Ugh, no Sleeping

I had to get up and do a breathing treatment, and if you know anything about albuterol, which is what I nebulize in my hookah, you know it makes your heart race, and wires you for sound.  For instance, I'm sitting here at my computer, and my HR is 122, and I can't stop shaking my left leg.... that's one way to get exercise, I guess. ;)


So, I've been playing World of Warcraft.  I just mute my system so I don't wake up the whole household.  There seem to be plenty more insomniacs on line tonight, so I was enjoying a chat with Smacky, a very handsome Orc warrior that is totally epic'd out.  He had kindly notified me that a rare was up, if I was interested in taming it as a pet, since I was on Kauket, my lovely Orc Hunter.  Alas, I would have needed some druid back up, and since I had just started the Firelands quests on Kauket, I did not have them at my disposal.  And believe me, Kauket is NOT epic'd out. :)


Playing World of Warcraft (WoW) when you are having trouble breathing serves an important purpose; it helps me relax, believe it or not.  That way, I stop getting anxious and feeling impending doom.  Anxiety is the worst thing you can develop in the face of an asthma episode.  And yet, it's almost always going to happen because let's face it, it's scary when you can't breathe!  But with the anxiety comes more shortness of breath.


I like to use both WoW and the power of numbers to keep me from getting too neurotic.  For instance, I have my Pulse Oxymeter, which tells me my HR and my Oxygen saturation level (the level of oxygenation in my blood).  Obviously, if my O2 level is showing at 99%, I am in really good shape.  And the breathing treatment that I did earlier is having good results.  I got a little worried I'd be heading to the ER this evening, but I think I'm going to be fine.  I'll just keep an eye on my sats.


Now, I guess since I am nowhere near being able to sleep, I should return to World of Warcraft.


Peace!

Back to the Nurses

Reading over yesterday's post, it seems I got derailed from my original topic.  So let's get back to the nursing staff.

I can remember being in hospital back in the late 1980's.  In those days you rarely saw nursing staff.  They mostly stayed sequestered behind thick glass walls, and tended to converse with patients via some kind of tin can-sounding two-way radio.  They always sounded harrassed and displeased that you dared bother them in their crystal fortress.  Peon.

Fast-forward to 2011.  There is a low-tech, incredibly useful white board in my room.  It's communication central for nursing staff, my doctors and I.  Pretty much everything I need to know is on this board.  If there is still something more I need to know, there is section for me to write down my questions or concerns, so I don't forget to ask my doctors.

Prominently featured at the top of the board is my room number and the phone number.  Next comes the names of all the staff seeing to my care on the current shift.  I love this feature because I appreciate being able to thank people by name.

Staff normally lists my RN, the RN Manager, the Nursing Assistant, and my Physician.  Last night we had to add my respiratory therapist to the mix.  Yep, the lungs are acting up just a tiny bit, so Dr. Ramaswamy is being cautious and ordered nebs every six hours.

The board continues with pain management information.  My section is blank, as I'm not experiencing any major pain.  If you havve any testing scheduled, there's a spot for that.  Next is an area for 'Today's Goals.'  As ever, my goal is to live and be happy.

I really like the next section:  'What would make your stay excellent?'  My sisters wrote 'chocolate' and 'red wine.'  I have since ammended this to GOOD red wine. :)

Finally the last section is where I can list my questions and concerns.

So if we compare the communication quality between patient and nurse, 1986 vs 2011, it's apparent that your chances to survive a hospital stay should be much greater based on the communication factor alone.

The main thing is that I can see an entire attitude change from autocratic despots to people that want to partner WITH you to give you CARE.

 More next post.  I want to go take a jaunt around my floor. :)

Love to all!

Coming up on Number Five

Tuesday will begin round five of the clinical trial chemos.  Blech.  Funny how you can make yourself do something that makes you so sick.  It's the promise of cancer redemption that keeps you going.  I'd like to think, too, that doing this trial is helping other people as well.  Stage I of this trial helped define the dosage tolerances.  I'm not sure what Stage II is doing, but whatever it is, we're doing it!


I had a dream last night; Jane had a weird screen saver on her computer's display.  I told her it was creepy because it was exactly like an ocular migraine.  Then I woke up... and was having an ocular migraine. :P


Having read about my cupcake cravings, Jane and Nancy came home with ingredients and made a batch of red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting.  And of course, I was done with my cupcake cravings.  But did I say NO to those pretty little things?  Heaven forbid!  Must eat those things made with love, you know.  Just don't eat five of them. :)


Last night saw a deluge of rain.  My sister-in-law, Julie, had called to say they had hail, really high winds and their power was out.  Julie lives ESE of us, and while we were on the phone, our house had blue skies and a light breeze, but you could see, off in the distance, a lot of dark thunderheads.


About an hour later, we got the deluge; no hail, plenty of wind and so much rain you couldn't see across the street.  It lasted probably fifteen minutes, and when I put the dogs out around Nine PM, my back yard was dry.  We really needed that rain!  I think it's still considered part of monsoon season, here, and it was quite a show with all the lightning.


So, I'm approaching Tuesday with trepidation, since the toxicity of the chemos is building up and it's taking me longer each time to start to feel human.  But I can't stop now; I'm in the home stretch!  I'll just learn to nap more.


Now it's time to hit the hookah (my pet name for my nebulizer) because it's humid and I have a hard time breathing when the air feels like a sauna.  Funny, when I lived in California, the spa my mom and I went to every day after work for our exercise regimen had a sauna, and I LOVED it!  Of course, I hadn't been diagnosed with asthma yet, back then.  Who knew I'd move to Arizona and get to experience wide-spread sauna-like conditions? :)  Luckily, we're USUALLY a dry heat.


Alrighty, then.  Have a fabulous week, all.  Kiss a puppy, or a kitty, or your spouse. :)

Cravings

There is danger in having access to just about everything on the face of the planet via the www.  Today I had cupcake cravings.  I don't eat cupcakes, yet I had to stop myself from buying, of all things, a Cupcake Maker.  Seriously, if you have an oven, you already HAVE a cupcake maker; you don't need some silly pink cupcake-shaped, teflon-coated, electricity-hogging waste of space!


But I wanted one.  Yet, I was strong and got past that moment of madness.  Makes me wonder if the Queen of Neuroses has a pal... the Duchess of Dim-wittedness.  Could happen.


Time now to inhale some albuterol.  I see we have an Ozone Health Watch for tomorrow, and we're back up to around 108.  Joy.  Maybe tomorrow I'll crave an Icee or something very cold.  Oooh, snowcones!


I remember last year at this time wishing for cooler weather, which meant that I was hoping time would fly by into Winter.  THIS year, I'm just taking it as it comes.  I'd love cooler weather, but I don't want to wish my life away, either.  Of course, last year at this time, I had no idea I had a freaking monster in my esophagus, either.  That wasn't discovered until the last week of September.


So, yes, it's almost a year that I have survived this cancer.  I think, all things considered, that I am holding up pretty well.  I'd just love to have my life back; you know, work, be as social as I ever was, which wasn't much, but it was better than this feeling of isolation from the rest of humanity.  But it's so hard to leave the house.  It's just tiring!  You know, you have to be presentable, and then there's usually lots of physicality involved, and I'm weak as if, donating blood I gave a gallon of blood instead of a pint. 


Oh sure, the weather is not helping, nor the air lack-of-quality.  But you know, if I had a cupcake, I probably wouldn't mind...STOP THAT!  No cupcakes!  I just had some garlic bread; the last thing I need is more carbs.  Or sugar.  Ummm, cupcakes.  I'm losing it.


But not really, because in ten minutes I'll crave something else like prunes or pistachios, or pumpkin pie, or pickles... and I HATE pickles.  I think I need a nap.


Be well, all, and be thankful for all the love you have in your life, but remember it takes LOVING to earn love in return.

Ahhh, Tooth is Covered

What is it with teeth, or your mouth in general, that makes your tongue seek out and obsess over even the slightest change?  Maybe it's just me. :D


Dr. Baker fixed me up, using a clove flavored putty-like substance as a temporary cover over the crumbling filling.  It's hard as a rock now, but it WAS putty when it went into my mouth.  It took approximately 15 minutes total, with my drive over and my drive back home.  It's good to have a dentist just around the block.


Later, I had my appointment with Dr. Tsai, the Radiation Oncologist.  She says I don't need to see her anymore unless Dr. Fastenberg thinks she's needed.  She checked my lungs, as she always does and was happy with the air movement.  I did tell her I'd had several infections since the beginning of this round of chemo, as well as four ocular migraines in one month.


She told me that Dr. F was thrilled at how well I was tolerating the chemo.  HAHAHAH, that means I haven't been hospitalized.  But I did tell her about the horrible pain and that I can tolerate it because I know it won't last.


So, I'll tell all this again to Dr. Fastenberg on Tuesday before my next infusion.  Monday I go for my pre-chemo blood-letting.  Can't wait to see those results, since I didn't do the Neulasta shot.


We woke up this morning to TV news 'copters circling the neighborhood.  Sadly, a house fire took the life of an elderly gentleman, although he managed to get the woman who lived with him out to safety.  I knew this man, vaguely.  In my younger days, I used to do a lot of volunteer work in my city.  I remember very well the day he stood up and called the city council 'whoremongers.'  And that was just the tip of the iceberg for this guy.  But he certainly was a citizen who felt strongly about community involvement.


Of course, being a very hot, very smokey fire, and because we were in the middle of an Ozone Health Watch, I was having a hard time breathing well today.  Again, thank the deities for my Albuterol and the nebulizer.


Since I had such a trying day, I think I'm going to go have a glass of red wine.  Just kidding about the trying day, but not about the glass of wine. :D


Be safe, all, be well, happy and may you always have many hugs in your future.

Albuterol, dear Albuterol

I am SO tired of coughing... quite literally.  I finished working (at home) and went right to bed for a nap.  I fell asleep yesterday before 9PM, and slept through to a little after 6AM.


Yes, I did go into the plant yesterday, but that was a huge mistake.  I didn't realize how hard that trek from my car to my desk was going to be.  My utmost gratitude to our company's paramedics for getting me stabilized enough to go home; driven by Hope.  My friend Michelle followed her to take her back to work.  


I have to stop pushing myself to try to be normal.  But I want that so badly.  Yet, yesterday gave me a pretty severe wake up call; I am sick.  I am not 'normal.'  I told my friend Paul that I was scared that what I am today is my new 'normal.'  


Well, I will go see my PC doc tomorrow and hopefully, he can figure out a way to make me a bit more comfortable.  I am cold; I've had a low-grade fever, but not high enough to call the oncologist's office.  The goop I'm coughing up is clear and slowly lessening in volume.  And I have a weird pain in my left shoulder.


As for the Albuterol, I'm sucking on my nebulizer even as I type.  Thank the deities for this med and this medical equipment; it keeps me out of the big house, and after a treatment I can get more goop out.  I posted on Facebook the other day that I needed a phlegm exorcism.  Maybe my PC can get me fixed up with a really good expectorant.  I like to try to go naturally; hot beverages, soup, garlic, chilies, onions, but that's not doing enough.

Happily, though, it's warmed up beautifully!  It was 83 while I was watching the evening news.  Tomorrow will hit 90 they say.  While some folks may cower in terror at those numbers, we Arizonans find it very, very comfortable.  


That's not to say I enjoy anything beyond 110, though.  And that, sadly, does happen quite a bit in summer here.... but remember, it's a dry heat, until the monsoon hits, then you feel like you've entered a sauna that doesn't quit.  But I'll take it over the hellaciously cold winter we've had.  


This picture is one I took years ago right after a monsoon blew through.  


Sadly, our saguaro fell one year.  Luckily, it only took out my eaves, not the room in which my mother was sleeping that morning.

It had rained hard and the cactus had absorbed so much water, it could  no longer hold its own weight.  The neighbors who heard it thought our house had exploded.  The removal squad estimated it weighed more than 2000 lbs.

They cut it into slices with a chainsaw, but still could not lift the slices.  After quartering each slice, they finally got it removed.  Oh they also said it was over 27 feet high.  I loved that saguaro, but its time had come.


The main thing is that no one was hurt; Mom didn't even wake up, but then she was quite hard of hearing by that time.
And thank heavens for homeowner's insurance. :)