Cravings

There is danger in having access to just about everything on the face of the planet via the www.  Today I had cupcake cravings.  I don't eat cupcakes, yet I had to stop myself from buying, of all things, a Cupcake Maker.  Seriously, if you have an oven, you already HAVE a cupcake maker; you don't need some silly pink cupcake-shaped, teflon-coated, electricity-hogging waste of space!


But I wanted one.  Yet, I was strong and got past that moment of madness.  Makes me wonder if the Queen of Neuroses has a pal... the Duchess of Dim-wittedness.  Could happen.


Time now to inhale some albuterol.  I see we have an Ozone Health Watch for tomorrow, and we're back up to around 108.  Joy.  Maybe tomorrow I'll crave an Icee or something very cold.  Oooh, snowcones!


I remember last year at this time wishing for cooler weather, which meant that I was hoping time would fly by into Winter.  THIS year, I'm just taking it as it comes.  I'd love cooler weather, but I don't want to wish my life away, either.  Of course, last year at this time, I had no idea I had a freaking monster in my esophagus, either.  That wasn't discovered until the last week of September.


So, yes, it's almost a year that I have survived this cancer.  I think, all things considered, that I am holding up pretty well.  I'd just love to have my life back; you know, work, be as social as I ever was, which wasn't much, but it was better than this feeling of isolation from the rest of humanity.  But it's so hard to leave the house.  It's just tiring!  You know, you have to be presentable, and then there's usually lots of physicality involved, and I'm weak as if, donating blood I gave a gallon of blood instead of a pint. 


Oh sure, the weather is not helping, nor the air lack-of-quality.  But you know, if I had a cupcake, I probably wouldn't mind...STOP THAT!  No cupcakes!  I just had some garlic bread; the last thing I need is more carbs.  Or sugar.  Ummm, cupcakes.  I'm losing it.


But not really, because in ten minutes I'll crave something else like prunes or pistachios, or pumpkin pie, or pickles... and I HATE pickles.  I think I need a nap.


Be well, all, and be thankful for all the love you have in your life, but remember it takes LOVING to earn love in return.