My Sweet Quito

When I got my first Chihuahua, Cisco, my mom was in a care center.  She had gotten a horrible infection during heart surgery, and her chest had to be left partly open, and she was on IV antibiotics.

I would take Cisco up to see her almost every day; well, either Cisco or Lobo, my cockatoo.  But one of them would go with me to see their Nana.

After mom came home, and things got back to 'normal,' I thought it would be good for Cisco to have some doggie companionship, so I called his breeder to ask her if she had any puppies in the offing.  She didn't, but her daughter did.  This was 1999, and Cisco had been born in 1998.  That's him up there, looking like he only has two legs. :)

I called her daughter and she said she'd like to come to my home, and essentially 'vet' me.  I was perfectly fine with that.  Good, responsible breeders won't sell their babies to just anyone.  She had three pups and she would bring them and their mother, but she'd bring pictures of dad, essentially the sperm donor, as he belonged to someone else.

Oh the puppies were beautiful.  The one female of the litter had already been purchased, but the two boys were available.  One was short haired, and the other was long haired.  Their mom was a short haired white, and dad was a long haired reddish color.  They boys were beautiful.

I immediately fell for the short haired pup.  Mom fell in love with the long haired pup, and ... yes, we got them both.

Whenever I worked at home, they would sit on my sofa and make sure I was working hard.  :)  That's Quito on the left and Jake on the right.  Jake died last year of stomach cancer.  And my sweet Quito died this afternoon.  

It's amazing the size of the hole they leave in your heart.  I can't cry, because my lungs are already far too screwed up right now, and crying only makes it worse.  But I'm crying inside.  And I think of Cisco, who's a year older than them.  I watch him like a hawk normally, but now... oy.

Oh well, that's life, and that's the heart-breaking side of loving anything.  Nothing is forever and people and pets die.  The main thing is that you loved them to bits while they were here.

Great Horned Owl

We heard him again last night, but it was coming from the front of the house, so we went outside, and finally found him perched on a branch between two palm trees.  At least I thought it was a him, until the real HIM joined HER.  She was huge and he was just a bit smaller.  Here is a fine video of Great Horned Owls in a backyard in Phoenix.

Somehow, and it must be something etched into our subconscious from eons before, their hoots are eerie.  On this page, just below the line of photos, you can hear what we heard last night; the callings of a nesting pair.  So yeah, I don't let my chihuahuas out at night alone.  :)  I'm thinking, too, that these two huge owls may be accounting for the high incidence of feral cat remains in the neighborhood.  The neighbors have been blaming coyotes, but I haven't seen a coyote this far into an established neighborhood in years.  Owls make more sense.

Well, I guess I shall go pop into the shower and then get dressed for Herceptin Thursday.  It should get to about 74ish today.  I'll post later, during my infusion, if only to say HI. :)

Wanting to Go Back To Work

Maybe it's odd that I want to go back to work.  As of the 1st of January, I could retire if I want, but I think getting back to the normalcy of working would be really good for me.

I did contact the disability insurance folks today, and they are sending some paperwork so that I can do Intermittent Family Leave, because I will still be having treatments of SOME kind until I die.  But at the moment, and this is pending my visit to the radiation oncologist on Thursday, I only have one infusion of Herceptin every three weeks. 

Interestingly, I heard today that I don't have to go through medical to come off leave UNLESS I have any physical restrictions.  I only have those due to my lungs and those are already documented.

I wonder what my passwords are?  Oh lordy.

My temperature is 99, so I had better watch it.  The coughing hasn't slowed down at all.  If it's any higher tomorrow, I'll call the Cancer Center.

Well, it's time for bed.  Let's hear it for lots of fluffy covers and chihuahua heating devices. :)

A Nocturnal Visitor

Last night before bed, it was time to put my two chihuahuas out to take care of business.  I have to go out with them as well, or they will just stand at the door waiting to be let back in.

"Whoooo!  Who, who, whooooo!" 

In the drizzly night, the sound seemed to come from right in front of me, but I thought he might be in a palm tree about a block away.  I called Jane because truth be told, that whooooo sound was unnerving, and if as I suspected, he was a Great Horned Owl, he would be big enough to take one of my chihuahuas.  She brought the binoculars. :)

He did a bit more hooting, then he took flight, from the palm tree, silently swooping down to a smaller tree.  And there he sat in silhouette, his ear tufts prominent enough for identification.  He was a big boy, or she was a big girl. :)

The dogs finally did what doggies must do outside, and we all trooped back inside.  But the memory of that beautiful owl stayed with me until I fell asleep.

OH, and yes, this post is coming from Ironwood Cancer & Research Center, where I am getting my Benadryl.  Please note, I am wearing Jingle Bells in my ears.

And I am wooooooooooozy, so that's it for this post.  No word yet on the results of the echo of yesterday.

Love to all, and please, PEACE on Earth. :)

To Heat, or not to Heat

Last year we never turned on our heat pump.  Arizona is a little different when it comes to utilities; we spend most of our utilities budget on cooling the house down, rather than heating it up.  In this household, we try to keep electric use to a minimum during the winter so that we can afford to cool the house in the summer.

Currently, in my bedroom, the temperature is 64.4.  While this might seem lovely to many, it's a bit nippy for me. :)  But, I have a sweater on over my pajamas, as I sit here at my computer, sipping really yummy hot coffee.  Outside, it is currently 36 degrees.  It was a very chilly night. 

The point is that for us, it's simply easier to wrap up, put on more blankets, or more clothes and be warmed in the winter.  In the summer, you can only take OFF so many things before your neighbors call the Police.  Besides, don't we all sleep better when there is a bit of a chill in the house?  Kind of like a hibernation switch flips on; you cuddle under the blankets, and BOOM!... you sleep.

Oh, and lest we forget, we have furry insulation devices here.  For me, it's Cisco and Quito.  Though both are so old now, I have to PUT them up on the bed, boy, do those chihuahuas give off some heat!  And they are soft and cuddly to boot!

So, unless it really gets like Arctic cold here, I guess I have answered my question; no heat! 

Radiation done for this week!

Cathy and I just returned from radiation.  One of my radiation buddies, Marie, had her last zap today.  Marie, I'd say, is somewhere in her 80's and cute as a button and sweet as they come.  She also has a great attitude, and always smiles and hugs me when she sees me. 

It's one of the bittersweet parts of being there every day.  I see many of the same people, and watch their progress, and I have to say that for the most part, there is hope and optimism.  Yes, some times you come across someone you just can't be near because they are giving out waves of bitterness, self-loathing and a hatred of the world at large.  Thankfully, those individuals are few and far between.

And, too, I think we all have those days we just aren't taking things as well as we normally do.. and that was my yesterday.  Interestingly enough, I spent time talking to one of the chemo inmates that I moved away from a few weeks ago (diplomatically, of course).  This week, she had a much improved attitude and told me about how much of a pain the 20 mile one way trip was, but that the restaurant patrons where she worked took up a collection to help her pay her transportation costs.  It was a great story, and my opinion of her changed quite drastically in that one day. 

So, I need to remember that we can't all be cancer cheerleaders every single moment.  Yesterday I cried, and that's something I hadn't done since the day the gastro showed me the pictures of the evil tumor.  And even then, I had no idea of the seriousness of the prognosis, nor the true ordeal that was awaiting me.  It was cancer.. and I had beaten it before.  But, alas, this one doesn't get beaten, although I still hold out hope that I can be in that 5% but the lungs are problematic and aren't adding any points in my favor.  Drat. ;)

Now I have two days off, and I'm going to try to catch up on my sleep, enjoy my company, and maybe tonight I'll have a glass of wine.  I'll cuddle up with my two chihuahuas, and have some good dreams.

Love to all... and hugs and kisses, too.

Beautiful morning!

I didn't sleep much last night; it was mostly on and off, and I got up at 6:30.  So much for sleeping later. :)

I think I'll ask Ironwood if it would be OK if I took some pictures of their place to add to this blog.  I'd like to have pictures of the infusion ward, and get a shot of that radiation machine.  Meh, maybe later.

Anyway, I'm still feeling pretty tired today.  Drank an Ensure and had a pancake, maybe one and a half.  I lost 7 pounds... first time in my life I lost weight and started crying.  This is one weird trip I'm on.  (must be!  I just ended a sentence in a preposition... and I don't care!)

My sisters stocked up on the Ensure, which wasn't so bad, really.  I got the butter pecan flavor, and I am still toying with the idea of putting it in my ice cream maker and making a frosty out of it.  

I just took my Chihuahuas outside and it's so beautiful this morning; the sun is bright, the air is crisp (by Arizona standards, so you know... 70-something), and my hibiscus is blooming and the bougainvillea is amazing.  The oranges on the tree behind me (of which I get probably 1/3 of their yield) are starting to turn from green to orange. These are navels, too... too bad I won't be able to have any for a while.  Can't have fresh fruit because of dangers of bacterial contamination.  But, I can drink juices.

Oh lordy, speaking of juices; so there are juice boxes... and pretty decent ones in the little fridge in the Infusion Ward, and enough candy to make Willy Wonka jealous.  I wondered if it would be wise to eat and infuse, but apparently, people do it with reckless abandon.  I didn't hear a soul get sick in the three and a half hours I was doing chemo yesterday, and so far, today, while I don't feel nauseated, I am not feeling really good either.

My sister Nancy says I should probably start taking naps whenever I can, to augment lack of sleep.  I'll try that.  Oh, they gave me my schedule for November on a nice little calendar print out.  I have to go have blood tests the Wednesday before every chemo.  The infusion nurse said she doubted Sonora Quest had the ability to use my port, so my arm is probably going to look like I am a heroin addict.  (See, Marie Claire editors, that's HEROIN, not HEROINE... idiots.)

Cockatoos, ring necks and macaws, OH MY!

It was a quiet Monday; I did get a call from Ironwood Cancer and Research Center, but it was to tell me that my treatments have been approved by my insurance.  I said that was great, and .. um,... when do they START?

The kind woman looked in the schedule, but didn't see anything, "But I'm in the administration section, so I really can't help you, sorry."  Hey, not to worry, at least the insurance has me covered.

It's getting harder and harder to eat, but the RO wants me to keep my weight where it is.  So, I'm thinking we'll go get some Ensure by the case, or something.  I tried some Italian Wedding soup for dinner, but it was a tad uncomfortable.

The weekend was mostly uneventful.  My niece, Cee, was here on Sunday, and I confess that I started to get a little anxious when I got out the evil tumor pictures for her to see.  I mean really, those photos truly do make me crazy, so I put them away, and I hope nobody else ever wants to see them, because I don't want to see them ever again.

So, I dragged poor Cee over to my computer, where we got onto YouTube and proceeded to watch TONS of videos of parrots; macaws in the shower, a ring neck flirting with a cockatiel...  Until we got to Snowball(tm) the cockatoo, and we could not drag ourselves away.  Ok, perhaps to be specific it was ME that couldn't drag herself away... I'm guessing Cee could have given it a pass. :)

I did get all my beneficiary information updated on my life insurance and my Retirement Savings.  Best to plan for the worst and expect the best... or something.  Anyway, it's all done and really, that's such a huge consideration.  I would not want to worry about my family coping after I am gone.  Now, I don't have to.

Looking forward to getting my hair cut tomorrow; it's my attempt to forestal great clumps of thick, curly hair from appearing on my pillow one morning, and thinking I woke to a dead chihuahua or something.  Just kidding, as, of course, none of my chihuahuas have salt and pepper hair.  Or curls, for that matter. 

Well, I'm tired and it's not even five PM, but I've coughed a lot today, ... it's exercise... HAH, but, I'm really thinking it's a change in the weather.  Oh please.  I want a cold, cuddle-up-in-the-down-blanket type of night... and SOOOOON!  However, knowing me, I will enjoy the cold for a week, and then start complaining.  I'm such a baby about being cold.