I had some very sad news yesterday that brought back memories of another time, equally sad and equally disturbing. As happens, if the information I receive is heartbreaking, I cry, although I know I have to be careful because crying can really screw up my breathing.
Yesterday, I had to cry not only for the nephew I lost, but for the brother I had lost seven years ago. In seven years, there is time to dull the sharp pain of grief; you do not forget, nor does the grief disappear, but it lingers in the background until a sight, sound or even a scent brings a memory to the forefront of your perceptions and you grieve anew.
As the day progressed, memories of my brother were definitely front and center; I couldn’t even turn them off very well to get to sleep, but I could replace the sad memories with those of happier times, and that is how I handle moments of grief that could figuratively bring me to my knees.
For weeks after my aunt died, all I could see when I closed my eyes was her in Intensive Care, hooked up to machines, with no way to communicate except with her beautiful, bright blue eyes. It was a painful memory and would have driven me nuts if I hadn’t decided one day to just move it along. I replaced it with the memory of her in
Hawaii, in the elevator of the , singing ‘Stormy Weather’ despite not being alone in the car. Well, yes, she HAD had one ChiChi too many, but that’s beside the point. My sisters and I joined in and eventually, even the other couple started singing along. We always had fun in our travels with my aunt. Then as I traded the memory of her in Intensive Care for the memory of her in Hawaii, I could smile again... even laugh at our shenanigans. We had amazing times that enriched our lives, and those were the ones I would remember. Hilton Rainbow Tower
So this morning, after a fitful sleep, I again had to make that conscious decision to move aside painful memories with ones that better reflected the wonderful man that was my brother. And I’m good again. There are many times life presents you with challenges, and it’s up to you to decide how you will handle them. I will grieve for my nephew, and I will get through that and then remember his childhood antics with a smile, and try to work on creating happy memories for the future so that my family can have something to smile at when I am gone.
Love to all.