Had my CT this morning. I didn't realize they'd want to do both barium and the iodine. What fun!
When I got there at just before 7AM, the ladies at the front desk smiled and said "Oh, you're here for the breakfast shake!" I just love those two; always happy and always kind. Jane got them rings for Christmas. I'll have to take a photo of mine so you can see what they got. I love both of mine; one is red and one is turquoise. The finest plastic bling money can buy. :D The front desk ladies loved theirs.
So about 25 years ago, I had an upper GI, and I remember swallowing barium, but believe me, great strides have been made in the palatability of this stuff. Mine was labelled a 'vanilla smoothie.' It was not bad at all. Definitely not a problem getting it down.
Considering I'm just getting through with my bout of Bronchitis, I think I was breathing pretty decently this morning, but once the iodine hit, I couldn't hold my breath to save my life. I tried to breathe as shallowly as possible though. Hope it worked out. We did have to do the post Iodine part of the scans twice, though. Oh well, it's not like they don't know I can't breathe well.
Now comes the fun part; waiting around for Thursday and the results. I think my results are going to be very positive. For one thing, I'm still eating and breathing. Very good signs, I say. ;) And frankly, I got through this bronchitis pretty darned well. Seriously, I do think I'm going to be very happy with the results from this CT. And let's hope it shows that the Herceptin is doing its job. I can live like this for A LOT of years, believe me. Just give me plenty of rest and good nutrition, and I'm set!
Well, I'm going in to the plant tomorrow, so I'm going to have an early night. I wish you all sweet dreams and a restful night.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Progress...
Got hold of Ironwood today to schedule my next CT to check the progress of my tumor. I have to go get some lab work tomorrow, and then I report in at 6:30 AM Monday! Let's get it over with, I say. Then I can fret until my appointment with Dr. Fastenberg on Thursday, right before my Herceptin treatment.
The head is almost completely clear, now, but I still have to get my chest clear. Nurse said not to worry, there will be no delay in my Herceptin schedule unless I was running a fever, which I am not. Took my last Levaquin today, so hopefully, I won't be running a fever any time soon.
Oh my gosh, I got the best thermometer! It's a temporal thermometer by Exergen. It's so fast, and very accurate, if you actually read the instructions on how to use it. ;) Go see it here!
So, tomorrow I'm going to have an early night to make up for some lost sleep and next week all the oncologist fun starts again. This CT on Monday is going to be looking at my entire digestive tract, with contrast which is why I have to be there so early. I have to drink a lovely barium mocha smoothie, and then have my iodine shot into my port. Can't wait! :D
I also can't wait to see how my glucose is after a week on the Prednisone, not to mention if that one abnormal on my liver function is still there. Doctor Ramaswamy said to ditch the statins if I had to, though, so we shall see.
Ok, I'm off to watch Top Chef All-Stars. Sleep well, my friends. Love to all!
The head is almost completely clear, now, but I still have to get my chest clear. Nurse said not to worry, there will be no delay in my Herceptin schedule unless I was running a fever, which I am not. Took my last Levaquin today, so hopefully, I won't be running a fever any time soon.
Oh my gosh, I got the best thermometer! It's a temporal thermometer by Exergen. It's so fast, and very accurate, if you actually read the instructions on how to use it. ;) Go see it here!
So, tomorrow I'm going to have an early night to make up for some lost sleep and next week all the oncologist fun starts again. This CT on Monday is going to be looking at my entire digestive tract, with contrast which is why I have to be there so early. I have to drink a lovely barium mocha smoothie, and then have my iodine shot into my port. Can't wait! :D
I also can't wait to see how my glucose is after a week on the Prednisone, not to mention if that one abnormal on my liver function is still there. Doctor Ramaswamy said to ditch the statins if I had to, though, so we shall see.
Ok, I'm off to watch Top Chef All-Stars. Sleep well, my friends. Love to all!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
More Rain Coming
Hmm, well, can't say this desert doesn't need it. And my plants love it, but Jane and Nancy are supposed to work the race this weekend, so I sure hope it doesn't move the race to Monday. Don't ask me WHAT race. I don't follow that stuff, but it's NASCAR, and it's in Phoenix. That's all I know. :D
Slowly, my head is clearing up, and tomorrow is my last day of Levaquin, although the Prednisone goes on for another week. I really want to be well for my Herceptin treatment. I don't want to screw up that schedule as that drug is the only thing keeping me here on earth. Well, the love of all you good folks goes a long way for that as well. :)
As a gamer geek, I am happy as a clam that on March 8th, Dragon Age II is being released. What a fun game! You must make choices with how you deal with various situations, and your choices directly impact the outcome of your life. The first Dragon Age: Origins, had some fun character interaction and I'm looking forward to the same from the latest iteration.
I was so tempted to buy Rift, a new MMO (Massively Multi-player Online), but I have resisted. Like I need any more play time-sinks in my life. It sounds good though, but then so did Aion, and that sucked a major weenie. Aion had one thing going for it; it was pretty. But it had horrendous grind, and forced PvP (player vs player). Not my cup of tea. I just want to be left alone to kill things and take their stuff. ;)
Well, considering my lack of sleep of late, I think I'll head to bed. Love to all, keep warm and dry and give out some hugs tomorrow.
Slowly, my head is clearing up, and tomorrow is my last day of Levaquin, although the Prednisone goes on for another week. I really want to be well for my Herceptin treatment. I don't want to screw up that schedule as that drug is the only thing keeping me here on earth. Well, the love of all you good folks goes a long way for that as well. :)
As a gamer geek, I am happy as a clam that on March 8th, Dragon Age II is being released. What a fun game! You must make choices with how you deal with various situations, and your choices directly impact the outcome of your life. The first Dragon Age: Origins, had some fun character interaction and I'm looking forward to the same from the latest iteration.
I was so tempted to buy Rift, a new MMO (Massively Multi-player Online), but I have resisted. Like I need any more play time-sinks in my life. It sounds good though, but then so did Aion, and that sucked a major weenie. Aion had one thing going for it; it was pretty. But it had horrendous grind, and forced PvP (player vs player). Not my cup of tea. I just want to be left alone to kill things and take their stuff. ;)
Well, considering my lack of sleep of late, I think I'll head to bed. Love to all, keep warm and dry and give out some hugs tomorrow.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Really, Weather, Make up your MIND!
No wonder half the country is sick; freezing one day, hotter than snake snot the next day, then back to freezing. I blame aliens. Ok, not really. But still...
Had a pretty good night's sleep last night. Almost breathing through my nose again, which is pretty important if you use a C-PAP and oxygen while you sleep. Now to finish up these Levaquin before something happens to my tendons. But remember, I am... "strong like bull."
Well, it wasn't the most exciting weekend on earth. I coughed, blew my nose, played some World of Warcraft, coughed, inhaled copious amounts of albuterol, coughed, listened to some film scores, and generally coughed a lot.
It's so weird, I haven't had a bout of bronchitis in probably ten or more years. I'd forgotten how debilitating it can be. I remember when I first moved out here to Arizona, and I was having problems. The doctor sat me down and made me breathe in some strange misty stuff, and ... I could breathe again! He said I had asthma. Whoa, ok. I'm like 28, and they are just now getting around to telling me I have asthma. No wonder the nuns thought I had TB.
So, I got used to seeing a pulmonologist when my asthma would flare, and I'd get the damned prednisone, get a shot of decradron at times, and I'd be OK. But one day, even after I got my shot, I ended up in the ER. That's when I found out about the joy of 'blood gasses!' Ooh, yeah, arterial blood draw. Another discovery was that once I was shot up with epinephrine, I could NOT shut up. ;)
Then I realized I'd been in that ER for quite a while, so I asked the doc how soon I could go home. She said, "in about a week; we're getting you a room." Ack! What? You don't have to be in a hospital for asthma! But, yes, you do when it's status asthmaticus. And yes, I was in for a week, but I learned something very important. You can't NOT learn how to manage health problems and not expect to have major problems. I almost died that week, and I never, EVER took my lung function for granted again.
Oh yes, and this was when I first learned that really large doses of Prednisone would make you want to chow down on even the respiratory therapist that is beginning to look like a standing rib roast.
So, the moral of this story is, just don't take your health for granted. GO get your check up. Yes, you men, too! I know you don't. But do it, for all the people you love and that love you.
Peace out. :D
Had a pretty good night's sleep last night. Almost breathing through my nose again, which is pretty important if you use a C-PAP and oxygen while you sleep. Now to finish up these Levaquin before something happens to my tendons. But remember, I am... "strong like bull."
Well, it wasn't the most exciting weekend on earth. I coughed, blew my nose, played some World of Warcraft, coughed, inhaled copious amounts of albuterol, coughed, listened to some film scores, and generally coughed a lot.
It's so weird, I haven't had a bout of bronchitis in probably ten or more years. I'd forgotten how debilitating it can be. I remember when I first moved out here to Arizona, and I was having problems. The doctor sat me down and made me breathe in some strange misty stuff, and ... I could breathe again! He said I had asthma. Whoa, ok. I'm like 28, and they are just now getting around to telling me I have asthma. No wonder the nuns thought I had TB.
So, I got used to seeing a pulmonologist when my asthma would flare, and I'd get the damned prednisone, get a shot of decradron at times, and I'd be OK. But one day, even after I got my shot, I ended up in the ER. That's when I found out about the joy of 'blood gasses!' Ooh, yeah, arterial blood draw. Another discovery was that once I was shot up with epinephrine, I could NOT shut up. ;)
Then I realized I'd been in that ER for quite a while, so I asked the doc how soon I could go home. She said, "in about a week; we're getting you a room." Ack! What? You don't have to be in a hospital for asthma! But, yes, you do when it's status asthmaticus. And yes, I was in for a week, but I learned something very important. You can't NOT learn how to manage health problems and not expect to have major problems. I almost died that week, and I never, EVER took my lung function for granted again.
Oh yes, and this was when I first learned that really large doses of Prednisone would make you want to chow down on even the respiratory therapist that is beginning to look like a standing rib roast.
So, the moral of this story is, just don't take your health for granted. GO get your check up. Yes, you men, too! I know you don't. But do it, for all the people you love and that love you.
Peace out. :D
Friday, February 18, 2011
Mmmm, Prednisone!
Fay, my friend, the prednisone is definitely kicking in! I ate a chicken and jalapeno sausage and steamed asparagus for dinner. And now, .... I WANT CHOCOLATE! It's a dangerous combination, insomnia and the appetite from hell. Did I mention how much I want some chocolate? Gads. :)
I simply cannot tolerate the two Levaquin in one dose, so I'm separating them by 12 hours. I hope I'm not screwing anything up, but they were making me really feel nasty. But I do believe my sinus thing is starting to clear up, so hopefully, I can get all the goop out of my lungs soon. Also, I'm drinking tons of my favorite herbal water, which has to be helping. I am coughing so much, and trying my best.
Wouldn't you think that after all the coughing I've done in my life, I would have the most toughened set of coughing muscles? Yet today, they hurt like crazy. But, yeah, I'll keep coughing.
Ok, can't take it anymore... I'm going to go scrounge around for some chocolate ANYTHING!
Live long and prosper!
I simply cannot tolerate the two Levaquin in one dose, so I'm separating them by 12 hours. I hope I'm not screwing anything up, but they were making me really feel nasty. But I do believe my sinus thing is starting to clear up, so hopefully, I can get all the goop out of my lungs soon. Also, I'm drinking tons of my favorite herbal water, which has to be helping. I am coughing so much, and trying my best.
Wouldn't you think that after all the coughing I've done in my life, I would have the most toughened set of coughing muscles? Yet today, they hurt like crazy. But, yeah, I'll keep coughing.
Ok, can't take it anymore... I'm going to go scrounge around for some chocolate ANYTHING!
Live long and prosper!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Big Pills
So, these Levaquin are big. I looked at them and wondered with a bit of trepidation if they would actually get past my tumor, and make it into my stomach. Luckily, all went well. Phew! And despite the prednisone, I've had no appetite today. In fact, I lost another five pounds. Poor Jane is turning into a frazzled wreck trying to get me to eat. I did have a hamburger, almost all of it. Whole wheat bun, cowboy burger from Sprouts and a piece of pepper jack cheese. It was good!
I never was one to embellish my burgers or hot dogs. Oh I know, hot dogs are evil, processed, and mostly worthless meat product, filled with ... fillers... and fats and gods know what else. Thus, I rarely eat them, but when I do, I want the dog and a bun. Minimalist.
Now, if I can sleep tonight, I know I'll feel better, especially mentally. Let me tell you, even before this esophageal cancer came along, any time I would get a respiratory infection or the like, I would get scared that it would turn to pneumonia and with my crappy lungs, that would be the end. So, imagine if you will the stress of not being able to breathe well, worrying about huge pills, prednisone, cancer and the fear of pneumonia. I think I was even stressing out my dogs. :D
Yet, it's another day, and I have to remember that I do better when I live in the moment. Stop anticipating the worst, Tequila, and appreciate all the awesome gifts of the NOW. Yep, just have to remind myself of that now and again, and it sets me back on track. Yes, this illness is a setback, and has the possibility of reducing my lung function a bit more, but today, I am listening to John Williams' score to "Memoirs of a Geisha," playing a little World of Warcraft, and I had most of a hamburger. That's pretty darned good!
Love to all!
I never was one to embellish my burgers or hot dogs. Oh I know, hot dogs are evil, processed, and mostly worthless meat product, filled with ... fillers... and fats and gods know what else. Thus, I rarely eat them, but when I do, I want the dog and a bun. Minimalist.
Now, if I can sleep tonight, I know I'll feel better, especially mentally. Let me tell you, even before this esophageal cancer came along, any time I would get a respiratory infection or the like, I would get scared that it would turn to pneumonia and with my crappy lungs, that would be the end. So, imagine if you will the stress of not being able to breathe well, worrying about huge pills, prednisone, cancer and the fear of pneumonia. I think I was even stressing out my dogs. :D
Yet, it's another day, and I have to remember that I do better when I live in the moment. Stop anticipating the worst, Tequila, and appreciate all the awesome gifts of the NOW. Yep, just have to remind myself of that now and again, and it sets me back on track. Yes, this illness is a setback, and has the possibility of reducing my lung function a bit more, but today, I am listening to John Williams' score to "Memoirs of a Geisha," playing a little World of Warcraft, and I had most of a hamburger. That's pretty darned good!
Love to all!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
It IS the Crud!
Home from my visit to the pulmonary doc. Apparently the virus Du Jour has taken up residence in my respiratory system, giving me a bout of bronchitis. Dr. S says that although it's viral, we have to do the antibiotics prophylactically, because I'm special that way. :)
So, two weeks on that nasty Prednisone, and Levaquin, and if I'm not better, and he says this one tends to linger, then another two weeks. Gads. Just keep me out of The Big House (my code for hospitals), and you will have my undying devotion.
Jane and Nancy, my angels, have headed out to fill those prescriptions for me. Woo, looking forward to two weeks of insomnia and the appetite from hell, not to mention occasional crying jags. Love that Pred. :P
I hope I'm better in time for my next round of Herceptin.
Anywho, I've got to get something to eat. I'm not hungry, but if those two drugs are going to hit my tummy, there'd better be something upon which they can land.
Live long, and prosper!
So, two weeks on that nasty Prednisone, and Levaquin, and if I'm not better, and he says this one tends to linger, then another two weeks. Gads. Just keep me out of The Big House (my code for hospitals), and you will have my undying devotion.
Jane and Nancy, my angels, have headed out to fill those prescriptions for me. Woo, looking forward to two weeks of insomnia and the appetite from hell, not to mention occasional crying jags. Love that Pred. :P
I hope I'm better in time for my next round of Herceptin.
Anywho, I've got to get something to eat. I'm not hungry, but if those two drugs are going to hit my tummy, there'd better be something upon which they can land.
Live long, and prosper!
Just going to Call my Lung Doc
Feeling better after a hot cup of coffee, and started working early. But I will definitely call my lung doc as soon as the place opens. I'm thinking I'll need some Prednisone, for sure.
Later...
Later...
Crud
It's 3:12 AM, and I've been awake since just after midnight. Had to get up and do a breathing treatment. I'm coughing up some stuff, and I've gotten dressed in case I need to hit the ER. Watching my temperature, but it's fine. I can't breathe through my nose.
Not sure if I caught a cold; I haven't had one of them in about twenty years, so I don't remember how they go. I thought it might be allergies due to the unseasonable heat and yes, the pollen counts are up. I'm starting to wheeze, though.
I'm going to go make some coffee, and then decide if I should go to the ER.
Not sure if I caught a cold; I haven't had one of them in about twenty years, so I don't remember how they go. I thought it might be allergies due to the unseasonable heat and yes, the pollen counts are up. I'm starting to wheeze, though.
I'm going to go make some coffee, and then decide if I should go to the ER.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Monday, Monday
That was a great song. In the day, the Mamas and the Papas were great. Or however they spelled their group's name. I did love Queen Latifah's take on California Dreaming, too.
Anywho, today I'm just beginning to feel like a human. We've had some interestingly warm temperatures again... 80's, and the allergens are flying like crazy! Post nasal drip is just mean... mean, I tells ya!
Oh boy, got a new laptop from work today, and a nice docking bay, so I scrounged an old monitor and now I can actually SEE when I work from home. ;) Ahh, life is good! And kids, don't take your eyesight for granted for Mother Nature has some pretty special surprises in store for you right about your fortieth birthday!
I read up on some studies still being run on the use of Herceptin in Esophageal cancer, and while it had positive benefits for prolonging life, I think it was up to 20% for the survival rate. Now, granted, all of them had surgery, so... alas. But still, 20% is a lot better than the 5-7% without it! So bring on the herceptin cocktails! Just hold out, body, that's all I ask. :)
Saturday morning, Jane and I decided to look in our numerous cookbooks for something good to make for dinner. I was feeling kinda crappy, so nothing really was catching my eye. I had turned on the TV, and the Cooking Channel had some Pillsbury cook-off queen, or something, and she made fajitas (chicken, too!) in braided crescent roll dough. We decided it looked scrumptious. So, we made it, and YES, it WAS! Quite excellent, and we'll do it again, I think although for us, we'll add more veggies. I'm thinking sauteed carrot sticks, zucchini, some slice up mushrooms... oh yes!
Now, I had better go find some dinner. Sadly, and yet happily, there were no leftovers of the fajita crescent braid. :D
Keep warm, and HAPPY VALENTINE's DAY!!!!!
Anywho, today I'm just beginning to feel like a human. We've had some interestingly warm temperatures again... 80's, and the allergens are flying like crazy! Post nasal drip is just mean... mean, I tells ya!
Oh boy, got a new laptop from work today, and a nice docking bay, so I scrounged an old monitor and now I can actually SEE when I work from home. ;) Ahh, life is good! And kids, don't take your eyesight for granted for Mother Nature has some pretty special surprises in store for you right about your fortieth birthday!
I read up on some studies still being run on the use of Herceptin in Esophageal cancer, and while it had positive benefits for prolonging life, I think it was up to 20% for the survival rate. Now, granted, all of them had surgery, so... alas. But still, 20% is a lot better than the 5-7% without it! So bring on the herceptin cocktails! Just hold out, body, that's all I ask. :)
Saturday morning, Jane and I decided to look in our numerous cookbooks for something good to make for dinner. I was feeling kinda crappy, so nothing really was catching my eye. I had turned on the TV, and the Cooking Channel had some Pillsbury cook-off queen, or something, and she made fajitas (chicken, too!) in braided crescent roll dough. We decided it looked scrumptious. So, we made it, and YES, it WAS! Quite excellent, and we'll do it again, I think although for us, we'll add more veggies. I'm thinking sauteed carrot sticks, zucchini, some slice up mushrooms... oh yes!
Now, I had better go find some dinner. Sadly, and yet happily, there were no leftovers of the fajita crescent braid. :D
Keep warm, and HAPPY VALENTINE's DAY!!!!!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Have I mentioned...
...how incredibly happy I am to be back at work? :)
Currently, though, I am in the 'infusion ward' at Ironwoon Cancer and Research Center, starting off with my Benadryl cocktail before I get the main course, Herceptin.
Still not feeling great, but better than yesterday. Once I get home and the Benadryl has left the building, I'll have an hour of work time to make up. Not bad. I got up early and got lots done.
Oh, and if I thought my out of pocket was bad the last time I was here... HAH, it was nothing compared to what I had to pay today. I believe it involves something nasty called "Out of Pocket." I don't know about you, but I'd be really happy to have that kind of cash to carry around in my pocket. Last year it didn't exist. This makes 2011 a bad year to have cancer, except(!) I'll be maxing out my OoP at the next treatment.
Still, darned better than no insurance at all. At least I can GET treatment.
Alrighty, I'm past the Benadryl and on to the bag o' Herceptin. Joy. :)
I'll sign off this post with this wish:
May your days be warm
May your nights be cool
May your year be happy and
May your heart be kind.
Currently, though, I am in the 'infusion ward' at Ironwoon Cancer and Research Center, starting off with my Benadryl cocktail before I get the main course, Herceptin.
Still not feeling great, but better than yesterday. Once I get home and the Benadryl has left the building, I'll have an hour of work time to make up. Not bad. I got up early and got lots done.
Oh, and if I thought my out of pocket was bad the last time I was here... HAH, it was nothing compared to what I had to pay today. I believe it involves something nasty called "Out of Pocket." I don't know about you, but I'd be really happy to have that kind of cash to carry around in my pocket. Last year it didn't exist. This makes 2011 a bad year to have cancer, except(!) I'll be maxing out my OoP at the next treatment.
Still, darned better than no insurance at all. At least I can GET treatment.
Alrighty, I'm past the Benadryl and on to the bag o' Herceptin. Joy. :)
I'll sign off this post with this wish:
May your days be warm
May your nights be cool
May your year be happy and
May your heart be kind.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Back to Ironwood Tomorrow
Tomorrow is my Herceptin treatment over at Ironwood Cancer and Research Center. I look forward to seeing the ladies at the front desk, and the oncology nurses. I've missed them! That place had become my second home for months.
I've not been feeling very well since the weekend. In the mornings, I'm having some peripheral neuropathy in my fingers. I'm checking my glucose and I don't think it's high enough for that. And I noticed today that it was much worse in the cold, and once I got into my office, it essentially was gone. So I definitely have to tell them about that tomorrow.
I kept dreaming about my nephew last night; just normal dreams, thank the gods. He wasn't IN them, but they were all about him. Hard to explain, I know, but it was more about how he affected people. Or conversations about him, but he never appeared. This is probably due to the fact that I haven't seen him since my brother's funeral in 2004.
Oh gosh, going back and forth to work has gotten a LOT easier, now that I don't have to lug that laptop around. Boeing is always so good to me, in the person of my manager, Randy. He truly does believe in accommodation. Thank you, boss-person! :)
As for tomorrow, I'll be telecommuting until it's time to leave for the Cancer Center, and then I'll continue when I get back. I could TAKE my laptop and theoretically work from there, but I'm thinking it might be dangerous to play with numbers under the influence of that initial bag of Benadryl. :D I should be fine by the time I get home, though, so no worries.
Yesterday my sister and I made a really awesome risotto for dinner. It was arborio rice and an equal portion of barley. Good carbs! :-0 Talk about a comfort food! We don't even have childhood memories of it, since it wasn't in my mom's repertoire, but it's still comfort food in that it's warm and creamy and toothsome and delicious! And it involved Irish Whiskey and Parmesan... 'nuff said.
I'll be taking my netbook with me tomorrow, so I'm sure I'll have more to say then, but for now, my love to all; keep warm and safe and eat some chocolate!
I've not been feeling very well since the weekend. In the mornings, I'm having some peripheral neuropathy in my fingers. I'm checking my glucose and I don't think it's high enough for that. And I noticed today that it was much worse in the cold, and once I got into my office, it essentially was gone. So I definitely have to tell them about that tomorrow.
I kept dreaming about my nephew last night; just normal dreams, thank the gods. He wasn't IN them, but they were all about him. Hard to explain, I know, but it was more about how he affected people. Or conversations about him, but he never appeared. This is probably due to the fact that I haven't seen him since my brother's funeral in 2004.
Oh gosh, going back and forth to work has gotten a LOT easier, now that I don't have to lug that laptop around. Boeing is always so good to me, in the person of my manager, Randy. He truly does believe in accommodation. Thank you, boss-person! :)
As for tomorrow, I'll be telecommuting until it's time to leave for the Cancer Center, and then I'll continue when I get back. I could TAKE my laptop and theoretically work from there, but I'm thinking it might be dangerous to play with numbers under the influence of that initial bag of Benadryl. :D I should be fine by the time I get home, though, so no worries.
Yesterday my sister and I made a really awesome risotto for dinner. It was arborio rice and an equal portion of barley. Good carbs! :-0 Talk about a comfort food! We don't even have childhood memories of it, since it wasn't in my mom's repertoire, but it's still comfort food in that it's warm and creamy and toothsome and delicious! And it involved Irish Whiskey and Parmesan... 'nuff said.
I'll be taking my netbook with me tomorrow, so I'm sure I'll have more to say then, but for now, my love to all; keep warm and safe and eat some chocolate!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Choices
Sometimes life presents you with challenges; or rather life presents you with situations that may be challenging, depending upon how you perceive them and then handle them.
I had some very sad news yesterday that brought back memories of another time, equally sad and equally disturbing. As happens, if the information I receive is heartbreaking, I cry, although I know I have to be careful because crying can really screw up my breathing.
Yesterday, I had to cry not only for the nephew I lost, but for the brother I had lost seven years ago. In seven years, there is time to dull the sharp pain of grief; you do not forget, nor does the grief disappear, but it lingers in the background until a sight, sound or even a scent brings a memory to the forefront of your perceptions and you grieve anew.
As the day progressed, memories of my brother were definitely front and center; I couldn’t even turn them off very well to get to sleep, but I could replace the sad memories with those of happier times, and that is how I handle moments of grief that could figuratively bring me to my knees.
For weeks after my aunt died, all I could see when I closed my eyes was her in Intensive Care, hooked up to machines, with no way to communicate except with her beautiful, bright blue eyes. It was a painful memory and would have driven me nuts if I hadn’t decided one day to just move it along. I replaced it with the memory of her in Hawaii , in the elevator of the Hilton Rainbow Tower
So this morning, after a fitful sleep, I again had to make that conscious decision to move aside painful memories with ones that better reflected the wonderful man that was my brother. And I’m good again. There are many times life presents you with challenges, and it’s up to you to decide how you will handle them. I will grieve for my nephew, and I will get through that and then remember his childhood antics with a smile, and try to work on creating happy memories for the future so that my family can have something to smile at when I am gone.
Love to all.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
YAY for Weekends!
Now that I'm back among the working, I'm finding a renewed joy in the Weekend. These two days that while on three months medical leave seemed so mundane, so much like all the rest, except for not having to get fried on them, have now become as precious as gold. :)
Well, perhaps that's a tad dramatic, but here I sit with my cup of hot coffee, and no reason to leave the house, or try to do something to my mangy crop of hair, the three that are left, or even coordinate an outfit. I'm in sweat pants and shirt. HAH! Well, yes, they DO coordinate....life is good.
I've always wanted a pair of FitFlop sandals. FootSmart sends me catalogs all the time and they just look so comfy. Of course sandals are not really a good choice at this time, so I just gaze longingly at them, and then move along.
And then, the demon that is Amazon.com showed me FitFlop CLOGS! For many years now, I've been going between Birkenstocks, Sketchers, and yes, I confess, a multitude of colors of Crocs. Oh believe me, in my day, I adored high heels; nothing made my legs look more amazing, but once I started to lose my lung function, and walking became harder and harder, they had to go.
So, anyway, I'm sitting here, sipping my coffee, wearing sweats and ... my new FitFlop Clogs! They did get trapped in Indiana in the snow for a couple of days, but they are here now, and I love 'em! And no, I didn't pay for them in Pounds Sterling. :D
They do something strange to your stride, though, and that takes some getting used to, but they fit very well, look great and feel wonderful. Maybe this summer I will get some sandals.
Now I have a duty to perform; find a good recipe for a nice dinner. So, I am off to research recipes. Keep warm, all, and love to EVERYONE!
Well, perhaps that's a tad dramatic, but here I sit with my cup of hot coffee, and no reason to leave the house, or try to do something to my mangy crop of hair, the three that are left, or even coordinate an outfit. I'm in sweat pants and shirt. HAH! Well, yes, they DO coordinate....life is good.
I've always wanted a pair of FitFlop sandals. FootSmart sends me catalogs all the time and they just look so comfy. Of course sandals are not really a good choice at this time, so I just gaze longingly at them, and then move along.
And then, the demon that is Amazon.com showed me FitFlop CLOGS! For many years now, I've been going between Birkenstocks, Sketchers, and yes, I confess, a multitude of colors of Crocs. Oh believe me, in my day, I adored high heels; nothing made my legs look more amazing, but once I started to lose my lung function, and walking became harder and harder, they had to go.
So, anyway, I'm sitting here, sipping my coffee, wearing sweats and ... my new FitFlop Clogs! They did get trapped in Indiana in the snow for a couple of days, but they are here now, and I love 'em! And no, I didn't pay for them in Pounds Sterling. :D
They do something strange to your stride, though, and that takes some getting used to, but they fit very well, look great and feel wonderful. Maybe this summer I will get some sandals.
Now I have a duty to perform; find a good recipe for a nice dinner. So, I am off to research recipes. Keep warm, all, and love to EVERYONE!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Oh and yes....
... I have turned on the heat pump. I like a little chill while I sleep, but, those morning showers are no fun. So, the heat pump is set to a blistering 63! :D
Happy Birthday, my dear sister, Jane!
Without you, I probably would not have gotten through all that chemo and radiation with such ease. You kept me fed and kept my spirits up, and generally ensured that I knew I was loved and well looked-after. I love you so very much!
Of course, once she discovers I've posted this picture of her on my Blog, it might be the end of me. :D
That's my orange wing amazon parrot, Vinnie the Vampire posing with her. Oh, and .. that IS her Halloween costume from that year, not something she habitually wears around the house.... hehehe.
I am thankful every day that you and Nancy came to live with me after your stints in the Navy. I would not be here without you, that's certain.
Now, if only you had the power to make this horrific cold weather go away! It was 28 this AM, but the wind made it feel like 17. I don't think I have ever experienced cold like that in my life, except for a business trip to Chicago, or maybe it was that February wedding in Boston. Who gets married in FEBRUARY in Boston? ;)
But at least I can stay home tomorrow and keep warm, and listen to some great music while I work. Yes, I'm really, really tired again, but I think not quite as bad as I was Monday after going into the plant, so maybe I am building up my endurance. :D
I hope this post finds you all safe and home and warm and loved.
That's my orange wing amazon parrot, Vinnie the Vampire posing with her. Oh, and .. that IS her Halloween costume from that year, not something she habitually wears around the house.... hehehe.
I am thankful every day that you and Nancy came to live with me after your stints in the Navy. I would not be here without you, that's certain.
Now, if only you had the power to make this horrific cold weather go away! It was 28 this AM, but the wind made it feel like 17. I don't think I have ever experienced cold like that in my life, except for a business trip to Chicago, or maybe it was that February wedding in Boston. Who gets married in FEBRUARY in Boston? ;)
But at least I can stay home tomorrow and keep warm, and listen to some great music while I work. Yes, I'm really, really tired again, but I think not quite as bad as I was Monday after going into the plant, so maybe I am building up my endurance. :D
I hope this post finds you all safe and home and warm and loved.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
I don't want to whine about being cold, when in reality, it's a hell of a lot better out here than in most of the rest of the country. And yet... it's so cold! I think it hurts us so much because we are not prepared for it. It's like when Chicago gets to be 100. They are not prepared for that, either. And by prepared, I mean we're not USED to it; we don't really have the clothes for it, nor the fortitude.
Got to telecommute today, as I mentioned in yesterday's blog. This was good in several ways. One, I doubt I could have got myself up to my desk in a timely manner. Like ... oh, in time to get ready to go home. But I am going in to the plant tomorrow. Despite the physical exhaustion, I get a quite amazing emotional boost from being there. It's something I really need to sustain my optimism as I fight this cancer. I see such hope for the future in our programs, and in our youngest team members. How can you NOT be optimistic! I want to be around for many more years yet, and I think being engaged in the workforce, and doing a job I adore is definitely part of the equation.
It's kind of odd, the enjoyment I got out of some of my more mundane responsibilities today. Things that normally would have made me roll my eyes in disdain actually perked me up today. Oh the joy that is administrative tasks. :D
Oh, and I haven't missed playing World of Warcraft one bit. I mean think about it; I got to play it any time I could drag myself to a computer, while I was out on leave. Of course, yesterday by the time I got home from work, all I wanted to do was sit in my green chair and click on my TV's remote while wrapped up in a cozy blanket. I did get in a little play time after dinner tonight, though.
Yes, life is amazingly good to me, all things considered. Now, all of you out East, please be safe and warm. I love many of you; and you know who you are. :)
Got to telecommute today, as I mentioned in yesterday's blog. This was good in several ways. One, I doubt I could have got myself up to my desk in a timely manner. Like ... oh, in time to get ready to go home. But I am going in to the plant tomorrow. Despite the physical exhaustion, I get a quite amazing emotional boost from being there. It's something I really need to sustain my optimism as I fight this cancer. I see such hope for the future in our programs, and in our youngest team members. How can you NOT be optimistic! I want to be around for many more years yet, and I think being engaged in the workforce, and doing a job I adore is definitely part of the equation.
It's kind of odd, the enjoyment I got out of some of my more mundane responsibilities today. Things that normally would have made me roll my eyes in disdain actually perked me up today. Oh the joy that is administrative tasks. :D
Oh, and I haven't missed playing World of Warcraft one bit. I mean think about it; I got to play it any time I could drag myself to a computer, while I was out on leave. Of course, yesterday by the time I got home from work, all I wanted to do was sit in my green chair and click on my TV's remote while wrapped up in a cozy blanket. I did get in a little play time after dinner tonight, though.
Yes, life is amazingly good to me, all things considered. Now, all of you out East, please be safe and warm. I love many of you; and you know who you are. :)
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