Tuesday, November 30, 2010

People can be Strange...

Yesterday, while hanging out in the pre-Radiation area... and it's impossible to have had radiation and not know that people are there because they are next in line to get zapped... a woman came by.  She looked at me and asked if I was alright.  (This in itself is not all that weird.  I look ... not so good.   If you thought I was white before... um... yeah.)

I said, yes, that I was fine, and gave her a smile.  My courteous side demanded I return the question.  "And how are you?"  How I wish I had not.

She takes a breath, and begins, "Well, they burned me really badly in radiation, and now I have an infection in the burn, and it's drug resistant..." I'm sure she could have continued had not a receptionist grabbed her and taken her to a consultation room.

Hey, nothing  I like more to hear as I WAIT TO BE FRIED, than Radiation horror stories.  And you could just TELL by the look in her eyes, that she was really enjoying passing along her fears.  I wondered for a moment if my mother had possessed her.

So, I gave myself a stern talking to, and went and did my radiation.  But, I had a bit of a panic attack during the actual frying.  I thought to myself... what a ...well, that B word, but this is NOT an adult blog, so... yeah... what a B-word.  She knew what she was doing.  Still, it was up to ME not to respond.  Alas, I did, but today during the CT, I was fine again, and I know I will be fine later today when I have Radiation number 22.

I mentioned the story to my Radiation Tech as we were finishing up.  She told me something I already knew.  There are people out there, strange people, that thrive on upsetting other people.  You know we've all encountered one or two in our lives.  They truly live for telling people pertinent horror stories.  I don't understand it.

I've spent many a day in the Radiation area assuring newbs that it doesn't hurt, that it isn't scary, and that it's very effective.  Can you imagine if this lady had gotten hold of one of THEM?  They'd have run screaming from Ironwood.

Well, anywho, the CT is now history, and I get the really fun part, waiting for someone to tell me the results.  Think positive thoughts, Tequila.  Go play World of Warcraft...

Hugs to all!

Off to get the CT...

.. to see if Evil Tumor has gotten smaller, and see if the lymph nodes are controlled.  Now, when I say it's freezing outside, I am, for once, not exaggerating:  It's 31!!!!  Holy moses, isn't this still Autumn?

One of the 'thrills' about dealing with cancer are the tests and getting the results.  This CT's results are very important to me.  I don't want to dwell on things that are non-positive, especially since the test is in an hour, and I'd rather face it with positive vibes.  But, I think you can guess the negative aspects of what the results could be.

On the other hand, I'd like to see Evil Tumor has shrunk and his companions are no more.  I still don't want that damned surgery, though. 

I would kill for coffee right now, but no food or drink before the CT.  Cooooooffffeeeeeeeeee.  Yes, I am losing it.  Well, it's early!  And, and... it's COLD!  Oh dear, I hope my lemon tree survived. 

Well, see you all later.  Think positive thoughts!

Monday, November 29, 2010

To Heat, or not to Heat

Last year we never turned on our heat pump.  Arizona is a little different when it comes to utilities; we spend most of our utilities budget on cooling the house down, rather than heating it up.  In this household, we try to keep electric use to a minimum during the winter so that we can afford to cool the house in the summer.

Currently, in my bedroom, the temperature is 64.4.  While this might seem lovely to many, it's a bit nippy for me. :)  But, I have a sweater on over my pajamas, as I sit here at my computer, sipping really yummy hot coffee.  Outside, it is currently 36 degrees.  It was a very chilly night. 

The point is that for us, it's simply easier to wrap up, put on more blankets, or more clothes and be warmed in the winter.  In the summer, you can only take OFF so many things before your neighbors call the Police.  Besides, don't we all sleep better when there is a bit of a chill in the house?  Kind of like a hibernation switch flips on; you cuddle under the blankets, and BOOM!... you sleep.

Oh, and lest we forget, we have furry insulation devices here.  For me, it's Cisco and Quito.  Though both are so old now, I have to PUT them up on the bed, boy, do those chihuahuas give off some heat!  And they are soft and cuddly to boot!

So, unless it really gets like Arctic cold here, I guess I have answered my question; no heat! 

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Everything Old is New Again

...well, at least in the World Of Warcraft.  And that's why I didn't post yesterday, because I was far too busy having FUN!  I never once thought about chemo or radiation, or impending doom, or anything like that.

This is Aicarumba, my Troll Druid.  Ok, not the prettiest of cats, and I don't actually play her in cat form, but this is the only picture I have of her so far.

But, here's the thing; being the realist that I am, I called Blizzard, the makers of World of Warcraft, and asked about transferring the ownership of my accounts after I am gone.  The reason I asked is that I have a TON of stuff that will benefit the rest of my family.  It would need to be either sold or transferred.  The Blizzard guy said that the family member would just need to send a copy of the death certificate, and then they would transfer the ownership of the account.  Apparently this does happen, and so they are prepared.  And now, so are we. :)

Who knew you'd have to think about your on-line persona as well as your human self?  And there is COPD International.  I have made some friends on their bulletin board, and they too have a process for notification.  You sign up for the Keep in Touch program, and in the event you suddenly stop posting, or someone says, 'Hey, anyone heard from Tequila, lately?' ... they will call the number you provided to get status.  It's a great service, and one the board administrators have had to use from time to time.  But at least it lets people KNOW.

Tomorrow it's back to the old grind... no, not work, darnit, rather my 'other' career of being a cancer patient.  Tomorrow is radiation 21, then on Tuesday I have my CT with Contrast to check my progress.  Let's hope those two random lymph nodes are either cancer-free, or they haven't added any friends to the group.  And maybe the main tumor will have shrunk a bit.  Please.

And radiation is still on for Tuesday-Friday, but Wednesday I have to hit the lab and see how my blood counts are going, and Thursday is of course, Chemo. :)  So, that's my grind, and really, it's not that bad. 

Our Winter Solstice tree is up in the library.  I found a skinny silvery pre-lit tree, listed as 'whimsical,' but I think it's beautiful.  Jane wanted to know what kind of ornaments I wanted on it, but I like it bare, with just the lights.  It's simple, clean and gorgeous.  It provides a warm ambiance in the library; festive, too... at least to me. :D

For lunch, I'm looking forward to some of the Turkey Vegetable soup we made for dinner yesterday.  I adore soup; I could eat soup every meal, every day.  But of course, I only love soup that my sisters and I MAKE, none of that canned liquid sodium.  I think it's a good sign that I am looking forward to lunch and it's only 9:16 AM. ;)

Well, all, keep warm, stay safe and don't forget to give someone a hug today.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Post-turkey day rundown.

Well, run down.... yeah that's me, but it was very much worth it.  I discovered that veggies were much easier to chop if I sat at my kitchen table and did it.  I also discovered that Parsnips are not bad, roasted.  I don't think I've ever eaten them before.  The roasted veggie salad was a hit. 

My two neighbors brought little pumpkin and cream cheese tartlets.  They were the size of two bites, so they were perfect!  They also brought the same sized pecan pies.  If you had one of each you were set.

We actually ended up making two corn breads, one with the jalapenos and one without, which was good.  Hey, it turns out that Helen, one of the neighbors is 89!  This lady is amazing, and a great neighbor, too.

My sister-in-law, Jackie and my niece Alaina brought their own Tofurkey, but got lots of the trimmings as well.  They are vegetarians, and thus I left the BACON off the roasted veggies salad.  :D  Jackie says there is such a thing as Fakeon, or something like that, but... oh no... me love BACON!  And, I found out this morning, they brought PIE!  A chocolate silk pie, and I never even saw it.  OK, you two, get back here and have some!

Although the food was great, the best part was a congenial meal with sisters, and friends; people who have a strong regard for each other, and too, my favorite thing, great conversation.  We reminisced about Mom; she and Helen used to do a lot of things together, like go out to lunch to Mata's for Mexican food, especially the Margaritas. :D

Helen said that Mom was very proud of me.  You know, I knew it, but she never said it.  You all, TELL PEOPLE when you are proud of them.  TELL PEOPLE when you love them.  TELL PEOPLE when you find them charming, or considerate, or kind.  Don't NOT say it out loud.  Don't be afraid to tell them.  Don't let them wonder. 

Anywho, I am now wrapped head-to-toe in the knitted goodies that Julie has made for me.  Oh boy have they come in handy.  I think we must be heading for a new Ice Age, and it's starting here in Arizona.  Dang!  It's COLD!

Well, hugs to all, and keep warm and safe and don't forget to be kind every day.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving!

With bright sunshine and cool temperatures, the Arizona desert gives me much for which to be thankful:  Fresh citrus fruits, fragrant verbena, cactus wrens, ravens, great horned owls, bougainvillea and hibiscus, and occasionally, clean air!

I am especially thankful to have a wonderful, supportive and loving family.  I could not do this cancer without you all.  When I have no appetite you tempt me with morsels no sane person could resist.  When I'm cold, you make me warm, knitted goodies to cover my mangy-looking head. :D

I have eight more radiations to go, for this round.  I think I have four more chemos, also.. for this round.  I don't kid myself that once this batch is done, I'll be good and not need any more.  Still, you know this is a small price to pay if I get another year or maybe more.  I am still hoping to return to work.  Perhaps once we're down to just a weekly Herceptin infusion, I can do it.  But, that's up to my wonderful oncology doctors, and yes, I am VERY thankful for both Dr. Fastenberg and Dr. Tsai.  How lucky I am that I once had a blood clot and Dr. Fastenbuerg was called in to consult.  I don't think I could go through this without such an amazing oncologist.

And the entire staff at Ironwood Cancer and Research Center; how you all do this every day, with smiles and great care  and kindness... simply awesome.  I might be wheeling myself down a hall towards radiation, when no matter who I pass, eye-contact is made and a smile is given.  It might be a small thing, but you can't know how much that smile means to all of us patients.  It means we matter, that despite our illness, someone cares and understands we are HUMANS.

The veggies have been roasted for the salad; butternut squash, parsnips, Anaheim chilies (wasn't in the recipe, but .. hehe, you know... gotta be true to the heritage), garlic, red onions, spritzed with olive oil.  Later, I'll wilt some spinach, toss with the roasted veggies, dress with sun dried tomato vinaigrette, and then top with pine nuts.  Yum.

Also just popped the jalapeno corn bread in the oven.  Cathy and Jane are out working on the bird, which has to be in the oven by 11AM.  We'll have a relatively early dinner just in case anyone needs to go elsewhere for another get-together. 

And now, time to go check that cornbread, and get something else to drink besides coffee.  I'm HORRIBLE at keeping myself hydrated.  I have bad (coffee) hydration habits.

Happy Thanksgiving to all, be safe, be happy and enjoy life!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

And now, it's cold!

But don't forget that's Arizona desert cold.... tomorrow's high is supposed to be 59!  Ai carumba!  Oh well, at least we don't have to leave the house.  Yes, I know, I am SO wimpy when it comes to cold. :)

The World of Warcraft had its shattering yesterday, and I made a Troll Druid.  I love druids; I'll be trying a different tactic with this one, though.  But how the world of Azeroth has changed!  It's almost a totally different game from the one my family started playing almost five years ago.  It's given new life to the game; Nancy was up until Midnight playing Vacasanta, her new Tauren Paladin.  I didn't last that long.

So, it will be interesting, seeing how the world of Azeroth has changed, and taking a youngster through it all again.

Today is Radiation 20.  Wow... and yes, radiation is very tough on your body.  I'm always exhausted, now.  But I try hard to eat plenty of protein, and I drink my Glucerna supplements, which has a goodly amount of protein in it.  The esophagus is definitely fried.  It's hard to describe it, but it's almost like you're getting acid reflux; it burns, but not constantly, although it does wake me up several times a night.

Nobody has called from Ironwood to schedule the CT with contrast that is supposed to be done on the 30th.  Dr. F will chide them most severely if they don't get it done.  I adore that guy. :)

I can't wait for tomorrow's feast.  We have two single neighbors coming.  Leslie is in her late sixties, and Helen is 87.  They have been our friends since we moved into this house in 1992.  Both Helen and Leslie would help me watch my mom before my two sisters moved out here with us.  They are the definition of true neighbors.

Well, I'm chafing at the bit to go play my new druid, so I'm off.  I want to send Hugs, Kisses and LOVE to everyone that reads this blog and also everyone that checks up on me, and makes sure I eat, and cares about my well-being. I am so lucky, so so lucky!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Radiation Consult

I saw Dr. Tsai after today's radiation, and she was concerned about my lungs because Dr. F told her that I wasn't moving much air on Thursday.  She listened to them, and was glad to hear more air movement today.  I told her that the change in the weather was definitely affecting my asthma, but I watch my sats and my peak flow meter numbers, and I'm doing pretty well.

Dr. T said that she and Dr. F want the CT on the 30th so that we can see if there has been any change in the tumor.  If, as she suspects, there has been some shrinkage, then she wants to recalibrate my radiation and shrink the area of effect to best save my lungs.  I *knew* December 8 wouldn't be my last radiation. :P

Here is my Hibiscus.  It still needs a bit of polishing up, but I think it actually LOOKS like a hibiscus blossom, so I'm happy. :)

And so, two more radiations this week, and Dr. T gave me a couple of prescriptions just in case things get bad over the long weekend.  I kid you not, one is for Magic Mouthwash.  It's Lidocaine, Maalox and Benadryl... I'm supposed to slurp it down with a straw, so it goes into the esophagus and not in my mouth.  A lidocained tongue is no good to anyone. ;)

The other prescription is for some heavy-duty painkillers.  I'm not a big fan of painkillers in any way, shape, or form.  I will have to be in a LOT of pain before I will take one.  After my mastectomy, I took ONE painkiller, and that was because the ride home from the hospital was really ouchie.  My sister says I deal with pain very well. 

I'm starting to play World Of Warcraft again, so at least I have lots to do.  And with my new watercolor crayons, holy cow, life is good. :)

Hugs and kisses to all!  Extra ones to Jon and Michelle, as they are experiencing the joy of cross country flight.  I love you both very much.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

This is a quick one...

...and only here so that I can share with you a picture of my friends.  It was right before Christmas, and the year we finished the redesign of my kitchen.  We got through a huge platter of my black bean enchiladas, and had laughed and enjoyed each other as we always did.

There's Julie, who reads this blog and comments and makes the most amazing greeting cards.  Next to her is Polly; she's the one I call when I need to laugh. I don't know how or why, but we crack each other up like we are lunatics.

That's me in the middle, in my stunning purple blouse.  I love color, as you can probably tell from my sparkly red counter tops.

Next is Kathy, and I don't know her as well as my other friends, but she fit right in from the start.

Finally, for the back row, is Dorothy, or Dotski as we like to call her.  She's an instigator, a plotter of plots, and not in any evil way whatsoever.  Dot's got a lot of life in her and she loves to share it.

In the front there are Maggie and Evelyn, sisters and friends.  We know a lot about sisters and friends in this house, and all these ladies are my sister/friends.  Evelyn has gone on before us, but she will never be unloved amongst us, and we will all be together again, and maybe I'll get to do the cooking again, and we'll have wine, and giggle and just love each other all over again.

Rain!

Alas, it barely wet the ground, but, wow, it's really cooled off here in the desert.  Michelle, my dear friend from Chicago, is making us a baked chicken with veggies and tarragon and white wine.  Jon is making a potato terrine with Yukon Golds.  I made a huge pot of rice.  :D  Fear not, I have the coolest Zojirushi rice maker on the planet, so no labor involved.  I adore rice.  We actually use a mix of Texmati, Red Rice, Barley and Rye.  Gotta get those grains, folks. :)

Both Michelle and I love to use watercolors in any way, shape, or form.  I really enjoy using watercolor pencils, but Michelle gave me a tray of watercolor crayons, and seeing as how one of my favorite Hibiscus is in bloom, I decided I would paint it and try out the crayons.  What fun!  I've got a bit more work to do on it, but I'll post it here when I am done.  There is something very serene about the application of the wet brush to the laid out watercolor; watching the interplay of the colors and knowing there is no way you can ruin your work.  It's yours.  If you think it's great, then it must be. :D

Three days of radiation this week, and then Thanksgiving.  I have always loved Thanksgiving; Auntie would get up really early to get a HUGE bird in the oven.  We'd search the stores for the biggest, because we actually would need it.  There was no telling who would be over for dinner on Thanksgiving.  We expected a crowd, and we usually got it.  Of course, there were parts of the meal that were not my favorite:  oyster stuffing.  Oh gods.  But I guess my dad liked it. ;)

There would always be those creepy canned cranberry dishes.. not one of my faves, you can tell, but Auntie would have made her pumpkin pies.  Very little sugar in those pies, but they were the most heavenly thing on earth.  Some years, I'd get a couple of Bean Pies from the Shabazz folks on Martin Luther King Boulevard.  Oh, those were awesome.  I think mashed potatoes were the order of the day for Thanksgiving, so my mom was happy.  Give that woman a potato, and you made her day.  Must be that Irish in her. :)

Now, to go off on a tangent, just let me tell Cee that I have started reading 'The Shack', and I am enjoying it.  I love you, big sis. :)

Hugs and kisses to all... keep warm and ... GIVE MORE HUGS!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Saturday minus Energy

I think I see rain clouds on the horizon, but it's been so long since I've seen them, I might be mistaken. ;)

Oh, how lovely it would be to have a little rain, and it's cool, and you can snuggle up in your blankets and sleep so well.  It's those little pleasures in life that keep us going.  A few years back, my sisters and I had our back yard redone and there is a stone fountain right outside my bedroom that I can hear, and it is surrounded by my beloved hibiscus.  I think one of these posts has a picture of it.  Oh yes, it's this one!

It's not an ornate fountain, but it has clean lines and makes a nice splishy-splashy noise.  It's calm and serene.  Just to the south of it is the sundial in which my mom's ashes are stored.  It's surrounded by Mexican Heather and some beautiful salmon colored ... um.... flowers.  I can't remember what kind they are.  Botany was not my forte. ;)

The rain clouds are filling the air with negative ions, so everything just feels GOOD right now; all is right with the world.  I think this would be a good time to go take a nap.  Yes, it's slug time again and I am sleeeepy.

Hugs to all.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Radiation done for this week!

Cathy and I just returned from radiation.  One of my radiation buddies, Marie, had her last zap today.  Marie, I'd say, is somewhere in her 80's and cute as a button and sweet as they come.  She also has a great attitude, and always smiles and hugs me when she sees me. 

It's one of the bittersweet parts of being there every day.  I see many of the same people, and watch their progress, and I have to say that for the most part, there is hope and optimism.  Yes, some times you come across someone you just can't be near because they are giving out waves of bitterness, self-loathing and a hatred of the world at large.  Thankfully, those individuals are few and far between.

And, too, I think we all have those days we just aren't taking things as well as we normally do.. and that was my yesterday.  Interestingly enough, I spent time talking to one of the chemo inmates that I moved away from a few weeks ago (diplomatically, of course).  This week, she had a much improved attitude and told me about how much of a pain the 20 mile one way trip was, but that the restaurant patrons where she worked took up a collection to help her pay her transportation costs.  It was a great story, and my opinion of her changed quite drastically in that one day. 

So, I need to remember that we can't all be cancer cheerleaders every single moment.  Yesterday I cried, and that's something I hadn't done since the day the gastro showed me the pictures of the evil tumor.  And even then, I had no idea of the seriousness of the prognosis, nor the true ordeal that was awaiting me.  It was cancer.. and I had beaten it before.  But, alas, this one doesn't get beaten, although I still hold out hope that I can be in that 5% but the lungs are problematic and aren't adding any points in my favor.  Drat. ;)

Now I have two days off, and I'm going to try to catch up on my sleep, enjoy my company, and maybe tonight I'll have a glass of wine.  I'll cuddle up with my two chihuahuas, and have some good dreams.

Love to all... and hugs and kisses, too.

YAY, Aetna got the paperwork...

...and they have already assigned it to an analyst.  I may actually get paid next week! :)

I got hit by the post chemo insomnia last night.  So, I was on the computer until around 3:30AM just roaming aimlessly.  Alas, this can become dangerous if you hit somewhere with cool furniture.  But I was strong and did not buy the $5700 leather chaise that would be SO neat to lounge upon when you get exhausted. ;)

Today, my sisters are going to take Jon and Michelle out wandering, and I will rest.  I have to go in later for my radiation, but they'll be back in time to take me.  Dr. F said that my schedule shows that December 8 is my last radiation for this go-round.  It's probably not going to be my last, period.  But you know, gotta take all this one day at a time, otherwise it all gets overwhelming.

I can't tell you how much I miss working; I miss the brain-work, I miss my Boeing family, and I miss the invigoration of the human give and take of conversation.  It's kinda been this way with being a telecommuter.  I worked at the plant usually Monday through Wednesday and worked at home on Thursday and Friday.  This was because of my diminishing lung function; by the end of the week, I was exhausted.  But as my lung disease progressed, there were weeks I spent the entire time at home.  I was so excited at being able to go in on Monday and see my dear co-workers/friends.

January, my current minions rotate, and I won't be there to greet the incoming ones, but I know them; I was part of the hiring panel, and they are two wonderful, smart women.  They'll be fine.  Oh heck, they'll be GREAT!  But I wish I could be there to absorb some of that intelligence. ;)

Ok, I guess I really will go get some rest.  Love to all.  And hugs and kisses. :)

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Chemo... the new Social

Today I chatted with a 27-year old, going to school, doing his chemo.  Man, cancer sucks.

Hey, I'm looking like a chipmunk, thanks to the steroids. 

I took two pictures, but the other one points out the lovely dark circles under my eyes.  I may look like I have mange, but darnit, no one needs to see my dark circles. :D

Anywho, it's after 1PM, now and I've done the Taxol and I'm on the Carboplatin.  Next week, I get a break.  My white cell counts are down.  And my lungs are having a hard time getting air out.  So, we're going to start fresh again with chemo on December 2nd.

I'll guess that next week we're only going to do radiation Monday through Wednesday.  I i'll be having a CT with contrast on 11/30.

Oh, Jane watched a kindly soul here fax the leave paperwork to Aetna.  And I have the originals, so maybe I'll fax 'em from my house, too.  Cover the bases.  Ewww. baseball reference. :P

Dr. Fastenberg says we'll probably, if I respond well to it, do the Herceptin for the duration.  That means, as long as I'm still alive.  I told him about the lady I met last week, who'd been doing it weekly for six years.  He said,"well, she has breast cancer, whole other situation."  I didn't get a real positive vibe from that very statement.  Maybe that was why I cried.  But I'm good, now... back to happy.  Can't keep this woman down for long!

Love to all!

Today I Cried...

...and I'm not sure why.  Dr. F didn't say anything I didn't already know, but somehow it just hit me today, that I am not going to survive this.  I think it's the first time someone has actually stated out loud that I am Stage IV.  Maybe when he mentioned finding a good surgeon, I got really scared.  Dr. F already told me surgery would kill me.  I reminded him of this and he said yeah, it probably would but we should cover our bases.  He also said he's probably going to have me do a MUGA scan, to check for any damage from the Herceptin.


I may not have lots years before me, and I cannot be cured, but what I can do is prolong my life, and enjoy all the important things, like loving my sisters and my friends.  And in the spirit of Thanksgiving, let me tell you all the wonderful points in my life, and definitely not in any particular order:

  • Drinking good coffee... I know, I've waxed poetic about coffee already, so I won't bore you with my love the brew.
  • My amazing sisters:  Jane, Wendy, Nancy and Cathy.  They take care of me so well.  May you always love each other and have patience.
  • My weird and wonderful family
    • Pete, my deceased brother... don't mind me working so hard to not be with you again, too soon. 
    • Cee, my Reverend Sister.  She calls and checks up on me a lot.  You'll see the Lake Havasu visitor on my blog... that's my sis!
    • Pico, I may never understand, but I love you, and I know you'll be there, too, with Pete,... probably doing Motocross.
    • Jes, you eat right, enjoy the music and be happy.
    • Sam, hang in there, woman.  Just love your family and remember to find appreciation for something each day.
    • All my nieces, nephews, inlaws, .... we must hold tight and never stop loving each other.  Distances be damned... we have Facebook!
  • Sweet Chihuahuas.. and even the ones that aren't so sweet... Argo.
  • Health insurance! :D
Obviously there are tons more, but the Benadryl is kicking in and I'm getting all looooopy.

Do me a favor, kiss someone you love, but haven't kissed in a while. 

Thursday - Marathon Chemo and Radiation

Jon and Michelle, my friends from Chicago, should be here by the time I get home from Ironwood Cancer and Research Center.  Today I spend my entire day there.  Believe me, there are worse places to spend a day.  I'm not going to take my giant gaming laptop; it's too much trouble.  I'll take my pretty little red netbook and just have fun with that.

Jane's going to be with me the whole time, too, but she'll have her Nintendo DS.  Give her Bookworm and some Mah Jong, and she's happy as a clam.  Include endless coffee and life is good!

I'd better check that Dr. Fastenberg's filled out my leave paperwork again, or I am so screwed.  Yes, I have savings, but I need my paycheck to make sure I still have savings when this is all over. 

Anywho, I should go eat something.  I've done all my asthma drugs for this morning, and I am coughing a bit, but not more than usual for the morning.

I'm sure I'll be posting more today, during chemo.  Hugs and kisses.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

It's Lab Day..

Time to see the phlebotomist for my CBC with Platelets and Differentials. We're checking to see if my white blood cells are doing well.  Gotta have them to fight off any infections that might come my way.

I got my package of Breathe Healthy masks.  I ordered two.  I'll only probably use them at the phlebotomist, because that place is busy no matter what time of day, and if the last two times there are any indication, the joint is full of sick people. ;)

We're on radiation 15 today.  I ate some of the lovely Mu Gu Gai Pan yesterday, and then I had a Lindor Truffle, the 60% extra dark chocolate one.  Oh holy moses on a muffin, those puppies are frighteningly scrumptious.  I think they have been put on earth as a test of one's ability to resist eating the entire bag at one sitting.  I did resist, but it was touch and go for a while.

Well, I had better go drink a couple glasses of water so that the blood flows well for the... wait for it.... PHLEBOTOMIST!

BTW, my oldest niece is becoming certified as one; I'm very proud of her. :)

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Tired Cubed?

I'm so weak it's scaring me.  I'm great if I just sit here and type.  I just got home from Radiation 14, and I'm so tired I want to cry, but that would be far too much work. ;)

I worry it's my lungs, but I'm watching them, and my sats (oxygen saturation, or the level of oxygenation of my blood) are staying above 96, and my peak flow numbers are par for me.  And I did 24 minutes this morning on my recumbent stepper, albeit not at my normal pace, only about 75 steps per minute.  The radiation tech said I probably need more protein.  I sent Jane out for some Mu Gu Gai Pan.  And if that doesn't work, then I'll swill another bottle of Glucerna.  Yes, I lost another pound.  If I wasn't sick, I'd be ecstatic. :D

So this week's notes for my consultation with Dr. F:
  • weakness
  • dizziness
  • tiredness
  • and certainly I should be doing the stepper, right?
Now, I'm going to go sit in my Poang chair and relax.  Hugs and kisses to all... tired ones, but there you go. :)

Tired, tired, tired...

It really amazes me how 40 seconds of being zapped by radiation, five times a week, can make you feel weak as a kitten.  Some days, I'll go outside to get the mail, if I see our postal person our there, and it feels like I have to go miles across the desert to get there.  But believe me, I want to walk; I want to stay up on my feet and push and not let this weakness bring me down.  And, not to worry, it won't... I'm far too ornery. ;)

Isn't coffee a wonderful pleasure?  I think back to my parents, and when I say that, you should know that I had three;  Mom, Dad, and my mom's sister, Auntie, who had always lived with us.  There was always coffee in the house.  Of course we children were not interested, nor would we be given any.  Oh sure, with eight of us, wouldn't it be great if we were caffeine'd up?  Gods forbid.

Not sure when I picked up the love of coffee.  I drink mine black, for the most part. As did my parents, as Dad was diabetic, and Mom was diagnosed, too, many years later.  We didn't, in fact, have much sugar at all in our lives, except for Halloween or when my dad's sisters Charlotte and Cecilia gave us all our Easter Baskets.  Oooh, See's Candy eggs.... great memories there.

Coffee just tastes good to me.  Wendy, on the other hand, never developed the taste for it.  In this house Jane and I can drink coffee all day.  I've been known to get up, have a cup of coffee, and then go back to sleep.  Mom was the same way.  I wonder if we become caffeine resistant.

Today is radiation number 14.  Is it weird that I am counting them?  I think I count them because of all the warnings I have had of the cumulative effect of them, and so far, I'm doing pretty well, and you'd think after thirteen of them, I might be having pain, irritation, etc.  Thankfully, I'm not; at least not enough to worry about.

I saw the Radiation Oncologist following my zap yesterday, and she was delighted with my appearance, my lungs and my progress... and remember, we LIKE it when she's happy. :D  I just don't know enough about this progression to understand what's good and what's not good, but Dr T certainly does.  I have great respect for her.  So if she's happy, so am I!

Had to do some bedroom re-arranging yesterday.  My NuStep got moved over toward my closet so that I could steal the Poang chair and ottoman from Cathy's room.  Gosh, this thing is so comfortable.  When I get tired, I sit there and shuffle through the seventy zillion cable channels, and usually find nothing I want to watch.  But, I cuddle up there with Lindsay's and Sandi's quilt and revel in that softness.  I am spoiled. ;)

Well, I think I'll go try to play some World of Warcraft for a bit.  I hear all the major cities are under attack, so I must go defend my homeland.  Zug Zug!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Bright Sunlight

On June 3rd, 1985, I moved from the land of my birth, Los Angeles, California, to the Phoenix suburbs of Arizona.  I don't think a day has passed since that day, that I haven't marveled at how beautiful the sky is out here in the desert.

That first week, my mom and dad and aunt were here, helping me move, and it was bittersweet.  I lived at home until I moved here, and while I knew where I was going career-wise, I never really wanted to be away from my family.  But you have to severe those ties, eventually, and begin making your own way, even if you do make lots of mistakes along the way.  My little sister moved out here with me, so I was not alone.  She was 18, and ready to begin college.  We had so much fun, figuring out life with only each other for support instead of that HUGE family back in California.

Arizona has stars.  It's true!  You can see them at night; bright, sparkling like Swarovski crystals against midnight blue satin.  L.A.'s skies were so saturated with artificial light at all times, you never got to see a star.  It became a ritual for me, when heading out to work in the morning, to greet Orion, because I could see him up there, stable, and always on the hunt.

I remember the first taste of summer monsoons.  The wind would come up, the sky would turn yellow-grey, and the dust would shroud everything.  Then the thunder would roar and it would rain so hard you couldn't see across the street.  It was frightening in its intensity, but then in its aftermath, there was a break from the summer heat, and there is nothing like the scent of wet desert; it's comforting and homey and wraps you in calm.

This is such a primal world, the desert, and although we have all the modern comforts and conveniences, this primal world still struggles to dominate over it all.  The scorpions continue to try to invade the house every year; the black widows and preying mantis keep watch over vegetation that always seems to have thorns of some kind.  And I can deal with them all, except those darned Wolf Spiders... just something about spiders with hairy legs that gives me the willies. :D

Anyway, it's a crazy-bright morning again, and I think I'll head outside and get myself a little Vitamin D to kick off my day.  I'll be seeing the radiation oncologist today, after zappage, and I need to tell her that I feel like I'm getting acid reflux or something, and it's interfering with sleep.

Be safe and well, all.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Medical Leave... up in the air!

Talked to some folks at Ironwood, and they did get the new paperwork today, and said they'll do it again and fax it back ASAP.  It all makes me tired.

But,... insert drum roll here.... tonight for dinner I had a veggie burrito, enchilada style, and I ATE THE WHOLE THING!  And it didn't HURT A BIT!  Wow, it still gives me chills to think about it.  Eating has been so hard for so long and I was still worried about the feeding tube possibility, but if this continues, I will be so happy.

Now, I wonder, does this mean that the evil tumor is shrinking and thus food travels more freely and thus the pain doesn't happen?  I don't want to get my hopes up or have unreasonable expectations, but how else can it be explained?  I mean a week ago I could barely eat three spoonsful of soup before the pain became unbearable.  Well this is certainly something to discuss with the Oncs next week. :)

Have a great weekend, dear readers, and I will try to do the same.  I'll probably not post again until Monday.  Hugs and kisses to all!

Medical Leave Denied...

So, don't you just love it when you're sitting all happily contemplating the relaxation of your impending weekend and then.... you say to yourself, "I should go get the mail."  And there they are, the harbingers of doom; two letters from Aetna. 

"Ahh, this must be my actual leave confirmation," I say to myself.

Then I open the first one.  "As of 11/5/2010, we have not received the necessary information to make a determination of your claim.  Therefore, your claim has been denied."

Ugh.  So, I call them, and reached Laurie. If everyone at Aetna is as wonderful and kind and helpful as Laurie, this will all be straightened out in no time. She's faxing the forms back to Ironwood, who I know for a fact faxed the original forms to Aetna on the 4th of November. 

So, it's just a bump in the road, but it did get  me a bit stressed out.  But really, I was very impressed with Aetna's Laurie and salute her willingness to take some time to go through all the records and do what she could.  Blessings to you, lady.

Ahh, the utter joy of FRIDAY!

I get almost giddy with excitement on Fridays.  Yes, I still have to go have my radiation treatment this afternoon, but then I get my beloved two days off!

Just got off the phone with my dear friend Dorothy, and we were remembering our friend Evelyn who was and actually still is one of my lifelong heroes.  She is my cancer role-model.  She met every challenge with grace, dignity, AMAZING humor, and strength.  Like all of us, she battled fears and learned to overcome them.  I draw a lot of my courage from memories of her.

I think much of my post-chemo blechhiness has yet to begin, because it's almost 9:30 AM and I'm still feeling pretty good.  Hey, I'll take it. ;)

Unfortunately, I did experience my post-chemo insomnia.  I'll blame that on the Decadron that's part of my pre-chemo meds.  I always get HORRIBLE insomnia when I'm on steroids.  I would have gotten up to grab a Xanax but it was cold last night, and I didn't want to get out of my warm bed. ;)  I can take a nap later, if I want.

Later, all.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Vacuous TV content...

It was time for the annoying wait between the Chemo and the Radiation.  I had to leave the waiting section with the TV, as I could feel the Dr. Phil show siphoning off my brain cells at an alarming rate.

I also didn't need to become depressed by the low-life morons he had on, defending their mooching off their equally clueless parents.  I was getting inexorably drawn to the conclusion that "America is DOOOOOMED," when I got the hell away from all that frivolous evil being displayed.  I walked over to a different, TV-less waiting section.

You know, this fight is hard enough without adding things like that into the mix.  I won't remain in my chemo chair if a neighboring inmate is bitching and moaning like the world is out to get them, and yes, there have been a couple of them.  I grab my bags of poison and find another chair and I don't give a flying rat's ass if it appears rude. I will not let SOMEONE ELSE bring me down with their despondent aura.  Likewise, Dr. Phil and his malcontents had to be gone and since I couldn't move the TV, nor ignore it, move I did.

And I moved right next to an elderly couple who were fantastic!  We teased each other about things, and laughed, and got two other people laughing, and we conversed; we practiced give and take, and it was pleasant and fun, and when it was time for radiation, I left the area with a smile plastered on my face.  Surely it makes a difference to meet a challenge with an optimistic attitude rather than with dourness and gloom and doom swirling around you like a plague.

It's those anonymous people at Ironwood today that I salute and wish them continued joy of life.  Thank you for sharing your wit and optimism, and the utter joy of meaningful conversation. :)

You can only play so many games of Spider Solitaire...

...before you begin to hate playing cards.  We seem to have MANY new chemo patients today.  And I did not see Dr. Fastenberg today; I suppose last week's consult screwed up our nifty schedule.  But, hey, that saved me 15 dollars and if I don't get paid today, I'll need all the help I can get.  I'd go check my BofA account, but not while I am on Ironwood's hot spot.

I see Amazon  has pulled that "how to be a pedophile" or whatever the name was, book from their store.  I was going to remove the Amazon ads from my blog if they did not.  Not that I expect anyone will ever buy anything by clicking through there, but what the heck, it fills up my side space :D

I'm so excited for next week to come.  My friends, Jon and Michelle are coming in from Chicago for a visit.  I hope it's cold enough for them.  It was definitely cold enough for me this morning! 

Cathy is going to make us Ziti with home made meatballs and a florentine sauce.  I love spinach so much.  Frankly, I love most vegetables, but I do have a few I can live without.  Lima beans, canned peas, .... they will never set foot in my house.

Mom was an iffy cook, as I think I have mentioned.  But every supper consisted of a meat product, a starch and a veggie.  Someone told her that was the way to feed a family.  I would never eat the meat.  Never.  And I always got in trouble.  I remember many a day sitting at the kitchen table with a plate devoid of spinach and rice, but a hunk of nasty WELL DONE meat staring at me.  My father liked his meat well done.  And so when we had steak or any beef product, it was like gnawing on shoe leather. 

They say eating lots of red meat can lead to esophageal cancer.  Um, but most of my life I didn't TOUCH red meat.  They say drinking red wine can help prevent esophageal cancer, and I had red wine with my dinner on most nights.  Who are these THEY people?  I want to punch one.

Today's chemo inmates are a pretty quiet bunch.  There is some sporadic chatting, but it's not the party-like atmosphere of last week. Donna brought me my schedule for next week, and I don't have to be here until 10AM and I will see Dr. F then.  But, if we then start chemo at 10:30ish, I won't finish until just before radiation, so long day, but hopefully, no waiting around.

More later..

Herceptin begins...

Well, it's Donna the oncology nurse this week.  I like her a lot.  Oh man, it's Benadryl coming on-board, and ooolala, I'm all groggy again. 

Anywho, we're doing the Heceptin today.  How exciting; we're going from 3 1/2 hours of chemo to 4 hour and 15 minutes.  I don't even want to something I LIKE for 4 hours straight. :D

Drinking some coffee and my iced water.  We're not a full house here at the moment, but I would say that there are at least 25 folks here.  I ran into a lady whose husband works at Boeing; her name is Darita, and I'm spelling it phonetically, since I didn't ask her for the real spelling.  We were talking about the new insurance co-pays and prescription coverage.

OH, while I was having breakfast, watching CNN, a Veteran's Day commercial ran, and I watched it, and thought.. eh, McDonalds.  Imagine my chagrin when the big BOEING logo appeared at the end.  But, uh, it was a lovely commercial. 

Man, look at all those bags of poison I get! Hazardous materials out the wazoo!

OK, that's it for now... maybe I'll add more later.. and gods know, I'll be here long enough.

Hugs and kisses!

Chemo 3, Radiation 11

About to go have some breakfast before the marathon chemo session.  I'm taking my Glucerna bars with me in hopes of getting some actual nutrition today.  I can't believe today will be my 11th radiation.  Wow.

Happy veterans' Day to all our brave souls who serve or have served our wonderful country.  I have two veterans in my household, and sometimes I think those that have worked in service of a .... service... should be included. ;)

Ok, more later from Ironwood.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The Pink Walker

For some time, now, I've had a pink Rollator that my sisters found, brand new, in a local thrift shop.  I used to use it for work, because though I have a rather splendid handicapped parking spot, (Thank you, Judy Smith) it's still a LONG walk from that spot up to my desk.  The walker has a seat, and a place to put stuff, like your purse and your laptop, because with my lungs, I can't carry much at all.

Since I've been doing the chemo and the radiation, I've mostly relied on my hecho en Mexico cane, that I love dearly.  But today, the walk from the parking lot into the building and down the hall to the PHLEBOTOMIST (oh yes, I still love that word!) was exhausting.  I felt like crying.  So, I decided it was time for the walker to make its appearance once again. 

So we got it into the back of my Equinox and Nancy and I headed to Ironwood for this afternoon's radiation.  And may I tell you how much happier I am using it again.  It's like an old friend.  It just makes me feel more secure, and with that handy seat... YAY!

Another exciting aquisition was some Xylitol mouth spray that I used just prior to radiation, and it was FABULOUS!  I didn't panic from my dry mouth or try to swallow convulsively.  Believe me, when it comes to radiation, you want to be very still.... so as not to move and get zapped in the wrong bits.  This would be bad.  Very bad.  Because you know, there are A LOT of VERY IMPORTANT bits in my chestal area. You know, lungs, heart... things like that. :D

Oh boy, tomorrow is marathon chemo day, but with my handy netbook, I'm sure the time will fly!  And two more radiations until the weekend... wooohooo!  I takes my excitement where I can gets it, these days. ;)

Hugs and kisses!

Back from today's Blood-letting

This morning, I had the queen of all phlebotomists; she went straight for my hand with a butterfly and got my blood first thing!  She shall be revered amongst phlebotomists.  Isn't that a great word?  Fun to say!  Phlebotomist!

Dr. F caught me in the hall at Ironwood, waiting to hit the FryDaddy machine and told me that we would definitely be adding Herceptin to my magical poisoning routine.  I was amazed!  "You got my insurance to approve it?"  He paused, "Well, kind of, but not really."  Hmmmm.  So maybe we're going to do it under the auspices of research.  Whatever works. :)

I actually have a consult with him tomorrow morning, pre-chemo, so maybe he'll give me the scoop on it then. 

Oh, must not forget; I need a mask for when I go get my blood draws.  There must have been 15 kids in that place.  If anything is going to make me sick, it will be them.

Now, it's off to drink a Glucerna and lots of water.  My skin looks like I'm 78 years old.   But I still have the breast of a 20 year old, so there. :D

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I forgot to mention....

On Monday, when I saw the Radiation Oncologist, she had my CT from that day up, and we looked at it.  Now, it was all greek to me, but she turned and smiled and said things were looking good, and beleive me, if SHE is happy, *I* am happy. :)

I am, on the other hand, coughing quite a bit, now.  And my chest is painful to the touch, but dammit, if I can beat this, pain is a small price to pay.

Now, I am off to bed, all dosed up on inhaled steroids.  And for once, I don't have to worry about it putting hair on my chest! :D

Hugs and kisses, all.

Radiation is starting to get to me...

Three weeks into radiation, and my lungs are beginning to hurt when I take a deep breath.  Kind of reminds me of when I was a kid growing up in Los Angeles.  On badly smoggy days, if you played outside at all, at the end of the day, deep breaths HURT.  But this isn't EVERY deep breath that hurts.  It's hard to explain. 

I've got some *almost* bald spots on my head, now, too.  So weird, because I've always had such thick hair... now you can see my scalp in places.  It'll probably look a lot better when it's just all gone.  And since it's starting to get cooler, I can begin wearing all my stylish hats. :)

Hah, definitely do not have a fever.  I am 96.3 temp today.  I have to take my temperature every day to check for signs of infection.  If I hit 100.5 I have to call the cancer center ASAP.

Just checked my lung numbers and they are fine.  Good thing I love numbers... I have to play with enough of them. :)

Oh, I couldn't find anything anywhere in Fallout 3 to make the gore not so gory.  And I'm getting frustratingly lost in bombed out DC, so maybe I'll give it a rest and just go play World of Warcraft.  Yes, Julie, I do love Scrabble as well. :)

Jane and Cathy are out in the back garden filling up our green barrel with bougainvillea clippings.  It's trying to attack the orange tree, and we can't have that.  I am trying to train it to grow across our block wall, but some bits of it run wild.  And the verbena needs to be cut back a bit, but I think the Lantana looks great.  We can't seem to get the Mexican Heather to fill in around Mom's sundial, so maybe we'll have to find something to augment the bare spots there.

This past May, I bought myself a Chevy Equinox, and the poor thing barely gets out of the garage now.  I think I have like 600 miles on the thing.  Right now, either Jane or Nancy is driving me to my radiation and chemos.  But I drive it once a week to get my blood work done, because that's a quick trip.  I still take Cathy with me, just in case I don't feel up to driving back home.

I wasn't intending to buy this car; I wanted a Camaro.  HAHAHAH, yeah.  After I got past that fevered idea, I saw one of these Equinoxes on the lot and took it out for a test drive.  LOVE at FIRST DRIVE.  It gets great mileage, and it's comfortable as heck, and I think it's cute.  And it got me hooked on XM radio, dammit. :)

Alrighty that's it for this post.  Hugs and kisses to all!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Not sure About this Fallout 3

Yes, it's been years since I played such classics as Doom, and Castle Wolfenstein, or even Quake.  I do appreciate that in this game you actually get to choose your gender, and customize your appearance somewhat. 

But, my problem is this game is pretty gorey.  I don't mind gore, in very small doses, but I don't want to shoot a monster and watch its severed head tumble to the floor, spewing blood and rolling around.  I think I need to check and see if there is a 'less gore' feature in the interface.  Really, things that nauseate me are not high on my list of things to do right now.

Anywho, the joint pains are getting quite annoying (had to remove another 'really'.. I seem to use that word far too much!)  So, I'm just biding my time, listening to Cinemagic on XM radio, playing some Spider Solitaire and waiting for when it's time to head out for today's Radiation treatment. 

Cinemagic is playing bits of the score from "12 Monkeys,"  by Paul Buckmaster.  It's fascinating!

Ok, well, back to my game... solitaire, that is... and some lovely music, and then I'll head out to Ironwood.  Ai carumba. :)

Oh the 70's!

Is it just me, or does everyone sleep better when it cools off?  I went to bed at 8:30 last night; I was having joint pains and just didn't feel so well.  I slept through until about 4AM, and it was gloriously cool.  I had turned off my AC yesterday in anticipation of mid-70's weather for the week.  My bedroom window was open to ... hopefully... fresh air. :)

This is Quito, my 11 year old chihuahua.  He's beautiful and mostly brainless, but happy as a clam.  Both he and Cisco, my 12 year old chihuahua follow me around like I have my own furry entourage.  They were both plastered to me while I slept last night; I know they knew I wasn't feeling well.
 
Here is a picture of when I went to Glendale to get my first chihuahua, Cisco.  He was a little handful.  Cisco's ears never did come up, but he's so cute it's not an issue.

I adore chihuahuas.  To me, they are the perfect size and temperament.  No, they are not yappy little dogs, but all bets are off when the UPS man his the neighborhood.  I don't know what UPS has ever done to the dogs in this house, but MAN, do they want to nibble his ankles off!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Sunday, Sunday

I just pre-ordered Dragon Age II from Amazon.  It's due in March 2011.  I'm sure I'll be here to play it. :D

Well, I didn't do much of anything yesterday, but I got in a whole FIFTEEN minutes on the NuStep.  Granted, it wasn't my normal speed, but ... I'm doing it!

This week, the weather in Arizona is going to get a bit cooler.  We're supposed to have highs in the 70's all week, except for today, which is probably going to be mid 80's.  Maybe fall is finally here! 

Tomorrow we begin another whole week of treatments, and I hope this week goes as well as the last two weeks.  I will be seeing Dr. Tsai the Radiation Oncologist (RO) following my radiation tomorrow.  And on Thursday, I'll see Dr. F, the Medical Oncologist (MO) before my chemo.  Maybe he'll have better news from my insurance company on treating me with Herceptin.

Really, nothing new or exciting to relate in today's blog.  I miss work, I miss my friends, but it occurs to me that my sole job right now is to beat this evil tumor into non-existence, and as a job, it's definitely full-time. :)

Hugs and kisses to all!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Yep, this is my Saturday

I feel so weak and blechy.  Trying to drink lots of water to get that poison out of my system quickly.  It'll start to get better this evening, and I'll feel almost like myself.  At least I know the progression of my chemo. :)

Jane's making beer-butt chicken, with our famous garlic-basil rub.  And we'll grill up some nice veggies, too.  Nancy got me three crossword puzzle books, as I like to actually do them on paper as opposed to via the PC.  I'm such a purist. ;)

I'm going to go lie down for a bit. 

Friday, November 5, 2010

Officially out on leave!

I talked to my friend Michelle today, and she confirmed that I'm now on leave status, so YAY, I should not miss a paycheck. :)


Ok, so now I am two chemos in and six radiations, and no horrible side effects to relate except for managable ones:
  • diarrhea
  • REALLY dry mouth
  • fatigue
  • glucose numbers up
The pre-chemo bag of meds has a steroid and I'm sure you all know that steroids just really muck up your glucose levels.  And because they don't want me losing weight, I've been ingesting carbs that I don't normally do, so I asked Gloria at Dr. Ramaswamy's office (my primary care) if she would have him order me more test strips.  I've got to watch this more closely.  Don't want to survive esophagel cancer but go blind, or something. ;)

Anyway, I've gotten some more Glucerna stuff, so on chemo day, I'll munch on one of their bars and see how that goes.  And go back to no bread and certainly NO ice cream... bad, bad girl! :D

My big book of chemo facts wasn't a lot of help when it came to the diarrhea, but Ironwood had given me a couple of fact sheets for dealing with  my specific chemos, and it said to take Imodium and that's working like a champ

As for the dry mouth, apparently you want stuff with Xylitol and anything by Biotene.  I ordered some stuff from Amazon which I hope comes soon.  The Biotene mouthwash helps to augment saliva's natural defenses against bacteria, so I guess this will help quite a bit.

As for fatigue, I really have to give up the iced tea in the evening, for a couple of reasons, caffeine is a diuretic, and that's not helpful to dry mouth, and because my mouth was so dry after this last chemo, I drank a TON of iced tea yesterday... and way late into the evening.  So, I could NOT fall asleep.  Well, I did around 3:30AM.  Oh well.

So, all in all, I think this is going pretty darned well.  Thanks to all my family and friends for checking up on me, loving me, and keeping me sane.  I love you all very much.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Trouble on the Insurance Front...

Dr. F contacted my insurance company today regarding treatment with Herceptin, and they disapproved it.  This is odd, since it was approved by the FDA for HER2 positive Gastro-esophageal cancers just a few weeks ago. 

Dr. F was very upbeat about my chances with the addition of Herceptin; he's the doctor!  Some insurance administrator, who looks at a list should NOT have the authority to keep me from a treatment that COULD SAVE MY LIFE!

Dr. F has vowed to fight for this, and he will, but gosh, ... how demoralizing.  Am I *that* naive that I just assumed it would be fine because my oncologist says it's what I need?  He doesn't go around trying to find ways of screwing people's insurance companies... HE'S TRYING TO SAVE OUR LIVES!

So, can you tell I am both angry and practically in tears, which I get when I am angry, and if you know me, and my whole asthma problem, you know that crying makes me sick... really, really sick.  So, I will not cry.

Anyway, if anyone can make my insurance company listen to reason, I think Dr. F has a good chance. 

Well, I feel the need to go pound bad-guys into the earth, so I think I'll go load up Fallout 3, and whack away my frustrations in good, wholesome, virtual violence. :)

Hugs and kisses!

My SECOND blog during chemo..

I'm still pretty groggy from that damned Benadryl, but it's manageable.  Well, though, if you see tons of typos in this one you'll know it's not that manageable after all. :)

For the most part, people in the infusion ward are optimistic and enjoy the social aspects.  Most of them see the same group of people.

Here I am, doing my poison.  I think both of them are up there, the Taxol and the Carboplatin, but only one of them infuses at a time.

I am doing pretty well on this treatment.  My anemia is stable, so I'm still to take the iron supplements.

When Dr. F said that the HER2 was positive; actually when he even mentioned it at all, I was surprised, because I thought it was only associated with breast cancer, and I was HER2 negative for my BC.

But, apparently the FDA has very recently approved the use of Herceptin for Gastro-esophageal cancers, and so, I'm once again, a really lucky duck!

Here is a picture of some of my fellow infusion ward inmates:

Sometimes it's very cold in here, but today it feels great!  Hey, don't we have a lovely view of that palm tree outside?  But darn it, they have a dratted clock right here, too. You just can't get away!

Ok, maybe I'll post later today.  Boy am I glad I bought this little netbook for the kitchen. ;)

My first blog during chemo....

I was surprised to know that the MO wanted to see me pre-chemo, this morning.  I wasn't scheduled to see Dr. Fastenberg until next week.  It turns out that he had a HER2 check run on my pathology bits, and I am positive.  He says that's not a bad thing, but next week, we'll add Herceptin to my cocktail.  However, Herceptin has some unfortunate side effects, one of which is injury to your heart.  He says that's rare, though, and wants me to have a heart work-up soon.

We're not as crowded as last week, and today's oncology nurse is Julie.

I'll write more later.. the Benadryl is making me groggy.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Tomorrow is Chemo number 2...

...and radiation number six!  I really have a good feeling about these treatments.  I think it's going to work!  Got my little netbook all charged and ready for that marathon chemo session.  Too bad it won't run World Of Warcraft. ;)

I can't believe how GOOD I felt today.  Must be because the chemo finally worked its way out of my system, so it's only natural that we put it back IN tomorrow! lol... alas.

Oh, I ran into an old friend from my Commercial Helicopter days, while I was at the blood lab.  Nellie looks great, and she's been retired for a couple of years.  We caught up and I was just so happy to have the chance to tell her HI again.  There are SO many wonderful memories of those years;  but so many wonderful people we've lost.  My dear friend Evelyn Lyles and my buddy, John Dickman.  I miss them both SO much. 

I'd never been to a Southern Baptist church until Evelyn's funeral, but I was mesmerized by the warm feeling of community in the congregation.  I could understand the allure of such warmth.

Well, must get to bed; it's a long day tomorrow, and I want to make sure both the poisoning and the frying do their best work. ;)

Hugs and kisses!

Bras, the evil that never quits...

Hey, now that's a pretty dramatic title!  I like it. :)

I've been struggling with the issue of bras since the beginning of these treatments.  You may of course guess that esophageal cancer and bras occur right about the same region of one's body.  Bras normally are not a horrible contraption in daily life, but right now, they are evil incarnate.

My problem is, following the mastectomy I had in 2003, I had a bionic breast built for me.  It's like I have the breast of a 20 year old, and despite that fact that she keeps wanting it back... hehe... yeah.

Now, having the breast of a 20 year old is GREAT!  Unless of course her companion is the breast of a 52 year old.  One of these things is NOT like the other.  While the left breast remains perky and quite beautiful, the right is NOT so perky yet, still comely.  So the root of the bra vs no bra issue is that my two breasts no longer reside in the same latitude.  Well, they START in the same latitue, but... um... well.  So there you have it.

It's mainly an issue of vanity vs comfort.  I have opted for comfort, and frankly, if any casual observer of my chestal area is dismayed by the non-symmetry of my breasts, they can kiss my fuzzy (well not really so fuzzy, all things considered) rump!  I am SO much happier braless!

And that's my post for this morning... and the reason it came up, is because I have to go do my labs this morning, and this will be the first place I appear braless that is not Ironwood Cancer and Research Center.  Oh, lordy, you should have seen that first chemo... the bra was killing me.  I just took it off.. right there in the infusion ward.  Cancer makes you oblivious to things you would normally have NEVER done... oh, and of course, no one else there cared. :)

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Listening to Inspirational Music

Of course, for me, that means the entire "Lord of the Rings" extended version of Howard Shore's scores.  It may make me a major geek (and I'd be proud of that title), but I find so much heroism in those tales, and I'm looking for them to keep me strong and brave.

It wasn't a great day for me; I felt really, really bad most of the morning, then broke down and took a Xanax before today's radiation.  I guess me beating esophageal cancer is as daunting a task as the Lords of the West defeating Sauron.  It can be done, but the quest will cost much in pain and fear.  But, ultimately, courage and hope and the trust in the goodness of humanity (or the amazing talents of the oncology staff) will win the ultimate battle.

And so I listen to this wonderful, heroic, epic music and tell myself that I have the fortitude to get through this, although I won't have a cleaned-up Aragorn waiting for me.  Besides, he looks much better as the rough, unkempt Ranger.

Tomorrow is lab work day, but that should be pretty quick, since you can make appointments now.  Happy day!  And thank the gods and all the pantheon that the election BS is over for this go-round.  Whatever happened to honor and honesty; who stole America's consideration and compassion?  Now, now, I know I musn't despair; it's that old media frenzy again, pointing out all the evil in the world, while ignoring all the love and grace of ordinary people.  Must not forget that!

By george, I think the music is working!  :)

Oh.. bloating... ugh

Today, I feel like my stomach is so bloated; it's creepy.  I've downed some Maalox, and hopefully, that will help soon.  Jane made us grilled cheese with ham sandwiches for breakfst, and perhaps that didn't help.  And it's almost time for lunch, but the thought of eating is ... ugh.

I think maybe I'll just have some chicken broth.  Also, maybe I'll lay off wheat products for a while and see how that goes.  In fact, maybe I'll just go take a nap.  You can see, I just feel kind of out of sorts.

More later....

Monday, November 1, 2010

Feeling pretty good!

Today was my third radiation, and I saw my RO right after the treatment.  She said that creating the plan for my treatment was very complicated, (since my crappy lungs are right there behind this tumor, it's very hard to avoid injuring them further) but that she's confident in how we're progressing.  She also almost made me cry; she said that my MO told her that I had "the most beautiful attitude" he's ever seen.  Hey, it's just that I appreciate everything they are doing for me, and it behooves me to do the best I can as well. :)

We had some lovely chicken and prosciutto tortellinis for dinner tonight, and you know, it just barely hurt to eat them.  Then, I had something I haven't had in ages;  bread and ...well.. margarine, but OMG, bread IS the staff of life!  Yeah, I've lost a little more weight, so I decided to have those darned carbs and hope my diabetes meds can keep up. So far, so good.

Thursday, I have to make sure that my MO is getting my Medical Leave paperwork done.  It would be quite hideous to miss a paycheck.  Especially so close to Winter Solstice!

So, let me tell you what my week is like:  Monday, and Tuesday, it's just radiation.  Wednesday, I have to have bloodwork, then radiation.  Thursday is Chemo and Radiation, and Friday is just radiation.  Saturday and Sunday, I recover from... the chemo. :P  Really, it's not that bad, but yes, being out on medical leave is certainly taking A LOT of the stress out of it all.

It's weird, though, that I feel my worst in the morning, and as my day progresses, I do feel much better.  Maybe I'm not a morning cancer person. ;)

I had a great chat with my friend Annette this afternoon, and you know, talking with friends is always a happy occasion.  And just because I'm not at work doesn't mean I'm not going to want to talk to my Boeing family... so you all feel free to call!

Hugs and kisses!

Curative Powers of Tortilla Soup

Happy Monday Morning.  I'm thrilled we had trick-or-treaters last night!  I didn't get to see or interact, because I have to avoid children, but my sisters said we had more this year than we have ever had.

Jane made an awesome batch of Chicken Tortilla Soup for dinner last night, and I had a nice-sized bowl.  It may not be physically curative, but it sure does make me FEEL better. I just checked my weight, and decided I'd better go swill another Ensure. :P

My Glucerna should be here today.  I ordered a case from amazon.com, because the price was right, and no shipping or taxes to pay.  Although, if it's considered a food item, it's not taxed, yet, I think.  But it might be considered a dietary supplement.  I don't know.

Oh yes, just one chemo round in, and um.... I do have some side effects.  Let's just not go into what they are.  Ugh, my tummy.  The onc nurse told me to make sure I drank lots of fluids to get the chemo to process out as quickly as possible, and so drinking I am.

It's weird not being at work, virtually.  I did call my minion, Travis, who is now taking up my slack.  He's fantastic; very adaptable, very smart, and gives me great tips on video games to try.

I think I'm going to go lie down for a bit.  Later!

Labels

"The Big C" (1) 120 degrees (1) accommodation (2) Adrenal Gland (2) Adult Day Care (1) Aetna (3) Ague (1) Ahi Tuna (1) air quality (2) albuterol (6) Aloxi (1) amazon parrot (1) Americans with Disabiliites Act (1) Andy Whitfield (1) Anger (1) Ankles (1) anti-seizure meds (1) antibiotics (3) anticoagulant (3) Anxiety (6) appetite (4) Aranesp (3) Arixtra (3) Arizona (1) artichokes (1) Asparagus (3) asthma (13) Ativan (1) Atropine (2) Auntie (2) B6 (3) Banner Baywood (6) Bard Power Port (2) Barium (3) Barley (1) Barry White (1) bats (2) Benadryl (6) beneficiaries (1) Bewitched (1) Biohazard (1) Blizzard (2) BlizzCon (2) Blogger (1) blood clots (5) blood pressure (1) blood transfusion (1) bone cancer (2) Bone Pain (6) Bookworm (1) bougainvillea (2) brain tumors (3) Bras (1) bread (1) breast cancer (1) Breathe Healthy Mask (1) breathing (2) breathing treatment (3) broccoli (1) bronchitis (5) bruising (1) brussels sprouts (1) Cabin Fever (1) Camptosar (18) Cancer (9) Carboplatin (5) care-givers (1) Casserole (1) Cat (1) Cataclysm (1) Catholic School (1) Cellulitis (2) Change (1) chemo brain (1) Chemo Side Effects (6) Chemotherapy (34) chicken breasts (1) chicken broth (1) Chihuahuas (8) children (1) chili (1) chili peppers (1) Chinese food (1) Chocolate (2) chocolate cake (1) choose hope (1) Christmas (3) Christopher Hitchens (1) Cinemagic (3) Cinnamon (1) Cisco (1) claustrophobia (1) clinical trials (3) cockatoo (1) Coffee (5) Cold (5) collard greens (1) Color (1) comments (1) communication (1) Compazine (3) compliance (1) Compression Stockings (1) Congenstive Heart Failure (1) constipation (1) conversation (1) cooking (2) Coolaroo (1) COPD (1) COPD International (1) cornbread (2) coughing (7) coumadin (9) Courtesy (1) CPAP (1) cravings (5) creativity (1) Crock Pot (1) CT Scan (16) Cumin (1) cupcakes (2) Curiosity (1) Daniel Sepulveda (1) death (1) Decadron (13) Deep Vein Thrombosis (2) Denial of Coverage (1) dental procedures (5) Depression (2) Desert (1) Diablo III (2) Diabo II (1) disabilities (1) Dizziness (1) Dorothy (1) Doubts (1) Doxycycline (5) Dr. Fastenberg (12) Dr. Ramaswamy (9) Dr.Ono (1) Dragon Age II (2) Dreams (1) Druid (2) dry mouth (2) Duchess of Dim-Wittedness (1) dungeon runs (1) Dust Storm (1) DVT (1) dying at home (1) Echocardiogram (3) edema (1) elderly neighbor (1) Elizabeth Edwards (1) emotional baggage (1) end of life discussion (1) Ensure (1) Equinox (1) ER (2) esophageal cancer (16) Evelyn Lyles (2) Evil Tumor (1) Excessive Heat Warning (1) Exhaustion (4) eyebrows (1) fajitas (1) Fall (2) family (6) Famotidine (1) Fatigue (6) FDA (1) fear (10) feeding tube (1) fire drill (1) FitFlops (1) fluids (1) flying cars (1) Fondaparinux Sodium (2) food (1) Food Network (1) fountain (1) Fried Esophagus (1) friends (2) Game of Thrones (1) Garam Masala (1) gardening (1) Genentech (1) General Motors (1) George Foreman Grill (1) glass of wine (1) glucerna (4) glucose numbers (5) Goblin (1) goopiness (4) Grace (1) grains (1) Gratitude (1) Great Horned Owl (3) grief (1) groggy (1) Hair changes (4) Hair loss (5) Halloween (3) Hand-Foot Syndrome (6) handicapped placard (1) happiness (4) Hawaii (1) Hazardous Materials (1) HBO (1) healer classes (2) Health Insurance (5) heart rate (1) heat (4) heating pad (1) Help Desk (1) Henna (1) heparin (2) Her2 (1) Herceptin (29) hibiscus (4) home (2) hominy (2) Horde (1) hospice care (3) Hospital (6) hot tea (1) Howard Shore (1) humidity (1) hummus (2) Hunter (1) Hydrangeas (1) Ice Cream (1) IKEA (1) incurable (1) India (1) Infection (1) Infusion (2) Infusion port (3) inoperable cancer (2) insomnia (4) Iodine (5) Ironwood Cancer and Research Center (12) Jake (1) Jane Sepulveda (2) Januvia (1) Jerry Sepulveda (1) Jetsons (1) joy (1) Julie (1) Jury Duty (1) Kashi (1) King Crab (1) kitchen (1) knitted hats (2) krill oil (1) Lasix (3) Laughter (1) leave of absence (1) leaves (1) leg swelling (1) Levaquin (6) LIFE (1) Lifespan (1) lightning (2) Living (1) Living Will (1) Lord of the Rings (1) Los Angeles (1) loss of appetite (1) love (3) Lumbar Support (1) Lunar Eclipse (2) lymph nodes (1) Maalox (1) Machaca Chicken (1) magnesium (1) Malm (1) mastectomy (1) Master Chef (1) Medco (1) Medical Oncologist (3) memories (1) mental health (2) menudo (1) Military Macaw (1) Millet (1) Minions (2) Miracle Mouthwash (1) MMORPG (1) monsoons (4) Moonstone (1) Mormon (1) Mornings (1) mortality (2) mouth sores (1) Movies (1) Muesli (4) Mufuletta (1) Naprosyn (4) nausea (5) nebulizer (4) Necklace (1) negativity (1) neighbors (1) nervous cough (1) nervous tic (1) Netbook (1) Neulasta (7) neuroses (2) neutropenia (1) New Orleans (1) Nintendo DS (1) normalcy (1) nose sores (1) NSAID (1) Nuns (2) nurses (4) Nursing Uniform (1) NuStep (6) nutrition (3) Nuts (1) ocular migraine (3) oncologist (1) Oncologists (4) Oncology Nurse (6) optimism (1) Orcs (2) Outback Steakhouse (1) oxygen saturation (2) Pac Man (1) pagan (1) Pain (22) painting (2) palliative care (1) pancakes (1) Panic attack (1) Parsnips (1) pearls (1) Percocet (2) Peridot (1) Pesto (1) PET Scan (15) Petunias (2) Phenergan (2) Phlebotomist (9) physiology (1) Pico Sepulveda (1) pills (2) pink fedora (1) Platelets (1) playing (1) Poang Chair (1) Point Loma (1) Polly (1) posole (1) Post-chemo insomnia (3) Power Outage (1) Prednisone (15) prescriptions (1) Procrit (1) prognostications (1) Project Runway (1) protein (1) PT/INR (9) Pulmonary embolism (4) pulmonologist (4) pulse oxymeter (1) Pumpkin (2) Purple Fedora (2) Queen of Neuroses (11) quilts (1) Quinoa (2) Quito (1) Radiation Oncologist (10) radiation pneumonitis (2) Radiation Therapy (20) Rain (3) ravioli (1) reading (1) red cabbage (1) red meat (1) red wine (2) remission (1) rest (1) Rib Eye Roast (2) Rice (2) Rice Pudding (2) risks (1) Roomba (1) Rozerem (1) Ruth Sepulveda (1) saguaro (1) salmon (1) Samhain (2) Sarcastic Bitch (1) scarlet macaw (1) scooter (5) See's Candy (1) shots (1) side effects (3) Sinus Infection (1) sisters (3) Skin changes (1) Skyrim (1) sleep (8) slug (1) slumgullion (1) snow (1) snow crab (1) Snowbirds (1) soil (1) soup (1) Southern Baptist Church (1) spinach (1) Spirituality (2) Spring (1) Sprouts (3) Squash (12) Stage IV (1) Stencil (1) Steroids (2) stew (1) stomach (1) Strep Throat (1) stroke (1) Stuffed Mushrooms (1) subconscious (1) summer (1) sundial (1) Sunlight (1) Support Group (1) support socks (1) Surgeon (1) surgery (1) Survival Rate (3) swallowing (2) syringes (1) Tassimo (1) Tauren (2) Taxol (7) Taxotere (1) tea (1) Teeth (1) telecommuting (3) Templates (1) Temporal Thermometer (1) TGIF (1) Thanksgiving (2) The Apothecary Shop (3) Therapist (1) thigh tumor (1) Thrift Stores (1) throat changes (2) thunder (1) Tibetan Monk (1) Tiller Joe (1) tiramisu (1) tomatoes (3) Torchwood (1) Tortellinis (1) Tortilla soup (3) Toxic (2) Trick or Treat (1) Tripe (1) Troll Druid (2) tumor pictures (1) tumor shrinkage (2) tumors (1) Turmeric (2) TV (2) Undead Rogue (1) US Navy (1) USS Nereus (1) vancomycin (1) vegetables (6) Veggie burrito (1) veggies (3) Veterans' Day (1) vicodin (9) vinnie the vampire (1) visitors (2) Walgreen's (1) Walker (5) water color crayons (1) Water Color Pencils (4) weakness (4) weather (1) Weekends (1) weight (1) Wendy (1) Wheat Berries (1) Whimpering (1) white blood cell counts (2) Winter Solstice (4) wit (1) wooziness (1) work (21) World of Warcraft (27) writing (1) Xanax (10) Xeloda (35) Xoom (3) Xopenex (1) Xylitol (3) Yogurt (1) YouTube (1) zofran (3) Zombie Tequila (1) zucchini (1)