Hospice

I made the decision today to apply to hospice.  My oncolgist says all we can do now is try to give good palliative care, and we're going to go through the course of radiation on the bone cancer, and the radiation on the brain.  This way, I can have a good quality of life with what's left, and not have to go back through the torture of chemo that doesn't work.

I got through the initial brain radiation, and it wasn't of course as bad as my antipation of the terror.  I did come home with waffle marks all over my face from the evil mask they snap onto your head and adhere to the table.  You WILL NOT MOVE!  Jane says they were more like honeycombs.

One of the ladies I always see while waiting for radiaion brought several of us homemade bread.  Mine is blueberry and carrot.  It was still warm, and very fragrant.  And MY was it fabulous.  I grabbed a hunk to eat on the way home.  This is same woman who knitted me a purple hat because I didn't have one.  She's a snowbird from Michigan.  An angel of a woman.

So, my primary care doc, Dr. Ramaswamy is going to get the hospice stuff started.  We will probably wait until both rounds of radiation are finished.  But I can't tell you how relieved and happy I am at making the decision.  I no longer have to go through treatments that ultimately don't work, but torture me in the meantime.  I can concentrate on my job, my family, my friends, my doga and help them undertand that this is the very best decision I can make right now.  And I am happy!

I'll keep you up to date on my progress as we take this journey; I am almost excited to see where we'll go.

Love and hugs to all!

A Visit with The Pulmo

My morning appointment with my pulmonologist, Dr. S, went very well.  He says despite my severe lung disease, they are holding up well through the chemo and the past radiation.  All's stable on the lung front, and thank the gods for that!

Dr. S says every time he sees me he is amazed at how well I seem to be tolerating the chemo.  I told him about the two new chemos and the clinical trial.  It's too early to tell but I did mention that the referral pains were gone, now.  I hope that's a good sign.

Left there, and decided that since I was up and dressed, and now hungry, I should stop and get some breakfast.  So, my sister Nancy and I went to Crackers and Co.  I had the California Eggs Benedict.  Oh, yes, some of my favorite things:  Avocado, eggs, bacon, and spinach!  While I can still eat, I relish things like this.  It was a great morning!

While I was there, Dr. S asked me how I was doing emotionally.  Boy, my doctors all seem very concerned about my emotional state!  I told him I was fine; that I had discussed hospice with Dr. F and my oncologist had said we still had options, so Dr. S was happy with my answer. :)  And, I don't see him again for six months, unless something comes up.

I will admit, though, that between the visit to the pulmonologist and the breakfast, I am exhausted.  I took the walker today; didn't use the scooter.  You know I want to stay on my own two feet for as long as I can.  And while it's certainly good for my psyche, and good for my physical well-being, walking does take its toll on me.

And on that note, I think I'll go see if I can't take a nap.  I didn't sleep well last night, so I can probably use a good forty winks or so.

Live long and prosper!

Harmon Killebrew, RIP

It always amazes me that we wait so long to put ourselves in Hospice care.  It's an American thing, I think; we just somehow believe something is coming at the last minute that will save us.  A stay of execution, if you will.   I hope I have the fortitude to play my last hand with determination and skill, and put myself in hospice so that I have some time to actually enjoy being with my family and friends at the end.  Hey, it's not like I'm not looking for that stay of execution, but I'm pretty sure, in my case, we'll get no call from the governor. ;)


Here's a blurb on Harmon Killebrew, a Hall of Famer for the Minnesota Twins.  This was a guy who sold insurance, drank root beer and had an apparently serene family life.  How did HE get this disease?  Babe Ruth, the man to whom Killebrew was many times compared, seemed much more a candidate, if you believe the profile of a patient with Esophageal Cancer.  Older man, hard-living (i.e. smoked and drank like a fish), white.  Methinks it's all some crazy crapshoot.  I apparently rolled craps.. or crap,.. either way.


Oh boy, I can look out my front window, here and see pigeons doing a mating dance.  Charming.  Well, not actually.  The boat-tailed grackles do it better.  More finesse, more showmanship, better plumage.


I haven't been playing World of Warcraft at all since the last chemo.  I just haven't felt 'good' enough.  Maybe by this weekend, I'll have more ooomph.  Ooomph would be good. :)


Well, I think now that my work day has ended, it might be time to take a little rest.  I don't say nap because I rarely sleep, but I feel the need to lie down.


Love to all!