Today I Cried...

...and I'm not sure why.  Dr. F didn't say anything I didn't already know, but somehow it just hit me today, that I am not going to survive this.  I think it's the first time someone has actually stated out loud that I am Stage IV.  Maybe when he mentioned finding a good surgeon, I got really scared.  Dr. F already told me surgery would kill me.  I reminded him of this and he said yeah, it probably would but we should cover our bases.  He also said he's probably going to have me do a MUGA scan, to check for any damage from the Herceptin.


I may not have lots years before me, and I cannot be cured, but what I can do is prolong my life, and enjoy all the important things, like loving my sisters and my friends.  And in the spirit of Thanksgiving, let me tell you all the wonderful points in my life, and definitely not in any particular order:

• Drinking good coffee... I know, I've waxed poetic about coffee already, so I won't bore you with my love the brew.
• My amazing sisters:  Jane, Wendy, Nancy and Cathy.  They take care of me so well.  May you always love each other and have patience.
• My weird and wonderful family
• Pete, my deceased brother... don't mind me working so hard to not be with you again, too soon. 
• Cee, my Reverend Sister.  She calls and checks up on me a lot.  You'll see the Lake Havasu visitor on my blog... that's my sis!
• Pico, I may never understand, but I love you, and I know you'll be there, too, with Pete,... probably doing Motocross.
• Jes, you eat right, enjoy the music and be happy.
• Sam, hang in there, woman.  Just love your family and remember to find appreciation for something each day.
• All my nieces, nephews, inlaws, .... we must hold tight and never stop loving each other.  Distances be damned... we have Facebook!
• Sweet Chihuahuas.. and even the ones that aren't so sweet... Argo.
• Health insurance! :D

Obviously there are tons more, but the Benadryl is kicking in and I'm getting all looooopy.

Do me a favor, kiss someone you love, but haven't kissed in a while.