Thursday, June 2, 2011

Thursday, post-chemo

Well, it wasn’t as bad a Thursday as when I’d had the Neulasta shot, but it wasn’t a joyride, either.  I’ve got some bone pains, but nothing like the Thursday from hell.  I just don’t feel very well, and I’m finding it difficult to get the energy to get up from a sit.  I did sleep last night, though, more than the two hours of the night before. :)

The day following chemo, my glucose is whacked out because of the pre-med, Decadron, which is also responsible for the post-chemo insomnia.  Yesterday morning I tested at 178, so I took a glipizide with my regular Januvia.  This morning I was 111, so that’s a good thing.  Cancer treatments do make dealing with Diabetes a bit problematic but my PCP is doing a great job helping me through.

Didn’t feel like eating this morning, but since I have to take my docxycline and Januvia, I have to eat something.  I downed a Glucerna bar.  Well, that sounds like I made quick work of it, but it took me an hour to get it all down.

I found it a very wonderful thing to have to work with my numbers today, because they really can take me out of the misery.  I concentrate on the story they tell, make sure it’s the truth, double check, examine the logic.  I will not put out something with my name on it that isn’t right.

You know, the last round of chemo, which I had in November and December of last year, I didn’t have this total fall-out of my hair.  It was thinner, for sure, and there were patches of baldness, but nothing like this total desertion of follicles.  Is it weird that after the initial shock at the great gobs of falling locks, I really am ENJOYING being bald?  It certainly makes showers a lot faster!  Eyelashes falling out are just odd.  They get on my glasses, and I try to keep them out of my eyes.  Blech. :D

I saw the end of a documentary last night, “How to Die in Oregon.”   The portion I saw detailed a liver cancer patient making the choice to have physician-assisted suicide.  Oregon passed the Death With Dignity Act in 1994.  When my mom was dying, and more than ready to BE dead, I found it inhumane that she could not be ushered from this life in a caring, dignified, painless fashion.  I could give this gift to my aged cat, but not my aged parent, and for now, I can’t even give this gift to myself.  No, I’m not ready yet, by a long-shot, but when I am, at least I know that Hospice will be my best option in lieu of euthanasia.

Ok, I know this was kind of a bummer post, but I'm feeling kind of bummed out, not really emotionally, but physically just done in.  In fact, I think I'm going back to bed now that my work day is over.  You'll probably look at this and think "what time do you start work, anyway?"  Well, the answer is, I can't sleep past sunrise, ever, so, I start working at six in the morning, and I'm done by 2:30PM.  

Love to all, and don't worry, the first Thursday post-chemo is the hardest.  Tomorrow will be a little better, and then the next day, better, and better, and better. :)

3 comments:

  1. Hello my little bald friend
    Sorry you are feeling so crappy. I can only imagine what it is like to get that toxic waste pumped into your system. My sis went on a stringent regimen like you are doing now with the chemo, but she had to give it up, she just could not handle it. She got extra radiation instead, which I have to say was not much better.

    I too watched that show on HBO the other nite. Boy did it make me cry, that poor woman, she looked completely ok, quite cute infact. I wish I could have done that for my sister. Instead they let her lie in bed with no food for 3 weeks and no fluids for 8 days. They call it the Pathway in the UK, nice word for a nasty death. She was on massive amounts of pain killers which rendered her unconcious most of the time, but she had her lucid moments thank God when we could talk. I just wanted her to know I was there and to tell her I loved her, but she knew. That was the worst 8 days of my life, I shall never, ever forget it. All I can tell you is the actual act of dying and passing over is so peaceful and quiet. I just held my breath and watched in amazement as this beautiful spirit left my life for ever.

    I wanted to have her moved to hospice care but they said it was too late and they could not take responsibility if she died in the ambulance. She was dying anyway, why should they care. Some of the values in this country and my home country of UK are so screwed up it is laughable.

    Sorry, feeling a bit fragile today, got lots going on in the background that I can do without.

    That show just brought it all back. That woman Cody was so brave.
    Anyway girlie. Hope you have a good weekend and start feeling back to as normal as you can pretty soon. Get some of those good veggies from your garden into you, do you the world of good.
    Getting ready for my grandson to arrive for the weekend, all will be chaos in about an hour, but I would not have it any other way.
    Stay strong
    fay in the family room

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi, Fay, yes, she was beautiful, wasn't she? Cody, that is. Her courage was inspiring to me.

    I've taken some Vicodin today to try to take the edge off the pain, but you know I don't want to get used to having them.

    Enjoy your weekend, and your grandson!
    Teq

    ReplyDelete
  3. I know you don't, but whatever it takes to make you feel better, I say go for it. I am not much one for pain pills, or pills in general. I will take the odd advil for whatever ails me and of course my meds for COPD but apart from that nothing.

    I noticed in the news the other day that Kevorkian died. Shame, I thought what he was doing was a service to people who would otherwise have to linger in a half life. I think if my sis had not been in hospital at the end, I would have had to help her. I watched my mother die in agony begging for help. It is inhumane.

    Geeze this sounds depressing doesn't it. It is a most beautiful morning here in PA, blue skies and sunshine. The pool is glinting in thru the window, just waiting for my g/son to get in and cause all sorts of havoc.

    As long as one can get out of bed in the am, stand on the floor and move around, it is a good day. I thank God every morning, there is so much to be thankful for and I never forget it.
    Hang in there my long distance friend and enjoy your weekend as best you can.
    fay in the family room looking out on the pool in the quiet early morning, divine.

    ReplyDelete

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