It always amazes me that we wait so long to put ourselves in Hospice care. It's an American thing, I think; we just somehow believe something is coming at the last minute that will save us. A stay of execution, if you will. I hope I have the fortitude to play my last hand with determination and skill, and put myself in hospice so that I have some time to actually enjoy being with my family and friends at the end. Hey, it's not like I'm not looking for that stay of execution, but I'm pretty sure, in my case, we'll get no call from the governor. ;)
Here's a blurb on Harmon Killebrew, a Hall of Famer for the Minnesota Twins. This was a guy who sold insurance, drank root beer and had an apparently serene family life. How did HE get this disease? Babe Ruth, the man to whom Killebrew was many times compared, seemed much more a candidate, if you believe the profile of a patient with Esophageal Cancer. Older man, hard-living (i.e. smoked and drank like a fish), white. Methinks it's all some crazy crapshoot. I apparently rolled craps.. or crap,.. either way.
Oh boy, I can look out my front window, here and see pigeons doing a mating dance. Charming. Well, not actually. The boat-tailed grackles do it better. More finesse, more showmanship, better plumage.
I haven't been playing World of Warcraft at all since the last chemo. I just haven't felt 'good' enough. Maybe by this weekend, I'll have more ooomph. Ooomph would be good. :)
Well, I think now that my work day has ended, it might be time to take a little rest. I don't say nap because I rarely sleep, but I feel the need to lie down.
Love to all!
Showing posts with label esophageal cancer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label esophageal cancer. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
May Flowers
The hydrangeas have survived two days in Arizona, although they were looking a little droopy this morning. A quick application of water had them springing back in shape in no time.
I'm having to watch how I think. Since my visit with Dr. F on Thursday, I've been catching myself thinking about things in the future, and then reminding myself that I may not be around for that. I don't want to do this. I just want to live today, and whatever happens or doesn't... that's fine. There's no sliding bar hanging over me that says I'm going to die by a specific date and time. And I'm just not going to be DYING until I actually die. Until then, baby, I'm LIVING! So it's just a matter of halting that time-schedule self talk and reprogramming myself back to now.
Because seriously, what has changed? Just because they found another cancer doesn't mean I can't control the esophageal AND the adrenal. The only thing that HAS changed is that I have to do the nasty chemo again, and it'll be done in a few weeks, then I'll be back to 'normal,' until we have to do it again somewhere down the road. As long as there IS a down the road, it's all golden. :)
I have to take a couple of Decadron tabs the day before, the day of, and the day after chemo. Back to watching my glucose like a hawk. :D
But back on the flower front, we're seeing some sprouting of the dahlias and the crocosmias. I can't wait! Both of these make splendid cutting flowers. I can have fresh flowers in the house for most of the summer and fall!!
Wendy got me to play a new game: Deathspank. Yes, it's a parody of action adventure type games a la Diablo II and Torchlight. It's hilarious. Reminds me of "George of the Jungle" type cartoons from my ill-spent youth. :D
Tomorrow it's back to work, telecommuting for a while, at least until this round of chemo is over. I'll be susceptible to infection again, and anything else that would like to get a foot-hold on my body; like I don't have enough invaders on board. ;)
Tonight, we'll be having a grilled, marinated pork loin, rice and artichoke heart salad and some other veggie choice which shall be made closer to eating time. Happy Mother's Day to all you breeders out there. I miss my mother, but she had a good run for most of her life.
Love to all!
I'm having to watch how I think. Since my visit with Dr. F on Thursday, I've been catching myself thinking about things in the future, and then reminding myself that I may not be around for that. I don't want to do this. I just want to live today, and whatever happens or doesn't... that's fine. There's no sliding bar hanging over me that says I'm going to die by a specific date and time. And I'm just not going to be DYING until I actually die. Until then, baby, I'm LIVING! So it's just a matter of halting that time-schedule self talk and reprogramming myself back to now.
Because seriously, what has changed? Just because they found another cancer doesn't mean I can't control the esophageal AND the adrenal. The only thing that HAS changed is that I have to do the nasty chemo again, and it'll be done in a few weeks, then I'll be back to 'normal,' until we have to do it again somewhere down the road. As long as there IS a down the road, it's all golden. :)
I have to take a couple of Decadron tabs the day before, the day of, and the day after chemo. Back to watching my glucose like a hawk. :D
But back on the flower front, we're seeing some sprouting of the dahlias and the crocosmias. I can't wait! Both of these make splendid cutting flowers. I can have fresh flowers in the house for most of the summer and fall!!
Wendy got me to play a new game: Deathspank. Yes, it's a parody of action adventure type games a la Diablo II and Torchlight. It's hilarious. Reminds me of "George of the Jungle" type cartoons from my ill-spent youth. :D
Tomorrow it's back to work, telecommuting for a while, at least until this round of chemo is over. I'll be susceptible to infection again, and anything else that would like to get a foot-hold on my body; like I don't have enough invaders on board. ;)
Tonight, we'll be having a grilled, marinated pork loin, rice and artichoke heart salad and some other veggie choice which shall be made closer to eating time. Happy Mother's Day to all you breeders out there. I miss my mother, but she had a good run for most of her life.
Love to all!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Reading and Writing
Today the air was full of ozone and I am very tired. We are in the mid-90’s, temperature-wise today, but tomorrow, we’ll get more wind and plummet down to the LOW 90’s. J
One of my daily habits is to go read the news on Google News. I like to be able to pick and choose from what publication I read about certain topics. Plus, you can customize what news you get; for instance I pull in articles related to Mesa , Arizona
As I became less fearful of the initial Esophageal Cancer diagnosis, I added a section to Google News to bring me all the articles about it. This is a double-edged sword in that I get many obituaries, but also get to read about new treatments and find out about other people and how they are progressing with this cancer.
One thing I was surprised about was the number of people that through the progression of the disease lose their ability to talk. I would truly be hurt to lose my power of speech, but worst of all would be to lose the ability to sing. Despite my lung disease having robbed me of a lot of lung capacity, I still enjoy singing, after a fashion. Singing lifts your spirits and makes your outlook on life so much brighter.
But, that’s something I’m not going to be concerned about. If it happens, I’ll find something else to lift my mood. I’ll paint more! I’ll write even MORE! I’ll play more World of Warcraft!
We just had a lovely dinner of Asparagus, Ahi Tuna and Texmati Brown rice with rye and barley. I really, REALLY love asparagus. When we were young, we used to have Sunday breakfast after church at my two Aunts' house. In the spring, Aunt Lottie would walk us down to a neighbor whose back garden was filled with asparagus and we would be able to pick enough for that night's dinner. It was a major treat, as it wasn't often in those days, that asparagus was affordable, OR available. I think it's still one of my very favorite veggies.
Here's a closer picture of my mom's sundial. Those petunias are growing like weeds; very colorful and lovely weeds, though. :) And all that riot of lavender in the background is very fragrant verbena.
Take care, all... have sweet dreams!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Jane's OK!
She's on her way home, even as I type. All tests were passed, but they think she may be getting some acid reflux, and so are trying her on a month's worth of Prilosec. Gotta watch that acid reflux. I hear if you don't get it under control, you can get esophageal cancer. :P
I've discovered it's quite a production to get myself ready to go in to the plant to work. First, and probably most importantly, one must be groomed. Oh, and of course, wearing something other than one's 'jammies.' Then you have to make sure you have something to eat for breakfast, and something to eat for lunch. You must take coffee, and something else to drink during the day. Then, you have to assemble all your drugs and drug paraphenalia (all prescribed and legal, of course.)
Eventually, you make your way out to the SUV, where you load up the scooter, put all the stuff you assembled into the 'trunk' that Nancy made for the scooter, worry that you must have forgotten SOMETHING, then climb into the Equinox and head in to work. But wait. OH CRUD! Where is my badge? It's still in the reader in my laptop. On my desk. In my library. At home. Sigh.
Still, as this becomes a more frequent occurrence, it'll all become rote, normal and progress like clock work.
Jane is home!!! Even the dogs are excited by her return. I have given her a very long, heart-felt hug. Now we get her settled, and life can get back to normal. And I'll go do my Herceptin infusion tomorrow. Life really is good. Enjoy it!
I've discovered it's quite a production to get myself ready to go in to the plant to work. First, and probably most importantly, one must be groomed. Oh, and of course, wearing something other than one's 'jammies.' Then you have to make sure you have something to eat for breakfast, and something to eat for lunch. You must take coffee, and something else to drink during the day. Then, you have to assemble all your drugs and drug paraphenalia (all prescribed and legal, of course.)
Eventually, you make your way out to the SUV, where you load up the scooter, put all the stuff you assembled into the 'trunk' that Nancy made for the scooter, worry that you must have forgotten SOMETHING, then climb into the Equinox and head in to work. But wait. OH CRUD! Where is my badge? It's still in the reader in my laptop. On my desk. In my library. At home. Sigh.
Still, as this becomes a more frequent occurrence, it'll all become rote, normal and progress like clock work.
Jane is home!!! Even the dogs are excited by her return. I have given her a very long, heart-felt hug. Now we get her settled, and life can get back to normal. And I'll go do my Herceptin infusion tomorrow. Life really is good. Enjoy it!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Tomorrow We'll Know More...
Because tomorrow I see Dr. Fastenberg and he'll have the results of Monday's CT. I know he's not going to like the sound of my lungs, but in reality, I did manage to get through this bout of bronchitis pretty darned well for a chick with stage IV Esophageal Cancer. ;)
The main thing is to find out if the Herceptin is doing its job. I feel good. I'm guessing it's doing a great job. In fact, I insist that he tells me it's doing a great job. :D I think for the Herceptin treatments to be successful, the odds are in my favor. Really, I want to get back to some semblance of a normal life. I managed to get in two weeks of work before I got the bronchitis, and I'd have to surmise that I was pretty much run down and an easy target. Yes, I tried to go into the plant on Tuesday, but I was still way run down and coughing far too much. Part of the joy of bronchitis is having to cough crap out of your lungs. I couldn't do that very well at work. The last thing I want to do is gross out my co-workers, so I tried to expectorate in the ladies' room, but that's quite a hike when you can't breathe, and you have it do it every five minutes or so.... and so, again, the spirit was willing but my flesh was WAY weak. :)
Thank the gods for the ability to telecommute. But I want to GO to work, and be with my team mates; these are connections that stimulate the brain. There's nothing better than hashing out some challenge by discussing it with our group. We're a lovely, diverse bunch, with varied backgrounds and lots of different perceptions, and it works like a dream when we get going.
Yet, I have to get over this bronchitis set back, and not try to get back too soon either and relapse. But I'll talk to Dr. Fastenberg tomorrow; I'm sure he'll listen to my lungs, as he always does. I hope he doesn't freak out. I've got some really deep rattles and wheezes.
Now I am going to go watch a bit of TV before I head to bed. I've been so tired because the coughing wears me out, and I've been retiring really early. But I've got to watch Top Chef first, then bed. ;)
Love to all, keep warm and stay safe and loved.
The main thing is to find out if the Herceptin is doing its job. I feel good. I'm guessing it's doing a great job. In fact, I insist that he tells me it's doing a great job. :D I think for the Herceptin treatments to be successful, the odds are in my favor. Really, I want to get back to some semblance of a normal life. I managed to get in two weeks of work before I got the bronchitis, and I'd have to surmise that I was pretty much run down and an easy target. Yes, I tried to go into the plant on Tuesday, but I was still way run down and coughing far too much. Part of the joy of bronchitis is having to cough crap out of your lungs. I couldn't do that very well at work. The last thing I want to do is gross out my co-workers, so I tried to expectorate in the ladies' room, but that's quite a hike when you can't breathe, and you have it do it every five minutes or so.... and so, again, the spirit was willing but my flesh was WAY weak. :)
Thank the gods for the ability to telecommute. But I want to GO to work, and be with my team mates; these are connections that stimulate the brain. There's nothing better than hashing out some challenge by discussing it with our group. We're a lovely, diverse bunch, with varied backgrounds and lots of different perceptions, and it works like a dream when we get going.
Yet, I have to get over this bronchitis set back, and not try to get back too soon either and relapse. But I'll talk to Dr. Fastenberg tomorrow; I'm sure he'll listen to my lungs, as he always does. I hope he doesn't freak out. I've got some really deep rattles and wheezes.
Now I am going to go watch a bit of TV before I head to bed. I've been so tired because the coughing wears me out, and I've been retiring really early. But I've got to watch Top Chef first, then bed. ;)
Love to all, keep warm and stay safe and loved.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Big Pills
So, these Levaquin are big. I looked at them and wondered with a bit of trepidation if they would actually get past my tumor, and make it into my stomach. Luckily, all went well. Phew! And despite the prednisone, I've had no appetite today. In fact, I lost another five pounds. Poor Jane is turning into a frazzled wreck trying to get me to eat. I did have a hamburger, almost all of it. Whole wheat bun, cowboy burger from Sprouts and a piece of pepper jack cheese. It was good!
I never was one to embellish my burgers or hot dogs. Oh I know, hot dogs are evil, processed, and mostly worthless meat product, filled with ... fillers... and fats and gods know what else. Thus, I rarely eat them, but when I do, I want the dog and a bun. Minimalist.
Now, if I can sleep tonight, I know I'll feel better, especially mentally. Let me tell you, even before this esophageal cancer came along, any time I would get a respiratory infection or the like, I would get scared that it would turn to pneumonia and with my crappy lungs, that would be the end. So, imagine if you will the stress of not being able to breathe well, worrying about huge pills, prednisone, cancer and the fear of pneumonia. I think I was even stressing out my dogs. :D
Yet, it's another day, and I have to remember that I do better when I live in the moment. Stop anticipating the worst, Tequila, and appreciate all the awesome gifts of the NOW. Yep, just have to remind myself of that now and again, and it sets me back on track. Yes, this illness is a setback, and has the possibility of reducing my lung function a bit more, but today, I am listening to John Williams' score to "Memoirs of a Geisha," playing a little World of Warcraft, and I had most of a hamburger. That's pretty darned good!
Love to all!
I never was one to embellish my burgers or hot dogs. Oh I know, hot dogs are evil, processed, and mostly worthless meat product, filled with ... fillers... and fats and gods know what else. Thus, I rarely eat them, but when I do, I want the dog and a bun. Minimalist.
Now, if I can sleep tonight, I know I'll feel better, especially mentally. Let me tell you, even before this esophageal cancer came along, any time I would get a respiratory infection or the like, I would get scared that it would turn to pneumonia and with my crappy lungs, that would be the end. So, imagine if you will the stress of not being able to breathe well, worrying about huge pills, prednisone, cancer and the fear of pneumonia. I think I was even stressing out my dogs. :D
Yet, it's another day, and I have to remember that I do better when I live in the moment. Stop anticipating the worst, Tequila, and appreciate all the awesome gifts of the NOW. Yep, just have to remind myself of that now and again, and it sets me back on track. Yes, this illness is a setback, and has the possibility of reducing my lung function a bit more, but today, I am listening to John Williams' score to "Memoirs of a Geisha," playing a little World of Warcraft, and I had most of a hamburger. That's pretty darned good!
Love to all!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Monday, Monday
That was a great song. In the day, the Mamas and the Papas were great. Or however they spelled their group's name. I did love Queen Latifah's take on California Dreaming, too.
Anywho, today I'm just beginning to feel like a human. We've had some interestingly warm temperatures again... 80's, and the allergens are flying like crazy! Post nasal drip is just mean... mean, I tells ya!
Oh boy, got a new laptop from work today, and a nice docking bay, so I scrounged an old monitor and now I can actually SEE when I work from home. ;) Ahh, life is good! And kids, don't take your eyesight for granted for Mother Nature has some pretty special surprises in store for you right about your fortieth birthday!
I read up on some studies still being run on the use of Herceptin in Esophageal cancer, and while it had positive benefits for prolonging life, I think it was up to 20% for the survival rate. Now, granted, all of them had surgery, so... alas. But still, 20% is a lot better than the 5-7% without it! So bring on the herceptin cocktails! Just hold out, body, that's all I ask. :)
Saturday morning, Jane and I decided to look in our numerous cookbooks for something good to make for dinner. I was feeling kinda crappy, so nothing really was catching my eye. I had turned on the TV, and the Cooking Channel had some Pillsbury cook-off queen, or something, and she made fajitas (chicken, too!) in braided crescent roll dough. We decided it looked scrumptious. So, we made it, and YES, it WAS! Quite excellent, and we'll do it again, I think although for us, we'll add more veggies. I'm thinking sauteed carrot sticks, zucchini, some slice up mushrooms... oh yes!
Now, I had better go find some dinner. Sadly, and yet happily, there were no leftovers of the fajita crescent braid. :D
Keep warm, and HAPPY VALENTINE's DAY!!!!!
Anywho, today I'm just beginning to feel like a human. We've had some interestingly warm temperatures again... 80's, and the allergens are flying like crazy! Post nasal drip is just mean... mean, I tells ya!
Oh boy, got a new laptop from work today, and a nice docking bay, so I scrounged an old monitor and now I can actually SEE when I work from home. ;) Ahh, life is good! And kids, don't take your eyesight for granted for Mother Nature has some pretty special surprises in store for you right about your fortieth birthday!
I read up on some studies still being run on the use of Herceptin in Esophageal cancer, and while it had positive benefits for prolonging life, I think it was up to 20% for the survival rate. Now, granted, all of them had surgery, so... alas. But still, 20% is a lot better than the 5-7% without it! So bring on the herceptin cocktails! Just hold out, body, that's all I ask. :)
Saturday morning, Jane and I decided to look in our numerous cookbooks for something good to make for dinner. I was feeling kinda crappy, so nothing really was catching my eye. I had turned on the TV, and the Cooking Channel had some Pillsbury cook-off queen, or something, and she made fajitas (chicken, too!) in braided crescent roll dough. We decided it looked scrumptious. So, we made it, and YES, it WAS! Quite excellent, and we'll do it again, I think although for us, we'll add more veggies. I'm thinking sauteed carrot sticks, zucchini, some slice up mushrooms... oh yes!
Now, I had better go find some dinner. Sadly, and yet happily, there were no leftovers of the fajita crescent braid. :D
Keep warm, and HAPPY VALENTINE's DAY!!!!!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
I don't want to whine about being cold, when in reality, it's a hell of a lot better out here than in most of the rest of the country. And yet... it's so cold! I think it hurts us so much because we are not prepared for it. It's like when Chicago gets to be 100. They are not prepared for that, either. And by prepared, I mean we're not USED to it; we don't really have the clothes for it, nor the fortitude.
Got to telecommute today, as I mentioned in yesterday's blog. This was good in several ways. One, I doubt I could have got myself up to my desk in a timely manner. Like ... oh, in time to get ready to go home. But I am going in to the plant tomorrow. Despite the physical exhaustion, I get a quite amazing emotional boost from being there. It's something I really need to sustain my optimism as I fight this cancer. I see such hope for the future in our programs, and in our youngest team members. How can you NOT be optimistic! I want to be around for many more years yet, and I think being engaged in the workforce, and doing a job I adore is definitely part of the equation.
It's kind of odd, the enjoyment I got out of some of my more mundane responsibilities today. Things that normally would have made me roll my eyes in disdain actually perked me up today. Oh the joy that is administrative tasks. :D
Oh, and I haven't missed playing World of Warcraft one bit. I mean think about it; I got to play it any time I could drag myself to a computer, while I was out on leave. Of course, yesterday by the time I got home from work, all I wanted to do was sit in my green chair and click on my TV's remote while wrapped up in a cozy blanket. I did get in a little play time after dinner tonight, though.
Yes, life is amazingly good to me, all things considered. Now, all of you out East, please be safe and warm. I love many of you; and you know who you are. :)
Got to telecommute today, as I mentioned in yesterday's blog. This was good in several ways. One, I doubt I could have got myself up to my desk in a timely manner. Like ... oh, in time to get ready to go home. But I am going in to the plant tomorrow. Despite the physical exhaustion, I get a quite amazing emotional boost from being there. It's something I really need to sustain my optimism as I fight this cancer. I see such hope for the future in our programs, and in our youngest team members. How can you NOT be optimistic! I want to be around for many more years yet, and I think being engaged in the workforce, and doing a job I adore is definitely part of the equation.
It's kind of odd, the enjoyment I got out of some of my more mundane responsibilities today. Things that normally would have made me roll my eyes in disdain actually perked me up today. Oh the joy that is administrative tasks. :D
Oh, and I haven't missed playing World of Warcraft one bit. I mean think about it; I got to play it any time I could drag myself to a computer, while I was out on leave. Of course, yesterday by the time I got home from work, all I wanted to do was sit in my green chair and click on my TV's remote while wrapped up in a cozy blanket. I did get in a little play time after dinner tonight, though.
Yes, life is amazingly good to me, all things considered. Now, all of you out East, please be safe and warm. I love many of you; and you know who you are. :)
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Time Passes Quickly!
I read today that Harmon Killebrew was getting his Esophageal Cancer treatment here at the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale. I wish him a kind regimen, but an effective one as well.
My PC's office called and said my letter for Jury Duty won't be ready until tomorrow, so while Jane and Nancy are out on their thrift store run, they can stop by his office and pick it up and I'll get it in the mail ASAP. Wouldn't want to be hauled off to prison. I hear the food is iffy.
As for my friends in the East, I hear you are about to be hit by even MORE snow. Make sure you have plenty of supplies at hand, and someone or something with which to cuddle. Something would include creatures of the dog and cat persuasion, or perhaps a house-broken alpaca. Soft!
I think the blog is going to take the rest of the week off. Meet you back here on Monday evening for a recap of how I survived my first day at work after three months off. :)
I can't wait!!!
Now that I know I'm going back to work on Monday, time is flying by! Here it is, Wednesday already. I admit to having some trepidation about returning; will I be exhausted? Will I pick up a cold or something worse? Will people get annoyed if I start my coughing? Oh well, que sera, sera. Besides, as everyone knows by now:
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| Dyspnea, an Orc Death Knight |
My PC's office called and said my letter for Jury Duty won't be ready until tomorrow, so while Jane and Nancy are out on their thrift store run, they can stop by his office and pick it up and I'll get it in the mail ASAP. Wouldn't want to be hauled off to prison. I hear the food is iffy.
As for my friends in the East, I hear you are about to be hit by even MORE snow. Make sure you have plenty of supplies at hand, and someone or something with which to cuddle. Something would include creatures of the dog and cat persuasion, or perhaps a house-broken alpaca. Soft!
I think the blog is going to take the rest of the week off. Meet you back here on Monday evening for a recap of how I survived my first day at work after three months off. :)
I can't wait!!!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Talking leads to Coughing
So, one of the things I have found out in my Esophageal Cancer research is that people who have asthma AND the cancer will tend to have a rather annoying cough. And in my case, it starts as soon as I start talking in more than short sentences. This has made my phone conversations with my sister, Wendy, a bit of a challenge, but I know she doesn't mind one bit.
I saw my Primary Care doc today, and I did start the coughing, but he says my lungs still sound pretty darned good. We talked about the treatments I've had so far, and the joy of the two really toxic chemos, Taxol and Carboplatin, combined with the radiation treatments being rather debilitating. But all in all, he's really pleased with how I'm coming through it all. He says that a few years back, esophageal cancer patients spent most of their first chemo round in the hospital; it was that hard on them. Indeed, Dr. Fastenberg had already told me that quite often, even now, with the regimen I was on, he has patients end up in hospital.
The reason for the PC visit was to start getting my meds through MedCo, so I don't go bankrupt. I don't like using Medco, as they have really screwed up my meds in the past, but I don't have a choice, now. It's just so much less expensive to use them. Let's just hope they have learned from their mistakes and can be trusted to dispense meds as ordered.
It was a good PC visit; he's very straight-forward not unlike my oncology docs. We talked about my latest blood tests and that if the liver problem shows up again, we'll discontinue my statins and see how that goes. He says we have to be more concerned with nutrition than with glucose levels, although we have plenty of options to work on those.
No, he just wants me to concentrate on my nutrition, and remaining upright, and there's no problem with either of those areas. ;) In fact, I went to see him with no walker and not even my cane. Granted, it's only steps from parking into his office, but believe me, if I had felt the need, I would have still had the cane.
Now for a nice, relaxing weekend. Still we have the low sixties as our high, but beats those middle fifties any day. And the sun shines, and all is right in my little world. Well, except for this stupid cancer.
I saw my Primary Care doc today, and I did start the coughing, but he says my lungs still sound pretty darned good. We talked about the treatments I've had so far, and the joy of the two really toxic chemos, Taxol and Carboplatin, combined with the radiation treatments being rather debilitating. But all in all, he's really pleased with how I'm coming through it all. He says that a few years back, esophageal cancer patients spent most of their first chemo round in the hospital; it was that hard on them. Indeed, Dr. Fastenberg had already told me that quite often, even now, with the regimen I was on, he has patients end up in hospital.
The reason for the PC visit was to start getting my meds through MedCo, so I don't go bankrupt. I don't like using Medco, as they have really screwed up my meds in the past, but I don't have a choice, now. It's just so much less expensive to use them. Let's just hope they have learned from their mistakes and can be trusted to dispense meds as ordered.
It was a good PC visit; he's very straight-forward not unlike my oncology docs. We talked about my latest blood tests and that if the liver problem shows up again, we'll discontinue my statins and see how that goes. He says we have to be more concerned with nutrition than with glucose levels, although we have plenty of options to work on those.
No, he just wants me to concentrate on my nutrition, and remaining upright, and there's no problem with either of those areas. ;) In fact, I went to see him with no walker and not even my cane. Granted, it's only steps from parking into his office, but believe me, if I had felt the need, I would have still had the cane.
Now for a nice, relaxing weekend. Still we have the low sixties as our high, but beats those middle fifties any day. And the sun shines, and all is right in my little world. Well, except for this stupid cancer.
Monday, January 3, 2011
YAY, warming UP...
Again, it's all relative, but tomorrow's high is expected to hit 61, and I'll take it. Yes, I am totally sick of being cold. I told you this would happen. ;)
I see another poor soul has this nasty cancer. I know the name Harmon Killebrew, but not really sure of who he is except that he's a hall of fame baseball player.
Occasionally, I come across a story of someone that's actually survived Esophageal Cancer. Here is the story of Rose Marie Jauregui. And what a way to get diagnosed!
Yes, most of the things I read are pretty horrendous, but you have to know what's going on out there; what kinds of treatment are being used, etc. Sadly, I read more about people dying of the disease than being cured.
And then there are stories that make you simply hate cancer and thank your lucky stars that you have had 52 years under your belt. This story about Jessica Shepherd will raise your ire if nothing else does. We need to figure out better ways to find this disease BEFORE we're incurable or inoperable.
I'm not sure why I looked up news items about Esophageal Cancer today, but I was feeling pretty well, and didn't want to be lulled into a false sense of security. Yes, today, I feel good. It's not that I want to be negative; I just need to be realistic. And even stories like Jessica's make me appreciate how lucky I have been. Life is so precious, and we must never forget that. NEVER take a day for granted.
Hugs to all.
I see another poor soul has this nasty cancer. I know the name Harmon Killebrew, but not really sure of who he is except that he's a hall of fame baseball player.
Occasionally, I come across a story of someone that's actually survived Esophageal Cancer. Here is the story of Rose Marie Jauregui. And what a way to get diagnosed!
Yes, most of the things I read are pretty horrendous, but you have to know what's going on out there; what kinds of treatment are being used, etc. Sadly, I read more about people dying of the disease than being cured.
And then there are stories that make you simply hate cancer and thank your lucky stars that you have had 52 years under your belt. This story about Jessica Shepherd will raise your ire if nothing else does. We need to figure out better ways to find this disease BEFORE we're incurable or inoperable.
I'm not sure why I looked up news items about Esophageal Cancer today, but I was feeling pretty well, and didn't want to be lulled into a false sense of security. Yes, today, I feel good. It's not that I want to be negative; I just need to be realistic. And even stories like Jessica's make me appreciate how lucky I have been. Life is so precious, and we must never forget that. NEVER take a day for granted.
Hugs to all.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
If it's Thursday, it must be Chemo!
Actually, this will soon no longer be true. I'm getting triple doses of Herceptin, starting today, so that means I only have to get my infusion every three weeks. :) Looks like I *will* be heading back to work at the end of January!
Gosh, how exciting to be getting back to a semi-normal life. I'll have to decide on things to wear, and what earrings to put in, and all that mundane crap that I can't wait to experience again. ;)
Of course, we'll have to see what Dr. Tsai, the radiation oncologist decides to do when I see her again on the13th of January. It's possible we'll start a new round of radiation.
So, I don't see Dr. Fastenberg again until March. And before I see him, I have to have another CT with contrast. Everything is looking good, I have to say. I'm still anemic, according to my labs, but I don't need a transfusion yet. Keep up with the iron supplements is the plan. One of my liver function measurements was a little wonky, but we're going to watch it; it may just be a fluctuation. The glucose was up, but I wasn't doing a fasting test, and I had just eaten breakfast.
Oh yes, I have to take my traditional chemo picture!
Look, I also managed to get my sister, Jane, in the picture. She's my chemo buddy most days. I can drive to get the treatment, but I can't really drive back, so Jane's my post-chemo chauffeur.
I should not have taken the picture with the light fixture behind my thin, spiky hair. I really look like a pound puppy with mange. :D
Well, that's it for this post. Things are going VERY well on the cancer front. Let's hope my body can hold out.
Love and hugs to all!
Gosh, how exciting to be getting back to a semi-normal life. I'll have to decide on things to wear, and what earrings to put in, and all that mundane crap that I can't wait to experience again. ;)
Of course, we'll have to see what Dr. Tsai, the radiation oncologist decides to do when I see her again on the13th of January. It's possible we'll start a new round of radiation.
So, I don't see Dr. Fastenberg again until March. And before I see him, I have to have another CT with contrast. Everything is looking good, I have to say. I'm still anemic, according to my labs, but I don't need a transfusion yet. Keep up with the iron supplements is the plan. One of my liver function measurements was a little wonky, but we're going to watch it; it may just be a fluctuation. The glucose was up, but I wasn't doing a fasting test, and I had just eaten breakfast.
Look, I also managed to get my sister, Jane, in the picture. She's my chemo buddy most days. I can drive to get the treatment, but I can't really drive back, so Jane's my post-chemo chauffeur.
I should not have taken the picture with the light fixture behind my thin, spiky hair. I really look like a pound puppy with mange. :D
Well, that's it for this post. Things are going VERY well on the cancer front. Let's hope my body can hold out.
Love and hugs to all!
Friday, December 24, 2010
Merry Christmas...
...to those of you who celebrate the holiday tomorrow. May your day be filled with happiness, family and fun. Be safe, and be mindful of all the love in your life.
Nancy's going to make vegetarian lasagna for us, tomorrow. I'm not sure what else is planned. I've been eating fine, for a few days, now. The burning is definitely dissipating, although it woke me up last night. My herceptin treatment of yesterday went without a hitch. I actually went to a European Herceptin site on the www today, and saw that it's been pretty effective in stomach cancers. Let's hope it's EVEN MORE effective in Esophageal cancer. ;)
There are days I wake up and think I can't possibly have this cancer. I feel fine... mostly. :) Some days it does all seem rather unreal. How can I even have this? How could it have been growing there and gotten to Stage IV without SOME indication? At least with the breast cancer, I could feel a lump. I wasn't even having a hard time swallowing, even though the tumor was taking up 60% of my esophagus. Oh well, I think cancer is mostly the luck (or lack thereof) of the draw. Life is weird.
And so tomorrow is Christmas, and for some reason I keep thinking about Uncle Ed and the time he bought us a real tree, then decided it was too small, so he bought us TWO of the same size. Yes, we had twin Christmas trees that year. And daddy had the train set going around them. We were very traditional when it came to holidays. I think because my dad didn't have a very happy childhood, he insisted that we have traditions. It was good for us.
Still, of course, my favorite Christmas tree was the aluminum one with the cool light wheel. It went so well with our Turquoise vinyl sofa. Damn, I loved the sixties. ;) I tried to get an aluminium tree once, but they wanted a bloody fortune for it. Instead, this year we have the skinny, silver Charlie Brown Christmas tree, only for us, it's the Winter Solstice Yule tree. It's cute.
Next week, I have to go do the blood draw, pre-chemo, on Wednesday, then see the Medical Oncologist on Thursday and then hit my chemo. So not a bad week ahead. Very doable. ;)
Merry Christmas, folks, and make sure you give extra hugs to all your loved ones.
Nancy's going to make vegetarian lasagna for us, tomorrow. I'm not sure what else is planned. I've been eating fine, for a few days, now. The burning is definitely dissipating, although it woke me up last night. My herceptin treatment of yesterday went without a hitch. I actually went to a European Herceptin site on the www today, and saw that it's been pretty effective in stomach cancers. Let's hope it's EVEN MORE effective in Esophageal cancer. ;)
There are days I wake up and think I can't possibly have this cancer. I feel fine... mostly. :) Some days it does all seem rather unreal. How can I even have this? How could it have been growing there and gotten to Stage IV without SOME indication? At least with the breast cancer, I could feel a lump. I wasn't even having a hard time swallowing, even though the tumor was taking up 60% of my esophagus. Oh well, I think cancer is mostly the luck (or lack thereof) of the draw. Life is weird.
And so tomorrow is Christmas, and for some reason I keep thinking about Uncle Ed and the time he bought us a real tree, then decided it was too small, so he bought us TWO of the same size. Yes, we had twin Christmas trees that year. And daddy had the train set going around them. We were very traditional when it came to holidays. I think because my dad didn't have a very happy childhood, he insisted that we have traditions. It was good for us.
Still, of course, my favorite Christmas tree was the aluminum one with the cool light wheel. It went so well with our Turquoise vinyl sofa. Damn, I loved the sixties. ;) I tried to get an aluminium tree once, but they wanted a bloody fortune for it. Instead, this year we have the skinny, silver Charlie Brown Christmas tree, only for us, it's the Winter Solstice Yule tree. It's cute.
Next week, I have to go do the blood draw, pre-chemo, on Wednesday, then see the Medical Oncologist on Thursday and then hit my chemo. So not a bad week ahead. Very doable. ;)
Merry Christmas, folks, and make sure you give extra hugs to all your loved ones.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Record Breaking WEEK!
Whoa, tomorrow I have to go see my pulmonologist. That means, I've seen more doctors this week than I normally do all year. Ai carumba!
My PC likes to be kept in the loop, since after all, that P *does* stand for PRIMARY, and he's a hell of a good guy to have in that role. So, I brought him up to speed with the Oncologist visit and the Surgeon visit, and he said, "You really need to go see Dr. S (pulmo) before that port surgery." Oh, and that has finally been scheduled for the 14th, next Thursday.
Oh, fine, then... let me make another call. Well, the Pulmonary practice is pretty busy and I got put on hold, but.. how can one complain when they are playing Barry White? Oh the memories! When we were kids, my sister, Sam, ADORED Barry White and she had all his albums, and they were well-played. That voice. Like velvet sliding over soft, sun-kissed shoulders... *cough*.. but I digress.
When the quite polite, yet personable woman answered the phone, I told her I needed to see Dr. S and played both my tumor AND my PC-name-dropping cards. And thus, I see him tomorrow.
If there is one thing that cancer DOES do, it gets you results. Like the day I called to make my first appointment with the oncologist, the lady said something about two weeks, to which I replied, "well, I have this 4cm tumor in the middle of my chest." "Hold please."... a moment later, "We'll see you Tuesday." Yeah, it sucks to have this card to play, but I may as well make use of it.
My sister, Jane, is making me a salmon burger for dinner. I'm having a hard time eating, so she's spoling me with some of my favorite things, and Nancy is already designing me hats to wear once my hair deserts my head. I posted on my facebook account that I wondered if, after losing my hair, I would look like Wo Fat. Then I thought, oh lordy, how many people amongst my FB friends would actually know who the heck Wo Fat WAS? And how in the world did I even think about him? I have a very strange mind.
My PC likes to be kept in the loop, since after all, that P *does* stand for PRIMARY, and he's a hell of a good guy to have in that role. So, I brought him up to speed with the Oncologist visit and the Surgeon visit, and he said, "You really need to go see Dr. S (pulmo) before that port surgery." Oh, and that has finally been scheduled for the 14th, next Thursday.
Oh, fine, then... let me make another call. Well, the Pulmonary practice is pretty busy and I got put on hold, but.. how can one complain when they are playing Barry White? Oh the memories! When we were kids, my sister, Sam, ADORED Barry White and she had all his albums, and they were well-played. That voice. Like velvet sliding over soft, sun-kissed shoulders... *cough*.. but I digress.
When the quite polite, yet personable woman answered the phone, I told her I needed to see Dr. S and played both my tumor AND my PC-name-dropping cards. And thus, I see him tomorrow.
If there is one thing that cancer DOES do, it gets you results. Like the day I called to make my first appointment with the oncologist, the lady said something about two weeks, to which I replied, "well, I have this 4cm tumor in the middle of my chest." "Hold please."... a moment later, "We'll see you Tuesday." Yeah, it sucks to have this card to play, but I may as well make use of it.
My sister, Jane, is making me a salmon burger for dinner. I'm having a hard time eating, so she's spoling me with some of my favorite things, and Nancy is already designing me hats to wear once my hair deserts my head. I posted on my facebook account that I wondered if, after losing my hair, I would look like Wo Fat. Then I thought, oh lordy, how many people amongst my FB friends would actually know who the heck Wo Fat WAS? And how in the world did I even think about him? I have a very strange mind.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Gifts
As soon as my sister left the area, I cried in the nurse's arms, and BOY did I cry. I told her I didn't think I could do it again. You see, I had breast cancer and got through that pretty darned well, but it's not easy.
Now, I'm a few years older, and my lungs are a bit worse for wear, and I just felt defeated. But of course, the news was still raw and I hadn't had a chance to digest it. All I felt was just the depths of fear that can choke the life out of you. But Jane, my sister, was coming back, so I had to stop crying and put on my coping face.
Most of Friday I worked on trying to keep the fear from making me insane. Normally, I would have gone and researched this diagnosis, but I wouldn't go near the healthcare sites. I was way too afraid they would tell me I could kiss my tookus goodbye. Besides, until the biopsy results show up, it's all just speculation. Do I need to make myself feel worse than I already do by reading things that will scare me until I cower under my sheet in abject misery? Well, no. I have Ally to kill.. but that's another story.
Saturday was a long day. I had gone to bed really early on Friday, so I was awake at six-ish, and made coffee. I then spent most of Saturday wondering how everything I ate or drank was making its way past the huge alien in my chest. Oooh, that's not a good place to go: Aliens... chest... John Hurt... but I digress.
The worst part of Saturday was being aware of swallowing. I mean HYPER aware. I'm a very severe asthmatic, and I have had problems with anxiety most of my life, but I have mostly been able to work on my breathing rhythms to keep the major panic attacks at bay. But if there is one thing this alien HAS done, it's made me not so aware of my breathing.
I'm an analyst; business/finance analyst, and I rely on data, I obsess about data. So, when it comes to health, I have to have data. I measure my lungs usually once a day, and pop the findings into a massive spreadsheet that goes back to 2004 when things started to really get bad lung-wise. I haven't blown into my peak flow meter in days. And really, I think I'm about par for where I have been of late. Crappy.
But this morning, Sunday, I woke to an insanely bright day. There was a beautiful breeze which lured me outside, and there I found my hibiscus blooming crazily and I thought, wow, what a gift this day is! And voila! My appreciation was back. That's what keeps me going; appreciation.
Such as, my baby sister, Wendy, who calls me every single day and never fails to help me keep my perspective from tilting. And my sisters that came to live with me several years ago, when our mom's health was failing and my lungs were crapping out. Jane's out there making me beef barley soup and the scent is warm and loving and frankly quite yummy. And today, the outlook on life is just somehow brighter and tomorrow I'll go to work, and be all normal, and when the biopsy data comes and we decide what we have to do, I'll do it. It'll probably all suck, but I'll do it, because eventually, my appreciation will return and I'll find all these wonderful gifts once again.
Now, I'm a few years older, and my lungs are a bit worse for wear, and I just felt defeated. But of course, the news was still raw and I hadn't had a chance to digest it. All I felt was just the depths of fear that can choke the life out of you. But Jane, my sister, was coming back, so I had to stop crying and put on my coping face.
Most of Friday I worked on trying to keep the fear from making me insane. Normally, I would have gone and researched this diagnosis, but I wouldn't go near the healthcare sites. I was way too afraid they would tell me I could kiss my tookus goodbye. Besides, until the biopsy results show up, it's all just speculation. Do I need to make myself feel worse than I already do by reading things that will scare me until I cower under my sheet in abject misery? Well, no. I have Ally to kill.. but that's another story.
Saturday was a long day. I had gone to bed really early on Friday, so I was awake at six-ish, and made coffee. I then spent most of Saturday wondering how everything I ate or drank was making its way past the huge alien in my chest. Oooh, that's not a good place to go: Aliens... chest... John Hurt... but I digress.
The worst part of Saturday was being aware of swallowing. I mean HYPER aware. I'm a very severe asthmatic, and I have had problems with anxiety most of my life, but I have mostly been able to work on my breathing rhythms to keep the major panic attacks at bay. But if there is one thing this alien HAS done, it's made me not so aware of my breathing.
I'm an analyst; business/finance analyst, and I rely on data, I obsess about data. So, when it comes to health, I have to have data. I measure my lungs usually once a day, and pop the findings into a massive spreadsheet that goes back to 2004 when things started to really get bad lung-wise. I haven't blown into my peak flow meter in days. And really, I think I'm about par for where I have been of late. Crappy.
But this morning, Sunday, I woke to an insanely bright day. There was a beautiful breeze which lured me outside, and there I found my hibiscus blooming crazily and I thought, wow, what a gift this day is! And voila! My appreciation was back. That's what keeps me going; appreciation.
Such as, my baby sister, Wendy, who calls me every single day and never fails to help me keep my perspective from tilting. And my sisters that came to live with me several years ago, when our mom's health was failing and my lungs were crapping out. Jane's out there making me beef barley soup and the scent is warm and loving and frankly quite yummy. And today, the outlook on life is just somehow brighter and tomorrow I'll go to work, and be all normal, and when the biopsy data comes and we decide what we have to do, I'll do it. It'll probably all suck, but I'll do it, because eventually, my appreciation will return and I'll find all these wonderful gifts once again.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
I was fine, until they told me I was sick....
I had some abdominal pain, and it wouldn't go away, so I saw my doc and he sent me for a CT scan. It said there was a bit of 'thickening' where the esophagus met the stomach. Thickening... hmmm.
So, doc sent me to a gastroenterologist who performed both an upper and a lower endoscopy yesterday.
I hate the thought of hospitals. So, naturally, I was terrified for the whole two or so weeks waiting for these procedures to be done. And, as always happens when I let myself be taken over by fear, the actuality was no problem at all. My amazing nurse got the IV in FIRST TIME! (My veins suck from years of steroid use.) The anesthesiologist was a peach; when I was coming out of the joy juice, I never once felt nausea.
Gastro came to tell me the results; a few polyps, removed and most likely benign, and then the whopper: Esophageal Cancer.
I confess right now that I am probably the biggest coward on the face of the planet. AND, I always anticipate the worst possible outcome for any situation. Yet, people who know me would describe me as an exceptionally happy person and eternally optimistic. Can I be both of these? Yes, because I am! Hmm, I wonder if this means I'm actually manic/depressive. Must find a good therapist.
But I just landed in Honor Hold (yeah, I rolled an Ally just to see how the other half lives... FOR THE HORDE!) so, I'll get back to this another time.
So, doc sent me to a gastroenterologist who performed both an upper and a lower endoscopy yesterday.
I hate the thought of hospitals. So, naturally, I was terrified for the whole two or so weeks waiting for these procedures to be done. And, as always happens when I let myself be taken over by fear, the actuality was no problem at all. My amazing nurse got the IV in FIRST TIME! (My veins suck from years of steroid use.) The anesthesiologist was a peach; when I was coming out of the joy juice, I never once felt nausea.
Gastro came to tell me the results; a few polyps, removed and most likely benign, and then the whopper: Esophageal Cancer.
I confess right now that I am probably the biggest coward on the face of the planet. AND, I always anticipate the worst possible outcome for any situation. Yet, people who know me would describe me as an exceptionally happy person and eternally optimistic. Can I be both of these? Yes, because I am! Hmm, I wonder if this means I'm actually manic/depressive. Must find a good therapist.
But I just landed in Honor Hold (yeah, I rolled an Ally just to see how the other half lives... FOR THE HORDE!) so, I'll get back to this another time.
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