Monday, February 20, 2012

Journey to death

I am sitting here on my La-Z_Boy recliner, and may I say it is THE most comfortable sitting surface I own.  If you want to see it, it's a Carlyle recliner.  It was pricey, but oh so worth every penney.

Anywho, I have lots of time to think these days.  My hospice nurse would love to see me take a trip, but it's so problematic hauling all themedical equipment around.  And I'm just talking for the lung disease, never mind the cancer.  And then I think why lug it all around?  If you are really ready to die, do you need it?  Well that's a damned fine question. I don't think it behooves me to HASTEN my death, and besides, the point of this blog now is to describe the the facets of experience in light of a waning life.

I don't want to fear it and I don't want my readers to fear it.  It's such a natural progression on our journey' and everyone we have ever loved, encountered, and been annoyed by has taken it.  And I can't imagine that any deity or deities that had a hand in our creation would simply abandon us at this end point.

Perhaps I just think this to give myself comfort, but I have seen those that wait for me, and they tell me I have time yet.  Maybe it won't be the most pleasant of times going forward, but I WILL be going forward!

LOVE, HUGS, AND BLESSINGS TO ALL.

1 comment:

  1. Oh geeze Tequila. This is such a hard subject to talk about, especially to one who is actively doing it.

    I so wanted to talk to my sis when I went home to prepare for her death. Unfortunatley the hospital personnel in their wisdom had knocked her out. There were only 2 small occasions in the 8 days I spent with her in hospital that we were able to converse for a couple of minutes. There was so much I wanted to tell her, most of it she already knew. She knew I was there and she knew who I was. There were a lot of other "people" there too.

    I too believe that all is not lost at the end. I think there is somewhere wonderful that we go and that someone will come to take us there. I know my sis had many conversations with only people that she could see. It gave me a bit of comfort to know that they were there helping her over. My sis and I were very close. We used to complete each others sentences. She believed in an afterlife and I hope she got to go there.

    After being with her, I am not afraid of death anymore. I am only afraid of the way I shall die, but dying in itself seems so easy.

    I am so glad you can talk about this. It is hard trying to tiptoe around someone incase you upset them. Everyone it seems does it differently, just like they way they live, we each have our own way of doing things.

    I remember talking to the nurse on duty that day. She took me aside and said that there was a multitude of people in the room with us. I like to think that is true, that they came to help her when it was time, oh how I hope that was true.

    Anyway sweetie, that time is not right now, so maybe a trip would be good. Although having said that, I love to go to new places, but hate the journey there and back, I think it has something to do with spending 25 years in the military and moving on average every 2 years, it gets so old. So most times I just stay at home, too much hassle nowadays. Whatever floats your boat though.
    Take it easy girl. I so look forward to your posts. I know I just witter on sometimes, but I have a lot to say. Maybe it is good that we will not meet in person, I would prolly wear you out sweetie.
    Ok, going now
    fay in the family room

    ReplyDelete

Labels

"The Big C" (1) 120 degrees (1) accommodation (2) Adrenal Gland (2) Adult Day Care (1) Aetna (3) Ague (1) Ahi Tuna (1) air quality (2) albuterol (6) Aloxi (1) amazon parrot (1) Americans with Disabiliites Act (1) Andy Whitfield (1) Anger (1) Ankles (1) anti-seizure meds (1) antibiotics (3) anticoagulant (3) Anxiety (6) appetite (4) Aranesp (3) Arixtra (3) Arizona (1) artichokes (1) Asparagus (3) asthma (13) Ativan (1) Atropine (2) Auntie (2) B6 (3) Banner Baywood (6) Bard Power Port (2) Barium (3) Barley (1) Barry White (1) bats (2) Benadryl (6) beneficiaries (1) Bewitched (1) Biohazard (1) Blizzard (2) BlizzCon (2) Blogger (1) blood clots (5) blood pressure (1) blood transfusion (1) bone cancer (2) Bone Pain (5) Bookworm (1) bougainvillea (2) brain tumors (3) Bras (1) bread (1) breast cancer (1) Breathe Healthy Mask (1) breathing (2) breathing treatment (3) broccoli (1) bronchitis (5) bruising (1) brussels sprouts (1) Cabin Fever (1) Camptosar (18) Cancer (9) Carboplatin (5) care-givers (1) Casserole (1) Cat (1) Cataclysm (1) Catholic School (1) Cellulitis (2) Change (1) chemo brain (1) Chemo Side Effects (6) Chemotherapy (34) chicken breasts (1) chicken broth (1) Chihuahuas (8) children (1) chili (1) chili peppers (1) Chinese food (1) Chocolate (2) chocolate cake (1) choose hope (1) Christmas (3) Christopher Hitchens (1) Cinemagic (3) Cinnamon (1) Cisco (1) claustrophobia (1) clinical trials (3) cockatoo (1) Coffee (5) Cold (5) collard greens (1) Color (1) comments (1) communication (1) Compazine (3) compliance (1) Compression Stockings (1) Congenstive Heart Failure (1) constipation (1) conversation (1) cooking (2) Coolaroo (1) COPD (1) COPD International (1) cornbread (2) coughing (7) coumadin (9) Courtesy (1) CPAP (1) cravings (5) creativity (1) Crock Pot (1) CT Scan (16) Cumin (1) cupcakes (2) Curiosity (1) Daniel Sepulveda (1) death (1) Decadron (13) Deep Vein Thrombosis (2) Denial of Coverage (1) dental procedures (5) Depression (2) Desert (1) Diablo III (2) Diabo II (1) disabilities (1) Dizziness (1) Dorothy (1) Doubts (1) Doxycycline (5) Dr. Fastenberg (12) Dr. Ramaswamy (9) Dr.Ono (1) Dragon Age II (2) Dreams (1) Druid (2) dry mouth (2) Duchess of Dim-Wittedness (1) dungeon runs (1) Dust Storm (1) DVT (1) dying at home (1) Echocardiogram (3) edema (1) elderly neighbor (1) Elizabeth Edwards (1) emotional baggage (1) end of life discussion (1) Ensure (1) Equinox (1) ER (2) esophageal cancer (16) Evelyn Lyles (2) Evil Tumor (1) Excessive Heat Warning (1) Exhaustion (4) eyebrows (1) fajitas (1) Fall (2) family (6) Famotidine (1) Fatigue (6) FDA (1) fear (10) feeding tube (1) fire drill (1) FitFlops (1) fluids (1) flying cars (1) Fondaparinux Sodium (2) food (1) Food Network (1) fountain (1) Fried Esophagus (1) friends (2) Game of Thrones (1) Garam Masala (1) gardening (1) Genentech (1) General Motors (1) George Foreman Grill (1) glass of wine (1) glucerna (4) glucose numbers (5) Goblin (1) goopiness (4) Grace (1) grains (1) Gratitude (1) Great Horned Owl (3) grief (1) groggy (1) Hair changes (4) Hair loss (5) Halloween (3) Hand-Foot Syndrome (6) handicapped placard (1) happiness (4) Hawaii (1) Hazardous Materials (1) HBO (1) healer classes (2) Health Insurance (5) heart rate (1) heat (4) heating pad (1) Help Desk (1) Henna (1) heparin (2) Her2 (1) Herceptin (29) hibiscus (4) home (2) hominy (2) Horde (1) hospice care (3) Hospital (6) hot tea (1) Howard Shore (1) humidity (1) hummus (2) Hunter (1) Hydrangeas (1) Ice Cream (1) IKEA (1) incurable (1) India (1) Infection (1) Infusion (2) Infusion port (3) inoperable cancer (2) insomnia (4) Iodine (5) Ironwood Cancer and Research Center (12) Jake (1) Jane Sepulveda (2) Januvia (1) Jerry Sepulveda (1) Jetsons (1) joy (1) Julie (1) Jury Duty (1) Kashi (1) King Crab (1) kitchen (1) knitted hats (2) krill oil (1) Lasix (3) Laughter (1) leave of absence (1) leaves (1) leg swelling (1) Levaquin (6) LIFE (1) Lifespan (1) lightning (2) Living (1) Living Will (1) Lord of the Rings (1) Los Angeles (1) loss of appetite (1) love (3) Lumbar Support (1) Lunar Eclipse (2) lymph nodes (1) Maalox (1) Machaca Chicken (1) magnesium (1) Malm (1) mastectomy (1) Master Chef (1) Medco (1) Medical Oncologist (3) memories (1) mental health (2) menudo (1) Military Macaw (1) Millet (1) Minions (2) Miracle Mouthwash (1) MMORPG (1) monsoons (4) Moonstone (1) Mormon (1) Mornings (1) mortality (2) mouth sores (1) Movies (1) Muesli (4) Mufuletta (1) Naprosyn (4) nausea (5) nebulizer (4) Necklace (1) negativity (1) neighbors (1) nervous cough (1) nervous tic (1) Netbook (1) Neulasta (6) neuroses (2) neutropenia (1) New Orleans (1) Nintendo DS (1) normalcy (1) nose sores (1) NSAID (1) Nuns (2) nurses (4) Nursing Uniform (1) NuStep (6) nutrition (3) Nuts (1) ocular migraine (3) oncologist (1) Oncologists (4) Oncology Nurse (6) optimism (1) Orcs (2) Outback Steakhouse (1) oxygen saturation (2) Pac Man (1) pagan (1) Pain (22) painting (2) palliative care (1) pancakes (1) Panic attack (1) Parsnips (1) pearls (1) Percocet (2) Peridot (1) Pesto (1) PET Scan (15) Petunias (2) Phenergan (2) Phlebotomist (9) physiology (1) Pico Sepulveda (1) pills (2) pink fedora (1) Platelets (1) playing (1) Poang Chair (1) Point Loma (1) Polly (1) posole (1) Post-chemo insomnia (3) Power Outage (1) Prednisone (15) prescriptions (1) Procrit (1) prognostications (1) Project Runway (1) protein (1) PT/INR (9) Pulmonary embolism (4) pulmonologist (4) pulse oxymeter (1) Pumpkin (2) Purple Fedora (2) Queen of Neuroses (11) quilts (1) Quinoa (2) Quito (1) Radiation Oncologist (10) radiation pneumonitis (2) Radiation Therapy (20) Rain (3) ravioli (1) reading (1) red cabbage (1) red meat (1) red wine (2) remission (1) rest (1) Rib Eye Roast (2) Rice (2) Rice Pudding (2) risks (1) Roomba (1) Rozerem (1) Ruth Sepulveda (1) saguaro (1) salmon (1) Samhain (2) Sarcastic Bitch (1) scarlet macaw (1) scooter (5) shots (1) side effects (3) Sinus Infection (1) sisters (3) Skin changes (1) Skyrim (1) sleep (8) slug (1) slumgullion (1) snow (1) snow crab (1) Snowbirds (1) soil (1) soup (1) Southern Baptist Church (1) spinach (1) Spirituality (2) Spring (1) Sprouts (3) Squash (12) Stage IV (1) Stencil (1) Steroids (2) stew (1) stomach (1) Strep Throat (1) stroke (1) Stuffed Mushrooms (1) subconscious (1) summer (1) sundial (1) Sunlight (1) Support Group (1) support socks (1) Surgeon (1) surgery (1) Survival Rate (3) swallowing (2) syringes (1) Tassimo (1) Tauren (2) Taxol (7) Taxotere (1) tea (1) Teeth (1) telecommuting (3) Templates (1) Temporal Thermometer (1) TGIF (1) Thanksgiving (2) The Apothecary Shop (3) Therapist (1) thigh tumor (1) Thrift Stores (1) throat changes (2) thunder (1) Tibetan Monk (1) Tiller Joe (1) tiramisu (1) tomatoes (3) Torchwood (1) Tortellinis (1) Tortilla soup (2) Toxic (2) Trick or Treat (1) Tripe (1) Troll Druid (2) tumor pictures (1) tumor shrinkage (2) tumors (1) Turmeric (2) TV (2) Undead Rogue (1) US Navy (1) USS Nereus (1) vancomycin (1) vegetables (6) Veggie burrito (1) veggies (3) Veterans' Day (1) vicodin (9) vinnie the vampire (1) visitors (2) Walgreen's (1) Walker (5) water color crayons (1) Water Color Pencils (4) weakness (4) weather (1) Weekends (1) weight (1) Wendy (1) Wheat Berries (1) Whimpering (1) white blood cell counts (2) Winter Solstice (4) wit (1) wooziness (1) work (21) World of Warcraft (27) writing (1) Xanax (10) Xeloda (35) Xoom (3) Xopenex (1) Xylitol (3) Yogurt (1) YouTube (1) zofran (3) Zombie Tequila (1) zucchini (1)