Brain Tumors and Fear

I really thought I’d be much more terrorized by the words Brain Tumors, but I guess since they were there, and I was still alive, that took some of the fear away.  I simply cannot believe the amounts and types of medications I am on.

I have to take anti-seizure meds, now, and the Decadron keeps the swelling at bay.  I can type much better with my left hand, now, although it’s still not up to par. 

I had a really hard time getting to sleep last night because of the leg pain.  Still not quite ready to use those heavy narcotic patches, so I took a Naprosyn, and that helped me at least get to sleep.  But I was awake at six AM, because the pain was back.  But that’s ok… I started working early.

It’s not as easy to work as I had anticipated.  But I definitely can do it.  It’s just I have to be more diligent about proof-reading things before sending them out.  And, double check when I make system changes.  It’s probably for the best, all these safety measures. J

I swear, if I wasn’t due for a radiation treatment today, I would have taken a nap around 1PM.  Oh, and you know something terribly dangerous?  Dunkin Donuts opened a shop just down the street.  I made my poor sisters do a donut run this morning.  Like that’s a healthy meal!  But they surely were good!  Yes, I had two.  Bad, bad, cancer girl!

You should see all the jewelry I am wearing today…. Disco ball earrings and bracelet, and my very favorite ring, rainbow moonstone and onyx.  I have sworn to wear copious amounts of jewelry from now until the end… for what was I waiting?

Nose is Shrinking!

Maybe it's wishful thinking, but I swear my nose, although still pretty red, is not as puffy as it was.  I've been putting lotion on it, as it looks like I was out skiing and forgot my nose sun cream.


Happily, I haven't even taken a nap today; that's a good sign! :D  I am taking it easy, listening to Cinemagic and playing some solitaire.  Yes, still have leg pains, but very sporadic and the twitching is definitely toning down.  It's weird to watch. :)


I just heard that Cinemagic is coming off XM Radio, but you can still hear it on-line.  I'd be more perturbed, but I don't spend a lot of time in my car these days, and I do spend a lot of time listening to it on-line.  What a bummer, though.  


Tonight we're going to have Squash Soup with Pork and Green chilies.  Yum.  Imagine that, squash.  Jane took a bunch over to Sunshine Acres Children's home last week, and looks like they'll be getting another bunch this week.  The chef was reportedly very excited to get such a variety of squashes. :)


Well, all things considered, I'm feeling much better and much happier.  I can see the lessening of the pain and hopefully, the return to normal of my poor nose.  And tomorrow I have season four's premier of "True Blood," to watch; a guilty pleasure, but definitely a pleasure. ;)


Be well, all, and have a fantastic Sunday tomorrow!

A Visit to the ER

I'd had some nasal congestion for a few days; the air is dry, and I use oxygen at night, so your sinus passages can really dry out.  It was 9pm and I was ready for bed, so I walked into my bathroom and saw WC Fields staring back at me from the mirror.


I've always had a pretty small nose, not this virulent red bulbous thing there in the mirror.  I got dressed quickly, and Jane and I drove to the ER.  We got there about 9:25PM.  My face was really starting to hurt, and it hurt if I bent my head over.  The nurse came and accessed my port in hopes of getting blood flow back so they could get some bloodwork done.  But no, it wouldn't cooperate and so, she proceeded to try to tap a vein to get what she needed.  After two tries, she got someone else.  He went into my hand, blew out THAT vein, but got enough blood to fill the two vials.  Today, I am sporting the black hand of death.


Doc says it looks like cellulitis and they start me on IVF's and Vancomycin.  Meanwhile, it becomes Thursday and as we all know, the Thursday after Chemo is my day from hell.  The bone pains start up, and I didn't have time to get the Naprosyn, nor the benadryl on board.  Oh well, I think, that's the least of my problems right now.


Nurse comes in with two HUGE tablets and water.  Bloodwork said I was low on Potassium.  I tell her about the tumor in my esophagus, and could she cut those puppies in half?  She's great, and comes back quickly with four bits of potassium pills.  I got 'em down.  Doc comes by to tell me he's talked to my oncologist and I'm going to get to go home, but we have to watch my face like a hawk, take my temps every hour and down some more antibiotics for the next 10 days.  I can do that.


Everyone at Banner Baywood was so kind, and really, the process they have developed for the Emergency Room is amazing.  You never felt like you were left anywhere to rot.  And boy do I love my port. :)


So we got home just a little after 2AM, and I knew there was no way I could use my CPAP, so I just propped myself up with pillows, took the Naprosyn and I was out like a light until 7AM.  Then I sent my manager an e-mail and told him I was taking a sick day.  And now I am going to go rest for a bit.  Jane just came home with my antibiotics, so I took my morning dose.


Be well, all.

Squash Soup with Chicken

Yesterday sucked.  I couldn't take the pain anymore so I took the Vicodin, one every four hours... I think I got down four of them before I got so sick even my Compazine got barfed up.  I haven't vomited in years; it's not pleasant, especially when you consider it's got to come past my tumor.  


And why is it that when you don't eat, and you're sick, your glucose numbers go up?  I see no logic in that!  So I had to take a glipizide with my Januvia and that meant I had to eat and keep it down.  I had a piece of sourdough toast.  So far, so good.


The pain today is definitely not as bad as yesterday, but I have no energy.  I went out to look at the crops, and barely got out there.  Luckily, my sisters provided a chair so I sat and rested for a while.  It's a beautiful day, but it's going to get pretty warm.


We gave a ton of squash to the neighbors yesterday, and Jane says she's going to make squash soup with chicken tonight.  Nancy made me a light green beret out of some soft, soft felt material.


I'm trying hard not to get depressed, I'm not really the type to get depressed, but dang, pain wears you down.  You just want to cry, but you're too tired to do even that.  I don't even have the strength to sit here and play World of Warcraft.  I cling to the sure knowledge that this pain is lessening, and will continue to lessen and I will get some strength back, and every day will get better.  And then it will be time to do it all over again. :D  See, that made me smile.  It's crazy, I know.


Now I think I'll go lie down for a while.  Maybe watch something on TV, maybe I'll sleep, maybe I'll read.  Take care, all.

Neulasta... torture in a syringe

Thursday I did something I don't think I have ever done in my life:  spent the day whimpering in pain.  As it turns out, I can whimper with the best of them.  All I can say is that this damned stuff had better really be cranking out the white cells, because I'm not taking the pain very well.


Dr. R, my PCP gave me some Vicodin today.  I'm not a great taker of pain killers, but I'm going to take one of these before I try to sleep tonight.  And I think the government should reconsider torture as a method of extracting information from the bad guys.  No, not waterboarding; shoot 'em up with Neulasta.  I would have told anyone anything to get the pain to stop.


Anyway, you all know I'm kidding about the torture... mostly.  


And now, I'm going to try to get some sleep.  And dream of a place where every bone in your body doesn't feel like it's on fire.

Tortilla Soup, Bone Pain and See's Candy

It was another sunny, beautiful day here in paradise.  Got up early, got lots done for work, then headed out to get my Neulasta shot.  One of the nurses asked me if this was my first one, and when I replied in the affirmative, she pointed to her colleague and said, "well, it's her first time giving one!"


And she did a fantastic job.  Barely felt the needle going in, and she injected it very slowly and smoothly to try to mitigate the fact that it can sting quite a bit.  The effects of yesterday's chemo session were not horrible, but as the day progressed, I was feeling alternately hot and cold, and a bit achy.  Now I can feel the effects of the shot, as my bones are ... ouchy.


But, Jane made me Chicken Tortilla soup for dinner, and my oldest sister, Cee and her husband Bud had sent me a big box of dark chocolate See's Candy.  Both of these edible miracles helped to cancel quite a bit of the discomfort of the day.


Still, I'm exhausted, so I think I'll have a very early night.  And may all of you out there in Blog Land have sweet dreams.