Hand-Foot Syndrome

The Apothecary Shop sent more literature with the Xeloda pills.  I had already gotten a sheet from my oncologist, provided by Roche Laboratories, the pills' maker.  The listed side effects are mouth sores, Hand-Foot Syndrome, Heartburn, Nausea and Diarrhea.  Pretty much the norm for most chemos, but I hadn't heard of Hand-Foot syndrome.  It's not peripheral neuropathy, which you can get with Taxol, and affected me more during the COLDER months.


There are several things you can do to help lessen the symptoms of Hand-Foot, one of which is to use Emu Oil.  Well, I found it at Sprouts, and I hope no Emus were harmed in the making of this product.  My debit card smoked a little from it, but if it works, such is life.  You can't take it with you, you know. ;)  Another thing you want to do, and which my oncologist recommended, was to take 100 mg of vitamin B6 twice a day.  And I need to keep my hands and feet as cool as possible.  Hee Hee... desert... 106 today..oh boy. :P


And I did indeed wear my purple fedora to Sprouts today, and made a friend of another shopper who greatly admired my stylish chapeau.  I found lots of goodies to tempt my appetite, and stocked up on garden burgers.  When I purchased the B6, I also got some Turmeric capsules, but I don't want to take them until I talk to my oncologist on Tuesday.  Turmeric is supposed to be a cancer cell killer.  And you know, at this point, I'll try it.  I doubt it can hurt, but I have to run it by Dr. Fastenberg first.  


Yesterday's episode of "Torchwood" was FANTASTIC!  I'm beginning to like the US cast members, but I adore the character of Gwen.  And of course, Captain Jack is the best omni-sexual character on TV.  Oh wait, I think he's the ONLY one, too. :D  So I have hopes for this season and thank you, Starz, for giving us our "Torchwood" fix!


I've got a pork loin marinating in some Tequila, lime, garlic, oregano, Worcestershire, and a little soy sauce.  And I think I should be able to risk a big old salad for lunch, since I'm an extra week out in my chemo cycle.  YES!  SALAD!  It's the little things in life that make me happy as a clam. :)


SO, get out there, have a great weekend, and love as much as you can!

A Purple Fedora

I first wore the purple fedora to Tuesday's meeting with the oncologist, thinking I'd be having my regular round of chemo.  Since it's summer, I don't wear the hats indoors, but I have to shield my pale noggin from the summer sun, or fry.


Everyone seems to love this hat, and that includes me.  Nancy found it for me in the Walmart clearance rack, I think.  No matter from whence it came, it suits me to a T.  Even more importantly, it makes me smile.  I feel better when I wear this particular hat.


I had a call from The Apothecary Shop today.  My Xeloda pills will be delivered tomorrow.  It's both exciting and scary news.  You know how I fret about new treatments.  You'd think I'd be an old pro at this cancer stuff by now.  Still, when I had to sign several papers on Tuesday to acknowledge that the shot they gave me to build up my red blood cells could also kill me, well, you know, it's hard to be blase. ;)  But hey, I've taken another black box medication twice a day for probably ten years, and I'm still kicking.  


Also, the fact that I still care about not dying is a really good sign!  I mean if I felt depressed or just terribly sick and unable to see ahead to something good, then I wouldn't have cared about signing those papers.  So yeah, I cared, and that's MOST excellent. :D


Because I haven't been outside of my house except to go see a doctor or get poisoned, for a few months, I'm planning an outing.  No, nothing exciting; just a trip to Sprouts.  We're charging up the scooter even as I type.  I'm thinking we can go some time Saturday morning.  HEY!  I'll wear my purple fedora!  I think this is probably the best shot I have at getting out and not getting sick.  SO, beware Sprouts!


And that's it for this post.  We had left-overs for dinner... including of course, ...squash!  Hugs and love to all!

CT Results are In

So it wasn't all bad news, but it wasn't what I was hoping for, either.  The adrenal tumor is now at 5 cm. That's about 2 inches.  Dr. Fastenberg was disappointed that the chemo regimen we had been on wasn't helping.


On the esophageal cancer front, all seems to be stable.  The main tumor has not changed, the one lymph node behind my trachea enlarged minimally, and one located near my shoulder was unchanged.  But the good news there is that there was NOTHING NEW!!!! :)


Starting next week, I will be part of a stage II clinical trial of CPT-11, which is already approved and in use for breast cancer and colon/rectal cancer.  It's known as Camptosar.  That will be an IV infusion every three weeks, but additionally, I will be taking Xeloda pills.  It will be a trial in more ways than one, and so I will be taking three months of short term disability and see how that goes. 


I asked Dr. Fastenberg point blank if I should be considering hospice and he said not at all; we still have options, and I'm still doing pretty well.  I can still walk, kinda, I can still eat, kinda, and I've still got hope.


I was so stressed out this morning, I had an ocular migraine during my consult with Dr. F.  That was... kinda creepy, and because my hemoglobin was down to 8, I had to have a shot of Procrit.  Let us hope that works well, otherwise next time, it's a transfusion and I have to go to the hospital for that. 


I'm exhausted.  It's a lot of information to digest; but I still believe that I have a chance.  Dr. F says that this trial has a 47% success rate so far.  By success, 15% have eliminated their cancer and the other 32% have their cancer under control.  I will happily take control if that's as good as I can get.  There are only 29 people in this trial.  I will be number 30.  I like that number. :)  Why so few in the trial? Because both of my cancers are relatively rare, our numbers are few.


I will start the trial on the 19th, so I get a week to rest up get strong.  And generate some red and white blood cells!  And try not to get sick.


And so I'm hanging in here, and sending love and hugs to all. :)

Fear Makes you Tired

Now comes the waiting game.  Only it's not a very enjoyable game.  I had my CT Scan this morning.  My barium drink was berry flavored.  It was very, VERY berry flavored.  And at least it was nice and cold.  Drank that down over 45 minutes and then into the CT room I went.  


First, though, we had to go over to the infusion ward and get my port accessed, which is always a breeze, and then back we went to get that damnable scan. ;)


This one was checking my abdomen and chest; we did the first few shots to make sure everything was lined up, and then the iodine came on board.  If you haven't had iodine sent into a vein, you've missed some excitement.  It doesn't hurt, it just feels a bit warm and does strange things to certain of your 'parts.'  My problem is that it really screws up my breathing.  Which, of course, was already screwed up by the left over dust in the air.  But I had taken a hit off my Xopenex inhaler before we started and once we were finished, I took another hit.


And yes, now we wait.  I really suck at this waiting stuff.  I'm brooding.  Normally, I'm pretty good at just putting these scans out of my mind, but I think if we don't get good news, we're running out of options.  Well, unless there is some study group I can get into with 'investigational' treatments.  In some cases, these trials work very well for people.  Other people die.  It's all a crap shoot, I guess.


Anywho, I have started watching "The Big C" with Laura Linney.  It's on Showtime.  I didn't see the first season; I couldn't figure out how they could have a comedy about cancer treatments.  But I have to say, they do a great job!  Now I should go to Cox On Demand and see if I can find the first season and watch it.  


This season, she's seeing a new oncologist, played by Alan Alda.  He mentions his crappy bedside manner... oh, dude, you're a neophyte.  My mom had a cardiologist that even the nurses referred to as 'that arrogant Swedish bastard."  He could give Alan Alda lessons. :D  But he was, of course, a damned fine cardiologist.


I'm really, really tired today, for some reason.  I attribute it to fear of CT results. I need to get the hell out of that, and move on to something better.  Oh, "Torchwood" is on in about 25 minutes.  That's something I've been anticipating with happiness.  I just hope the move from the UK to the US doesn't screw up the show.  I shall reserve judgment. :)


So, I think I'll go get a glass of wine and try to chill out for the rest of the evening.  Try to reclaim my normal "whatever the results, we'll deal with it" attitude.  I can do that.


Sleep well, all.  Many hugs!

The BIG Dust Storm

I've lived here in Arizona since June 3rd of 1985, and we see dust storms several times a year.  But yesterday's... oh holy moses, that was something else!  That link shows several videos and photos.  I just was awestruck.  We weathered it well with no damage, but folks across the street from us had gates ripped out, and fence slats torn right away.


The dust lingered for SO long, and when we first saw it, it actually looked like fog was rolling in, and though we HAVE gotten fog, and that's weird enough on its own, this was obviously not fog.  


Our poor cars; they looked like they had been through a volcanic eruption.  Even mine, which gets to have the garage to itself, was still covered in dust.


So, nothing major on the agenda for tomorrow; just work, and then Friday morning it's off to Ironwood Cancer and Research Center to have my CT with contrast and of course to drink my yummy frosty barium shake before hand. :D  Actually, it's much more palatable these days, it's almost drinkable. 


We've got more thunderstorms forecast for tonight, so I'll turn off all my 'puters early and go to bed and read.  "A Dance With Dragons" should be delivered next week, not in time for chemo, darn it, but I'm just happy I'll have it!  I hope to gods someone lives through this book. :D


Peaceful dreams, all.  

Stuffed Squash

It's only 102 degrees at 3:30PM, but the humidity is up at 27%.  Oh sure, sounds pretty good to folks in places like the southern states that get REAL humidity, but it's still yukky to us. :)

Oddly, yesterday I was getting my Thursday-after-chemo leg pains.  It was very sporadic though, thank the deities.  And I had another Ocular Migraine.  At least in this round it's only been two of them.  I'm beginning to feel antsy about the CT that I will be having on Friday.  I can't tell you how hard it is to try to just keep these tests in perspective.  The results of this CT will tell me if this very toxic chemo regimen is doing me any good, or not.  I need to not think about it until Friday rolls around, and then I can be an anxious, neurotic mess until I see my Oncologist on the following Tuesday.

And on that Tuesday, the 12th, I am supposed to have my fourth chemo of this round.  I'm feeling wildly ambivalent about that.  I will not lie and say my body could not really use a break from all this.  And if the results of the CT are bad, it will get its break.  But if the results of the CT are good, we'll go for chemo four, and it'll be more pain, more feeling sick,, more creepy side effects, but I would still be getting RESULTS, I would still be LIVING.

But if the results of the CT are bad, will there be anything left to do?  Let me clarify that; will there be anything left to do that I could survive?

Well, I had to get all that off my chest, and now I can move on to today's happier subject, stuffed squash!  I looked around and found a decent recipe from the Food Network, and had to bastardize it.  For one thing, there will be no oven use until... oh...around November, I'd have say.  Unless we have one of this past year's winters from hell.

Back to the squash.  I scooped the seeds from a round zucchini, a normal zucchini, an acorn squash and one I could not identify, but looks like a variety of turban squash, which is weird since I thought they were winter squash.  After getting the seeds cleared out, I put them in a large glass bowl, with about an inch and a half of water in the bottom, and steamed them in the microwave.  Each variety of the squash was done in its own time, so I had to watch them like a hawk. :)

After they were all cooked, I got out some ground, lean turkey, and with Jane's help, we made the stuffing.  Once the meat was cooked through, we added a can of original Rotelle, sea salt, cracked pepper, corn, and let it simmer for a bit.   We diced another zucchini, and a slice from that unknown turban, and added it to the stuffing along with some of the last of our collards and spinach.  Finally, we had made our favorite brown rice mixture, and folded that in as well. Oh, and I tossed in some chopped walnuts for some extra texture and nutrition.  I also love to use McCormick's blend of Greek seasoning, so I tossed a couple tablespoons of that after rubbing it between my palms.

Once we were satisfied with the seasonings, we stuffed it into our squashes, topped it with Parmesan and popped it in our Oster Toaster Oven on broil, just enough to get it all warm again and melt the cheese.  I must say it was WAY satisfying; toothsome, flavorful and SO fresh!  I love growing my own food.  On the off chance that this cancer gets cured, I think my sisters and I should go buy a small farm somewhere cool.  Dreams.... :)

Oh, and Happy Fourth of July to America.  In honor of this occasion, I watched "John Adams" on HBO with the brilliant Paul Giamatti.  In fact, I don't think there was one sub-par actor in that movie.

Back to work tomorrow for many of us.  Have a great week, and I'm sure I'll be writing again soon.  Love ti all!!!

We Topped Out at 114

And we were thankful.  I have lived here long enough to have experienced the 120 degree mark, and I have to say, I don't care how dry the heat is, 120 is disgusting. In any event, the monsoon is beginning to move in across the valley, and though temperatures will cool, the humidity will rise, and the dust storms and thunderstorms are coming.


I had King Crab Legs for dinner, with artichoke hearts and spinach.  I am SO spoiled.  And excitingly, I slept in until 6:55 AM!!  The curtains Nancy got me yesterday seem to be blocking out that early sun pretty darned well.


Cabin Fever is striking, but this is my low white cell count time.  Yes, we have my chemo cycle all figured out.  By tomorrow, though, the counts should start coming up.  I don't know where I'd go anyway.  It's too hot. :D


Frankly, I'd really LIKE to go to work.  I missed a colleague's retirement celebration, and he was a good person, so that made me rather sad.  Lots of people are leaving of late.  I just read on Facebook that one of my ex minions is going back to Texas.  I'll miss her very much, too.  Hope is so full of life and energy and happiness.


I wonder if my hair will ever grow back.  I seem to still be bald as cue ball, and about the same hue, as well. :D  Alas.


Robin, if you are reading this, and I know you do.  Come get some squash!!!


Ok, have a lovely Sunday, folks.  Be well!