Wednesday, November 30, 2011

A Catch-22

I'm still not an active employee, yet, although Dr. Fastenberg, who got the paperwork to fill in on Monday, had it back to Medical by Monday afternoon!  He's an angel!

So, I had called Medical yesterday, and Nurse Maureen said, yep, I should be an active employee again, as of the 28th.  But I didn't do too much yesterday, as it was chemo day.  What I did do, was plot out all the things that needed doing, so I made lists, and tried to decide if I needed more equipment here at the house, and how I was going to get myself more office space in the library if say, I needed to have a printer and a fax.  I think that was pretty productive.

I got up this morning, all ready to log in and get cracking, but alas, no luck.  So I called our Help Desk, and got a really fantastic tech.  We tried everything, and at least I got to the time-keeping system so I could log my hours, but that was it.  He sent me up to tier II, and we discovered that during the 4 months of my leave of absence, the company had issued new badges.  Alas, I had no clue of this, since I hadn't been getting e-mail.

Well, that meant I had to go into the plant, and you know what a production that is.  But the last time I did it wasn't the day AFTER my chemo infusion (Camptosar).  I was sick as the proverbial dog, but I had to take care of this.  Headed into Security, got my new badge, which I assumed would be activated by them, but alas, I was told I had to get my activation code from... my e-mail account.  Which I can't access... because....my badge is not activated.  Yeah.  Ok.

I call the Help Desk again, and he says ... wait, they show you still on Leave of Absence, so I can't help you.  So, I call leave services, and the lady I get says, "I'll leave a message for your Leave manager, and tell them to make you active."  Um, and that would happen when?

Anywho, I'm starting to think Dr. Fastenberg was right and I am nuts to want to go back to work, but I'll have a new set of responsibilities, essentially a new job, and I'll be permanently virtual, except to someday get my badge activated so I can access what I need to do my job.  In any event, I was so exhausted when I got home that I took a nap.  And when it does all get fixed, and I know it will, I'll be happy and productive and not nuts at all. :)

Love to all!

Monday, November 28, 2011

Well, not QUITE back to Work

Medical needs a few more bits of information from my oncologist before I can be re-activated as an employee.  They want to formalize my telecommuting, and flexible hours as part of their ADA (Americans With Disabilities Act) accommodation.  That's fine with me, of course, because that's exactly what it is.

So I was there, and I got to see lots of folks that I love, and caught people up on my status, and it was a great time, even if I did have to get up early and go out into the cold.  It was COLD this morning.  But yes, I am a cold wimp. ;)

Maureen, the nurse in Medical, faxed the paperwork over to Ironwood and Dr. Fastenberg, and added her contact info, so hopefully, we'll get it all settled by mid-week.  In the meantime, I have to call my leave insurance company and tell them we're not quite there yet.  And hopefully, I'll at least get a bit of pay for the next few days.  It kind of works out anyway since tomorrow is a chemo day.

Hugs to all!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Work Tomorrow!

Can I just say that I am actually a bit scared of going back to work?  It's been five months this time.  I don't even know if I'll remember how to do stuff!  Ok, that's the Queen of Neuroses coming out of the basement... hold on, let me lasso her and drag her back down there.

Ok, so... going back to work tomorrow.  It really should not be an ordeal.  I have to go in to Medical first thing, and present them with my oncologist's list of no-no's.  For instance, because we're a manufacturing site, one of the fields on the form is what you can do with your hands; vibration, grasping, repetitive movement.  He's said no to vibration and grasping because of the Hand-Foot syndrome from the Xeloda.  I told him repetitive movement could be interpreted as using the keyboard, which I do and have no problem doing, so that has no restrictions.

The interesting part is that most of the restrictions on the form are due to my lung disease, and not necessarily the cancer.  But the problem is that the cancer makes the lung disease more difficult to deal with.  Still, I haven't had a full-up PFT in years, so I'm not sure if the last few asthma exacerbations have given me a decline in lung function.  It's hard for me to remember that it's classified as COPD exacerbation, now. :)  Things like stairs, walking... very challenging combined with the COPD and the cancer's debilitating effects.  I get tired. ;)

I changed my phlebotomy appointment to 12:30 PM, so I can at least spend some time in the plant, trying to figure things out.  But truly, I'm very happy to be getting some productive normalcy back into my life.  If I can't do this, then I will have to accept that I need to go on disability, but I am fighting that every step of the way.

Must have everything prepared before I go to bed this evening; it will make the morning so much easier.  Clothes assembled, accessories figured out, grab a Glucerna to take for breakfast, get morning meds ready, and probably, I'll need a hat.  Nancy gave me a trim yesterday so that at least I will be presentable sans headwear... not looking so much like Alfalfa from Our Gang. ;)  Oh, better find my traveling coffee mug!

The Weather Channel says it will be 76 tomorrow, but the morning will be chilly, and the scooter trip from my parking space over to medical will be nippy, so a hat is probably a very good idea.

Well, that's it for this post.  Have a lovely Sunday, and make sure when someone does something you appreciate, you let them know how much.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

TWO ANKLES!

I have two ankles, and that's as opposed to lately having one ankle and one tree trunk.  Looks like the Arixtra is doing a good job!  I haven't had two ankles since I was in the hospital back in September.  I do still have some leg pain, but it wasn't as bad today as it has been.  So, I'm pretty darned happy!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  We're just celebrating with the normal household, minus my sweet Quito, this year.  We got our turkey and trimmings from a farm in Arkansas this year.  Last year we had gotten a ham from them, and it was spectacular.  So I have high hopes for this turkey. :)

There is so much for which to be thankful, but number one on my list is my dear family.  We're all over the place, but we try hard to keep in touch, and provide love and support to each other as best we can.  It's these connections that keep me going.  I love you all so much.

If you celebrate Thanksgiving, please enjoy.  And if you don't ... just make sure you give and get lots of hugs.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Dizzy Broad

I'm getting pretty dizzy upon standing, now.  Yes, the leg pain is still there, and pretty hellacious.  Putting a heating pad on it does help, though.  Cathy's been quite adept at knowing when I need my herbal heating thingy warmed up.  I won't do any more Naprosyn since it's an NSAID and I don't want to make my stomach start bleeding while I am on my anticoagulant.

And still coughing up goop; it doesn't seem to want to let up.  I'm trying to stay nicely hydrated, but it's pretty hard when on Lasix.  I keep an eye on the skin of my hands, and if it's looking wrinkly and fragile, I know I need to drink more. 

I'm sick to death of pills.  Just sick to death of them, but I know they are keeping me from the big sleep, so what can you do?  My hands are really becoming problematic.  I can't grip anything, so I have to ask someone to open containers, open car doors, etc.  And it's getting quite painful to grip my canes.  I'm putting a ton of lotion on them, several times a day to try to stave off the Xeloda side effects, but it is getting harder every day.

Dr. F may be right, and I am nuts to want to return to work, but surely it can only help me to get my mind on something bigger than me and pain.  I can do it; I know I can.  I'll be home; I won't have to go across an atrium to get to the Ladies', nor traverse long halls to get to my desk.  It should NOT be physically taxing. 

Speaking of pills, I'm taking my night time allotment; B6, Iron, Singulair, Magnesium, Zantac, Protonix, and Lipitor.  Morning is not so bad; it's just Januvia, two Turmeric, a Glipizide if my glucose is over 150, my B6, and a krill oil capsule.  Of course, since it's still chemo week, I then have to take the four Xeloda with my breakfast, and the other four with my dinner.  Yeah, those are not my favorites.

At least tomorrow I have no need to hit the phlebotomist. :)  I'll head to Ironwood on Tuesday just to get my shot of Aranesp, and I'm doing well I think with the shot of anticoagulant I give myself every day.  Definitely not bothered by that.  It's a piece of cake. :)  Considering I've been around syringes for most of my life, I don't really have a problem with needles.  And lest that sound rather suspicious, remember that both of my parents were insulin dependent diabetics.  I've even given injections to my cockatoo, which is REALLY scary, since hers was in her chest, and you had to avoid putting it into her lungs.  Yeah, that was a nerve-wracking experience.  Not to mention, birds don't WANT to have needles stuck in their chests, and they have very strong beaks with which to make their displeasure known.

Anywho, you can probably tell that I'm not exactly at my most optimistic at the moment, but it's chemo week, and that's pretty par for the course.  After Tuesday, when I don't have to take the Xeloda for a week, I'll improve every day. :)

Hugs to all, and sleep well!

Friday, November 18, 2011

Ugh, Leg Pain

It's back with a vengeance.  I took a Naprosyn today.  Yesterday I got a call from the Apothecary Shop that my prescription for the anti-coagulant shots would be delivered today.  Dr. F had told me to not take Coumadin the day before I started the shots, so I didn't take anything yesterday.

Having given myself Lovenox injections many years ago, I figured I'd be fine to do these.  And I was, but I pretty much had to stare at the needle for about a minute before I finally put it into my flesh.  You couldn't feel a thing.  The med wasn't as stingy as I recall the Lovenox being.  Oh, this stuff is Fondaparinux Sodium.

The happiest part of taking this shot is that I don't have to go twice a week for blood draws any more.  My poor arm can heal.  It's ... colorful at the moment.

Also, happily, now that my asthma exacerbation is almost over, my glucose numbers are back where they should be.  You see, any time you body gets stressed out by illness, it plays havoc with your glucose.  Plus many different meds can influence your glucose levels, as well.  It sometimes gets pretty difficult to keep these numbers under control.

Oh, I like that the Apothecary Shop also brought me alcohol swabs and a sharps container.  But according to the note in my meds delivery, they still owe me 21 syringes of this stuff.  I do have a copay for these shots, but it's manageable.

So, that's what's been happening this week; leg pain, change of anti-coagulant, no more phlebotomist twice a week, although I'll still see them for my pre-chemo testing.  Now I must go drink lots of water.  Oncologist has me on Lasix again, hoping to reduce the swelling in my foot and ankle.  I have my circulation socks on, but I don't really think they work all that well.  And I'm tired and I don't feel so hot, so I'm going to go have a nice lie down. :)

Hugs to all!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Chemo Week begins Anew

I went to see my oncologist, Dr. Fastenberg, today.  I so appreciate all the time he takes with me, answering my questions, and analyzing test results with me.  He's worried about blood clots, since of course, I had the pulmonary embolism.  I may not be so lucky next time.  He's decided to ditch the coumadin in favor of an inject-able  but first he has to get it approved by my health insurance.

If we can go that route, I won't have to get blood draws twice a week and subject my neutropenic self to hanging about with sick people.  Dr. F says my lung disease is a very limiting factor in my ability to fight cancer of any kind. He was also quite appalled by my battered right arm, which makes me look like a junkie.  And of course, he was dismayed that I'd had another exacerbation.  Well, it is Fall and Winter, if I have to be a regular patron of the blood lab, will be quite a challenge.  So anyway, let's hope he can get that inject-able anticoagulant approved.  My money is on him... :)  Oooh, quite literally. :P

Then I told him I would like to go back to work, and he said I was nuts.  However, he said, I could telecommute.  It's hard to explain, but I love my job; I love analysis and people and numbers... I never knew I wanted to do this, but when they put me there, I was so happy.  It was my niche; I was good at it, and it's fun and challenging and makes my brain feel good. :)

I've already spoken to my manager, and he's good with it all, and so I got my "Return to Work/Functional Capacities Form" all filled out by Dr. F, with a return to work of 28 November.  YAY!  This will be a very THANKFUL Thanksgiving, for sure.

I have to go back next Tuesday and get my Aranesp shot.  Oh, and I got lots of mail from my insurance company; they have approved the shots and are covering them.  I love my oncologist and every single person at Ironwood Cancer and Research Center.

Of course, I had my Camptosar infusion today, so I'm feeling a bit blecchy right now.  Must drink lots of fluids and get this stuff to run its course.

Love to all, and hugs as well.

Monday, November 14, 2011

My Sweet Quito

When I got my first Chihuahua, Cisco, my mom was in a care center.  She had gotten a horrible infection during heart surgery, and her chest had to be left partly open, and she was on IV antibiotics.

I would take Cisco up to see her almost every day; well, either Cisco or Lobo, my cockatoo.  But one of them would go with me to see their Nana.

After mom came home, and things got back to 'normal,' I thought it would be good for Cisco to have some doggie companionship, so I called his breeder to ask her if she had any puppies in the offing.  She didn't, but her daughter did.  This was 1999, and Cisco had been born in 1998.  That's him up there, looking like he only has two legs. :)

I called her daughter and she said she'd like to come to my home, and essentially 'vet' me.  I was perfectly fine with that.  Good, responsible breeders won't sell their babies to just anyone.  She had three pups and she would bring them and their mother, but she'd bring pictures of dad, essentially the sperm donor, as he belonged to someone else.

Oh the puppies were beautiful.  The one female of the litter had already been purchased, but the two boys were available.  One was short haired, and the other was long haired.  Their mom was a short haired white, and dad was a long haired reddish color.  They boys were beautiful.

I immediately fell for the short haired pup.  Mom fell in love with the long haired pup, and ... yes, we got them both.

Whenever I worked at home, they would sit on my sofa and make sure I was working hard.  :)  That's Quito on the left and Jake on the right.  Jake died last year of stomach cancer.  And my sweet Quito died this afternoon.  

It's amazing the size of the hole they leave in your heart.  I can't cry, because my lungs are already far too screwed up right now, and crying only makes it worse.  But I'm crying inside.  And I think of Cisco, who's a year older than them.  I watch him like a hawk normally, but now... oy.

Oh well, that's life, and that's the heart-breaking side of loving anything.  Nothing is forever and people and pets die.  The main thing is that you loved them to bits while they were here.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Something About Exercise

Today, for the first time in ages, I used my NuStep.  I managed a whole six minutes, but I did it at a good pace, and it gave me great satisfaction.  I have set a goal of adding a minute a day, if I can.  I also want to do it every single day, just like I used to before I got sick.  I really NEED to get my strength back.  My sats (oxygen saturation point of my blood) went to 93, but that's OK, as long as it doesn't go below 90,.

Before all this started, I was doing 45 minutes a day on my NuStep.  I credit this fact with helping me survive all the chemos and radiation that I have had so far.  And though I have lapsed in the use of it, I know that getting back to some type of routine exercise can only help with my prognosis.  Besides, I am going to need to get stronger if I want to go back to work.

Jane and Nancy are out at some race at Phoenix International Raceway.  They work there twice a year, but I'm sorry to say, I can't remember for which vendor they work.  It's a great job; it gives them their Winter Solstice money.  So while they were out, I had Cathy go get some Curbside Takeaway from Outback Steakhouse.

Can I tell you JUST how bad I was?  I got the lobster tail add on to go with my Filet with Wild Mushroom sauce.  I was in heaven.  Although, frankly, the lobster was a tad overcooked, it was still very, very yummy.  And Outback does steamed veggies really well!  At least I wasn't so bad that we added one of their desserts to the order.  No Chocolate Thunder from Down Under for us.  ;)  Dammit.

Meanwhile, on the health front, I am SO sick of coughing.  It's been over three weeks of this.  I'm off the prednisone, and finished the Doxycycline, and now I want to be well!  But I am sleeping well, and that is truly helping.  My INR was a bit high, so I had no Coumadin yesterday, but today I will have 2.5 mg and that will continue until Monday, when I have my next test.

So, all in all, I'm really doing well, I think, thanks to all the support and love I get from my family and my friends.  You all take such good care of me!


Friday, November 11, 2011

I Want to Go Back to Work

On Tuesday, when I see my oncologist, I am going to ask him if I can return to work earlier than scheduled.  I know he thinks I should just go out on disability, but just because my body doesn't function all that well, my mind is still in decent shape. :)  I'd like to return on the 28th of November, if I can.  That's despite the fact that the 29th begins another chemo week. :P

My company has always been very accommodating of my disabilities, so I don't think that will change.  Maybe I won't be able to start out at 40 hours a week, but I can come close, I think.  Yes, I still have to have my Camptosar infusion every other Tuesday, and have a week on the Xeloda, but my PCP is trying to get my insurance to cover a home PT/INR test kit so that I don't have to keep running to the phlebotomist every Monday and Thursday.  And frankly, my veins are giving out.

I'll call the Leave Services people on Monday and see what I need to go back to work early.  I'm guessing my oncologist will have to fill out more exciting paperwork... like the ever-popular physical abilities assessment sheet.  I'll have to go download one from the Boeing Intranet.

Anywho, a return to work will do wonders for my mental state.  I've said before that the connections to other humans are something that really lifts my spirits, and gods know I could use that.  Not that I'm depressed or anything, but I think I am feeling rather useless, and I'd rather be doing something constructive with my time and energy.  And I miss my numbers!  Keeping my checkbook balanced just isn't enough challenge. :D

So, that's my plan for Monday and Tuesday.  Yeah, Tuesday begins another chemo week.  But I can handle it... yeah. :)

Have a great weekend, everyone.  Love, hugs and kisses to all.


Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Oh Xeloda

I took the last four of this week's Xeloda with my breakfast.  We made scrambled eggs and added our leftover veggie melange, which had cauliflower, broccoli, asparagus, grey squash and assorted chili peppers.  It was a fine breakfast.

Still coughing up goop from my lungs, although I am done with the prednisone.  I do still have about a week left of the doxycycline.  Yesterday's foray to the phlebotomist was a little challenging.  We had to do two sticks, and my blood did not want to flow.  But, we got what we needed, eventually. :)

Our neighbor, Leslie, thinks chocolate therapy is good for me, so she keeps supplying me with really lovely items.  This week, it was a tiramisu log.  Oh so yummy.  And it's not like I'm wasting away.  My weight is pretty darned stable.  And then Jane's friend Lisa sent individual carrot cakes.  Ai chihuahua.  :)

So, Dr. Ramaswamy said I should wear support socks.  He says my left leg's veins have been injured by the blood clot and that's why I get the swelling.  Have you ever tried to put ON support socks?  I don't breathe all that well on good days, and doubling over trying to wrestle with these socks .... well, let's just say I almost need a nap once I get one on.  And then, you have to put 'em on BOTH legs.  Well, I guess I could just put one on the left leg, but ... nah.  Anywho, it's great exercise, if I don't pass out from lack of oxygen. :D

I've been watching The Next Iron Chef, and this iteration has some of the best chefs ever.  But it's tough, because these folks ARE fantastic chefs, and each week, someone gets tossed, and it's not like there are any slugs in the mix here.  Robert Irvine got tossed because his Hummus was too thick!  Yeah, the line up is that good that something as minor as Hummus that's too thick can get you sent packing.

The Xeloda nausea has been a constant for this round, but it's not horrible.  It doesn't make me retch, it just makes me feel crappy.  But on the bright side, the chilly nights are making me sleep like crazy.  Good, deep, restorative sleep.  YAY!

So, keep warm, all.  And have a great week.




Friday, November 4, 2011

Yes, it's Chemo Week

I've not been feeling great, so I haven't had anything exciting to post. :)  I've got a couple more days on the prednisone for the asthma exacerbation, and I looked at my hands today and saw the hands of an 80 year old.  Prednisone just beats the crap out of my skin.  My hands look withered.  Of course, the side effects of the Xeloda are contributing to that, as well.  Oh well, my chances to become a famous hand model are now dimmer than ever. :D

Had another great blood draw yesterday from Joyce at Sonora Quest labs.  There is not a shoddy phlebotomist in the place.  They are fantastic!  I go to the one on Brown Road just west of Country Club.  It's close to my house... relatively speaking.

It's really cooling off here in the desert; highs are only in the low 80's and the overnight lows are down-right chilly in the 50's!  Saturday's projected high is supposed to be 64!  Holy guacamole!  But hey, that's what long sleeved shirts are for, eh?  Jane and Nancy will be happy to play soccer in the cooler weather, that's for sure.

Nothing new to report, though.  Leg is back to being painful and making it hard to get out of bed, so Nancy rigged up a support device to help me with that.  Works wonders. :)  I'm using a cane to get around the house, as sometimes the stupid leg doesn't want to support me.  How rude, when I've been supporting IT for years.  Alas.  And being on blood thinners, the last thing you want to do is fall.

Take care, all.  Keep warm. :)

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Did My Camptosar

Happily I was able to have my camptosar infusion today, although with the bronchitis and asthma flare up, it's left me a lot more lethargic than usual.  I got my four Xeloda pills down with my dinner.  They are always a joy. :)

I saw my Primary Care yesterday, and he put me on some doxycyline because my sputum was starting to become colorful, and we just can't afford a bacterial pneumonia.  Better to be safe than dead, I say. :D

Of course, tonight will see the Dreaded Decadron Insomnia, but I have books to read, and I reloaded Diablo II, so I can play that for a bit. 

Finally confessed my self-proclaimed "behavioural issue" with Dr. Ramaswamy.  I told him that I have major problems knowing when to complain about symptomatic issues.  It's really, really a difficult issue for me.  Mostly, I told him, I feel like a whiner because that's how I was brought up between my ever-stoic parents and the even more stoic nuns.  He told me to call him if there was any doubt in my mind; any niggle of suspicion that something isn't right.  If we can just deal with it over the phone, then that is what we will do.  He listened to me, and he had an answer for me that makes sense, and so I shall try very hard to stick with this plan.  Dr. Ramaswamy is truly the best.

He says, too, that the swelling of my ankle and foot looks alot better than it did in the hospital, and that the INR rates are very challenging on me because of my chemo drugs, and being on prednisone at the moment.  So we're sticking to Monday and Thursday blood tests.  He did say he was going to have his assistant contact my insurance company and ask about home testing for PT/INR's.  I would do that in a heartbeat.

So, you know, I'm not feeling great, but I'm not back in the hospital, and THAT makes me happy as a clam.  And on that note, I think it's time to hit the hookah.

Love to all, peace on Earth and hugs all 'round!

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