My first blog during chemo....

I was surprised to know that the MO wanted to see me pre-chemo, this morning.  I wasn't scheduled to see Dr. Fastenberg until next week.  It turns out that he had a HER2 check run on my pathology bits, and I am positive.  He says that's not a bad thing, but next week, we'll add Herceptin to my cocktail.  However, Herceptin has some unfortunate side effects, one of which is injury to your heart.  He says that's rare, though, and wants me to have a heart work-up soon.

We're not as crowded as last week, and today's oncology nurse is Julie.

I'll write more later.. the Benadryl is making me groggy.

Tomorrow is Chemo number 2...

...and radiation number six!  I really have a good feeling about these treatments.  I think it's going to work!  Got my little netbook all charged and ready for that marathon chemo session.  Too bad it won't run World Of Warcraft. ;)

I can't believe how GOOD I felt today.  Must be because the chemo finally worked its way out of my system, so it's only natural that we put it back IN tomorrow! lol... alas.

Oh, I ran into an old friend from my Commercial Helicopter days, while I was at the blood lab.  Nellie looks great, and she's been retired for a couple of years.  We caught up and I was just so happy to have the chance to tell her HI again.  There are SO many wonderful memories of those years;  but so many wonderful people we've lost.  My dear friend Evelyn Lyles and my buddy, John Dickman.  I miss them both SO much. 

I'd never been to a Southern Baptist church until Evelyn's funeral, but I was mesmerized by the warm feeling of community in the congregation.  I could understand the allure of such warmth.

Well, must get to bed; it's a long day tomorrow, and I want to make sure both the poisoning and the frying do their best work. ;)

Hugs and kisses!

Bras, the evil that never quits...

Hey, now that's a pretty dramatic title!  I like it. :)

I've been struggling with the issue of bras since the beginning of these treatments.  You may of course guess that esophageal cancer and bras occur right about the same region of one's body.  Bras normally are not a horrible contraption in daily life, but right now, they are evil incarnate.

My problem is, following the mastectomy I had in 2003, I had a bionic breast built for me.  It's like I have the breast of a 20 year old, and despite that fact that she keeps wanting it back... hehe... yeah.

Now, having the breast of a 20 year old is GREAT!  Unless of course her companion is the breast of a 52 year old.  One of these things is NOT like the other.  While the left breast remains perky and quite beautiful, the right is NOT so perky yet, still comely.  So the root of the bra vs no bra issue is that my two breasts no longer reside in the same latitude.  Well, they START in the same latitue, but... um... well.  So there you have it.

It's mainly an issue of vanity vs comfort.  I have opted for comfort, and frankly, if any casual observer of my chestal area is dismayed by the non-symmetry of my breasts, they can kiss my fuzzy (well not really so fuzzy, all things considered) rump!  I am SO much happier braless!

And that's my post for this morning... and the reason it came up, is because I have to go do my labs this morning, and this will be the first place I appear braless that is not Ironwood Cancer and Research Center.  Oh, lordy, you should have seen that first chemo... the bra was killing me.  I just took it off.. right there in the infusion ward.  Cancer makes you oblivious to things you would normally have NEVER done... oh, and of course, no one else there cared. :)

Listening to Inspirational Music

Of course, for me, that means the entire "Lord of the Rings" extended version of Howard Shore's scores.  It may make me a major geek (and I'd be proud of that title), but I find so much heroism in those tales, and I'm looking for them to keep me strong and brave.

It wasn't a great day for me; I felt really, really bad most of the morning, then broke down and took a Xanax before today's radiation.  I guess me beating esophageal cancer is as daunting a task as the Lords of the West defeating Sauron.  It can be done, but the quest will cost much in pain and fear.  But, ultimately, courage and hope and the trust in the goodness of humanity (or the amazing talents of the oncology staff) will win the ultimate battle.

And so I listen to this wonderful, heroic, epic music and tell myself that I have the fortitude to get through this, although I won't have a cleaned-up Aragorn waiting for me.  Besides, he looks much better as the rough, unkempt Ranger.

Tomorrow is lab work day, but that should be pretty quick, since you can make appointments now.  Happy day!  And thank the gods and all the pantheon that the election BS is over for this go-round.  Whatever happened to honor and honesty; who stole America's consideration and compassion?  Now, now, I know I musn't despair; it's that old media frenzy again, pointing out all the evil in the world, while ignoring all the love and grace of ordinary people.  Must not forget that!

By george, I think the music is working!  :)

Oh.. bloating... ugh

Today, I feel like my stomach is so bloated; it's creepy.  I've downed some Maalox, and hopefully, that will help soon.  Jane made us grilled cheese with ham sandwiches for breakfst, and perhaps that didn't help.  And it's almost time for lunch, but the thought of eating is ... ugh.

I think maybe I'll just have some chicken broth.  Also, maybe I'll lay off wheat products for a while and see how that goes.  In fact, maybe I'll just go take a nap.  You can see, I just feel kind of out of sorts.

More later....

Feeling pretty good!

Today was my third radiation, and I saw my RO right after the treatment.  She said that creating the plan for my treatment was very complicated, (since my crappy lungs are right there behind this tumor, it's very hard to avoid injuring them further) but that she's confident in how we're progressing.  She also almost made me cry; she said that my MO told her that I had "the most beautiful attitude" he's ever seen.  Hey, it's just that I appreciate everything they are doing for me, and it behooves me to do the best I can as well. :)

We had some lovely chicken and prosciutto tortellinis for dinner tonight, and you know, it just barely hurt to eat them.  Then, I had something I haven't had in ages;  bread and ...well.. margarine, but OMG, bread IS the staff of life!  Yeah, I've lost a little more weight, so I decided to have those darned carbs and hope my diabetes meds can keep up. So far, so good.

Thursday, I have to make sure that my MO is getting my Medical Leave paperwork done.  It would be quite hideous to miss a paycheck.  Especially so close to Winter Solstice!

So, let me tell you what my week is like:  Monday, and Tuesday, it's just radiation.  Wednesday, I have to have bloodwork, then radiation.  Thursday is Chemo and Radiation, and Friday is just radiation.  Saturday and Sunday, I recover from... the chemo. :P  Really, it's not that bad, but yes, being out on medical leave is certainly taking A LOT of the stress out of it all.

It's weird, though, that I feel my worst in the morning, and as my day progresses, I do feel much better.  Maybe I'm not a morning cancer person. ;)

I had a great chat with my friend Annette this afternoon, and you know, talking with friends is always a happy occasion.  And just because I'm not at work doesn't mean I'm not going to want to talk to my Boeing family... so you all feel free to call!

Hugs and kisses!

Curative Powers of Tortilla Soup

Happy Monday Morning.  I'm thrilled we had trick-or-treaters last night!  I didn't get to see or interact, because I have to avoid children, but my sisters said we had more this year than we have ever had.

Jane made an awesome batch of Chicken Tortilla Soup for dinner last night, and I had a nice-sized bowl.  It may not be physically curative, but it sure does make me FEEL better. I just checked my weight, and decided I'd better go swill another Ensure. :P

My Glucerna should be here today.  I ordered a case from amazon.com, because the price was right, and no shipping or taxes to pay.  Although, if it's considered a food item, it's not taxed, yet, I think.  But it might be considered a dietary supplement.  I don't know.

Oh yes, just one chemo round in, and um.... I do have some side effects.  Let's just not go into what they are.  Ugh, my tummy.  The onc nurse told me to make sure I drank lots of fluids to get the chemo to process out as quickly as possible, and so drinking I am.

It's weird not being at work, virtually.  I did call my minion, Travis, who is now taking up my slack.  He's fantastic; very adaptable, very smart, and gives me great tips on video games to try.

I think I'm going to go lie down for a bit.  Later!