neulasta - we're giving it a pass

Dr. Fastenberg says we are going to skip the Neulasta; to this I say:  YAY!  We discussed to which hospital I should go, in the event I need to go to one.  He says to go to Banner Baywood, which is great because both my Pulmonologist and my Cardiologist are there.


You may have noticed that I've edited this post for punctuation and format. I was a little drugged out when I originally typed it during my infusion. :)


Today, I will post a picture of my drug pole with the huge bags of poison that drip into my chest.  Dr. F says we'll do three of these infusions before the next CT.  This one is number two.


I did just take a shot of my pre-meds. They are small bags but lots of them. :)

Here is my bag of taxol.

Please note those happy little words:  Toxic, Dispose of as a Biohazard.  Ai carumba! :D

We left the house at 8:30AM, and returned at 4:30PM.  I am dead tired.  Well, maybe I should just say, I'm tired. ;)

So, off I go to rest up.  Love to all!

Ocular Migraine

Early this morning, we had word that my brother is in hospital in California, after experiencing a heart attack.  Our SIL assured us that the docs say he'll be fine.  Ai chihuahua, we're all falling apart!


I got busy with my numbers and pretty pictures at work, but... wait... what?  Oh no!  I thought I was LONG past having another of them.  It was the dreaded ocular migraine.  I like to call it having a glowing aztec print utterly consume your vision. The first time it happened to me was in 2001, and I was terrified.  Sister took me to urgent care, and while we were waiting in line to sign in, it went away.  I quickly urged her to take me back home, then called my regular doc who talked to a neurologist friend who clued me in as to what it was.  It's not a problem, really, you just have to wait for it to pass.  Be quiet, be calm, and it'll run its course.  Luckily, I get the type that makes you go blind, but not the type that hurts like hades. :)  Today's lasted just over fifteen minutes.


There are many contributing factors to why one gets these:  stress (HAHAHAHA), not enough sleep to rest the eyes (Check!), and medications (ding ding ding!)  I told my sister that my medicine area in my bedroom was starting to look like the one kept padlocked in "Sweet November."  I thought that particular example was such overkill, but now, I'm not so sure. :P


For instance, I get chemo.  I take Neulasta to help get me through chemo. Then I take Vicodin to get me through Neulasta, and Compazine to get me through the Vicodin.  Better living through Chemistry?  Gods, I hope so.  Otherwise, this is all a sham and the pharmaceutical companies are the epitome of evil on earth.... hmmmm.


Still, I have crossed two of those, Vicodin and Compazine, off the list for this  round of chemo, as of today.  I've still got a bit a pain in my ankles and feet, but it's just normal achiness now, and besides, I wanted a glass of WINE!  I deserve a glass of wine! Just don't tell my doc how big this glass is... <wink, wink>.  And I am just kidding... mostly.


So, have sweet dreams, all.  Kiss your dogs, cats, husbands, wives, gerbils, llamas, or whatever needs kissing (keep it legal!), and I'll see you back here tomorrow. :)

Had an Appetite Today!

Today was the first time, for this round of chemo, that I felt like eating!  My sisters made me a slice of french toast and I also relished some lovely bacon.  Who doesn't enjoy a nibble of bacon now and then?  I sure do, and I really did this morning.


I didn't eat much for lunch, but I made some veggies and brown rice for dinner, simmered in a sweet potato and chipotle organic soup.  Oh, it was so good!  Jane went out and grabbed one of the newly grown Serrano chilies, and a good bit of the black opal basil, and we tossed that in, with some red bell pepper, grey Mexican squash, zucchini, roma tomatoes, and I finished it with a little garlic infused olive oil.  Ummmm, it was quite satisfying.  I am not eating lots, but I am eating, and that's a very good sign.  Thursday I was sure I was going to die, and frankly, I almost wanted to, and today, I can think happy thoughts, eat, and mostly agree that I can get through this round of chemo.


It's back to work, virtually, for me tomorrow.  And thank gods for the ability to keep one's mind occupied with doing something responsible and important.  Being productive and useful definitely helps keep me going.  Dr. Ramaswamy, my PCP, asked me on Friday how my mental health was keeping up through this, and I told him that of course, I cried when Dr. Fastenberg told me about the Adrenal tumor and how it had multiplied in size, but I also told him that once I cry, and get it out of my system, I'm pretty resilient.  But believe me, if I for one minute think I'm going to need some help emotionally, I have lots of resources available to me.


One of those is the oncology nurse that calls me frequently to check up on me.  This is one of my work benefits.  She convinced me that I really did need to start taking pain killers for the Neulasta problem, and we discussed how to prevent the same agony after my next round of chemo.  Her name is Beth, and she's in Minnesota, and she's fantastic!  She also helps me keep my prognosis and treatments in perspective.  


I was sorry to read that Harmon Killebrew is ending his esophageal cancer treatments, but I can certainly understand such a decision.  I admire his courage.  Safe to say, I think that decision is still quite a way off for me.  I still have a fantastic quality of life.  One of the other things Dr. Ramaswamy and I talked about was my home situation.  He's thrilled that I have such great care-givers in my sisters; that there is always someone here with me, someone to get me to treatments when I can barely move, someone to make sure I eat, and most of all someone that loves me.  Oh I have that in spades, folks. :)


So, tomorrow starts a new week, and things are looking brighter, and I'm happy, and the pain is settling into my lower extremeties, and not all over the place; I hear that's a sign it's almost over... YAY!  And if the Neulasta works, and I can do my chemo on schedule, .. then yes, even that horrible Thursday from hell was worth it.


Now, love to all; be kind and make someone smile.  

Vicodin, Praise the Gods

I SLEPT! From around 8:30PM to 3:30AM.  I SLEPT!


Because I have this weird fear of painkillers (Remember the Queen of Neuroses doesn't have to be logical), I had to force myself to take HALF a Vicodin before I tried to get to sleep.  After about a half an hour, when I didn't feel horrible, I took the second half, and that calmed the bone pain enough to get me to where I could fall asleep.  Sadly, it didn't get rid of it all.  And now what's with this weird twitching?  My legs now have a mind of their own, and start dancing around to their own beat, painful though it is.  I don't know if this is part of the Neulasta or something from the chemo.  I don't remember it from last time, but then again, last time wasn't this mega dose, either.

On to happier subjects:  We have about six serrano chilies ready to be harvested.  The squashes are just now budding, there is a second tomato on one of the other plants, and the spinach and collard greens are on steroids, apparently.  It's a good life, being a farmer. :D  Of course, you know I'm doing nothing towards the care of the 'farmland.'  That's been all Jane and Cathy.  I hope you can actually SEE the serrano in the picture above.


Anyway, today, I'm actually feeling a bit more human; haven't let out a single whimper. :)  Must go find some breakfast.  Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!

Neulasta... torture in a syringe

Thursday I did something I don't think I have ever done in my life:  spent the day whimpering in pain.  As it turns out, I can whimper with the best of them.  All I can say is that this damned stuff had better really be cranking out the white cells, because I'm not taking the pain very well.


Dr. R, my PCP gave me some Vicodin today.  I'm not a great taker of pain killers, but I'm going to take one of these before I try to sleep tonight.  And I think the government should reconsider torture as a method of extracting information from the bad guys.  No, not waterboarding; shoot 'em up with Neulasta.  I would have told anyone anything to get the pain to stop.


Anyway, you all know I'm kidding about the torture... mostly.  


And now, I'm going to try to get some sleep.  And dream of a place where every bone in your body doesn't feel like it's on fire.

Tortilla Soup, Bone Pain and See's Candy

It was another sunny, beautiful day here in paradise.  Got up early, got lots done for work, then headed out to get my Neulasta shot.  One of the nurses asked me if this was my first one, and when I replied in the affirmative, she pointed to her colleague and said, "well, it's her first time giving one!"


And she did a fantastic job.  Barely felt the needle going in, and she injected it very slowly and smoothly to try to mitigate the fact that it can sting quite a bit.  The effects of yesterday's chemo session were not horrible, but as the day progressed, I was feeling alternately hot and cold, and a bit achy.  Now I can feel the effects of the shot, as my bones are ... ouchy.


But, Jane made me Chicken Tortilla soup for dinner, and my oldest sister, Cee and her husband Bud had sent me a big box of dark chocolate See's Candy.  Both of these edible miracles helped to cancel quite a bit of the discomfort of the day.


Still, I'm exhausted, so I think I'll have a very early night.  And may all of you out there in Blog Land have sweet dreams.

Ai Dios Mio

Five and a half hours.  That's how long this infusion regimen lasts.  But it's only once every three weeks.  I do have to return tomorrow to get a shot of Neulasta to regenerate white blood cells.  I hear this, too, is some pricey stuff.  Joy.

I love this particular purple and white petunia. And the next shot shows the really, really fuschia ones. 

And the row of squashes is really taking off, but no sign of flowering yet.  

Finally, another shot of the black opal basil, and may I say it's looking good, and tastes marvelous!

So, the garden is doing well, and I think I am, too.  Never had a bit of nausea today, even with a triple dose of all the poisons.


Love and hugs to all.  Sweet dreams!