Monday, February 27, 2012

Monday, February 20, 2012

Journey to death

I am sitting here on my La-Z_Boy recliner, and may I say it is THE most comfortable sitting surface I own.  If you want to see it, it's a Carlyle recliner.  It was pricey, but oh so worth every penney.

Anywho, I have lots of time to think these days.  My hospice nurse would love to see me take a trip, but it's so problematic hauling all themedical equipment around.  And I'm just talking for the lung disease, never mind the cancer.  And then I think why lug it all around?  If you are really ready to die, do you need it?  Well that's a damned fine question. I don't think it behooves me to HASTEN my death, and besides, the point of this blog now is to describe the the facets of experience in light of a waning life.

I don't want to fear it and I don't want my readers to fear it.  It's such a natural progression on our journey' and everyone we have ever loved, encountered, and been annoyed by has taken it.  And I can't imagine that any deity or deities that had a hand in our creation would simply abandon us at this end point.

Perhaps I just think this to give myself comfort, but I have seen those that wait for me, and they tell me I have time yet.  Maybe it won't be the most pleasant of times going forward, but I WILL be going forward!

LOVE, HUGS, AND BLESSINGS TO ALL.

Friday, February 17, 2012

TIME TO CONFESS

I must confess to nurse Betty later today, that I am getting dizzy again.  I would have to bet it's caused by growth in the brain tumors.  And, there is now pain when I try to eat, although the strawberry ice cream was no problem.

I hate confessing to any kind of pain because I know they will want me to take some kind of pain killer, and they all mske me sick.  Oh well, though, I do still want to be able to eat, too.

Should be an interesting day ;)  Love and hugs to all!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

My Funny Valentine

It's little Tyra, a rescue Toy Poodle/Chihuahua.  Not to worry, my sisters will love her when I am gone.

We were both rather tired.

Far Too Sleepy

Today I feel like I did when I came home from the hospital; weak and very tired.  I don't know if I just overdid it too much last week when I was feeling great.

I do have a bit of a sore throat, but Nurse Betty took a look and said it was red, but fine.  My labs were great from last week, too.  So why do I feel like I could sleep forever?  Oh well, back to the walker and that's not such  bad thing.  I guess I'll just go back up there to my La-Z-Boy and doze some more.

Love and hugs to all!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Sprout's Sunday

Okay, today I am going to take my first foray outside of my house since I entered hospice.  I was trying to decide what kind of goodies to get, and then realized I won't be having a paycheck for at least 4 more weeks.

So, that's rather narrowed my selection a bit. :)

But, I do want to get a big hunk of fresh ginger to make some tea; nothing better to settle one's stomach.

I had a lovely visit from my friend, V. Corrigan.  She wrote in the memory book that Linda, my hospice social worker had made for me.  It's got a beautiful cover of parrots, and three marmalade cats.

Strangely, I spent most of today dozing...I just could not stay awake for long.  Oh well, I guess I needed it .

And speaking of sleep, I guess I'll get some more in, now.

Love and hugs to you all!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Pizza Cravings

I know that the fact that I can still eat is almost miraculous.  The main esophageal tumor takes up 60% of my ...um...esophagus. :)  But holy moley, I get these cravings for things I haven't had in years, or for things I normally don't care.

However, Jane brought home a cowboy pizza from Papa Murphy's yesterday, and it was spectacular.  It's the kind of place where they make it, but you have to bring it home and cook it.  Yum.

I had a letter from Banner Baywood asking me how much I enjoyed the care I received during my last hospitalization.  I'll be calling in my report soon.  I'm still so angry with them, and yet there were definitely staff there that went out of their way to make up for what happened with the two original murderous loons.  Should be an interesting conversation. :)

I posted a picture on my Facebook page of the very sweet surprise my Hospice Nurse Betty brought me yesterday.  It was a wig!!  I have no hair again, which is fine, really, but we had talked about wigs although I never thought to actually GET one.  Well, Betty got it for me, and I am thrilled with it.  The hair is straight, which is odd to me, since my real hair was massively curly, but it's still a cute wig.  Makes me want more, but that would be very wasteful, and with my upcoming retirement and the expense of COBRA, I can't afford to be frivolous. :P

But the wheels of retirement planning are finally moving right along, so hopefully, we'll be there soon.

And now, love and hugs to all!


Saturday, February 4, 2012

Happy Saturday!

And I am indeed pretty darned happy.  With the valium on board, the vertigo is almost a thing of the past.  Not sure how that works, but I'm good with it!  My friend, Jon, says valium is the only thing that took care of his vertigo, so I guess it's getting more use in that area.  It's just so LOVELY not to feel dizzy every time you move.

I had a visit from the Hospice Chaplain today.  First time he'd ever had a pagan client, and he was intrigued.  He was very respectful and we generally had a good discussion.  I'm happy to hear pretty much every person's view on spirituality, as long as it doesn't involve burning me at the stake. :D

The Boeing retirement package came, finally, so I guess I'll sit down and with the help of Jane, probably, get that all ironed out tomorrow.  You know, there's so much to decide!  But gotta get cracking if I'm to get 'er done for a March 1 retirement date.

John Alfonso got my taxes done for me; the man's a saint.  I just was afraid my little tumor riddled brain would screw something up, and I KNOW John won't. :)

My hospice nurse says I should be up for a trip to like a grocery store or something.  I'd love to go to Trader Joe's, but I don't think it could handle my scooter.  Wide aisles are not present at my local TJ's down at Gilbert and Baseline.  But I could go to Sprouts.  I love that place anyway.  Good, local produce, yummy goodies, etc.  What's not to love?  Maybe NEXT weekend. :)

So, anywho, I'm feeling pretty good, which makes me happy, and I'm once again just living for today.

Love and hugs to all!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Arizona Family Hospice

That's my hospice.  They are relatively new, but I really like the people with whom I have dealt so far.

Today I met my goal of getting to the bathroom by myself, thanks to my 3-wheeled walker.  Later, I fired up the electric wheelchair and went outside to get the mail!  It's these little victories that help keep the smile on my face.  My sisters Nancy and Cathy built me a curved ramp to get me out the front door.  It works like a charm!  Sadly my house has LOTS of step-downs ... one step only, but a hinderance all the same.

I had a visit from the hospice doctor yesterday.  He just said, essentially, to do whatever I want. So, I had two chocolate chip cookies today.  I felt so decadent. :)

The amazing care and empathy of this hospice's staff truly impresses me greatly.

Now off to bed I go.  HugsAnd kisses to all.

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