16:43:33.442-07:00Reading is a Gift<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ve been reading a couple of books on coping with cancer
and the feelings, fears and things that go with it. The first one was “Hope in the Face of
Cancer: A Survival Guide for the Journey
You Did Not Choose.” This was a useful book,
but more suited to the newly diagnosed, than someone 14 months into it. But from that book, I found another, “The
Human Side of Cancer: Living With Hope,
Coping with Uncertainty.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">While the first was loaded with religious (and totally
Christian) content, I still found it useful in that I could take the intent and
remove the, for me, invalid references.
So, despite the fact that years ago, I would have flung the book away in
a snit, today, I had the wherewithal to actually see the meaning behind the
words of Christendom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This second book, which I am now reading, is written by a
Psychiatric Oncologist, who understands that you have to treat the entire
person, not just the body. We all have
fears, and stressors, and we can’t be upbeat 24 hours a day. There are times you just wonder how the hell
you got here, how is this now your life???<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In 2003 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was
in such an early stage that I sailed to recovery, and I’ve been breast cancer
free since then. But here, I seem to get
new tumors every time we do a scan. Is
it disheartening.. oh heck yes! But I
don’t want spend my time lamenting my fate.
I want to read, listen to music, paint, draw, play World of Warcraft,
and Diablo III, if it comes out while I still live. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I guess there is no more place of bliss than normalcy,
whatever that might be for each of us.
I’d love to get back to normalcy, but now, THIS pseudo-life IS my
normalcy. It sucks, but you deal, and
you cling to what gives you pleasure. I
write. It helps me make some sense of
some of this, and when it doesn’t, at least it gives me an outlet to vent. And hopefully, I can make someone else’s
journey through this morass a little easier.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Love and hugs to all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-67242736191517025822012-01-09T19:16:00.000-07:002012-01-09T19:16:18.601-07:00Oh Bah!So, there I was... all girded for the brain radiaition. I had two prayers ready to go, and I'd had my happy pill....and thank the goddess I only took ONE. Alas, the computer was down.. no brain radiation for me today, just the leg.. and a happy time it was, too! Oh yes, the happy pills work WONDERFULLY!<br />
<br />
But, I did see my PCP, Dr. Ramaswamy who is working frantically on getting my insurance company to fill my prescription for Ondansetron, AKA Phenergan, the best of the anti-nauseas. I have a couple of Compazine here, also generic, but it doesn't work as well. My BP was a tad low at 98/65, but that happens with cancer sometimes. Just have to make sure I'm not bleeding internally somewhere. I see no signs of that. :)<br />
<br />
And I saw Dr. Ono, who is concerned about my skin getting burned due to the high intensity of this 16 round thigh zap. Well, so far, my skin looks fine. I had 28 days of zappage on my chest, and though it fried me interiorly, my skin fared well.<br />
<br />
Thursday I'll see my Medical Oncologist, Dr. Fastenberg, and I know he'll be wanting to pop me on some hideously toxic chemo regimen. But hey, I've done it before... ad nauseum... sorry .... and I can do it again.<br />
<br />
And there you have it, the exciting life of a cancer-filled woman, trying her damdest to not let it take over her world, but it is... and I will deal with it.<br />
<br />
Love and hugs to all. :D<br />
<br />Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-84112497349520845802012-01-06T15:24:00.000-07:002012-01-06T15:24:37.948-07:00Brain Tumors and Fear<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aharoni;">I really thought I’d be much more terrorized by the words Brain
Tumors, but I guess since they were there, and I was still alive, that took
some of the fear away. I simply cannot
believe the amounts and types of medications I am on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aharoni;">I have to take anti-seizure meds, now, and the Decadron keeps the
swelling at bay. I can type much better
with my left hand, now, although it’s still not up to par. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aharoni;">I had a really hard time getting to sleep last night because of the
leg pain. Still not quite ready to use
those heavy narcotic patches, so I took a Naprosyn, and that helped me at least
get to sleep. But I was awake at six AM,
because the pain was back. But that’s
ok… I started working early.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aharoni;">It’s not as easy to work as I had anticipated. But I definitely can do it. It’s just I have to be more diligent about
proof-reading things before sending them out.
And, double check when I make system changes. It’s probably for the best, all these safety
measures. </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Aharoni; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aharoni;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aharoni;">I swear, if I wasn’t due for a radiation treatment today, I would have
taken a nap around 1PM. Oh, and you know
something terribly dangerous? Dunkin
Donuts opened a shop just down the street.
I made my poor sisters do a donut run this morning. Like that’s a healthy meal! But they surely were good! Yes, I had two. Bad, bad, cancer girl!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aharoni;">You should see all the jewelry I am wearing today…. Disco ball
earrings and bracelet, and my very favorite ring, rainbow moonstone and onyx. I have sworn to wear copious amounts of
jewelry from now until the end… for what was I waiting?<o:p></o:p></span></div>Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-25852597648713576722012-01-04T16:07:00.000-07:002012-01-04T16:07:15.033-07:00Count is now at FOUR brain TumorsToday I had my first radiation on my thigh, and it went swimmingly.<br />
<br />
The sims for the brain radiation did not progress so well. I hated the hot wet thingy over my face; freaked me out. And it will be placed on my face for every brain radiation. I got a script for Ativan.<br />
<br />
Dr. Ono, my radiation oncologist showed me my MRI and we counted out the four tumors... inoperable and all affecting my motor skills. Because there are so many tumors, and some of them quite small, we expect that there are more we cannot see yet. So we will be doing a course of whole brain radiation. Joy. But it's only sixteen sessions. Remember I did 28 lat year on the esophagus.<br />
<br />
Sixteen sounds very doable. We're going to do the leg concurrently, and that's 16 sessions as well. So it all sounds quite doable, although the whole brain radiation does have substantial risks, mostly with my motor skills. But I have faith... and I choose hope.<br />
<br />
Love and hugs to all.Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4012388496331587337.post-32253639665311917372012-01-02T16:27:00.000-07:002012-01-02T16:28:50.999-07:00Doing betterI had to stop the Arixtra shots because the TWO brain tumors I have were bleeding in to my cranium. This was causing my dizziness and the loss of the use ofo my left hand As you can see by some of these typos, my brain still needs to heal up more. So because i could nLot do anticoants,<br />
wehad to have A sieve implanted in My inferior vena cava to catch blood clots. it took 15eractual minutes to complete.<br />
<br />
Rumor has it that i my start femur rads tomorrlowAnd so I may be able to go right from here to ironwood.<br />
<br />
Anywo thank you to all my visitors tday<br />
jane brought nme to the ER<br />
JUli#1 who brought me a coolhat<br />
Paul Nielsen,ny dear friend that makes happy just being here<br />
Polly Pittman and Julie Challis bearing cards and orchids<br />
Jackie and Alaina who kept JaneHappy bvy bringing coffee<br />
And the lively and lovely Janet, oncology nurse extraordinnaire!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Tequila Sepulvedahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00737033014755738460noreply@blogger.com9