Well, it's Saturday.

It has taken me this long to get back to being myself.  The Queen of Neuroses has been reigning over me telling me that the problems I'm having typing are caused by a brain tumor.  I'm guessing it's more probable that I've had a mini stroke, considering it's just my left hand that can't type well.  Oh, speaking of strokes, I'd better go do my Arixtra shot... I'm late!  Be right back....

Ok, all shot up.  :)

I'm having cottage cheese cravings, now.  Which is good, I guess; plenty of protein.  Yesterday I was at Ironwood having my radiation sims run.  My leg now has 4 radiation entry points, and strangely, there's even one on my right leg.  I got fitted for the leg holding apparatus, and it's quite comfortable.  I wonder how long the actual zappage will be?  I'll have to count during my first one.  I tend to count anyway; it's how I dampen my anxiety during scans and radiations.  Wow, can't believe I have to do this again.  Oh well....

Love and hugs to all!

No GOOD News

The CT results are in.  Bone cancer in my left thigh and a new tumor on my left adrenal gland.  I'm going to be setting up for radiation on the thigh, probably starting after the new year.

That certainly explains the pain I've been having.  Wow, the results made Dr. F swear.  I have never heard him swear.

The radiation oncologist said if this had happened two years ago, the only thing they did was amputate the leg.  In fact, the radiation is only going to shrink the tumor so that at least I won't have so much pain.  It would be nice to sleep more than an hour at a time.

Dr. F gave me a prescription for some pain relieving patches.  I hope THEY work.

That's it for this post; I'm kind of overwhelmed, and feeling sick.

Love and hugs to all.

Cancer bites.

There is a lot of psychological torture involved when dealing with cancer.  Yes, physically it's hideous, but I think the hardest part for me is dealing with the emotional side of it.  I am barely speaking to anyone this morning because I am so afraid of what today's CT will reveal.  I think I'll go hit the Xanax.

"They" say that the first sign of depression is that you don't want to do things that have always given you pleasure.  I'm mostly just sitting here staring at my computer, but I did go kill the Greench in Hilsbrad with my Tauren Druid, so I would say there's no depression on board here... just anxiety.  Oh yeah, anxiety... I have PLENTY of that.

And just what does anxiety do for you?  Well, physically, it makes me want to vomit.  Or have diarrhea, or all of the above.  Peachy, eh?  And I expect it's the anxiety that's making me really wheezy this morning.  I always take my Xopenex inhaler with me for the CT because I always react to the dratted Iodine.  I take one hit pre CT, and then another hit post CT.

So, this morning I am scared.  I hate being scared.  It's so... cowardly. ;)  Can't help it, though.  So much rides on the results of this CT.  DO I have a future?  I think, even if we don't get good news, there should still be some options.  Why do I get like this?  Normally, I can live in the moment, but not on CT day.... nope.  All my coping mechanisms are broken this morning.  I did just take a Xanax, though.  I'll probably take another when I get to Ironwood.  I do still despise the donut.

 

Don't let them fool you, there is no smiling tech with you when the scanning starts.  TRICKERY!!!!  They run off to another room, with a wall of lead between you and them.  No, you get the disembodied voice telling you to hold your breath.  Not likely, toots.  Don't have that much breath to hold.  I do my best though, not to move.  I breathe really shallowly.  So far it's worked well enough.  Come on Xanax, do your job.

Anywho, the CT is what's on my agenda for today, then tomorrow it's pre-chemo lab work, and then Thursday... may or may not be chemo, depending on the results of the CT... I do NOT want another phone call today with the words:  "I have good news and I have bad news, which do you want first?"

Keep warm, love and hugs to all. :)

Happy Christmas From the Tauren Druid

Happy Christmas from Magnolia the druid, and her festive mount.  Please note the gaudy Holiday Sweater she got from Greatfather Winter.  Tsk, tsk.

Oh, and that rib eye roast?


SPECTACULAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love to all. :)

Another CT Coming UP

It's not until Tuesday the 27th, but already I am dreading it.  Not the SCAN, for that's easy as pie.  No, it's the waiting for the results.  I try hard to live for today, but the spectre of the scan and its results can't be so easily dismissed.

The last scan, on the 23rd of September found the Pulmonary Embolism, for which I am massively grateful, for if it had not, I would probably not have survived through the weekend.  And so, though a PE is a horrible thing, it was the CT that saved me, and thus, it shouldn't be such a thing of dread.  It really is a GOOD thing, and I must remember to be optimistic and BELIEVE that it's going to give us some fantastic results.

Plus, I will finally, I hope, know why the hell my leg is causing me so much pain.  And if we know, then we can fix it!  So it has been said, so it shall be written. :)  I loved "The Ten Commandments."

Can we be done with Winter, now?  I'm tired of being cold.  Gads, I am SUCH a wimp. :D

Tomorrow for Christmas, we're having a roast of rib eye, which we are going to VERY, VERY carefully cook, since it was freaking expensive.  The last thing you want to do with this baby would be to over cook it.  Too bad I can't rent Bobby Flay or someone of his ilk.

I got a booklet in the mail from Genentech, who makes the Xeloda.  I liked the part that said something to the effect, "You've been on this drug for some time, now."  Oh yeah, baby, you can say that again.  Genentech sent me a whole bunch of stuff with my initial prescription; a pill dispenser, so you could pop your 4 AM and your 4 PM poison pills in this thing and not forget to take 'em.  As if.  But I use it.   There was also a really good booklet about what to expect from the side effects, and how to deal with them.  It really was a good little package of helpful, relevant... stuff. ;)

Anywho, since the scan will be on Tuesday, we are going to move our Camptosar infusions to every other THURSDAY starting next week.  I think that will be best in the long run, because then I'll have the weekend to rest up.  I managed to get somewhere in the range of 38.2 hours of work in this past week, and that's only because those damned painkillers made me so sick.

Well, to all of you Christians out there, let me wish you a very MERRY CHRISTMAS, and to everyone, Peace, Good-will, and may you get everything you deserve from life.

Remission -- No, NOT Me.

Wikipedia says that remission is defined as: “the state of absence of disease activity in patients with a chronic illness, with the possibility of return of disease activity.”

The Queen of Neuroses would have a field day if my doctor said I was in remission. That dread of waiting for the other shoe to fall, oh yes, the Queen would be in her element.

But I do know people in remission that have been that way for several, blessedly normal years. On the other hand some people who have gone into remission have seen a return of their cancer, but in a more pernicious form. And they soon die. One such was Andy Whitfield. Suffering from Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma, he completed his regimen of treatments, and was pronounced in remission. He was to return to work on “Spartacus: Blood and Sand.”

His remission lasted mere months, and when his cancer returned, it was more aggressive and more lethal. An oncologist, not related to his case, said that there are times when you can have a PET scan (the current gold standard for finding pesky cancer cells) and it finds nothing. Yet a single cell can remain, and that cell has the chance to adapt; it’s already survived what was thrown at it from chemo and/or radiation.

And when the time is right, it divides and conquers; stronger, more aggressive than ever, and driven to survive. So, Andy Whitfield died of his cancer, just 39 years old, in simply beautiful physical condition, and apparently good health. But that one cell had gotten away, and it did its job. (And remember, that’s just the theory of an oncologist non-related to Andy Whitfield’s actual case.)

On the one hand, I would love to hear the words that I am in remission, yet on the other, it’s somehow heartening to continue my treatments, knowing that I’m doing something active to defeat these little bastard cells. Because really, I would hate to give the Queen of Neuroses any ammunition whatsoever.

Oh, and Christopher Hitchens, rest in eternal peace.  You touched so many, in ways you can't even imagine.

Oh the Leg

Thursday, the leg pain became unbearable again, so I took the Zofran, and after an hour, took half a percocet.  I was in bed, and wasn't feeling much relief from that half, so about an hour later I took the second half.  I went to sleep.

Got up this morning and felt so nauseated I took another Zofran.  But the pain in my leg was still hideous, so after an hour, I took a Vicodin.  Why is it that these darned narcotics are only useful for making me sick?

How in the heck, WHY in the heck does anyone take this crap for recreational use?  How can they do it?  Maybe I'm the only one that gets sick from these things?  I only worked an hour this morning before the nausea and pain put an end to that.  Bummer.

But on a very happy note, Wendy and Dean are flying in even as I type, and I'm so excited!  Now, I had better go find something to eat since I have four Xeloda pills to get down... oh joy. :)

Happy almost Winter to all!

Chemo Day

There are lots of repeat customers here today.  One of them is the very loquatious gentleman from two weeks ago.  Jane and I thought his loquatiousness was due to his massive anxiety about his treatment.  Chatting about ANYTHING kept his mind occupied.

Today, our regular area was usurped by snowbirds, so he ended up alone, with noone around him with which to chat.  The occupants on either side of him were fast asleep.  He began to panic; hyperventilating and requiring several of the docs to come and make sure he wasn't experiencing a reaction to his treatment.

He has calmed down, and I think he'll be fine, but he is definitely the kind of person that NEEDS interaction to stave off his fears.  And he is a prime example to teach us the importance of acknowledging our fears, and in the process, taking the power away from those fears.

In fact, he is asleep, and I wonder if one of those doctors popped a sedative in amongst all his meds.

Speaking of meds, Dr. Ramaswamy has scripted me with Percocet and Zofran.  We haven't gotten them filled yet, but we will today.  Dr. Fastenberg wants my next CT scheduled for 27 December.  It will be the normal chest and abdomen, and this time, my left thigh as well.  He wants to rule out ...bone cancer.  I hope he does! ;)

Ok, my main course, Camptosar, is about half way through.  I'm going to end this post.

Hugs to all.

Hands

Hands are the most incredible tools.  But we don't think much about them until something suddenly makes them less useful as tools.  We take our hands for granted.

Well, not me; not anymore at least.  My hands can't do so many things that used to be simply unthinking reflex actions.  Twist the cap off a tube of hand cream?  Piece of cake, unless that cap has any kind of ridges, and then, it's a complete no-go.  Open the margarine tub?  Oh no... sorry, hurts too much.

For breakfast, Jane made french toast.  I could not open the maple syrup bottle because the cap had ridges.  Sure, those ridges are great for traction, but not for people with Hand-Foot syndrome.  I know that if it gets really bad, we'll have to stop the Xeloda, and that's the last thing I want.  It's going to have to get really freaking bad before I complain to my oncologist.

The foot part is just starting to be a problem, and that's mostly noticeable when I shower.  I don't wear nice comfy padded shoes when I shower.  So, it's hard surface against bare feet and I really felt it today.  So far, my feet had been a non-issue, but yeah, I have to be careful with them, now, too.  Of course, if you think about it, there's no reason you couldn't wear, say... Croc's ... in the shower.  Hmmm, something to think about. :)

So, tomorrow I go for my labs at 7AM, then do some work, then go out to see Dr. Ramaswamy at 12:30PM.  I'm supposed to go in to the plant for some Sexual Harassment training, or something.  That's at 2:00PM.  Not sure I will have any energy left for that, though.  But it's mandatory.  I'll do my best.

The temperatures here are not as chilly as they were the past week or so.  Tonight's low is only predicted to be 48, and that's MUCH better than those low 30's.  And it looks like we have some rain in our forecast, which would be lovely.  We get it so infrequently, that we always get excited when it rains around here.  Our desert is very thirsty.

Be well, and safe.  Keep warm, and happy.  Blessings to all.

I'm So Happy!

I know I've said it before, but I enjoy working.  Everyone says I'm nuts.  But, what the heck, I'd surely rather be happy to work than be dreading every weekday.  The thing is, I like challenges, and those are everywhere when you're starting a new job with new responsibilities.

To be honest, I did feel a bit overwhelmed that first week, but I'm settling in to the job and it feels great.  And I have such a wonderful work group, and my management is so full of support; yeah, I'm one happy girl.

Monday I have pre-chemo labs to do, and Tuesday is infusion day and then back on those damned Xeloda pills.  I need to buy stock in a hand lotion company.

But most excitingly, next week my sister Wendy and her SO, Dean will be coming in from Ohio for a visit.  That's Nurse Wendy of past blog posts.  I'm so excited to see them both.  And the following week it's Winter Solstice, so holy moses, it's going to be one fantastic December.

Speaking of Wendy and Dean, they got me a new game called Elder Scrolls V:  Skyrim.  Oh boy, am I having a blast with this game.  It's not on one-line mulitplayer as is my usual haunt, but this one is single player in a HUGE world in which you can just explore to your heart's content.  And it's beautiful.

And Skyrim is why I haven't posted since Monday; too busy playing.  I play more than when I was a kid; we didn't actually play much.  Mostly we did homework and read.  But we all got great grades, so that was the trade-off.  Anywho, I must be making up for lost time. :)

Now you all keep warm, and have a great weekend if I don't post before then.

Cold... COLD!

I am SUCH a wimp when it comes to cold.  And tonight's low should be around 32.  My sisters went through the farmland wrapping up the produce.  I would hate to see my artichokes freeze to death before I could even eat one. :)  And I really, really want that red cabbage to survive!

Tomorrow I have a meeting and I want to be there in person, so I am going to head in to the plant, and then have lunch with my friend Annette at the cafeteria.  You know, I couldn't do this without my trusty scooter.  Mine is an older version than the one pictured, but you get the idea.  The battery weighs more than any other part of the vehicle.  Thank goodness I have that lift on the back of the Equinox.. oh and thank you, too, General Motors!

Today was wonderful, despite the cold.  I got quite a bit accomplished at work, and it's SO good to be stretching those little grey cells, as Poirot would call them.  It just felt so GOOD to interact with people in a way that not only challenges my brain, but delights my gregarious nature.

On the Cancer front, tomorrow morning is this round's last bunch of Xeloda, but not the last bunch forever.  My hands are happy, though, that they get a break for a week.  I'm going broke on hand lotion. :D

I almost forgot my Arixtra shot again, so I put a reminder on my calendar at work.  Shoot up at 1PM. :)  That might raise a few eyebrows.  Hehehe.

Does the weather have anything to do with the pain in my leg?  Yes, I had it in the summer, but I wonder if the cold weather exacerbates it.  I go to bed with a heating pad on it, but tonight I just might have to hit the Vicodin.  I can do it, if I sleep after I take it.  And just one doesn't seem to make me barf, but any more than that and it's good-bye to my stomach contents.

Yes, I am so happy to be working again.  I have this silly smile plastered to my face, even when it hurts to get up from a sit, I'm still happy.  I may grimace, but the smile comes right back.

Take care, everyone... keep warm, and be safe!

All is Finally Right

Today, I worked.  Got all my accesses cleared, my badge works, and my wifi was perfect, and so, I am once again a productive part of the American workforce.  YAY! :)  I think, because my new job will require some education on my part, I will probably have to ask for a printer.  Lots of new systems and processes to come up to speed on, and I learn better when I read and have things right in front of me.  Sometimes, I can be SO old-school.

Yesterday was a huge challenge.  I was on-site for about six hours and by the time I got home, I was so exhausted I ached everywhere and couldn't get warm to save my life.  This morning, my leg was excruciatingly painful, and I had a headache.  And I still had to go into the plant to get my laptop from the service center.  But, I went in early, it was ready and rarin' to go, so I probably only spent a couple of hours on-site.  Still, by the time I got home, I was in so much pain I was in tears.  So, I broke down and took a Naprosyn, and thought to myself, if I get stomach bleeding from this, so be it, at least I won't hurt that much.  I did consider taking a Vicodin, I was in that much pain, but ... oh blech... I couldn't stand the thought of having to vomit with such a headache.

So, despite this being the week from hell, I anticipate nothing but smooth sailing from here on out.  If this afternoon was any indication, we're in good shape, and I can get cracking on learning all the new things on which I need to become an expert.  Thank the deities I learn quickly.

Well, crap, I just realized that I didn't take my Xeloda with my dinner so,... I had best go get them and get them down my gullet ASAP.

Hugs to all!

A Catch-22

I'm still not an active employee, yet, although Dr. Fastenberg, who got the paperwork to fill in on Monday, had it back to Medical by Monday afternoon!  He's an angel!

So, I had called Medical yesterday, and Nurse Maureen said, yep, I should be an active employee again, as of the 28th.  But I didn't do too much yesterday, as it was chemo day.  What I did do, was plot out all the things that needed doing, so I made lists, and tried to decide if I needed more equipment here at the house, and how I was going to get myself more office space in the library if say, I needed to have a printer and a fax.  I think that was pretty productive.

I got up this morning, all ready to log in and get cracking, but alas, no luck.  So I called our Help Desk, and got a really fantastic tech.  We tried everything, and at least I got to the time-keeping system so I could log my hours, but that was it.  He sent me up to tier II, and we discovered that during the 4 months of my leave of absence, the company had issued new badges.  Alas, I had no clue of this, since I hadn't been getting e-mail.

Well, that meant I had to go into the plant, and you know what a production that is.  But the last time I did it wasn't the day AFTER my chemo infusion (Camptosar).  I was sick as the proverbial dog, but I had to take care of this.  Headed into Security, got my new badge, which I assumed would be activated by them, but alas, I was told I had to get my activation code from... my e-mail account.  Which I can't access... because....my badge is not activated.  Yeah.  Ok.

I call the Help Desk again, and he says ... wait, they show you still on Leave of Absence, so I can't help you.  So, I call leave services, and the lady I get says, "I'll leave a message for your Leave manager, and tell them to make you active."  Um, and that would happen when?

Anywho, I'm starting to think Dr. Fastenberg was right and I am nuts to want to go back to work, but I'll have a new set of responsibilities, essentially a new job, and I'll be permanently virtual, except to someday get my badge activated so I can access what I need to do my job.  In any event, I was so exhausted when I got home that I took a nap.  And when it does all get fixed, and I know it will, I'll be happy and productive and not nuts at all. :)

Love to all!

Well, not QUITE back to Work

Medical needs a few more bits of information from my oncologist before I can be re-activated as an employee.  They want to formalize my telecommuting, and flexible hours as part of their ADA (Americans With Disabilities Act) accommodation.  That's fine with me, of course, because that's exactly what it is.

So I was there, and I got to see lots of folks that I love, and caught people up on my status, and it was a great time, even if I did have to get up early and go out into the cold.  It was COLD this morning.  But yes, I am a cold wimp. ;)

Maureen, the nurse in Medical, faxed the paperwork over to Ironwood and Dr. Fastenberg, and added her contact info, so hopefully, we'll get it all settled by mid-week.  In the meantime, I have to call my leave insurance company and tell them we're not quite there yet.  And hopefully, I'll at least get a bit of pay for the next few days.  It kind of works out anyway since tomorrow is a chemo day.

Hugs to all!

Work Tomorrow!

Can I just say that I am actually a bit scared of going back to work?  It's been five months this time.  I don't even know if I'll remember how to do stuff!  Ok, that's the Queen of Neuroses coming out of the basement... hold on, let me lasso her and drag her back down there.

Ok, so... going back to work tomorrow.  It really should not be an ordeal.  I have to go in to Medical first thing, and present them with my oncologist's list of no-no's.  For instance, because we're a manufacturing site, one of the fields on the form is what you can do with your hands; vibration, grasping, repetitive movement.  He's said no to vibration and grasping because of the Hand-Foot syndrome from the Xeloda.  I told him repetitive movement could be interpreted as using the keyboard, which I do and have no problem doing, so that has no restrictions.

The interesting part is that most of the restrictions on the form are due to my lung disease, and not necessarily the cancer.  But the problem is that the cancer makes the lung disease more difficult to deal with.  Still, I haven't had a full-up PFT in years, so I'm not sure if the last few asthma exacerbations have given me a decline in lung function.  It's hard for me to remember that it's classified as COPD exacerbation, now. :)  Things like stairs, walking... very challenging combined with the COPD and the cancer's debilitating effects.  I get tired. ;)

I changed my phlebotomy appointment to 12:30 PM, so I can at least spend some time in the plant, trying to figure things out.  But truly, I'm very happy to be getting some productive normalcy back into my life.  If I can't do this, then I will have to accept that I need to go on disability, but I am fighting that every step of the way.

Must have everything prepared before I go to bed this evening; it will make the morning so much easier.  Clothes assembled, accessories figured out, grab a Glucerna to take for breakfast, get morning meds ready, and probably, I'll need a hat.  Nancy gave me a trim yesterday so that at least I will be presentable sans headwear... not looking so much like Alfalfa from Our Gang. ;)  Oh, better find my traveling coffee mug!

The Weather Channel says it will be 76 tomorrow, but the morning will be chilly, and the scooter trip from my parking space over to medical will be nippy, so a hat is probably a very good idea.

Well, that's it for this post.  Have a lovely Sunday, and make sure when someone does something you appreciate, you let them know how much.

TWO ANKLES!

I have two ankles, and that's as opposed to lately having one ankle and one tree trunk.  Looks like the Arixtra is doing a good job!  I haven't had two ankles since I was in the hospital back in September.  I do still have some leg pain, but it wasn't as bad today as it has been.  So, I'm pretty darned happy!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  We're just celebrating with the normal household, minus my sweet Quito, this year.  We got our turkey and trimmings from a farm in Arkansas this year.  Last year we had gotten a ham from them, and it was spectacular.  So I have high hopes for this turkey. :)

There is so much for which to be thankful, but number one on my list is my dear family.  We're all over the place, but we try hard to keep in touch, and provide love and support to each other as best we can.  It's these connections that keep me going.  I love you all so much.

If you celebrate Thanksgiving, please enjoy.  And if you don't ... just make sure you give and get lots of hugs.

Dizzy Broad

I'm getting pretty dizzy upon standing, now.  Yes, the leg pain is still there, and pretty hellacious.  Putting a heating pad on it does help, though.  Cathy's been quite adept at knowing when I need my herbal heating thingy warmed up.  I won't do any more Naprosyn since it's an NSAID and I don't want to make my stomach start bleeding while I am on my anticoagulant.

And still coughing up goop; it doesn't seem to want to let up.  I'm trying to stay nicely hydrated, but it's pretty hard when on Lasix.  I keep an eye on the skin of my hands, and if it's looking wrinkly and fragile, I know I need to drink more. 

I'm sick to death of pills.  Just sick to death of them, but I know they are keeping me from the big sleep, so what can you do?  My hands are really becoming problematic.  I can't grip anything, so I have to ask someone to open containers, open car doors, etc.  And it's getting quite painful to grip my canes.  I'm putting a ton of lotion on them, several times a day to try to stave off the Xeloda side effects, but it is getting harder every day.

Dr. F may be right, and I am nuts to want to return to work, but surely it can only help me to get my mind on something bigger than me and pain.  I can do it; I know I can.  I'll be home; I won't have to go across an atrium to get to the Ladies', nor traverse long halls to get to my desk.  It should NOT be physically taxing. 

Speaking of pills, I'm taking my night time allotment; B6, Iron, Singulair, Magnesium, Zantac, Protonix, and Lipitor.  Morning is not so bad; it's just Januvia, two Turmeric, a Glipizide if my glucose is over 150, my B6, and a krill oil capsule.  Of course, since it's still chemo week, I then have to take the four Xeloda with my breakfast, and the other four with my dinner.  Yeah, those are not my favorites.

At least tomorrow I have no need to hit the phlebotomist. :)  I'll head to Ironwood on Tuesday just to get my shot of Aranesp, and I'm doing well I think with the shot of anticoagulant I give myself every day.  Definitely not bothered by that.  It's a piece of cake. :)  Considering I've been around syringes for most of my life, I don't really have a problem with needles.  And lest that sound rather suspicious, remember that both of my parents were insulin dependent diabetics.  I've even given injections to my cockatoo, which is REALLY scary, since hers was in her chest, and you had to avoid putting it into her lungs.  Yeah, that was a nerve-wracking experience.  Not to mention, birds don't WANT to have needles stuck in their chests, and they have very strong beaks with which to make their displeasure known.

Anywho, you can probably tell that I'm not exactly at my most optimistic at the moment, but it's chemo week, and that's pretty par for the course.  After Tuesday, when I don't have to take the Xeloda for a week, I'll improve every day. :)

Hugs to all, and sleep well!

Ugh, Leg Pain

It's back with a vengeance.  I took a Naprosyn today.  Yesterday I got a call from the Apothecary Shop that my prescription for the anti-coagulant shots would be delivered today.  Dr. F had told me to not take Coumadin the day before I started the shots, so I didn't take anything yesterday.

Having given myself Lovenox injections many years ago, I figured I'd be fine to do these.  And I was, but I pretty much had to stare at the needle for about a minute before I finally put it into my flesh.  You couldn't feel a thing.  The med wasn't as stingy as I recall the Lovenox being.  Oh, this stuff is Fondaparinux Sodium.

The happiest part of taking this shot is that I don't have to go twice a week for blood draws any more.  My poor arm can heal.  It's ... colorful at the moment.

Also, happily, now that my asthma exacerbation is almost over, my glucose numbers are back where they should be.  You see, any time you body gets stressed out by illness, it plays havoc with your glucose.  Plus many different meds can influence your glucose levels, as well.  It sometimes gets pretty difficult to keep these numbers under control.

Oh, I like that the Apothecary Shop also brought me alcohol swabs and a sharps container.  But according to the note in my meds delivery, they still owe me 21 syringes of this stuff.  I do have a copay for these shots, but it's manageable.

So, that's what's been happening this week; leg pain, change of anti-coagulant, no more phlebotomist twice a week, although I'll still see them for my pre-chemo testing.  Now I must go drink lots of water.  Oncologist has me on Lasix again, hoping to reduce the swelling in my foot and ankle.  I have my circulation socks on, but I don't really think they work all that well.  And I'm tired and I don't feel so hot, so I'm going to go have a nice lie down. :)

Hugs to all!

Chemo Week begins Anew

I went to see my oncologist, Dr. Fastenberg, today.  I so appreciate all the time he takes with me, answering my questions, and analyzing test results with me.  He's worried about blood clots, since of course, I had the pulmonary embolism.  I may not be so lucky next time.  He's decided to ditch the coumadin in favor of an inject-able  but first he has to get it approved by my health insurance.

If we can go that route, I won't have to get blood draws twice a week and subject my neutropenic self to hanging about with sick people.  Dr. F says my lung disease is a very limiting factor in my ability to fight cancer of any kind. He was also quite appalled by my battered right arm, which makes me look like a junkie.  And of course, he was dismayed that I'd had another exacerbation.  Well, it is Fall and Winter, if I have to be a regular patron of the blood lab, will be quite a challenge.  So anyway, let's hope he can get that inject-able anticoagulant approved.  My money is on him... :)  Oooh, quite literally. :P

Then I told him I would like to go back to work, and he said I was nuts.  However, he said, I could telecommute.  It's hard to explain, but I love my job; I love analysis and people and numbers... I never knew I wanted to do this, but when they put me there, I was so happy.  It was my niche; I was good at it, and it's fun and challenging and makes my brain feel good. :)

I've already spoken to my manager, and he's good with it all, and so I got my "Return to Work/Functional Capacities Form" all filled out by Dr. F, with a return to work of 28 November.  YAY!  This will be a very THANKFUL Thanksgiving, for sure.

I have to go back next Tuesday and get my Aranesp shot.  Oh, and I got lots of mail from my insurance company; they have approved the shots and are covering them.  I love my oncologist and every single person at Ironwood Cancer and Research Center.

Of course, I had my Camptosar infusion today, so I'm feeling a bit blecchy right now.  Must drink lots of fluids and get this stuff to run its course.

Love to all, and hugs as well.

My Sweet Quito

When I got my first Chihuahua, Cisco, my mom was in a care center.  She had gotten a horrible infection during heart surgery, and her chest had to be left partly open, and she was on IV antibiotics.

I would take Cisco up to see her almost every day; well, either Cisco or Lobo, my cockatoo.  But one of them would go with me to see their Nana.

After mom came home, and things got back to 'normal,' I thought it would be good for Cisco to have some doggie companionship, so I called his breeder to ask her if she had any puppies in the offing.  She didn't, but her daughter did.  This was 1999, and Cisco had been born in 1998.  That's him up there, looking like he only has two legs. :)

I called her daughter and she said she'd like to come to my home, and essentially 'vet' me.  I was perfectly fine with that.  Good, responsible breeders won't sell their babies to just anyone.  She had three pups and she would bring them and their mother, but she'd bring pictures of dad, essentially the sperm donor, as he belonged to someone else.

Oh the puppies were beautiful.  The one female of the litter had already been purchased, but the two boys were available.  One was short haired, and the other was long haired.  Their mom was a short haired white, and dad was a long haired reddish color.  They boys were beautiful.

I immediately fell for the short haired pup.  Mom fell in love with the long haired pup, and ... yes, we got them both.

Whenever I worked at home, they would sit on my sofa and make sure I was working hard.  :)  That's Quito on the left and Jake on the right.  Jake died last year of stomach cancer.  And my sweet Quito died this afternoon.  

It's amazing the size of the hole they leave in your heart.  I can't cry, because my lungs are already far too screwed up right now, and crying only makes it worse.  But I'm crying inside.  And I think of Cisco, who's a year older than them.  I watch him like a hawk normally, but now... oy.

Oh well, that's life, and that's the heart-breaking side of loving anything.  Nothing is forever and people and pets die.  The main thing is that you loved them to bits while they were here.

Something About Exercise

Today, for the first time in ages, I used my NuStep.  I managed a whole six minutes, but I did it at a good pace, and it gave me great satisfaction.  I have set a goal of adding a minute a day, if I can.  I also want to do it every single day, just like I used to before I got sick.  I really NEED to get my strength back.  My sats (oxygen saturation point of my blood) went to 93, but that's OK, as long as it doesn't go below 90,.

Before all this started, I was doing 45 minutes a day on my NuStep.  I credit this fact with helping me survive all the chemos and radiation that I have had so far.  And though I have lapsed in the use of it, I know that getting back to some type of routine exercise can only help with my prognosis.  Besides, I am going to need to get stronger if I want to go back to work.

Jane and Nancy are out at some race at Phoenix International Raceway.  They work there twice a year, but I'm sorry to say, I can't remember for which vendor they work.  It's a great job; it gives them their Winter Solstice money.  So while they were out, I had Cathy go get some Curbside Takeaway from Outback Steakhouse.

Can I tell you JUST how bad I was?  I got the lobster tail add on to go with my Filet with Wild Mushroom sauce.  I was in heaven.  Although, frankly, the lobster was a tad overcooked, it was still very, very yummy.  And Outback does steamed veggies really well!  At least I wasn't so bad that we added one of their desserts to the order.  No Chocolate Thunder from Down Under for us.  ;)  Dammit.

Meanwhile, on the health front, I am SO sick of coughing.  It's been over three weeks of this.  I'm off the prednisone, and finished the Doxycycline, and now I want to be well!  But I am sleeping well, and that is truly helping.  My INR was a bit high, so I had no Coumadin yesterday, but today I will have 2.5 mg and that will continue until Monday, when I have my next test.

So, all in all, I'm really doing well, I think, thanks to all the support and love I get from my family and my friends.  You all take such good care of me!

I Want to Go Back to Work

On Tuesday, when I see my oncologist, I am going to ask him if I can return to work earlier than scheduled.  I know he thinks I should just go out on disability, but just because my body doesn't function all that well, my mind is still in decent shape. :)  I'd like to return on the 28th of November, if I can.  That's despite the fact that the 29th begins another chemo week. :P

My company has always been very accommodating of my disabilities, so I don't think that will change.  Maybe I won't be able to start out at 40 hours a week, but I can come close, I think.  Yes, I still have to have my Camptosar infusion every other Tuesday, and have a week on the Xeloda, but my PCP is trying to get my insurance to cover a home PT/INR test kit so that I don't have to keep running to the phlebotomist every Monday and Thursday.  And frankly, my veins are giving out.

I'll call the Leave Services people on Monday and see what I need to go back to work early.  I'm guessing my oncologist will have to fill out more exciting paperwork... like the ever-popular physical abilities assessment sheet.  I'll have to go download one from the Boeing Intranet.

Anywho, a return to work will do wonders for my mental state.  I've said before that the connections to other humans are something that really lifts my spirits, and gods know I could use that.  Not that I'm depressed or anything, but I think I am feeling rather useless, and I'd rather be doing something constructive with my time and energy.  And I miss my numbers!  Keeping my checkbook balanced just isn't enough challenge. :D

So, that's my plan for Monday and Tuesday.  Yeah, Tuesday begins another chemo week.  But I can handle it... yeah. :)

Have a great weekend, everyone.  Love, hugs and kisses to all.

Oh Xeloda

I took the last four of this week's Xeloda with my breakfast.  We made scrambled eggs and added our leftover veggie melange, which had cauliflower, broccoli, asparagus, grey squash and assorted chili peppers.  It was a fine breakfast.

Still coughing up goop from my lungs, although I am done with the prednisone.  I do still have about a week left of the doxycycline.  Yesterday's foray to the phlebotomist was a little challenging.  We had to do two sticks, and my blood did not want to flow.  But, we got what we needed, eventually. :)

Our neighbor, Leslie, thinks chocolate therapy is good for me, so she keeps supplying me with really lovely items.  This week, it was a tiramisu log.  Oh so yummy.  And it's not like I'm wasting away.  My weight is pretty darned stable.  And then Jane's friend Lisa sent individual carrot cakes.  Ai chihuahua.  :)

So, Dr. Ramaswamy said I should wear support socks.  He says my left leg's veins have been injured by the blood clot and that's why I get the swelling.  Have you ever tried to put ON support socks?  I don't breathe all that well on good days, and doubling over trying to wrestle with these socks .... well, let's just say I almost need a nap once I get one on.  And then, you have to put 'em on BOTH legs.  Well, I guess I could just put one on the left leg, but ... nah.  Anywho, it's great exercise, if I don't pass out from lack of oxygen. :D

I've been watching The Next Iron Chef, and this iteration has some of the best chefs ever.  But it's tough, because these folks ARE fantastic chefs, and each week, someone gets tossed, and it's not like there are any slugs in the mix here.  Robert Irvine got tossed because his Hummus was too thick!  Yeah, the line up is that good that something as minor as Hummus that's too thick can get you sent packing.

The Xeloda nausea has been a constant for this round, but it's not horrible.  It doesn't make me retch, it just makes me feel crappy.  But on the bright side, the chilly nights are making me sleep like crazy.  Good, deep, restorative sleep.  YAY!

So, keep warm, all.  And have a great week.

Yes, it's Chemo Week

I've not been feeling great, so I haven't had anything exciting to post. :)  I've got a couple more days on the prednisone for the asthma exacerbation, and I looked at my hands today and saw the hands of an 80 year old.  Prednisone just beats the crap out of my skin.  My hands look withered.  Of course, the side effects of the Xeloda are contributing to that, as well.  Oh well, my chances to become a famous hand model are now dimmer than ever. :D

Had another great blood draw yesterday from Joyce at Sonora Quest labs.  There is not a shoddy phlebotomist in the place.  They are fantastic!  I go to the one on Brown Road just west of Country Club.  It's close to my house... relatively speaking.

It's really cooling off here in the desert; highs are only in the low 80's and the overnight lows are down-right chilly in the 50's!  Saturday's projected high is supposed to be 64!  Holy guacamole!  But hey, that's what long sleeved shirts are for, eh?  Jane and Nancy will be happy to play soccer in the cooler weather, that's for sure.

Nothing new to report, though.  Leg is back to being painful and making it hard to get out of bed, so Nancy rigged up a support device to help me with that.  Works wonders. :)  I'm using a cane to get around the house, as sometimes the stupid leg doesn't want to support me.  How rude, when I've been supporting IT for years.  Alas.  And being on blood thinners, the last thing you want to do is fall.

Take care, all.  Keep warm. :)

Did My Camptosar

Happily I was able to have my camptosar infusion today, although with the bronchitis and asthma flare up, it's left me a lot more lethargic than usual.  I got my four Xeloda pills down with my dinner.  They are always a joy. :)

I saw my Primary Care yesterday, and he put me on some doxycyline because my sputum was starting to become colorful, and we just can't afford a bacterial pneumonia.  Better to be safe than dead, I say. :D

Of course, tonight will see the Dreaded Decadron Insomnia, but I have books to read, and I reloaded Diablo II, so I can play that for a bit. 

Finally confessed my self-proclaimed "behavioural issue" with Dr. Ramaswamy.  I told him that I have major problems knowing when to complain about symptomatic issues.  It's really, really a difficult issue for me.  Mostly, I told him, I feel like a whiner because that's how I was brought up between my ever-stoic parents and the even more stoic nuns.  He told me to call him if there was any doubt in my mind; any niggle of suspicion that something isn't right.  If we can just deal with it over the phone, then that is what we will do.  He listened to me, and he had an answer for me that makes sense, and so I shall try very hard to stick with this plan.  Dr. Ramaswamy is truly the best.

He says, too, that the swelling of my ankle and foot looks alot better than it did in the hospital, and that the INR rates are very challenging on me because of my chemo drugs, and being on prednisone at the moment.  So we're sticking to Monday and Thursday blood tests.  He did say he was going to have his assistant contact my insurance company and ask about home testing for PT/INR's.  I would do that in a heartbeat.

So, you know, I'm not feeling great, but I'm not back in the hospital, and THAT makes me happy as a clam.  And on that note, I think it's time to hit the hookah.

Love to all, peace on Earth and hugs all 'round!

Those That Have Gone Before

Samhain is here, and deep feelings for my departed friends and family are rampant today.

To my Dad; thank you for all your hard-won life lessons.  You passed them on to us, and you taught us the values of truth and sharing and compassion.

To my Mom; I still miss you so much.  We had a wonderful life here in Arizona.  For all your neuroses, Mom, you were still the strongest woman I have ever known.

To my Auntie; you were the great balancer between Mom and Dad, the third parent, the older sister, the friend.  I will always have "Travels With My Aunt" in mind whenever I think of you; that and "Stormy Weather!"

To my brother Bunny; You were always so handsome, and strong and kind.  You raised a fine family and gave them your gifts of love and compassion.

To my brother Pico; The world is not quite right here without you.  But you know, your boys are simply wonderful, and your daughter is making one hell of a good woman.  I love you.

To my brother Jes; The first Halloween without you, my brother, and it's very hard.  I'm so happy you had Lauri by your side for so many years.  I will miss our phone calls.  When next we meet, I'm going to hug you SO hard, and you won't be able to get away. :)

There are so many lessons each of you taught; we have only ourselves to blame if we didn't choose to learn them.  Cousin Helene, we found each other through the gift of the world wide web, and I was blessed to have you in my life for even the shortest of times.  But I will keep in touch with Noe, that I promise.

And all my family still here with me, you can't imagine how much love I have for you.  You have sustained me in so many ways.  I could not fight these hideous cancers without your support, love, encouragement and comfort.

Have a happy Halloween everyone; keep your Trick-or-Treaters safe!

Cough... Cough

Well, whatever this malady is that is now affecting my lungs, it seems to be pretty tenacious.  I had lots of liquids today, some chicken soup, and still, the goopiness persists.


Doc called to tell me to stop the coumadin for a couple of days because my INR was up to 5.  Ai carumba!  Don't get a paper-cut, or bang your knee on a table.   I have to go in to see him on Monday afternoon.  Got more lab testing on Monday morning; the regular PT/INR and then my pre-chemo stuff, the CBC and platelets with differentials.


The worry I have is that they won't let me do my chemo on Tuesday if this coughing is still active.  Although, frankly, I can't see how it will make a difference.  But that's me... I worry.


Oh yes, I am sucking on my hookah again.  I figure if I do it just before I try to get to bed, I should have a better chance at getting to sleep, despite being wired up.  Much easier to sleep when you can breathe. :)


Sometimes it just gets overwhelming, the things you have to do to try to survive cancer.  My left leg is swelling again, at the foot and ankle.  I was hoping that would go away with the coumadin and the dissolving of the DVT.  Maybe it is just going to take longer than I want.  At least the pain in my thigh is a thing of the past.


Then, there's the watching of the glucose levels, my heart rate, my oxygen saturation, my temperature, my weight, the condition of my feet and my hands, and good gods, how on earth do we survive as a species?  We're so complicated and have so many systems that can break down!


I need to go get new glasses, but my vision changes almost every day.  That's the chemo.  It's just all so weird.


But, it's time to try to get some sleep.  Monday is Samhain, or Halloween, and I have lots and lots of family and other loved ones that have passed beyond this world, and I want to honor them and remember them and ensure they know that  death doesn't end the loving.  


Peace and love.

Gorgeous Morning!

It's bright and sunny out, and there is a cool breeze blowing.  This is one of those rare Fall mornings in the desert that makes you realize it really IS Fall.  Today's high is showing at 80 degrees.  Considering that was our overnight low last month, this is exciting news.


The lungs are really being quite problematic; having a heck of a time getting all the goop out of them.  I'm doing a breathing treatment right now, which should help.  And I have a huge 24 oz glass of water at my side.  But I'm thinking I may have to have some chicken soup for lunch. ;)  And I'm being a good girl and taking my Prednisone.  Blech.  I ask you:  How many drugs can one body take before it has had enough?


Dr. Fastenberg, my oncologist, looks at my lab work and tells me I have the strongest liver he's ever seen.  Good thing, too!  It would be nice to have at least one decent organ left in my body. :D


So, for tonight's guilty pleasure, it's the finale of "Project Runway," but I must say, I'm rather ambivalent about it.  This season hasn't had stellar talent like past seasons.  Where is a Christian Siriano?  Where is a Mondo Guerra?  This batch seems totally forgettable.  What this season has had is one mean-spirited drama Queen in Joshua McKinley.  Ai chihuahua.  So yeah, I am kinda not caring all that much.


Now, I think I'll go get some hot tea; hot beverages are good when you need to loosen up the goop in your chest.


Love to all.   

Hookah Power!

It's 4:33AM and I am using my nebulizer once again.  Actually, I am doing MUCH better since yesterday morning when I went to get my PT/INR.  I had to take the scooter because I was WAY too weak to walk.  That's nothing to worry about; mostly a combination of the chemo and this cold I have that is running its course.  I hope to be back to walking on Thursday when I have to return to the lab for more blood-letting.

There really is nothing new and exciting to tell you about for this post, but I wanted to let you all know that I am feeling better.  And most happily, my breakfast dose of Xeloda this morning will be the last of this round, and then I have my chemo week OFF. :)  YAY, I need a break.

My hands are definitely beginning to feel the effects of Hand-Foot Syndrome.  There are many things I can't do with my hands at the moment, like open bottles, make coffee (our carafe's handle, the one we fill with water to pour into the coffee maker, has a very uncomfortable handle for me.)  It hurts to grasp anything, which is a bit problematic for someone who, when she walks either uses a cane or a walker.  But the good news is that Hand-Foot Syndrome clears up once the chemotherapy drugs are withdrawn.  So, I shall just suck it up. :)

And that's it.  I'm looking forward to Halloween on Monday; hopefully we will have trick or treaters, and I can watch them from a distance. 

Love and hugs to all.

Ugh, no Sleeping

I had to get up and do a breathing treatment, and if you know anything about albuterol, which is what I nebulize in my hookah, you know it makes your heart race, and wires you for sound.  For instance, I'm sitting here at my computer, and my HR is 122, and I can't stop shaking my left leg.... that's one way to get exercise, I guess. ;)


So, I've been playing World of Warcraft.  I just mute my system so I don't wake up the whole household.  There seem to be plenty more insomniacs on line tonight, so I was enjoying a chat with Smacky, a very handsome Orc warrior that is totally epic'd out.  He had kindly notified me that a rare was up, if I was interested in taming it as a pet, since I was on Kauket, my lovely Orc Hunter.  Alas, I would have needed some druid back up, and since I had just started the Firelands quests on Kauket, I did not have them at my disposal.  And believe me, Kauket is NOT epic'd out. :)


Playing World of Warcraft (WoW) when you are having trouble breathing serves an important purpose; it helps me relax, believe it or not.  That way, I stop getting anxious and feeling impending doom.  Anxiety is the worst thing you can develop in the face of an asthma episode.  And yet, it's almost always going to happen because let's face it, it's scary when you can't breathe!  But with the anxiety comes more shortness of breath.


I like to use both WoW and the power of numbers to keep me from getting too neurotic.  For instance, I have my Pulse Oxymeter, which tells me my HR and my Oxygen saturation level (the level of oxygenation in my blood).  Obviously, if my O2 level is showing at 99%, I am in really good shape.  And the breathing treatment that I did earlier is having good results.  I got a little worried I'd be heading to the ER this evening, but I think I'm going to be fine.  I'll just keep an eye on my sats.


Now, I guess since I am nowhere near being able to sleep, I should return to World of Warcraft.


Peace!

Oh My Nose

I am sick.  I don't know if I caught a cold somehow, or if I've got the beginnings of a sinus infection, but I can't breathe through my nose and my throat is sore from post nasal drip.  Of course, not being able to breathe through my nose means I can't use my CPAP when I sleep, nor my O2.  I hate having blocked sinuses.  I don't have a fever though, so that's a good sign.


We had a virtual ticket to BlizzCon for this weekend.  Watching was a double-edged sword.  There was so much information about what's coming in the future, including Diablo III, and the new World of Warcraft expansion, Mists of Pandaria.  I'm happily anticipating being able to play both, and yet I have to wonder if I will still be able to play by the time they go into production.  I'm thinking that if this current chemo regimen continues to have good results, then I should be able to partake of both DIII and the new WoW expansion.


Back to the "I am sick" part; I'm hitting my hookah even as I type.  This whatever has already started to impact my lungs.  But I will keep an eye on it and call my pulmo if things take a bad turn.  I do have Levaquin and Prednisone here on hand if I need it.  Hate them both, though.


On a happy note, I have decided to get my sisters Kindle Fires for Winter Solstice.  No worries about spilling the beans as they already know what they are getting.  At least Jane and Nancy, that is.  Cathy is getting completely different stuff, and Wendy and Dean; well the jury is still out on them. :)


Now, I think I'm going to play a little bit of World of Warcraft, then get to bed early.  I'm feeling so puny and weak.  It IS chemo week, so that's not surprising.


Love, hugs and kisses to all!

Bougainvillea!

This is a quick post to share a picture I took of my Bougainvillea this morning.  Isn't it beautiful?

And this is what I get to gaze upon out the patio door of my bedroom.  YAY!

Just got back from my Thursday blood-letting.  And they keep wondering why I am so anemic. :D  Silly doctors.

I had a lovely breakfast of Greek yogurt with some Kashi mixed into it.  That gives it a nice crunch, and some extra fiber.  It's so weird; this chemo regimen I'm on, one of the major side effects is life-threatening diarrhea.  And here I am having to chow down on prunes and high-fiber cereal. ;)  I guess that is the better of the two options.  Hehe.

Have a great day, all!

All is Not Lost

I called the finance people over at Ironwood Cancer and Research Center this morning, and after doing some research on their end, they told me that it isn't the Chemo that my insurance company is denying coverage upon, it's the Aranesp shot that helps me keep my white cells where they need to be.  And wow, I had no idea each shot was $4040!

There was nothing on the insurance paperwork that specified what they were denying, and I was so freaked out yesterday.  Sally at Ironwood told me NOT to worry; they had faxed over the required information at least three times, and by gods they'd do it three more times, if they had to.

So, I'm in a much better place today and hopefully I can get some sleep tonight.  I did manage an hour and a half this morning, and it's amazing what that little bit of sleep can do for your spirit.

The nausea was pretty bad today, though.  I'm thinking the stress of the insurance company fiasco (and note, I never say which insurance company I have, as I don't want them suing me for telling the truth about them.)  So I did take a compazine and I think it's about time for another.  But the pain in my thigh is totally gone now, and I can walk pretty well again.  Still, I'm taking the scooter to my lab tests tomorrow, just because I'm feeling so puny from the chemo.

Thank heavens for all the folks at Ironwood.  They are such professionals and always have great attitudes.  You can't help but be impressed.  There's nothing worse than a good doctor with crappy staff, but at Ironwood, you have the best of BOTH worlds. :)

Peace out. :D

Never SAY You are Lucky

I got home from my chemo today to find NUMEROUS letters from my insurance company telling me in several pages of gibberish that they have denied my claims on my chemo treatments.  They are telling me I now owe my oncologist just over $28,000.  Um, yeah.

So, I called them and they said the data my oncologist had provided was not enough.  They needed more justification.  They decided this back on my first treatment in August, but just now decided to let ME know.    Well, if they needed more information, why didn't they contact my doctor?  Oh, not their job!  How odd, I could have SWORN it WAS their job.  But, hey, they don't want to pay that $28,000 either, nor $4040 for any additional chemos.

And I ask myself.  WHY do I have medical insurance if they don't cover crap I need to stay alive.  Or get some sleep.  But note the lack of question marks there... it's all rhetorical.  They don't give a flying rat's ass.

Well, I'll be sure to call my oncologist's office tomorrow, because if my insurance is not covering it, we're going to have to stop the one treatment regimen that was actually saving my life.  I will not put my family in jeopardy and debt.  Granted, I'm sure this will all be resolved once I talk to the Oncologist.  HIM I have faith in.

I'm sure it would all look less dire in the morning, after a good night's sleep, but WAIT!  It's the Dreaded Decadron Insomnia night, for which they denied me a good night's sleep.  Alas.

Instead, I'm sure I'll be even more of a sarcastic bitch in the morning.  Pray for whomever answers the phone at my oncologist's office.

I Love Fall

I think Fall is by far my favorite season.  Even here, we have leaves changing colors; certainly not as showy and impressive as over in New England, but it's here, nonetheless.


Today, I'll be heading off to see the oncologist at 1PM, then if all is well with my labs, I can have my Camptosar infusion.  How amazing that after being so skittish in the beginning of this treatment regimen, now, I WANT it!  Doesn't matter that it makes me nauseated; it's saving my life, and I want it.  Oooh, that sounds like a three-year-old, doesn't it?  I WANT IT!  :D


On the other hand, this means the beginning of my Xeloda cycle, too.  You know, I'm exceedingly lucky, because other than the nausea, I'm not getting the more harsh side effects from these two chemo drugs.  Oh well, yes, there IS that little problem with blood clots, but I was lucky there, too!  That Pulmonary Embolism was found before it killed me.  That's luck!


But perhaps, luck has nothing to do with it.  I know I have so many supporters out there; family, friends, even strangers I have never physically met.  With all those prayers, good mojo, best wishes and love, you know that HAS to play a part in my so-called 'luck.'  And I am most appreciative of every bit of support that comes my way.


Our house is now decorated for Halloween.  We have a HORRIBLE giant spider on the front porch, and his web is full of plastic cockroaches.  I kinda helped out yesterday, putting cockroaches in the web, but frankly, they kept sliding and looked FAR too real for my taste, but in the spirit of the season, they are perfect.


Jane made another batch of cupcakes yesterday with my favorite Chocolate Cream Cheese frosting, but instead of cocoa powder, which we didn't have, we used Mexican Chocolate... with cinnamon.  Holy carp, these cupcakes are to die for.  And if I eat too many, I will. :)  The cake part is spice cake, too, so believe me, the Mexican in us is VERY happy with these cupcakes.


So that's it for this post.  All is well, and if anything comes up at the oncologist today, I'll let you all know.


Love, hugs and kisses, too!

AC's Back On

And the reason this is?  We want to sleep.  It was just not cooling down enough last night, but I wasn't about to go around the house at 2AM shutting windows, so I didn't turn the Air Conditioning back on until this morning.  Oh, and yes, it was a bit warm today. :)


Jane and Nancy have soccer tomorrow, so Cathy and I are going to do something in the crock pot.  I got the recipe from "Not Your Mother's Slow Cooker Cookbook."  A rather unwieldy title, but it does have some freaking awesome recipes.  Any book that includes SEVERAL recipes with Hominy has GOT to be good! ;)


I can't remember exactly what the recipe was but it definitely involved turkey smoked sausage and a jar of good salsa.  We're going to slap it over whole-wheat pasta; whichever type we have in the pantry is fine.


Today, I decided to get up and put on my compression socks.  Holy carp, what a workout.  I guess they wouldn't work well if they were not a job to don.  Did they work?  The jury is out, only because I didn't put them on right out of bed. I think my ankles had already started swelling before I put them on my lotion-slathered feet.  Don't forget, I'm still trying to stave off the nasty Hand-Foot Syndrome from my chemo.  


On the agenda for this week?  Monday, a plethora of blood tests; my PT/INR, and some exciting pre-chemo checks...CBC, platelets with differentials and something called a D-Dimer to check my clottiness, so to speak.  Thankfully there is no test to check my snottiness.  I think the results might be pretty fascinating, though, if there were.


Then, Tuesday, it's Camptosar infusion time, followed by the start up of my week of Xeloda, and of course, the Dreaded Decadron Insomnia.  After that, the remainder of the week will be filled with me trying not to be nauseated.  Although, on Thursday, it'll be back to the phlebotamist for another PT/INR.  


But on the happy side, my sisters and I will be attending BlizzCon, virtually of course.  Wouldn't want to barf all over an actual convention, and I think the airlines would charge me a fortune to pack up my scooter, Darth Vader (my oxygen concentrator), and my CPAP.  


And now, it's time to take my night time bevy of pills and read a bit before I head off to slumber land.  I hope you all have a great upcoming week full of peace, sleep, and much happiness.

Hell's Bells!

Ok, I had turned off the Air Conditioner last week, when we were experiencing high 70's through high 80's weather and it was great, but this week, we're back to high 90's again.  This is actually normal for us here in the Phoenix metropolitan (dang, that word is a pain to type!) area for this time of year. 

If you notice on my Weather Channel widget, our lows are great; tonight we'll hit 64... blanket weather! ;)  So, now that the sun is long past being down, all my windows and doors are open and the fans and cross currents are bringing that cooler air into the house.  And it's LOVELY!

Jane says she heard our Great Horned Owls last night, so I hope I get a chance to hear them soon.  Our bats were back again this evening as we were all out enjoying the sunset and the cooler temperatures.

Went and had my PT/INR today, since Dr. R has changed my schedule from Monday and Friday to Monday and Thursday.  Had a chat with my case worker from my insurance company, wondering WHY this time, they wouldn't cover the Coumadin Clinic.  She's going to find out.  Seems my insurance isn't covering quite a few things these days, not the least of which is the only sleep aid that I, as a person with advanced lung disease, can actually use.

Yes, I broke down and asked Dr. R for a sleeping pill to use on my Dreaded Decadron Insomnia nights.  He prescribed Rozerem, which doesn't have a sedative effect, which would be a bad thing for a person with lung disease and sleep apnea.  But my insurance company said "prescribe Ambien" to which my doc said... diplomatically... "NO!"

Oh sure, I could spring for it myself, but for two nights in a month, they can bite me... I'll just stay up all night.  It's not cheap, by the way.  And frankly, I have other, much more important, priorities on my finances right now.  But, you know, I'm freaking sick of non-medically trained bureaucrats (dang, that's even harder to type!) telling MY DOCTOR how to prescribe medicine, when they don't know crap about me as a patient.  Yeah, I'm perturbed... which is nicer than saying this pisses me off royally.  Probably because I'm sleep-deprived.  Alas.

Still, all in all, life as I know it is fantastic, beaurocracy-ridden insurance companies notwithstanding, and so, I have a smile on my face, a song in my heart and a glass of red wine at my side.  I have a huge family that loves me to bits, friends that give me shoulders galore, and chihuahuas that provide unquestioning adoration.  For what more could one wish?  A freaking good night's sleep on Dreaded Decadron Insomnia nights!!!!!

And could I also ask to be rid of this silly twitch in my left eye?

Love to all. :)

In the Spirit of the Season...

... we were visited by three tiny bats, flying around our circle (cul de sac) at sunset.  They were finding a feast of flying bugs, apparently.  They were easily viewed in silhouette against the waning light from the west.  Bats are a wonderful controller of pests that would eat our crops.

And speaking of crops, this weekend we're planting our winter veggies.  Artichokes, Brussels Sprouts, heirloom tomatoes (purples and pinks), Broccoli, and Red Cabbage.  And of course, our rampant chili plants are producing and should continue well into the season.

I painted three canvases today.  I had gotten a shipment of paints that I was salivating over and just HAD to use them.  But, I have to say, painting really tired me out today.  As I mentioned earlier, I took my last dose of the weekly chemo pills, Xeloda, today, but I was not feeling very good.  I am still having some problems with nausea, which will hopefully start to go away.  I can barely eat.  I've lost four pounds since I left the hospital...those guys were really making me chow down! ;)

That's one of the paintings I did today.  Wendy said it reminded her of a Military Macaw, and I can see that.  I did try to make it feathery.  Speaking of Military Macaws, here's a picture of my beloved Gypsy.

I think there IS a resemblance!

Now, sleep well, all... be safe, keep warm or cool as the case may be. :)

April 2012!

HBO says the second season of "Game of Thrones" will premier in April of 2012.  That's not so far away.  Must try to stay healthy so I can enjoy it.  I get most of my information from a site called Winter-Is-Coming.  They do keep me up to date. :)

I started re-watching the first season of "Game of Thrones," since I'm not exactly at my most mobile at the moment. The final scene of the first episode still makes me gasp despite having read the books and having seen the episode at least twice before.  I think HBO is fantastic for giving us the tools to re-watch any program at any time, via HBO GO.

As for my mobility, the pain in my thigh has lessened considerably, and I find that getting up from a sit is no longer the groan-out-loud experience it has been.  Seriously, it took me minutes to get up the COURAGE to try to get up from a sit, it hurt so badly.  Our thigh muscles are pretty important; more important than I ever gave them credit for at least.  Because until this, I never gave them a thought.  Sorry, thigh muscles... you guys rock!

It's amazing how much cancer makes you learn things.  I know so much more about the physiology of my own body than I ever dreamed I'd learn.  Or really cared to learn, actually.  But, frankly, it's all very fascinating.  Makes you wonder how the hell we've survived all this time as a species when so much can go wrong with our very complicated systems.  I mean just eating; getting the nutrition right (which many of us fall short being successful) is insanely complicated, and we've made it much more difficult with all the stupid processing we've done to make food less nutritious, but supposedly more palatable.  To that I say HORSE HOCKEY!

Take grains, for instance.  Have you had a good serving of Quinoa pilaf lately?  I'll guess not.  Whole grain Quinoa, Millet, Barley, Wheat Berries:  all delicious in their natural states, and packed full of nutrition.  Cook them correctly, and they are satisfyingly toothsome, adding great texture, flavor and goodness to any plate.

Today is my last dose of Xeloda for this round, and after I take my breakfast foursome, I get a week off from the pills.  And food is starting to look good again. :)

Be happy, everyone.  Hug someone or something you love today.  Don't forget!

Sleeping A Lot

Vicodin makes me sleepy so if I take one, I have to sleep at least two hours.  I took my last Vicodin yesterday.  I started to get nauseated and decided I'd rather have pain than nausea.

But even so, I'm still sleeping quite a bit. Maybe my body just needs some rest.  Must listen to the body. ;)

Tomorrow I go to Sonora to get my PT/INR tested again.  I'm at 2.5 mg of Coumadin at the moment.  I wish it would hurry up and get rid of that damned clot in my thigh so I could walk again.  I should stop the whining, I know, but it hurts.

So anywho, that's why I'm not posting so much; I'm too busy sleeping.  But I think I detect a lessening of the pain, so maybe the coumadin is working and I just need to be patient.  HAHAHAH, yeah, that's me, patient. ;)

Love to all!

Pain Continues

The pain from the DVT in my left thigh is not being managed very well.  That's my fault, of course, as I hate painkillers, and I've waited far too long to start taking them with regularity.


But some time after 2 AM, when I discovered I could not get out of bed, it seemed time to just take the creepy Vicodin.  I have to say, though, it's not really getting rid of the pain.  I think it's lessening it a bit, but um, it still hurts.


I took the pre-emptive dose of compazine, an anti-nausea drug, after I got home from my Friday blood-letting.  I waited about 1/2 hour and then took the Vicodin. And then I fell asleep.  Essentially, every time I take a Vicodin, I fall asleep, so maybe that's what I have to do; sleep through the pain.  


Anyway, I'm trying to take the Vicodin now on a continual basis without barfing my guts out.  Which reminds me, it's time for another compazine.  When Dr. Ramaswamy calls about today's PTR, I shall tell him about the level of pain, etc.  Maybe I need something stronger than Vicodin... oh yuck.


Well, have a great weekend, all.

Good Bye, Steve Jobs... rest well

I think when you have cancer, you feel an empathetic connection to everyone else that is battling the evil crap.  And when one of us dies, it hurts us all.  We understand that some of us won't win the war, no matter what, and I think we feel diminished in some way when any of us succumb.

Yesterday was not my normal Tuesday for chemo, it should have been last week, but I was in hospital, so it was a totally different crowd.  But crowd it was not.  There were lots of empty chairs.  Jane was disconcerted because of the about 20 people there getting their infusions, I was the only one that had someone with me.  It's rare to see that.  But, I surely understand that when you are sitting around having toxic stuff dripped into your chest, it's not the most exciting of ways to pass the time.

Jane either reads, or does the jigsaw puzzle of the day, or we just jabber.

I went out and picked one of my hibiscus.  I would, if I had more hair, have worn it, but I forgot how HUGE my blooms are.  It's bigger than my head!

Here is a shot of it on a tea towel.  We tried to just take it on the quartz counter top, but it's pretty much the same color, so it needed a bit of contrast.

I love flowers.  They brighten up the world so much!  Oh, please note, I was wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt today.  It was only like 84!  You know, kind of chilly to us. ;)  And as you can see, the hair is coming back... slowly and very, very straight.  Ai carumba!

Oh, Polly, if you read this, Jane brewed up some of the lovely tea you brought me back from England.  It's fantastic!  Nicely full-bodied.  Gotta love the British and their tea.  I could probably substitute coffee willingly for this.... well, maybe not, but it would be close. :D

Ok, love and hugs to all!

Decadron Insomnia

I'm happily adding this post via my Motorola Xoom, which is the reason for reverting back to a regular Blogger template.  Plus, I missed my gadgets and widgets and the ability to go wild with colors. :)

So I saw Dr. Fastenberg today and he was concerned about the pain in my leg from the DVT.  He says that sometimes, in the presence of malignancies, blood clots require more than coumadin.  He gave me orders to have a D-dimer test done along with my normal CBC and platelets with differentials.  In the meantime he wants me to be hyper aware of my breathing, and to check my O2 saturation and my heart rates.  You just know that the Queen of Neuroses is chomping on the bit to be released from my non-existent basement!

I'll be seeing Dr. Ramaswamy, my primary care doctor, on Thursday, so I'll be sure to discuss the pain issue with him.  He knows that I don't do painkillers very well.  I think I may discuss other options with him.  Acupuncture is being used for cancer-related pain, and I believe my insurance would cover it.  And believe me, any fear I used to have when it comes to needles is long gone!

Now, I'll try to at least get some rest, as I know how the dreaded decadron insomnia will screw with me. :)

Love and hugs to all!

Back to an OLD Template

The dynamic template wasn't working for mobile applications, so I couldn't post from my infusion today.  Yes, I had another chemo today, and it looks like we'll be doing this until I can't do it any longer.

So bear with me on this.... while I try to get it back to normal. :)

Comments Having Problems

Blogger came out with new Dynamic Templates, and this is one of them.  I'm not sure I'll stick with this one.  But the main thing is, in the process of making Blogger better, the ability of people to leave comments is having some problems. 

So, bear with 'em.  I haven't a clue how long these upgrades will be continuing, but .. yeah, it's an adventure!

Hey, interestingly enough, looks like the "Preview" button doesn't work either.  So this one is going to be published COLD!  Scary! :D  Oooh, and I can't change the font.  Ai carumba!

A New Week Begins

Today, I have a noon appointment to get my clotting factor measured.  I hope Dr. R. gets me set up at the Coumadin Clinic at Banner Baywood soon.  I'm almost out of veins to be tapped.


Tomorrow I'll see Dr. Fastenberg and we'll decide if I am well enough to return to my chemos.  Plus I want to see the final CT result for myself.  I'm so happy about the shrinkage of my adrenal gland tumor, and thankful for some good news for a change. :)


Nancy and I are going to make three-bean turkey chili for dinner tonight.  We're using black beans, kidneys and great northern beans.  Jane had made a bunch of sauteed veggies yesterday:  Asparagus, red onion, orange, yellow and red bell peppers and jalapenos.  We'll finish them off tonight.  Actually, I think they'd be great as a topper for the chili.


The turkey chili is a slow-cooker thing so we'll get that put together when we get home from the blood-letting.  It will make the house smell so good!


I'm feeling strong enough to take my walker to the lab today, rather than my scooter.  Even with the Handicapped parking space, their actual location withing the building they occupy is about as far in as you can get. :D  But I'm looking forward to walking on my own two feet.  Keep those blood clots at bay!!


Speaking of walking, I'm off to take a gander at my back garden.  It's nice and cool this morning, so I must take advantage of the temperature.


Love and hugs to all!

Coumadin... ai chihuahua

So, I went to Sonora Quest to get my PT/INR.  I was happily anticipating a quick finger prick and then I'd be out of there.

But NO!  "We can't do the finger prick; we're not technicians, and we don't have the equipment."  But, after looking at my arm and examining the vein options, the phlebotomist says to me, "Don't worry, I'm really good at getting blood from you challenging types."  She smiled reassuringly.  Frankly, I believed her.  After a thorough arm going-over, she went for my hand.  It was a perfect job. :)

Then off Nancy and I went to Walgreen's to get the Coumadin.  They were surprised to see me.  I've had my prescriptions there, at least the ones I can't wait on for my mail order joint, for probably a year... and I've never been in the place until yesterday.  Jane and Nancy have always gone to get my drugs.  I think they didn't believe I existed.

I was on my pretty red scooter, and thankfully, the aisles of the Walgreen's were uncluttered enough to get through.  Plus, I didn't hit a soul.  YAY! :D

Jane brought me my favorite salad for dinner, and I made inroads into the See's candy that my friend Annette had brought me in the hospital.  Oh lord, they have chocolate covered ginger.  WOW, that is SO good!  And despite those inroads, my glucose was great this morning.  I'm just about back to my weird normal. :)

Dr. Ramaswamy had said that as soon as he got the results from the PT/INR, he'd call to tell me how much Coumadin to take that evening.  At 4:30 PM, I decided to call, and they said they didn't have the lab results yet.  Gloria, Dr. R's nurse asked me if he'd put STAT on the orders.  I couldn't remember.  They were odd looking to begin with because they were generated in the hospital, and were not in any way like his normal lab orders.

By 9PM, I was half asleep at my keyboard, so I took my regular evening drugs and went to bed.  I figured it was better to not take ANY coumadin than to try and guess what to take.  Guessing and blood thinners do not mix.

The phone rang at 11:45PM.  Jane got it; Dr. Ramaswamy, beside himself and very apologetic said the test results were still not available, but take a half of one of the coumadin.  I did that, and took a Vicodin because my left leg was making it hard to get back to sleep.  .... I woke up at 9:15 this morning.  Holy moses!  I haven't slept that late in years!

And speaking of the devil; just got off the phone with Dr. Ramaswamy who told me how to dose myself for the next couple of days.  Then Monday, it's back for another blood letting.  Joy. :D

All in all, I'm doing really well.  I feel a bit fragile yet, but I think I'm getting stronger every day.  Hugs to all!