Oh Bah!

So, there I was... all girded for the brain radiaition.  I had two prayers ready to go, and I'd had my happy pill....and thank the goddess I only took ONE.  Alas, the computer was down.. no brain radiation for me today, just the leg.. and a happy time it was, too!  Oh yes, the happy pills work WONDERFULLY!

But, I did see my PCP, Dr. Ramaswamy who is working frantically on getting my insurance company to fill my prescription for Ondansetron, AKA Phenergan, the best of the anti-nauseas.  I have a couple of Compazine here, also generic, but it doesn't work as well.  My BP was a tad low at 98/65, but that happens with cancer sometimes.  Just have to make sure I'm not bleeding internally somewhere.  I see no signs of that. :)

And I saw Dr. Ono, who is concerned about my skin getting burned due to the high intensity of this 16 round thigh zap.  Well, so far, my skin looks fine.  I had 28 days of zappage on my chest, and though it fried me interiorly, my skin fared well.

Thursday I'll see my Medical Oncologist, Dr. Fastenberg, and I know he'll be wanting to pop me on some hideously toxic chemo regimen.  But hey, I've done it before... ad nauseum... sorry .... and I can do it again.

And there you have it, the exciting life of a cancer-filled woman, trying her damdest to not let it take over her world, but it is... and I will deal with it.

Love and hugs to all. :D

Chemo Day

There are lots of repeat customers here today.  One of them is the very loquatious gentleman from two weeks ago.  Jane and I thought his loquatiousness was due to his massive anxiety about his treatment.  Chatting about ANYTHING kept his mind occupied.

Today, our regular area was usurped by snowbirds, so he ended up alone, with noone around him with which to chat.  The occupants on either side of him were fast asleep.  He began to panic; hyperventilating and requiring several of the docs to come and make sure he wasn't experiencing a reaction to his treatment.

He has calmed down, and I think he'll be fine, but he is definitely the kind of person that NEEDS interaction to stave off his fears.  And he is a prime example to teach us the importance of acknowledging our fears, and in the process, taking the power away from those fears.

In fact, he is asleep, and I wonder if one of those doctors popped a sedative in amongst all his meds.

Speaking of meds, Dr. Ramaswamy has scripted me with Percocet and Zofran.  We haven't gotten them filled yet, but we will today.  Dr. Fastenberg wants my next CT scheduled for 27 December.  It will be the normal chest and abdomen, and this time, my left thigh as well.  He wants to rule out ...bone cancer.  I hope he does! ;)

Ok, my main course, Camptosar, is about half way through.  I'm going to end this post.

Hugs to all.

A Catch-22

I'm still not an active employee, yet, although Dr. Fastenberg, who got the paperwork to fill in on Monday, had it back to Medical by Monday afternoon!  He's an angel!

So, I had called Medical yesterday, and Nurse Maureen said, yep, I should be an active employee again, as of the 28th.  But I didn't do too much yesterday, as it was chemo day.  What I did do, was plot out all the things that needed doing, so I made lists, and tried to decide if I needed more equipment here at the house, and how I was going to get myself more office space in the library if say, I needed to have a printer and a fax.  I think that was pretty productive.

I got up this morning, all ready to log in and get cracking, but alas, no luck.  So I called our Help Desk, and got a really fantastic tech.  We tried everything, and at least I got to the time-keeping system so I could log my hours, but that was it.  He sent me up to tier II, and we discovered that during the 4 months of my leave of absence, the company had issued new badges.  Alas, I had no clue of this, since I hadn't been getting e-mail.

Well, that meant I had to go into the plant, and you know what a production that is.  But the last time I did it wasn't the day AFTER my chemo infusion (Camptosar).  I was sick as the proverbial dog, but I had to take care of this.  Headed into Security, got my new badge, which I assumed would be activated by them, but alas, I was told I had to get my activation code from... my e-mail account.  Which I can't access... because....my badge is not activated.  Yeah.  Ok.

I call the Help Desk again, and he says ... wait, they show you still on Leave of Absence, so I can't help you.  So, I call leave services, and the lady I get says, "I'll leave a message for your Leave manager, and tell them to make you active."  Um, and that would happen when?

Anywho, I'm starting to think Dr. Fastenberg was right and I am nuts to want to go back to work, but I'll have a new set of responsibilities, essentially a new job, and I'll be permanently virtual, except to someday get my badge activated so I can access what I need to do my job.  In any event, I was so exhausted when I got home that I took a nap.  And when it does all get fixed, and I know it will, I'll be happy and productive and not nuts at all. :)

Love to all!

Well, not QUITE back to Work

Medical needs a few more bits of information from my oncologist before I can be re-activated as an employee.  They want to formalize my telecommuting, and flexible hours as part of their ADA (Americans With Disabilities Act) accommodation.  That's fine with me, of course, because that's exactly what it is.

So I was there, and I got to see lots of folks that I love, and caught people up on my status, and it was a great time, even if I did have to get up early and go out into the cold.  It was COLD this morning.  But yes, I am a cold wimp. ;)

Maureen, the nurse in Medical, faxed the paperwork over to Ironwood and Dr. Fastenberg, and added her contact info, so hopefully, we'll get it all settled by mid-week.  In the meantime, I have to call my leave insurance company and tell them we're not quite there yet.  And hopefully, I'll at least get a bit of pay for the next few days.  It kind of works out anyway since tomorrow is a chemo day.

Hugs to all!

Chemo Week begins Anew

I went to see my oncologist, Dr. Fastenberg, today.  I so appreciate all the time he takes with me, answering my questions, and analyzing test results with me.  He's worried about blood clots, since of course, I had the pulmonary embolism.  I may not be so lucky next time.  He's decided to ditch the coumadin in favor of an inject-able  but first he has to get it approved by my health insurance.

If we can go that route, I won't have to get blood draws twice a week and subject my neutropenic self to hanging about with sick people.  Dr. F says my lung disease is a very limiting factor in my ability to fight cancer of any kind. He was also quite appalled by my battered right arm, which makes me look like a junkie.  And of course, he was dismayed that I'd had another exacerbation.  Well, it is Fall and Winter, if I have to be a regular patron of the blood lab, will be quite a challenge.  So anyway, let's hope he can get that inject-able anticoagulant approved.  My money is on him... :)  Oooh, quite literally. :P

Then I told him I would like to go back to work, and he said I was nuts.  However, he said, I could telecommute.  It's hard to explain, but I love my job; I love analysis and people and numbers... I never knew I wanted to do this, but when they put me there, I was so happy.  It was my niche; I was good at it, and it's fun and challenging and makes my brain feel good. :)

I've already spoken to my manager, and he's good with it all, and so I got my "Return to Work/Functional Capacities Form" all filled out by Dr. F, with a return to work of 28 November.  YAY!  This will be a very THANKFUL Thanksgiving, for sure.

I have to go back next Tuesday and get my Aranesp shot.  Oh, and I got lots of mail from my insurance company; they have approved the shots and are covering them.  I love my oncologist and every single person at Ironwood Cancer and Research Center.

Of course, I had my Camptosar infusion today, so I'm feeling a bit blecchy right now.  Must drink lots of fluids and get this stuff to run its course.

Love to all, and hugs as well.

A New Week Begins

Today, I have a noon appointment to get my clotting factor measured.  I hope Dr. R. gets me set up at the Coumadin Clinic at Banner Baywood soon.  I'm almost out of veins to be tapped.


Tomorrow I'll see Dr. Fastenberg and we'll decide if I am well enough to return to my chemos.  Plus I want to see the final CT result for myself.  I'm so happy about the shrinkage of my adrenal gland tumor, and thankful for some good news for a change. :)


Nancy and I are going to make three-bean turkey chili for dinner tonight.  We're using black beans, kidneys and great northern beans.  Jane had made a bunch of sauteed veggies yesterday:  Asparagus, red onion, orange, yellow and red bell peppers and jalapenos.  We'll finish them off tonight.  Actually, I think they'd be great as a topper for the chili.


The turkey chili is a slow-cooker thing so we'll get that put together when we get home from the blood-letting.  It will make the house smell so good!


I'm feeling strong enough to take my walker to the lab today, rather than my scooter.  Even with the Handicapped parking space, their actual location withing the building they occupy is about as far in as you can get. :D  But I'm looking forward to walking on my own two feet.  Keep those blood clots at bay!!


Speaking of walking, I'm off to take a gander at my back garden.  It's nice and cool this morning, so I must take advantage of the temperature.


Love and hugs to all!

The Dentist

I'm not supposed to have invasive dental procedures while undergoing chemotherapy.  But the temporary fix to the missing filling has bitten the dust.  I called my dentist today, and we worked out the probable best time for doing another temporary, and that will be on Wednesday.  Hopefully, I will be feeling well enough to at least walk with the walker, but at least my dentist has a handicapped parking space right outside his door.


Happily, I have no pain, just the abyss where the filling used to reside.  Mainly, I don't want to screw up that area in any way and GET pain, or have to have some really invasive procedure.  And since I can't have work done on my mouth while I'm doing chemo, ... It's hard to tell WHEN I can get the situation truly fixed.  Oh well.


Tomorrow, I take my Xeloda morning pills, and then I have my beloved week off!  Had another ocular migraine this morning, and I had had one on Saturday, which means I will have to tell Dr. Fastenberg, and he'll want to have my head examined. :D  Yeah, I will certainly be looking forward to a brain scan.  Thank the deities for Xanax.


Plus I have to tell him that I am having shooting, nerve-type pain in my LEFT shoulder, now.  Ai chihuahua.  It's always something.


The weather is pretty hideous this week; we have an Excessive Heat Warning in effect until THURSDAY!  And when they say Excessive Heat out here, they mean business.  Like we PRAY for the lows at night to be under 90 degrees, and the highs to not get any worse than 110.  Of course, you probably realize that my veggie garden is done for the summer, but wow, did we get great produce!


Oh, I finished my triptych watercolor!  Nancy and Jane are going to see about the framing for me.  I have decided that I just love how it turned out, and now I feel much more confident about hitting the canvas to make something for Wendy and Dean.


Be well, all.  Make sure you hug someone every day!  I'm going to close this post with a picture of Portia, the scarlet macaw.  She was a rescue, and the sweetest thing, but alas, years of malnutrition cut her life short.  At least she did finally learn to eat real food and play, so I am happy the final year of her life was good to her.

I Hate The Weakness

Yesterday, I was so weak I almost fell, so I'm using my walker around the house again.  And today, I fell asleep after lunch.  I hardly EVER sleep during the day, but I guess my body knows what it needs better than I.


Other than feeling pretty nasty, I've been spared many of the Xeolda and Camptosar side effects, at least so far.  Dr. F said we should do this regimen for four months and then get scanned again.  It's just so weird that this is my life; tons of drugs, days of not being well, then days of feeling great, and a vague disbelief that I'm even sick... until the cycle starts again.  Yeah, when the weakness hits, I feel like it's a precursor of the end of my days.  I can't do a damned thing.  Must be why I slept.


Is it strange that I think it's hilarious that I was so worried about the Esophageal Cancer, which is pretty much stabilized, and what's really going to get me is the Adrenal Gland Cancer?  Hey, but at least it has NOT metastasized yet.  Yes, see, you can tell when I'm not feeling very well, because I start to accept that mortality isn't all that bad.  When I feel good, I know I can fight for quite a while more.  It's normal; you feel physically bad, you feel mentally bad, and vice versa.


Anywho, the cycle of good days is about to come around any day now, and I'll be back to my old self.  Hopefully, I'll be good enough to run a dungeon with my sisters tomorrow. :)  Yes, we're making it a weekend ritual.  It's good for us; keeps us all connected, and works our brains, and I get to be the healer!  Maybe I can get some of that good healing juju to transfer from the PC to my poor cancer-riddled body. :D  I should try to get a good screen shot during a boss fight, so I can show you how we have fun.


Ok, hugs and kisses to all.  I'm going to go use up an Amazon gift certificate.  I think I hear something chocolate calling to me.....

Infusion Time Again

I've had three different rounds of chemotherapy; the first in November-December of 2010, then another beginning in May of 2011, and now this one.  I had no problems getting myself in to Ironwood for every infusion in each round.  It just had to be done, and so I did it.


Why, then, is THIS round causing me so much anxiety?  Seriously, the day of my infusion, I have to take a Xanax or go bonkers.  Maybe it IS time to see a therapist.


And maybe I just am so scared of that Aranesp, it's the real cause of my anxiety.  So, I told Dr. F that I was really leery of that shot, and he talked it out with me, told me some interesting facts, and generally allayed my fears about it.  I can't remember what I said, but he smiled, and told me that he found me charming and that he really liked me. :)  Well, of course, I adore him, because he pulls no punches, he's direct, and he understands that I have a brain and treats me accordingly.  (That, people, is a rare gift in doctors, but thank gods all my doctors have that gift.)


Oh yeah, and speaking of Xanax, they called in another bottle of it for me.  It's a crutch, yeah, and I don't frankly care.  I'm not going to become addicted to it, and if I do, well, such is life... I'm not going to be around forever.


Yep, definitely having some issues today.  And of course, I get to start up the Xeloda tablets with my dinner tonight.  Yum. :P

And here is the aforementioned PINK version of my favorite fedora.  If you notice, I have a pin on my blouse....my oncology nurse uses it to pin up my IV line, so that when I wander, as I tend to do because I get bored, it won't pull, or get caught on my IV pole.


Well, I'm getting hungry, believe it or not, so, I guess it's time to think about dinner.


Love to all, and don't worry about me, the weird funk will pass as it always does. :)

It's Taxol Time

Another exciting round of chemo here today at Ironwood Cancer and Research Center.  I took a vacation day, because for me, it's almost impossible to try to flex around a six hour infusion.  I have oncolgy nurse Julie this day.  I've gotten past the four premeds:  Aloxi, Decadron, Benadryl and famotidine.  The Taxol is not even half way through and it's 12:04.  Ai carumba.

I talked to Dr. Fastenberg this morning, and he said my white counts are coming up fine enough that we still won't do the Neulasta.  So tomorrow evening, I'll start on the Naprosyn and try to mitigate the pain a bit.  Also, he said that taking the Benadryl would be fine, so I'll have my sisters get me some and start taking it on Wednesday night.

I told him about the ocular migraines and he said if they started up again, we'd have to do a brain scan.  Not that he thinks this could be a cancer problem, but we would still have to check it out.  Esophageal cancer does Metastasize into the brain.

Dr. F does have me scheduled for another round of this chemo on the 12th of July, but some time before that I am supposed to have my CT, chest and abdomen.  We need to have some good news.  I really need to have some good news.

We were just having a fun conversation with some of the other chemo inmates.  Two of them were originally from Ohio, so we talked about snow.

Well, I'm really tired, and not feeling up to snuff, so I'm done for this post.

Be well, all... HUGS!

neulasta - we're giving it a pass

Dr. Fastenberg says we are going to skip the Neulasta; to this I say:  YAY!  We discussed to which hospital I should go, in the event I need to go to one.  He says to go to Banner Baywood, which is great because both my Pulmonologist and my Cardiologist are there.


You may have noticed that I've edited this post for punctuation and format. I was a little drugged out when I originally typed it during my infusion. :)


Today, I will post a picture of my drug pole with the huge bags of poison that drip into my chest.  Dr. F says we'll do three of these infusions before the next CT.  This one is number two.


I did just take a shot of my pre-meds. They are small bags but lots of them. :)

Here is my bag of taxol.

Please note those happy little words:  Toxic, Dispose of as a Biohazard.  Ai carumba! :D

We left the house at 8:30AM, and returned at 4:30PM.  I am dead tired.  Well, maybe I should just say, I'm tired. ;)

So, off I go to rest up.  Love to all!

Had an Appetite Today!

Today was the first time, for this round of chemo, that I felt like eating!  My sisters made me a slice of french toast and I also relished some lovely bacon.  Who doesn't enjoy a nibble of bacon now and then?  I sure do, and I really did this morning.


I didn't eat much for lunch, but I made some veggies and brown rice for dinner, simmered in a sweet potato and chipotle organic soup.  Oh, it was so good!  Jane went out and grabbed one of the newly grown Serrano chilies, and a good bit of the black opal basil, and we tossed that in, with some red bell pepper, grey Mexican squash, zucchini, roma tomatoes, and I finished it with a little garlic infused olive oil.  Ummmm, it was quite satisfying.  I am not eating lots, but I am eating, and that's a very good sign.  Thursday I was sure I was going to die, and frankly, I almost wanted to, and today, I can think happy thoughts, eat, and mostly agree that I can get through this round of chemo.


It's back to work, virtually, for me tomorrow.  And thank gods for the ability to keep one's mind occupied with doing something responsible and important.  Being productive and useful definitely helps keep me going.  Dr. Ramaswamy, my PCP, asked me on Friday how my mental health was keeping up through this, and I told him that of course, I cried when Dr. Fastenberg told me about the Adrenal tumor and how it had multiplied in size, but I also told him that once I cry, and get it out of my system, I'm pretty resilient.  But believe me, if I for one minute think I'm going to need some help emotionally, I have lots of resources available to me.


One of those is the oncology nurse that calls me frequently to check up on me.  This is one of my work benefits.  She convinced me that I really did need to start taking pain killers for the Neulasta problem, and we discussed how to prevent the same agony after my next round of chemo.  Her name is Beth, and she's in Minnesota, and she's fantastic!  She also helps me keep my prognosis and treatments in perspective.  


I was sorry to read that Harmon Killebrew is ending his esophageal cancer treatments, but I can certainly understand such a decision.  I admire his courage.  Safe to say, I think that decision is still quite a way off for me.  I still have a fantastic quality of life.  One of the other things Dr. Ramaswamy and I talked about was my home situation.  He's thrilled that I have such great care-givers in my sisters; that there is always someone here with me, someone to get me to treatments when I can barely move, someone to make sure I eat, and most of all someone that loves me.  Oh I have that in spades, folks. :)


So, tomorrow starts a new week, and things are looking brighter, and I'm happy, and the pain is settling into my lower extremeties, and not all over the place; I hear that's a sign it's almost over... YAY!  And if the Neulasta works, and I can do my chemo on schedule, .. then yes, even that horrible Thursday from hell was worth it.


Now, love to all; be kind and make someone smile.