Thursday, November 18, 2010

Today I Cried...

...and I'm not sure why.  Dr. F didn't say anything I didn't already know, but somehow it just hit me today, that I am not going to survive this.  I think it's the first time someone has actually stated out loud that I am Stage IV.  Maybe when he mentioned finding a good surgeon, I got really scared.  Dr. F already told me surgery would kill me.  I reminded him of this and he said yeah, it probably would but we should cover our bases.  He also said he's probably going to have me do a MUGA scan, to check for any damage from the Herceptin.


I may not have lots years before me, and I cannot be cured, but what I can do is prolong my life, and enjoy all the important things, like loving my sisters and my friends.  And in the spirit of Thanksgiving, let me tell you all the wonderful points in my life, and definitely not in any particular order:

  • Drinking good coffee... I know, I've waxed poetic about coffee already, so I won't bore you with my love the brew.
  • My amazing sisters:  Jane, Wendy, Nancy and Cathy.  They take care of me so well.  May you always love each other and have patience.
  • My weird and wonderful family
    • Pete, my deceased brother... don't mind me working so hard to not be with you again, too soon. 
    • Cee, my Reverend Sister.  She calls and checks up on me a lot.  You'll see the Lake Havasu visitor on my blog... that's my sis!
    • Pico, I may never understand, but I love you, and I know you'll be there, too, with Pete,... probably doing Motocross.
    • Jes, you eat right, enjoy the music and be happy.
    • Sam, hang in there, woman.  Just love your family and remember to find appreciation for something each day.
    • All my nieces, nephews, inlaws, .... we must hold tight and never stop loving each other.  Distances be damned... we have Facebook!
  • Sweet Chihuahuas.. and even the ones that aren't so sweet... Argo.
  • Health insurance! :D
Obviously there are tons more, but the Benadryl is kicking in and I'm getting all looooopy.

Do me a favor, kiss someone you love, but haven't kissed in a while. 

4 comments:

  1. Feeling very sad here.
    Well, don't that just bite the big one. I am sorry to hear your news Tequila. Can I tell you about a friend of mine?
    Her name is Vicki and she lives in CA. I used to work at Talley Defence, just up Higley a bit from the Boeing plant, over the 202 bridge at the end of the road. Anyway we started work there on the same day. She is a chemist, she put herself thru college after a very abusive marriage. She and I are the same age and have one child each the same age, spooky.
    She moved to CA about 7 years ago for a better job. She got Condrosarcoma, a soft tissue cancer, it affects the joints. She has it in her spine. She has been having chemo, radiation and blood transfusions for the past 7 years just to maintain and during all this time she has been working full time. She gets her treatments early in the morning and then goes to work.
    She just found out her cancer has spread to her lungs. We are both devastated. I just wanted to let you know that there is always hope, Vicki has lasted this long and I am sure she will last a lot longer.
    Girl, get those big girl panties on and cowgirl up. Please do not lose hope. Finish your treatment and take it one day at a time, but never give up.
    I am not a religious person, but I shall say words for you today and I wish you peace and love.
    Fay

    ReplyDelete
  2. Fay, it's just some days it hits you in the face, and today was my day. I'm definitely not giving up. :)

    Hugs, my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I wish I could hit it in the face for you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Robin, I always love your comments. <3

    ReplyDelete

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