Friday, March 16, 2012

Thank You and I Love You


I’m having my sister post this.  It will be the last entry into the blog.  I’m gone, now, but what a wonderful time I had!  Oh sure, the last bits were not much fun, but the great life I have had certainly counted for much more in the scheme of things.

To my family:  No other people could have loved me, nor taken care of me with such grace of spirit, nor such generosity and consideration.  I know it was hard on you; lots of times, harder on you than me.  I can’t say don’t grieve, because that’s a normal part of the process of dealing with loss, but as soon as you can, start to laugh.  Call Polly.  She’ll make you laugh, and she’ll need to laugh as well.  I want you to remember that I loved to laugh and I loved to smile, so do your best. J

I do not have to tell you how much I loved and will continue to love each of you.  I hope I showed you this as I lived.

To my friends:  The support and love you all gave me through this most challenging of journeys was astounding.  You know, Facebook was a good thing; I got to make sure that the people I cared about were kept in the loop… a crappy loop, to be sure, but a loop nonetheless.  Some days, your words of encouragement were all that was between me and abysmal despair.  Your positivity fueled mine and just knowing you were there for me and knowing how much you were rooting for me; well, that strengthened my resolve to keep fighting. 

But the fight is over, and as we all must, I have gone on to continue the journey.  Where the journey progresses is anyone’s guess, but one thing of which I have continued to be certain, there is nothing about which to be afraid.

Special thanks to all the people at Arizona Family Hospice; I felt such love and caring from each of you as you made my transition fearless and mostly painless. J

Dr. Fastenberg, my medical oncologist, thank you for always being up-front about everything. You are one of the rare breed of caring oncologists, and I adore you.
Dr. Ramaswamy, you treated me with compassion, intelligence and great humor; and you know I love humor.  Best of all, both you and Dr. Fastenberg treated me as a fully-fledged, intelligent member of the team, and for that I love you both.

And as I have exhorted you all in the past, when you love someone let them know; when you find someone to be charming, let them know; when someone does something that makes you happy, tell them.  Share love, share happiness, share peace.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Shoulder mets?

Last night my shoulder began to hurt....and read hurt as painful enough to make me cry.  Nancy applied one of those moist heat  things from the microwave.   Oh that helped a ton.

I took some morphine and tried to sleep, but thtat didn't quite work so well.  Now I wonder if the bone mets have gotten to my shoulder, gods forbid.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Journey to death

I am sitting here on my La-Z_Boy recliner, and may I say it is THE most comfortable sitting surface I own.  If you want to see it, it's a Carlyle recliner.  It was pricey, but oh so worth every penney.

Anywho, I have lots of time to think these days.  My hospice nurse would love to see me take a trip, but it's so problematic hauling all themedical equipment around.  And I'm just talking for the lung disease, never mind the cancer.  And then I think why lug it all around?  If you are really ready to die, do you need it?  Well that's a damned fine question. I don't think it behooves me to HASTEN my death, and besides, the point of this blog now is to describe the the facets of experience in light of a waning life.

I don't want to fear it and I don't want my readers to fear it.  It's such a natural progression on our journey' and everyone we have ever loved, encountered, and been annoyed by has taken it.  And I can't imagine that any deity or deities that had a hand in our creation would simply abandon us at this end point.

Perhaps I just think this to give myself comfort, but I have seen those that wait for me, and they tell me I have time yet.  Maybe it won't be the most pleasant of times going forward, but I WILL be going forward!

LOVE, HUGS, AND BLESSINGS TO ALL.

Friday, February 17, 2012

TIME TO CONFESS

I must confess to nurse Betty later today, that I am getting dizzy again.  I would have to bet it's caused by growth in the brain tumors.  And, there is now pain when I try to eat, although the strawberry ice cream was no problem.

I hate confessing to any kind of pain because I know they will want me to take some kind of pain killer, and they all mske me sick.  Oh well, though, I do still want to be able to eat, too.

Should be an interesting day ;)  Love and hugs to all!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

My Funny Valentine

It's little Tyra, a rescue Toy Poodle/Chihuahua.  Not to worry, my sisters will love her when I am gone.

We were both rather tired.

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