Thursday, June 30, 2011

Power Outage

Sometime around Noon, my sister, Jane, called to tell me she could see huge billows of black smoke from her store.  I hit the 'net and eventually discovered that a transformer had caught fire in East Mesa.  Her store had had a couple of brown outs, and then lost their power just about the same time we did here, 2:15PM.


It was only about 105 at the time, so the house was relatively comfortable, as long as you didn't open a door and didn't move.  The temperature in my bedroom topped out at 89.7.  Around 4:30 ish we called our power provider, Salt River Project, and asked if they had an estimated time when the power would be restored.  Remember, I have an oxygen concentrator and my CPAP which I really do need to sleep well.  The person on the line was lovely, especially considering how hot it was, and how unhappy many of their callers must have been.  He said the current estimate was 2:30 AM.  Ai carumba!  


Well, I do have an O2 tank, which I am not sure I even know how to use, but I would do my best, if the need arose.  But it was so uncomfortable and I was having problems breathing.  I am currently doing a breathing treatment as I type; figuring I'd better do it while we HAVE power.  I am guessing we might lose it again before the day is out.


Of course, as I am typing this, you will see that their estimate was not very good, thank the gods.  Power was restored about 6:30PM.  Oh the joy of Central Air.  Although, frankly, I would have been happy for just a functioning item that would have gotten air flowing through the house.  I wonder if there are chargeable fans for sale anywhere.  Must check Amazon.


I confess to quickly grabbing a sparkling water from the fridge during the outage because my iced tea went fairly quickly once the heat rose in the house.  Oh, Nancy took one of my chemo hats, soaked it in water and I wore that for a while, and it was great! :)


At least I had started work early, so when the power went out, I had already gotten my eight hours of exciting numbers crunching completed.  It really IS exciting.  I have fun. :D


Tomorrow we're having an Ozone Health Watch and that smoke didn't help, and of course wildfires still rage around our state.  So, send some good juju our way for continued power so I can run all my breathing thingies, especially my nebulizer.  Yeah, I can of course go to a local hospital if necessary, but you KNOW how I feel about THOSE places! :D


Love to all, keep cool, and give out some hugs!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

120 Degrees on the Way... dear gods

If you happen to read this blog on Friday or Saturday of this week, try not to faint at the Weather Channel widget's numbers.  The National Weather Service says Phoenix could get to 120 degrees on both Friday and Saturday.  That's 48.88 Celsius, which actually sounds scarier somehow.


So if Phoenix hits 120, then here in balmy Mesa it should only be somewhere around 117 or 118.  Doable.  As long as you do not go outside or move around a lot.  And we'd all better pray to the entire pantheon that the power does NOT go out.


Haven't been feeling my best yet this week.  I don't have much of an appetite, but I had some Muesli with dried fruit this morning, a Glucerna Bar for lunch and then I had a mushroom craving at dinner, so I sauteed a bunch of baby bellas with our black opal basil, and a Serrano chili, in the heart-smart margarine-ish stuff I've been using for many years.  Tastes pretty good, considering it's a knock-off of a knock-off. :D


Seems like every chemo cycle, the bad days lengthen and I can't spring back as well.  I'm drinking fluids like crazy, trying to stay hydrated.  In fact, I guess I had better go get some more of my coconut water; probably need the potassium.  


On the nose front, all is mostly well.  I think the Cellulitis has cleared up well, but it's still very dry and I'm still putting the AYR saline gel in it, especially before bedtime.  I still can't use my oxygen, but at least the CPAP is keeping me breathing while I sleep.  Maybe I should call my DME (Durable Medical Equipment) supplier and ask for the CPAP mask that covers both mouth and nose.    Granted, they tried that first, but I thought it was too hot; and I don't like things covering my mouth.  Maybe another residual phobia from that near-drowning.


Anywho, I'm still getting better day by day, so for that I am very thankful, and for dried fruit.  And for Prunes especially.  I hate CHEMO!!!!!  :D


But I love you all.  Keep the faith, I shall fight on, and next week, get my CT.  Take care all, and have very sweet dreams.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Nose is Shrinking!

Maybe it's wishful thinking, but I swear my nose, although still pretty red, is not as puffy as it was.  I've been putting lotion on it, as it looks like I was out skiing and forgot my nose sun cream.


Happily, I haven't even taken a nap today; that's a good sign! :D  I am taking it easy, listening to Cinemagic and playing some solitaire.  Yes, still have leg pains, but very sporadic and the twitching is definitely toning down.  It's weird to watch. :)


I just heard that Cinemagic is coming off XM Radio, but you can still hear it on-line.  I'd be more perturbed, but I don't spend a lot of time in my car these days, and I do spend a lot of time listening to it on-line.  What a bummer, though.  


Tonight we're going to have Squash Soup with Pork and Green chilies.  Yum.  Imagine that, squash.  Jane took a bunch over to Sunshine Acres Children's home last week, and looks like they'll be getting another bunch this week.  The chef was reportedly very excited to get such a variety of squashes. :)


Well, all things considered, I'm feeling much better and much happier.  I can see the lessening of the pain and hopefully, the return to normal of my poor nose.  And tomorrow I have season four's premier of "True Blood," to watch; a guilty pleasure, but definitely a pleasure. ;)


Be well, all, and have a fantastic Sunday tomorrow!

Friday, June 24, 2011

Nose is Still Hideous

But I am almost starting to feel a little more human.  I'm still wobbly on my feet, due to the debilitating effects of the chemo, but I did have a little bit of an appetite this evening.


I couldn't work again today, but thankfully, I did have enough sick time saved up that I could use two days of it.  It's kind of scary that every round of chemo, I get sick with SOMETHING.  I hope to heavens this regimen is making a difference.  This is hard, and now I'm starting to have anxiety about each round.


Hopefully, the CT will show some improvements in my tumors and if it does, I will continue on, and just deal with it.  If not, I don't know.  Yes, I am terrified of this disease running its course.  


I have to stop typing, now.  The pain in my arms is annoying.  Have sweet dreams, all. :)

Thursday, June 23, 2011

A Visit to the ER

I'd had some nasal congestion for a few days; the air is dry, and I use oxygen at night, so your sinus passages can really dry out.  It was 9pm and I was ready for bed, so I walked into my bathroom and saw WC Fields staring back at me from the mirror.


I've always had a pretty small nose, not this virulent red bulbous thing there in the mirror.  I got dressed quickly, and Jane and I drove to the ER.  We got there about 9:25PM.  My face was really starting to hurt, and it hurt if I bent my head over.  The nurse came and accessed my port in hopes of getting blood flow back so they could get some bloodwork done.  But no, it wouldn't cooperate and so, she proceeded to try to tap a vein to get what she needed.  After two tries, she got someone else.  He went into my hand, blew out THAT vein, but got enough blood to fill the two vials.  Today, I am sporting the black hand of death.


Doc says it looks like cellulitis and they start me on IVF's and Vancomycin.  Meanwhile, it becomes Thursday and as we all know, the Thursday after Chemo is my day from hell.  The bone pains start up, and I didn't have time to get the Naprosyn, nor the benadryl on board.  Oh well, I think, that's the least of my problems right now.


Nurse comes in with two HUGE tablets and water.  Bloodwork said I was low on Potassium.  I tell her about the tumor in my esophagus, and could she cut those puppies in half?  She's great, and comes back quickly with four bits of potassium pills.  I got 'em down.  Doc comes by to tell me he's talked to my oncologist and I'm going to get to go home, but we have to watch my face like a hawk, take my temps every hour and down some more antibiotics for the next 10 days.  I can do that.


Everyone at Banner Baywood was so kind, and really, the process they have developed for the Emergency Room is amazing.  You never felt like you were left anywhere to rot.  And boy do I love my port. :)


So we got home just a little after 2AM, and I knew there was no way I could use my CPAP, so I just propped myself up with pillows, took the Naprosyn and I was out like a light until 7AM.  Then I sent my manager an e-mail and told him I was taking a sick day.  And now I am going to go rest for a bit.  Jane just came home with my antibiotics, so I took my morning dose.


Be well, all.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

It's Taxol Time

Another exciting round of chemo here today at Ironwood Cancer and Research Center.  I took a vacation day, because for me, it's almost impossible to try to flex around a six hour infusion.  I have oncolgy nurse Julie this day.  I've gotten past the four premeds:  Aloxi, Decadron, Benadryl and famotidine.  The Taxol is not even half way through and it's 12:04.  Ai carumba.

I talked to Dr. Fastenberg this morning, and he said my white counts are coming up fine enough that we still won't do the Neulasta.  So tomorrow evening, I'll start on the Naprosyn and try to mitigate the pain a bit.  Also, he said that taking the Benadryl would be fine, so I'll have my sisters get me some and start taking it on Wednesday night.

I told him about the ocular migraines and he said if they started up again, we'd have to do a brain scan.  Not that he thinks this could be a cancer problem, but we would still have to check it out.  Esophageal cancer does Metastasize into the brain.

Dr. F does have me scheduled for another round of this chemo on the 12th of July, but some time before that I am supposed to have my CT, chest and abdomen.  We need to have some good news.  I really need to have some good news.

We were just having a fun conversation with some of the other chemo inmates.  Two of them were originally from Ohio, so we talked about snow.

Well, I'm really tired, and not feeling up to snuff, so I'm done for this post.

Be well, all... HUGS!

Monday, June 20, 2011

When Phlebotomy Goes Wrong...

Ok, it didn't go wrong, really.  And I had to keep telling the phlebotomist that the problem was ME, and not her, so try again.  First stick?  Into a little vein in my forearm, two inches below the crook of my elbow.  


This was my regular blood-letter, and this is where she got the blood three weeks ago.  But, it blew out.  Ok, second stick?  Just to the side of the crook of my elbow.  I've had good luck with that one.  But, it blew out.


Now the plebotomist has tears in her eyes and offers to go get someone else.  "Honey, it's not you.  You know I have crappy veins, and you aren't even hurting me.  Let's try one more."


Third stick's the charm!  Into the hand she goes.  This is NOT my favorite place, but it did the job, and we both felt much better.  But, I have to say, you should have seen the looks on peoples' faces as I slowly hobbled out of there with three bandages on my one arm.  I saw one guy just turn white as a sheet.  Hehehe, I feel bad that I enjoyed that. :D


The point is, the pain involved in a needle piercing your skin isn't worth worrying about.  It's inconsequential, in the general scheme of pain.  Oh yes, I know that very well.


But that's not to say that you can't experience real, ugly pain during a blood-letting.  Just hit a nerve.... oy VEY!  Anywho, all you future phlebotomists out there, yes, care about your patients and their comfort, but don't let one bad stick screw with your self-confidence.  You can do it!  Be strong, and always approach your patient as if YOU are the gold standard for phlebotomists.


I am SO tired right now.  I'm dreading the six hour chemo tomorrow; not the actual infusion because that's cake, but the week following it is more like ... well, I can't come up with a good food analogy, but it's bad. :D


I'll probably post during the infusion; I'm taking the BIG RED gaming laptop with me tomorrow.  May as well get in some World of Warcraft while the poisons seep into my body. ;)


Stay well, all.  Hugs to everyone!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

I Miss You, Papa


That's my mom, Ruth and my dad, Jerry.  Mom's got her granddaughter Cee, and her own daughter Jane, and Daddy's got his grandson Bobby, and ME!  Look at that gleeful smile on my face; I loved my pop so much.


Daddy was born in 1906, in Los Angeles, California, a member of a very old Spanish Californiano family.  He was 34 when he married my mom, who was 18 at the time.  It seems strange, but it worked out well for all of us, even with that 16 year age difference.  I think it took Daddy many years of sowing those 'oats' to know when it was time to settle down.  He told me once that he'd better be the first to go, because he knew he could never live without my mom.
Here's a picture I think we took  before I moved out here to Arizona in 1985.  From Left to Right:  Cecilia Charlotte, Auntie leaning on ME, Pico, Jane, my oldest brother, Pete, then Daddy, who's corralling Wendy.  Jerry Edward, Mom and Sam (actually Martha Lorraine) round out this gang.  I'm cracking up because Dad's wearing a hockey T-shirt.  Dad didn't know hockey from Jai Alai.  I'm guessing he got that shirt from Nancy. :D


Dad died in November of 1991 at the ripe old age of 85.  I truly believe his children, and being involved in our lives are what kept him going.  Daddy was 52 when I was born; Jane came when he was 57, and Wendy arrived right after Dad's 60th birthday.  Most of our siblings were already off raising their own families, hence the top picture wherein Mom has a granddaughter and a daughter of the same age. :D  And they all did it again when Wendy was born.  


So, Daddy did get his wish and left the earth before Mom.  But Mom also made it, sixteen years later, to 85.  


I love you both, and miss you terribly, and Auntie, too.  

Friday, June 17, 2011

A Cornucopia of Squash



Well, in fact, it's not a cornucopia, it's a basket, but it's a BIG basket!  Today's haul had several types of squash, and it was distributed among the neighbors and Jane's friend, Lisa.





As you might imagine, tonight's dinner involved .... squash!  Oh, and several leaves of our collard greens, which, if cooked correctly, are SOOOO good!  I used Cumin, Garam Masala, ground Coriander and red chili flakes to spice them up.  I can't tell you how wonderful this meal was.  The freshness of the collards was so stunning; they were frankly luscious.  I added some chopped Anaheim chilies and a couple of serranos, so it had a bite to it as well.  Sauteed it all up in garlic infused olive oil.  We had it over brown rice.


I had to have Nancy run out and get me some Ayr Saline Nasal Mist.  My nose just is bleeding so much.  In the box was a sample of Ayr's Saline Nasal Gel, which is now my very best friend in the world. :D  There is a major problem having such low humidity here in the desert.  Our sinus passages pay a big price.


Tomorrow, I would really like to sleep later... maybe until 7AM?  Please?  Oh well, I'll just be happy to wake up, as usual. ;)


Have a blessed weekend, all.  Hugs to everyone!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Ahhh, Tooth is Covered

What is it with teeth, or your mouth in general, that makes your tongue seek out and obsess over even the slightest change?  Maybe it's just me. :D


Dr. Baker fixed me up, using a clove flavored putty-like substance as a temporary cover over the crumbling filling.  It's hard as a rock now, but it WAS putty when it went into my mouth.  It took approximately 15 minutes total, with my drive over and my drive back home.  It's good to have a dentist just around the block.


Later, I had my appointment with Dr. Tsai, the Radiation Oncologist.  She says I don't need to see her anymore unless Dr. Fastenberg thinks she's needed.  She checked my lungs, as she always does and was happy with the air movement.  I did tell her I'd had several infections since the beginning of this round of chemo, as well as four ocular migraines in one month.


She told me that Dr. F was thrilled at how well I was tolerating the chemo.  HAHAHAH, that means I haven't been hospitalized.  But I did tell her about the horrible pain and that I can tolerate it because I know it won't last.


So, I'll tell all this again to Dr. Fastenberg on Tuesday before my next infusion.  Monday I go for my pre-chemo blood-letting.  Can't wait to see those results, since I didn't do the Neulasta shot.


We woke up this morning to TV news 'copters circling the neighborhood.  Sadly, a house fire took the life of an elderly gentleman, although he managed to get the woman who lived with him out to safety.  I knew this man, vaguely.  In my younger days, I used to do a lot of volunteer work in my city.  I remember very well the day he stood up and called the city council 'whoremongers.'  And that was just the tip of the iceberg for this guy.  But he certainly was a citizen who felt strongly about community involvement.


Of course, being a very hot, very smokey fire, and because we were in the middle of an Ozone Health Watch, I was having a hard time breathing well today.  Again, thank the deities for my Albuterol and the nebulizer.


Since I had such a trying day, I think I'm going to go have a glass of red wine.  Just kidding about the trying day, but not about the glass of wine. :D


Be safe, all, be well, happy and may you always have many hugs in your future.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Another Chemo Adjustment

Well, not an adjustment to my chemotherapy, but how I have to adjust to my chemo. :)  Saturday a filling in my tooth started to crumble.  Although it feels like the Grand Canyon when I run my tongue over it, you can't really see it.  It doesn't hurt in any way, either.


So, anyway, I called my dentist this morning, and they said, "well, you really need to talk to your oncologist first before we touch you."  Alrighty, then.  I called Ironwood and talked to one of the nurses and she looked at my chemo regimen and told me that as long as they were going to do a quick temporary fix, and if I did it toward the end of the week, we should be OK.  So, I'm going on Thursday and we'll see how it goes.  As for any other dental procedure; not until after the chemo is over, and then not for six to eight weeks after.


I'm saddened to say that I lost a beloved cousin over the weekend.  Helene was a Sepulveda that ended up in Hawaii.  We found each other years ago via Ancestry.com.  The minute I saw her, I knew she was family.  She was like a hybrid of my two aunts, Cee Cee and Lottie.  A tiny woman, full of strength of character; a dynamo of energy.  She had just been diagnosed with Stage IV Bone Cancer.  Rest well, now, Helene.


I've got a friend from work coming this afternoon to help me with my handicapped placard renewal.  Despite having your doctor attest to your permanent disability, the placard needs renewing every five years.  I certainly understand why they do this; to prevent fraudulent use by people that are in no way incapacitated.  We just have to sign it and have it notarized, and that's where Judy comes in.  She's an angel; how kind of her to come to my home to help me out. :)


Well, Ned Stark decided finally, that family was more important than his honor, but his timing couldn't have been worse.  And thus, he lost his head in last night's second-to-the-last episode of "Game of Thrones."  Ned, you idiot.


And that's it for this post.  I'm sending love to all, and please give someone a hug today, if at all possible.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Odd Day

For quite a bit of the day, I felt really tired, and every time I tried to get up and walk around my house, I got dizzy.  I think it's because I have some sinus issues and I might have screwed up my inner ear.  The tired is more than likely because I didn't sleep well last night; waking every hour or so.


Once I had some dinner, I felt quite a bit better.  We just made Mufulettas, although I couldn't have any fresh veggies on mine due to the risk of bacteria.  OH the things you learn when you have cancer and are doing chemo.  And instead of the tapenade, we used the Mexican Pesto I had made earlier in the week.  We froze what we didn't use in those Chicken Packets. :)  Of course, the bread was whole, multi-grain and very delicious.


Funny, I've been to New Orleans twice, and never had a Mufuletta there.  Got sick from the high humidity and its effect on my lungs, though, and ended up coming back to Arizona and going to the ER both times.  But, I ADORE New Orleans, and if you EVER get the opportunity to visit, please do; you won't regret it.  Ignore those folks from "Top Gear." :D


I need to buy stock in the Kleenex company; I'm running through tissues like crazy.  Drat that fire, and for everyone affected, I keep you in my prayers.  It's so sad to see so much beauty burning away via an act of human destruction.  One can become so distressed at the capacity of humans to be evil, but we can't let ourselves only see that evil, despite how we're constantly inundated with the media's evidence of it.


I think I'll head to bed early... like right now. :D


Be well, be safe and appreciate the amazing world around you and the wonderful people who grace your lives.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Chicken Packets

It's still Spring for a few more days, and plenty of time to use that nice grill out in the back garden.  So today, it's Chicken Packets with ... wait for it... squash(!) and my version of Mexican Pesto. 


Using that lovely black opal basil that has grown so beautifully, I added pine nuts, olive oil, chili peppers, cumin, garlic, salt, smoked Spanish paprika, and Parmesan cheese.  It's turned out to be a fantastic pesto!


We just spread it over the chicken and the squash, wrapped 'em in foil, and now they are out getting yummy.  But we are again inundated with squash, and so Jane's taking a bunch to work tomorrow.


I'm getting some new and exciting chemo side effects, now, but I won't bore you with the details.  And the second week's fatigue is catching up with me, now.


Beth, my friend from Maryland, I am doing the 7 day free trial of Rift.  I'm on Plutonus.  Look for Doranella the Dwarf. :)  Your peer pressure did me in; that and my own curiosity.


Ok, so I'm not feeling fabulous, but I'm not feeling hellacious either, and so, life, in general is good!  Take care, all!

Monday, June 6, 2011

The Gift of Normal -- kinda

When you’ve been feeling absolutely awful, getting back to some semblance of normal is an amazing gift.  Though getting to sleep took some work, i.e. had to get up to drink some coconut water because I was getting foot cramps, once I got to sleep, it was blissfully uninterrupted until Mr. Sun showed up a little after 5AM.

Today, there is just sporadic pain, and I’m so much in a better place, mentally.  My plans for this evening:  Watch Master Chef, then go to bed.  Exciting, eh? :D  But I need to catch up on my rest, and sleep is so good for what ails you.  Now if it could only cure cancer. :P

Oh, and apparently, I am not the only person on earth that thinks Ned Stark (character from George RR Martin’s Game of Thrones) is a moron.  If you haven’t read the books nor seen the HBO series, you won’t get these, but .. oh yeah, they are right on.  Alas, there are only two more episodes for this book.  They are not going to be very happy ones, either.  Oh well.

Just got off the phone with my oncology nurse from Optum Health.  It's a new one, Patty.  I like her.  We talked about how to manage the pain, and I'm going to talk to Dr. F about taking some Benadryl on the Thursday following my infusion, and see what he thinks about that.  Man, I just don't want that damned pain killer nausea and vomiting again. :(

So, until next time, take care, sleep well, have happy dreams and be kind to someone random. :)

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Squash Soup with Chicken

Yesterday sucked.  I couldn't take the pain anymore so I took the Vicodin, one every four hours... I think I got down four of them before I got so sick even my Compazine got barfed up.  I haven't vomited in years; it's not pleasant, especially when you consider it's got to come past my tumor.  


And why is it that when you don't eat, and you're sick, your glucose numbers go up?  I see no logic in that!  So I had to take a glipizide with my Januvia and that meant I had to eat and keep it down.  I had a piece of sourdough toast.  So far, so good.


The pain today is definitely not as bad as yesterday, but I have no energy.  I went out to look at the crops, and barely got out there.  Luckily, my sisters provided a chair so I sat and rested for a while.  It's a beautiful day, but it's going to get pretty warm.


We gave a ton of squash to the neighbors yesterday, and Jane says she's going to make squash soup with chicken tonight.  Nancy made me a light green beret out of some soft, soft felt material.


I'm trying hard not to get depressed, I'm not really the type to get depressed, but dang, pain wears you down.  You just want to cry, but you're too tired to do even that.  I don't even have the strength to sit here and play World of Warcraft.  I cling to the sure knowledge that this pain is lessening, and will continue to lessen and I will get some strength back, and every day will get better.  And then it will be time to do it all over again. :D  See, that made me smile.  It's crazy, I know.


Now I think I'll go lie down for a while.  Maybe watch something on TV, maybe I'll sleep, maybe I'll read.  Take care, all.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Thursday, post-chemo

Well, it wasn’t as bad a Thursday as when I’d had the Neulasta shot, but it wasn’t a joyride, either.  I’ve got some bone pains, but nothing like the Thursday from hell.  I just don’t feel very well, and I’m finding it difficult to get the energy to get up from a sit.  I did sleep last night, though, more than the two hours of the night before. :)

The day following chemo, my glucose is whacked out because of the pre-med, Decadron, which is also responsible for the post-chemo insomnia.  Yesterday morning I tested at 178, so I took a glipizide with my regular Januvia.  This morning I was 111, so that’s a good thing.  Cancer treatments do make dealing with Diabetes a bit problematic but my PCP is doing a great job helping me through.

Didn’t feel like eating this morning, but since I have to take my docxycline and Januvia, I have to eat something.  I downed a Glucerna bar.  Well, that sounds like I made quick work of it, but it took me an hour to get it all down.

I found it a very wonderful thing to have to work with my numbers today, because they really can take me out of the misery.  I concentrate on the story they tell, make sure it’s the truth, double check, examine the logic.  I will not put out something with my name on it that isn’t right.

You know, the last round of chemo, which I had in November and December of last year, I didn’t have this total fall-out of my hair.  It was thinner, for sure, and there were patches of baldness, but nothing like this total desertion of follicles.  Is it weird that after the initial shock at the great gobs of falling locks, I really am ENJOYING being bald?  It certainly makes showers a lot faster!  Eyelashes falling out are just odd.  They get on my glasses, and I try to keep them out of my eyes.  Blech. :D

I saw the end of a documentary last night, “How to Die in Oregon.”   The portion I saw detailed a liver cancer patient making the choice to have physician-assisted suicide.  Oregon passed the Death With Dignity Act in 1994.  When my mom was dying, and more than ready to BE dead, I found it inhumane that she could not be ushered from this life in a caring, dignified, painless fashion.  I could give this gift to my aged cat, but not my aged parent, and for now, I can’t even give this gift to myself.  No, I’m not ready yet, by a long-shot, but when I am, at least I know that Hospice will be my best option in lieu of euthanasia.

Ok, I know this was kind of a bummer post, but I'm feeling kind of bummed out, not really emotionally, but physically just done in.  In fact, I think I'm going back to bed now that my work day is over.  You'll probably look at this and think "what time do you start work, anyway?"  Well, the answer is, I can't sleep past sunrise, ever, so, I start working at six in the morning, and I'm done by 2:30PM.  

Love to all, and don't worry, the first Thursday post-chemo is the hardest.  Tomorrow will be a little better, and then the next day, better, and better, and better. :)

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