This is getting harder with every round of chemo. I want to be one of the 30ish % that can make it through six rounds of this, but I am finishing up round four and I am sick as the proverbial dog.
My legs are swelling up, my hands and feet feel creepy, and I can't begin to tell you how nauseated I am. But, tomorrow is my last day of chemo week ON, and I hope I can begin to feel better.
I slept a bit this afternoon; I'm so tired, and so weak. I guess tomorrow I had better start hitting the Lasix so I can keep the edema at bay. I keep remembering the last time I saw my oldest brother in the hospital, and his legs were HUGELY swollen. And so were my mom's at the end. In fact, she got water blisters all over her legs. Her beautiful legs. Ok, now I am starting to freak myself out, which means I should probably get to bed before the Queen of Neuroses gets out of bondage and runs rampant through my brain.
Good night, all. Don't worry, I'll get past this, and I *WILL* do six rounds of this. For I am, of course, strong like bull.
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Girl, I am so sorry you feel so crappy. I cannot even begin to imagine what is going on inside your body and head right now. Chemo is so nasty, it kills everything else to get to the bad stuff.
ReplyDeleteit is one of those scenarios where you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. if you cannot get to the sixth treatment, do not sweat it, you can only do what you can do, tough as it may sound. Right now it seems like you have no quality of life. I guess self preservation kicks in and you fight for what you want, you just want to live, is that so much to ask for?
I have a very close friend in CA who has condrosarcoma, cancer of the soft joints. she has cancer wrapped around her spinal chord. She has been on some form of chemo or another for years and works full time as a chemist. i honestly do not know how she does it, it is not curing her, just maintaining. Kudos to her, but at what point do you say enough? that is a hard question to answer.
I only wish you well, and i wish you peace and the energy to fight on if that is what you want to do.
fay in the family room