Monday, September 5, 2011

Can *I* do Six Rounds?

This is getting harder with every round of chemo.  I want to be one of the 30ish % that can make it through six rounds of this, but I am finishing up round four and I am sick as the proverbial dog.


My legs are swelling up, my hands and feet feel creepy, and I can't begin to tell you how nauseated I am.  But, tomorrow is my last day of chemo week ON, and I hope I can begin to feel better.  


I slept a bit this afternoon; I'm so tired, and so weak.  I guess tomorrow I had better start hitting the Lasix so I can keep the edema at bay.  I keep remembering the last time I saw my oldest brother in the hospital, and his legs were HUGELY swollen.  And so were my mom's at the end.  In fact, she got water blisters all over her legs.  Her beautiful legs.  Ok, now I am starting to freak myself out, which means I should probably get to bed before the Queen of Neuroses gets out of bondage and runs rampant through my brain.


Good night, all.  Don't worry, I'll get past this, and I *WILL* do six rounds of this.  For I am, of course, strong like bull.

1 comment:

  1. Girl, I am so sorry you feel so crappy. I cannot even begin to imagine what is going on inside your body and head right now. Chemo is so nasty, it kills everything else to get to the bad stuff.

    it is one of those scenarios where you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. if you cannot get to the sixth treatment, do not sweat it, you can only do what you can do, tough as it may sound. Right now it seems like you have no quality of life. I guess self preservation kicks in and you fight for what you want, you just want to live, is that so much to ask for?

    I have a very close friend in CA who has condrosarcoma, cancer of the soft joints. she has cancer wrapped around her spinal chord. She has been on some form of chemo or another for years and works full time as a chemist. i honestly do not know how she does it, it is not curing her, just maintaining. Kudos to her, but at what point do you say enough? that is a hard question to answer.

    I only wish you well, and i wish you peace and the energy to fight on if that is what you want to do.
    fay in the family room

    ReplyDelete

Labels

"The Big C" (1) 120 degrees (1) accommodation (2) Adrenal Gland (2) Adult Day Care (1) Aetna (3) Ague (1) Ahi Tuna (1) air quality (2) albuterol (6) Aloxi (1) amazon parrot (1) Americans with Disabiliites Act (1) Andy Whitfield (1) Anger (1) Ankles (1) anti-seizure meds (1) antibiotics (3) anticoagulant (3) Anxiety (6) appetite (4) Aranesp (3) Arixtra (3) Arizona (1) artichokes (1) Asparagus (3) asthma (13) Ativan (1) Atropine (2) Auntie (2) B6 (3) Banner Baywood (6) Bard Power Port (2) Barium (3) Barley (1) Barry White (1) bats (2) Benadryl (6) beneficiaries (1) Bewitched (1) Biohazard (1) Blizzard (2) BlizzCon (2) Blogger (1) blood clots (5) blood pressure (1) blood transfusion (1) bone cancer (2) Bone Pain (5) Bookworm (1) bougainvillea (2) brain tumors (3) Bras (1) bread (1) breast cancer (1) Breathe Healthy Mask (1) breathing (2) breathing treatment (3) broccoli (1) bronchitis (5) bruising (1) brussels sprouts (1) Cabin Fever (1) Camptosar (18) Cancer (9) Carboplatin (5) care-givers (1) Casserole (1) Cat (1) Cataclysm (1) Catholic School (1) Cellulitis (2) Change (1) chemo brain (1) Chemo Side Effects (6) Chemotherapy (34) chicken breasts (1) chicken broth (1) Chihuahuas (8) children (1) chili (1) chili peppers (1) Chinese food (1) Chocolate (2) chocolate cake (1) choose hope (1) Christmas (3) Christopher Hitchens (1) Cinemagic (3) Cinnamon (1) Cisco (1) claustrophobia (1) clinical trials (3) cockatoo (1) Coffee (5) Cold (5) collard greens (1) Color (1) comments (1) communication (1) Compazine (3) compliance (1) Compression Stockings (1) Congenstive Heart Failure (1) constipation (1) conversation (1) cooking (2) Coolaroo (1) COPD (1) COPD International (1) cornbread (2) coughing (7) coumadin (9) Courtesy (1) CPAP (1) cravings (5) creativity (1) Crock Pot (1) CT Scan (16) Cumin (1) cupcakes (2) Curiosity (1) Daniel Sepulveda (1) death (1) Decadron (13) Deep Vein Thrombosis (2) Denial of Coverage (1) dental procedures (5) Depression (2) Desert (1) Diablo III (2) Diabo II (1) disabilities (1) Dizziness (1) Dorothy (1) Doubts (1) Doxycycline (5) Dr. Fastenberg (12) Dr. Ramaswamy (9) Dr.Ono (1) Dragon Age II (2) Dreams (1) Druid (2) dry mouth (2) Duchess of Dim-Wittedness (1) dungeon runs (1) Dust Storm (1) DVT (1) dying at home (1) Echocardiogram (3) edema (1) elderly neighbor (1) Elizabeth Edwards (1) emotional baggage (1) end of life discussion (1) Ensure (1) Equinox (1) ER (2) esophageal cancer (16) Evelyn Lyles (2) Evil Tumor (1) Excessive Heat Warning (1) Exhaustion (4) eyebrows (1) fajitas (1) Fall (2) family (6) Famotidine (1) Fatigue (6) FDA (1) fear (10) feeding tube (1) fire drill (1) FitFlops (1) fluids (1) flying cars (1) Fondaparinux Sodium (2) food (1) Food Network (1) fountain (1) Fried Esophagus (1) friends (2) Game of Thrones (1) Garam Masala (1) gardening (1) Genentech (1) General Motors (1) George Foreman Grill (1) glass of wine (1) glucerna (4) glucose numbers (5) Goblin (1) goopiness (4) Grace (1) grains (1) Gratitude (1) Great Horned Owl (3) grief (1) groggy (1) Hair changes (4) Hair loss (5) Halloween (3) Hand-Foot Syndrome (6) handicapped placard (1) happiness (4) Hawaii (1) Hazardous Materials (1) HBO (1) healer classes (2) Health Insurance (5) heart rate (1) heat (4) heating pad (1) Help Desk (1) Henna (1) heparin (2) Her2 (1) Herceptin (29) hibiscus (4) home (2) hominy (2) Horde (1) hospice care (3) Hospital (6) hot tea (1) Howard Shore (1) humidity (1) hummus (2) Hunter (1) Hydrangeas (1) Ice Cream (1) IKEA (1) incurable (1) India (1) Infection (1) Infusion (2) Infusion port (3) inoperable cancer (2) insomnia (4) Iodine (5) Ironwood Cancer and Research Center (12) Jake (1) Jane Sepulveda (2) Januvia (1) Jerry Sepulveda (1) Jetsons (1) joy (1) Julie (1) Jury Duty (1) Kashi (1) King Crab (1) kitchen (1) knitted hats (2) krill oil (1) Lasix (3) Laughter (1) leave of absence (1) leaves (1) leg swelling (1) Levaquin (6) LIFE (1) Lifespan (1) lightning (2) Living (1) Living Will (1) Lord of the Rings (1) Los Angeles (1) loss of appetite (1) love (3) Lumbar Support (1) Lunar Eclipse (2) lymph nodes (1) Maalox (1) Machaca Chicken (1) magnesium (1) Malm (1) mastectomy (1) Master Chef (1) Medco (1) Medical Oncologist (3) memories (1) mental health (2) menudo (1) Military Macaw (1) Millet (1) Minions (2) Miracle Mouthwash (1) MMORPG (1) monsoons (4) Moonstone (1) Mormon (1) Mornings (1) mortality (2) mouth sores (1) Movies (1) Muesli (4) Mufuletta (1) Naprosyn (4) nausea (5) nebulizer (4) Necklace (1) negativity (1) neighbors (1) nervous cough (1) nervous tic (1) Netbook (1) Neulasta (6) neuroses (2) neutropenia (1) New Orleans (1) Nintendo DS (1) normalcy (1) nose sores (1) NSAID (1) Nuns (2) nurses (4) Nursing Uniform (1) NuStep (6) nutrition (3) Nuts (1) ocular migraine (3) oncologist (1) Oncologists (4) Oncology Nurse (6) optimism (1) Orcs (2) Outback Steakhouse (1) oxygen saturation (2) Pac Man (1) pagan (1) Pain (22) painting (2) palliative care (1) pancakes (1) Panic attack (1) Parsnips (1) pearls (1) Percocet (2) Peridot (1) Pesto (1) PET Scan (15) Petunias (2) Phenergan (2) Phlebotomist (9) physiology (1) Pico Sepulveda (1) pills (2) pink fedora (1) Platelets (1) playing (1) Poang Chair (1) Point Loma (1) Polly (1) posole (1) Post-chemo insomnia (3) Power Outage (1) Prednisone (15) prescriptions (1) Procrit (1) prognostications (1) Project Runway (1) protein (1) PT/INR (9) Pulmonary embolism (4) pulmonologist (4) pulse oxymeter (1) Pumpkin (2) Purple Fedora (2) Queen of Neuroses (11) quilts (1) Quinoa (2) Quito (1) Radiation Oncologist (10) radiation pneumonitis (2) Radiation Therapy (20) Rain (3) ravioli (1) reading (1) red cabbage (1) red meat (1) red wine (2) remission (1) rest (1) Rib Eye Roast (2) Rice (2) Rice Pudding (2) risks (1) Roomba (1) Rozerem (1) Ruth Sepulveda (1) saguaro (1) salmon (1) Samhain (2) Sarcastic Bitch (1) scarlet macaw (1) scooter (5) shots (1) side effects (3) Sinus Infection (1) sisters (3) Skin changes (1) Skyrim (1) sleep (8) slug (1) slumgullion (1) snow (1) snow crab (1) Snowbirds (1) soil (1) soup (1) Southern Baptist Church (1) spinach (1) Spirituality (2) Spring (1) Sprouts (3) Squash (12) Stage IV (1) Stencil (1) Steroids (2) stew (1) stomach (1) Strep Throat (1) stroke (1) Stuffed Mushrooms (1) subconscious (1) summer (1) sundial (1) Sunlight (1) Support Group (1) support socks (1) Surgeon (1) surgery (1) Survival Rate (3) swallowing (2) syringes (1) Tassimo (1) Tauren (2) Taxol (7) Taxotere (1) tea (1) Teeth (1) telecommuting (3) Templates (1) Temporal Thermometer (1) TGIF (1) Thanksgiving (2) The Apothecary Shop (3) Therapist (1) thigh tumor (1) Thrift Stores (1) throat changes (2) thunder (1) Tibetan Monk (1) Tiller Joe (1) tiramisu (1) tomatoes (3) Torchwood (1) Tortellinis (1) Tortilla soup (2) Toxic (2) Trick or Treat (1) Tripe (1) Troll Druid (2) tumor pictures (1) tumor shrinkage (2) tumors (1) Turmeric (2) TV (2) Undead Rogue (1) US Navy (1) USS Nereus (1) vancomycin (1) vegetables (6) Veggie burrito (1) veggies (3) Veterans' Day (1) vicodin (9) vinnie the vampire (1) visitors (2) Walgreen's (1) Walker (5) water color crayons (1) Water Color Pencils (4) weakness (4) weather (1) Weekends (1) weight (1) Wendy (1) Wheat Berries (1) Whimpering (1) white blood cell counts (2) Winter Solstice (4) wit (1) wooziness (1) work (21) World of Warcraft (27) writing (1) Xanax (10) Xeloda (35) Xoom (3) Xopenex (1) Xylitol (3) Yogurt (1) YouTube (1) zofran (3) Zombie Tequila (1) zucchini (1)