I’ve been reading a couple of books on coping with cancer and the feelings, fears and things that go with it. The first one was “Hope in the Face of Cancer: A Survival Guide for the Journey You Did Not Choose.” This was a useful book, but more suited to the newly diagnosed, than someone 14 months into it. But from that book, I found another, “The Human Side of Cancer: Living With Hope, Coping with Uncertainty.”
While the first was loaded with religious (and totally Christian) content, I still found it useful in that I could take the intent and remove the, for me, invalid references. So, despite the fact that years ago, I would have flung the book away in a snit, today, I had the wherewithal to actually see the meaning behind the words of Christendom.
This second book, which I am now reading, is written by a Psychiatric Oncologist, who understands that you have to treat the entire person, not just the body. We all have fears, and stressors, and we can’t be upbeat 24 hours a day. There are times you just wonder how the hell you got here, how is this now your life???
In 2003 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was in such an early stage that I sailed to recovery, and I’ve been breast cancer free since then. But here, I seem to get new tumors every time we do a scan. Is it disheartening.. oh heck yes! But I don’t want spend my time lamenting my fate. I want to read, listen to music, paint, draw, play World of Warcraft, and Diablo III, if it comes out while I still live.
I guess there is no more place of bliss than normalcy, whatever that might be for each of us. I’d love to get back to normalcy, but now, THIS pseudo-life IS my normalcy. It sucks, but you deal, and you cling to what gives you pleasure. I write. It helps me make some sense of some of this, and when it doesn’t, at least it gives me an outlet to vent. And hopefully, I can make someone else’s journey through this morass a little easier.
Love and hugs to all.