Yesterday, I was so weak I almost fell, so I'm using my walker around the house again. And today, I fell asleep after lunch. I hardly EVER sleep during the day, but I guess my body knows what it needs better than I.
Other than feeling pretty nasty, I've been spared many of the Xeolda and Camptosar side effects, at least so far. Dr. F said we should do this regimen for four months and then get scanned again. It's just so weird that this is my life; tons of drugs, days of not being well, then days of feeling great, and a vague disbelief that I'm even sick... until the cycle starts again. Yeah, when the weakness hits, I feel like it's a precursor of the end of my days. I can't do a damned thing. Must be why I slept.
Is it strange that I think it's hilarious that I was so worried about the Esophageal Cancer, which is pretty much stabilized, and what's really going to get me is the Adrenal Gland Cancer? Hey, but at least it has NOT metastasized yet. Yes, see, you can tell when I'm not feeling very well, because I start to accept that mortality isn't all that bad. When I feel good, I know I can fight for quite a while more. It's normal; you feel physically bad, you feel mentally bad, and vice versa.
Anywho, the cycle of good days is about to come around any day now, and I'll be back to my old self. Hopefully, I'll be good enough to run a dungeon with my sisters tomorrow. :) Yes, we're making it a weekend ritual. It's good for us; keeps us all connected, and works our brains, and I get to be the healer! Maybe I can get some of that good healing juju to transfer from the PC to my poor cancer-riddled body. :D I should try to get a good screen shot during a boss fight, so I can show you how we have fun.
Ok, hugs and kisses to all. I'm going to go use up an Amazon gift certificate. I think I hear something chocolate calling to me.....
Showing posts with label mental health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mental health. Show all posts
Friday, August 5, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Had an Appetite Today!
Today was the first time, for this round of chemo, that I felt like eating! My sisters made me a slice of french toast and I also relished some lovely bacon. Who doesn't enjoy a nibble of bacon now and then? I sure do, and I really did this morning.
I didn't eat much for lunch, but I made some veggies and brown rice for dinner, simmered in a sweet potato and chipotle organic soup. Oh, it was so good! Jane went out and grabbed one of the newly grown Serrano chilies, and a good bit of the black opal basil, and we tossed that in, with some red bell pepper, grey Mexican squash, zucchini, roma tomatoes, and I finished it with a little garlic infused olive oil. Ummmm, it was quite satisfying. I am not eating lots, but I am eating, and that's a very good sign. Thursday I was sure I was going to die, and frankly, I almost wanted to, and today, I can think happy thoughts, eat, and mostly agree that I can get through this round of chemo.
It's back to work, virtually, for me tomorrow. And thank gods for the ability to keep one's mind occupied with doing something responsible and important. Being productive and useful definitely helps keep me going. Dr. Ramaswamy, my PCP, asked me on Friday how my mental health was keeping up through this, and I told him that of course, I cried when Dr. Fastenberg told me about the Adrenal tumor and how it had multiplied in size, but I also told him that once I cry, and get it out of my system, I'm pretty resilient. But believe me, if I for one minute think I'm going to need some help emotionally, I have lots of resources available to me.
One of those is the oncology nurse that calls me frequently to check up on me. This is one of my work benefits. She convinced me that I really did need to start taking pain killers for the Neulasta problem, and we discussed how to prevent the same agony after my next round of chemo. Her name is Beth, and she's in Minnesota, and she's fantastic! She also helps me keep my prognosis and treatments in perspective.
I was sorry to read that Harmon Killebrew is ending his esophageal cancer treatments, but I can certainly understand such a decision. I admire his courage. Safe to say, I think that decision is still quite a way off for me. I still have a fantastic quality of life. One of the other things Dr. Ramaswamy and I talked about was my home situation. He's thrilled that I have such great care-givers in my sisters; that there is always someone here with me, someone to get me to treatments when I can barely move, someone to make sure I eat, and most of all someone that loves me. Oh I have that in spades, folks. :)
So, tomorrow starts a new week, and things are looking brighter, and I'm happy, and the pain is settling into my lower extremeties, and not all over the place; I hear that's a sign it's almost over... YAY! And if the Neulasta works, and I can do my chemo on schedule, .. then yes, even that horrible Thursday from hell was worth it.
Now, love to all; be kind and make someone smile.
I didn't eat much for lunch, but I made some veggies and brown rice for dinner, simmered in a sweet potato and chipotle organic soup. Oh, it was so good! Jane went out and grabbed one of the newly grown Serrano chilies, and a good bit of the black opal basil, and we tossed that in, with some red bell pepper, grey Mexican squash, zucchini, roma tomatoes, and I finished it with a little garlic infused olive oil. Ummmm, it was quite satisfying. I am not eating lots, but I am eating, and that's a very good sign. Thursday I was sure I was going to die, and frankly, I almost wanted to, and today, I can think happy thoughts, eat, and mostly agree that I can get through this round of chemo.
It's back to work, virtually, for me tomorrow. And thank gods for the ability to keep one's mind occupied with doing something responsible and important. Being productive and useful definitely helps keep me going. Dr. Ramaswamy, my PCP, asked me on Friday how my mental health was keeping up through this, and I told him that of course, I cried when Dr. Fastenberg told me about the Adrenal tumor and how it had multiplied in size, but I also told him that once I cry, and get it out of my system, I'm pretty resilient. But believe me, if I for one minute think I'm going to need some help emotionally, I have lots of resources available to me.
One of those is the oncology nurse that calls me frequently to check up on me. This is one of my work benefits. She convinced me that I really did need to start taking pain killers for the Neulasta problem, and we discussed how to prevent the same agony after my next round of chemo. Her name is Beth, and she's in Minnesota, and she's fantastic! She also helps me keep my prognosis and treatments in perspective.
I was sorry to read that Harmon Killebrew is ending his esophageal cancer treatments, but I can certainly understand such a decision. I admire his courage. Safe to say, I think that decision is still quite a way off for me. I still have a fantastic quality of life. One of the other things Dr. Ramaswamy and I talked about was my home situation. He's thrilled that I have such great care-givers in my sisters; that there is always someone here with me, someone to get me to treatments when I can barely move, someone to make sure I eat, and most of all someone that loves me. Oh I have that in spades, folks. :)
So, tomorrow starts a new week, and things are looking brighter, and I'm happy, and the pain is settling into my lower extremeties, and not all over the place; I hear that's a sign it's almost over... YAY! And if the Neulasta works, and I can do my chemo on schedule, .. then yes, even that horrible Thursday from hell was worth it.
Now, love to all; be kind and make someone smile.
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