Hospice

I made the decision today to apply to hospice.  My oncolgist says all we can do now is try to give good palliative care, and we're going to go through the course of radiation on the bone cancer, and the radiation on the brain.  This way, I can have a good quality of life with what's left, and not have to go back through the torture of chemo that doesn't work.

I got through the initial brain radiation, and it wasn't of course as bad as my antipation of the terror.  I did come home with waffle marks all over my face from the evil mask they snap onto your head and adhere to the table.  You WILL NOT MOVE!  Jane says they were more like honeycombs.

One of the ladies I always see while waiting for radiaion brought several of us homemade bread.  Mine is blueberry and carrot.  It was still warm, and very fragrant.  And MY was it fabulous.  I grabbed a hunk to eat on the way home.  This is same woman who knitted me a purple hat because I didn't have one.  She's a snowbird from Michigan.  An angel of a woman.

So, my primary care doc, Dr. Ramaswamy is going to get the hospice stuff started.  We will probably wait until both rounds of radiation are finished.  But I can't tell you how relieved and happy I am at making the decision.  I no longer have to go through treatments that ultimately don't work, but torture me in the meantime.  I can concentrate on my job, my family, my friends, my doga and help them undertand that this is the very best decision I can make right now.  And I am happy!

I'll keep you up to date on my progress as we take this journey; I am almost excited to see where we'll go.

Love and hugs to all!

Oh Bah!

So, there I was... all girded for the brain radiaition.  I had two prayers ready to go, and I'd had my happy pill....and thank the goddess I only took ONE.  Alas, the computer was down.. no brain radiation for me today, just the leg.. and a happy time it was, too!  Oh yes, the happy pills work WONDERFULLY!

But, I did see my PCP, Dr. Ramaswamy who is working frantically on getting my insurance company to fill my prescription for Ondansetron, AKA Phenergan, the best of the anti-nauseas.  I have a couple of Compazine here, also generic, but it doesn't work as well.  My BP was a tad low at 98/65, but that happens with cancer sometimes.  Just have to make sure I'm not bleeding internally somewhere.  I see no signs of that. :)

And I saw Dr. Ono, who is concerned about my skin getting burned due to the high intensity of this 16 round thigh zap.  Well, so far, my skin looks fine.  I had 28 days of zappage on my chest, and though it fried me interiorly, my skin fared well.

Thursday I'll see my Medical Oncologist, Dr. Fastenberg, and I know he'll be wanting to pop me on some hideously toxic chemo regimen.  But hey, I've done it before... ad nauseum... sorry .... and I can do it again.

And there you have it, the exciting life of a cancer-filled woman, trying her damdest to not let it take over her world, but it is... and I will deal with it.

Love and hugs to all. :D

Count is now at FOUR brain Tumors

Today I had my first radiation on my thigh, and it went swimmingly.

The sims for the brain radiation did not progress so well.  I hated the hot wet thingy over my face; freaked me out.  And it will be placed on my face for every brain radiation.  I got a script for Ativan.

Dr. Ono, my radiation oncologist showed me my MRI and we counted out the four tumors... inoperable and all affecting my motor skills.  Because there are so many tumors, and some of them quite small, we expect that there are more we cannot see yet.  So we will be doing a course of whole brain radiation.  Joy.  But it's only sixteen sessions.  Remember I did 28 lat year on the esophagus.

Sixteen sounds very doable.  We're going to do the leg concurrently, and that's 16 sessions as well.  So it all sounds quite doable, although the whole brain radiation does have substantial risks, mostly with my motor skills.   But I have faith... and I choose hope.

Love and hugs to all.

Well, it's Saturday.

It has taken me this long to get back to being myself.  The Queen of Neuroses has been reigning over me telling me that the problems I'm having typing are caused by a brain tumor.  I'm guessing it's more probable that I've had a mini stroke, considering it's just my left hand that can't type well.  Oh, speaking of strokes, I'd better go do my Arixtra shot... I'm late!  Be right back....

Ok, all shot up.  :)

I'm having cottage cheese cravings, now.  Which is good, I guess; plenty of protein.  Yesterday I was at Ironwood having my radiation sims run.  My leg now has 4 radiation entry points, and strangely, there's even one on my right leg.  I got fitted for the leg holding apparatus, and it's quite comfortable.  I wonder how long the actual zappage will be?  I'll have to count during my first one.  I tend to count anyway; it's how I dampen my anxiety during scans and radiations.  Wow, can't believe I have to do this again.  Oh well....

Love and hugs to all!

Another Day, More Burning

I'd like to try to describe what the 'throat changes' feel like.  First, they are not really in my throat; they are in my esophagus.  Although sometimes, the act of swallowing can be a major pain, it is fleeting, and I can deal with it.

The weird burning thing doesn't necessarily happen when I eat, although it can if I make a poor choice in what I'm eating.  But many times, it just ... happens.  It feels raw; and not unlike acid reflux, but without the acid.  Maybe this is what heartburn feels like, only exponentially worse.  I certainly do understand why they stop treatments to let you heal up for a while.  I got lulled into a false sense of security because the radiation itself doesn't have any sensation at all.  the machine makes some cool noises, although the actual zzzzzzzzzzzzzap buzzing sound isn't my favorite sound of all time.

I guess, though, some of it really IS in my throat.  The topmost tattoo sits center of my chest, just above my cleavage.  I believe that's where the radiation is targeting the two involved lymph nodes.

But I had a great breakfast today; Bob's Red Mill Muesli.  Jane and I had it warm with milk.  Yum.  Tons of great grains and I can deal with raisins when they are plumped up with milk. :) 

Well, that's it for today.  The sun is out, my bougainvillea is looking FANTASTIC just outside my bedroom door, and all is right with the world...that's in my back yard, anyway.

Love to all!

I'm DONE!

Radiation 28 is now under my belt... or in my chest, as it were, and I've got no more radiation treatments for at least a month.  I see Dr. T, the RO on the 11th of January and then we'll decide where to go from there.

Tomorrow is Chemo day, and as per my normal drill, I'm sure I'll post whilst being infused.

Oh, and by the way, I got my Rice Pudding. :)

And right now... I'm snacking on my Jalapeno Smokehouse Almonds.... like a celebratory snacking... happy that radiation is done, and I don't have to go to Ironwood EVERY SINGLE DAY of my week, weekends excluded.

Alrighty, I'll post more tomorrow.  Love to all!

"Loose Food"

Just back from having Radiation number 26... two more to go.  Dr. T wasn't there.  I forgot she told me I'd be seeing another RO.  He said to make sure I ate loose food, now that I'm having problems.  Nothing acidic, nothing spicy, no vinegary stuff. no salty stuff... so, I think he meant just eat ice cream.

OK, probably not.  Well, Glucerna is loose, and I'm having one now. :)  I'm guessing broths are a good choice, not too hot temperature wise.  I remember Dr. F telling me neither hot nor cold would be very comfortable.

I want rice pudding.

So, I don't have to see Dr. Tsai for a month.  That means I should heal up pretty well before the next round of radiation, if that's what we're doing.  Of course, I will still have my weekly chemo.

Oh well, I can do two more... really... I can. :P

Nuts

I like nuts.  They are really good for you, too.  I think having skipped a week of Chemo, I've gotten my appetite back, and now I am craving all kinds of things.  Nuts, for one.  So, I found some Blue Diamond Almonds, Jalapeno Smokehouse flavor.  Yummy!  I'm guessing with all the flavoring agents, NOT so good for you as the more natural ones, but dang, really good. ;)

Today will be radiation 23... five more to go!  I went and got my blood work done this AM, and asked for the hand warmer as soon as I got there, as I had been instructed two weeks ago by my phlebotomist.  Too bad it wouldn't fit under my glove, but oh, it was soooo nice, and it really did make a world of difference in getting my vein ready for tapping.

I'm quite happy with the folks at Sonora Quest, the lab I use every week.  They are considerate, mostly on time, and do a great job.  I always appreciate a phlebotomist that looks at the availability of your veins and decides you're too much of a challenge, then goes and gets someone else.  That is the mark of caring blood-letter. :D

Back to nuts.  I also got a bag of Planters Wicked Hot Chipotle Peanuts.  Now these are definitely hot, but not as good as the Blue Diamond.  Mostly, I think because of the nut factor itself.  I just like almonds better.  But cravings are cravings, and so, had to get the peanuts, too.

It should reach 70 today, so it's definitely a little more comfortable.  And of course, wearing a head-covering does indeed help keep your entire body warm.  I am sure I would have learned this at a much earlier age if I had grown up in Wisconsin or Michigan. ;)

Well, tomorrow it's back to Chemo.  My little netbook is ready, and I'm taking some Glucerna bars and .. I think I'll take my almonds!  Plus I have this great flavored water I like to sip on constantly during chemo, because of the hellacious dry mouth thing.  Just have to get past the Benadryl woooooziness, and it's all good.

So, I'll type to you all tomorrow, from chemo and let you know how it's going.  See you then; keep warm and give out some hugs!

People can be Strange...

Yesterday, while hanging out in the pre-Radiation area... and it's impossible to have had radiation and not know that people are there because they are next in line to get zapped... a woman came by.  She looked at me and asked if I was alright.  (This in itself is not all that weird.  I look ... not so good.   If you thought I was white before... um... yeah.)

I said, yes, that I was fine, and gave her a smile.  My courteous side demanded I return the question.  "And how are you?"  How I wish I had not.

She takes a breath, and begins, "Well, they burned me really badly in radiation, and now I have an infection in the burn, and it's drug resistant..." I'm sure she could have continued had not a receptionist grabbed her and taken her to a consultation room.

Hey, nothing  I like more to hear as I WAIT TO BE FRIED, than Radiation horror stories.  And you could just TELL by the look in her eyes, that she was really enjoying passing along her fears.  I wondered for a moment if my mother had possessed her.

So, I gave myself a stern talking to, and went and did my radiation.  But, I had a bit of a panic attack during the actual frying.  I thought to myself... what a ...well, that B word, but this is NOT an adult blog, so... yeah... what a B-word.  She knew what she was doing.  Still, it was up to ME not to respond.  Alas, I did, but today during the CT, I was fine again, and I know I will be fine later today when I have Radiation number 22.

I mentioned the story to my Radiation Tech as we were finishing up.  She told me something I already knew.  There are people out there, strange people, that thrive on upsetting other people.  You know we've all encountered one or two in our lives.  They truly live for telling people pertinent horror stories.  I don't understand it.

I've spent many a day in the Radiation area assuring newbs that it doesn't hurt, that it isn't scary, and that it's very effective.  Can you imagine if this lady had gotten hold of one of THEM?  They'd have run screaming from Ironwood.

Well, anywho, the CT is now history, and I get the really fun part, waiting for someone to tell me the results.  Think positive thoughts, Tequila.  Go play World of Warcraft...

Hugs to all!

And now, it's cold!

But don't forget that's Arizona desert cold.... tomorrow's high is supposed to be 59!  Ai carumba!  Oh well, at least we don't have to leave the house.  Yes, I know, I am SO wimpy when it comes to cold. :)

The World of Warcraft had its shattering yesterday, and I made a Troll Druid.  I love druids; I'll be trying a different tactic with this one, though.  But how the world of Azeroth has changed!  It's almost a totally different game from the one my family started playing almost five years ago.  It's given new life to the game; Nancy was up until Midnight playing Vacasanta, her new Tauren Paladin.  I didn't last that long.

So, it will be interesting, seeing how the world of Azeroth has changed, and taking a youngster through it all again.

Today is Radiation 20.  Wow... and yes, radiation is very tough on your body.  I'm always exhausted, now.  But I try hard to eat plenty of protein, and I drink my Glucerna supplements, which has a goodly amount of protein in it.  The esophagus is definitely fried.  It's hard to describe it, but it's almost like you're getting acid reflux; it burns, but not constantly, although it does wake me up several times a night.

Nobody has called from Ironwood to schedule the CT with contrast that is supposed to be done on the 30th.  Dr. F will chide them most severely if they don't get it done.  I adore that guy. :)

I can't wait for tomorrow's feast.  We have two single neighbors coming.  Leslie is in her late sixties, and Helen is 87.  They have been our friends since we moved into this house in 1992.  Both Helen and Leslie would help me watch my mom before my two sisters moved out here with us.  They are the definition of true neighbors.

Well, I'm chafing at the bit to go play my new druid, so I'm off.  I want to send Hugs, Kisses and LOVE to everyone that reads this blog and also everyone that checks up on me, and makes sure I eat, and cares about my well-being. I am so lucky, so so lucky!

YAY, Aetna got the paperwork...

...and they have already assigned it to an analyst.  I may actually get paid next week! :)

I got hit by the post chemo insomnia last night.  So, I was on the computer until around 3:30AM just roaming aimlessly.  Alas, this can become dangerous if you hit somewhere with cool furniture.  But I was strong and did not buy the $5700 leather chaise that would be SO neat to lounge upon when you get exhausted. ;)

Today, my sisters are going to take Jon and Michelle out wandering, and I will rest.  I have to go in later for my radiation, but they'll be back in time to take me.  Dr. F said that my schedule shows that December 8 is my last radiation for this go-round.  It's probably not going to be my last, period.  But you know, gotta take all this one day at a time, otherwise it all gets overwhelming.

I can't tell you how much I miss working; I miss the brain-work, I miss my Boeing family, and I miss the invigoration of the human give and take of conversation.  It's kinda been this way with being a telecommuter.  I worked at the plant usually Monday through Wednesday and worked at home on Thursday and Friday.  This was because of my diminishing lung function; by the end of the week, I was exhausted.  But as my lung disease progressed, there were weeks I spent the entire time at home.  I was so excited at being able to go in on Monday and see my dear co-workers/friends.

January, my current minions rotate, and I won't be there to greet the incoming ones, but I know them; I was part of the hiring panel, and they are two wonderful, smart women.  They'll be fine.  Oh heck, they'll be GREAT!  But I wish I could be there to absorb some of that intelligence. ;)

Ok, I guess I really will go get some rest.  Love to all.  And hugs and kisses. :)

Thursday - Marathon Chemo and Radiation

Jon and Michelle, my friends from Chicago, should be here by the time I get home from Ironwood Cancer and Research Center.  Today I spend my entire day there.  Believe me, there are worse places to spend a day.  I'm not going to take my giant gaming laptop; it's too much trouble.  I'll take my pretty little red netbook and just have fun with that.

Jane's going to be with me the whole time, too, but she'll have her Nintendo DS.  Give her Bookworm and some Mah Jong, and she's happy as a clam.  Include endless coffee and life is good!

I'd better check that Dr. Fastenberg's filled out my leave paperwork again, or I am so screwed.  Yes, I have savings, but I need my paycheck to make sure I still have savings when this is all over. 

Anywho, I should go eat something.  I've done all my asthma drugs for this morning, and I am coughing a bit, but not more than usual for the morning.

I'm sure I'll be posting more today, during chemo.  Hugs and kisses.

Tired Cubed?

I'm so weak it's scaring me.  I'm great if I just sit here and type.  I just got home from Radiation 14, and I'm so tired I want to cry, but that would be far too much work. ;)

I worry it's my lungs, but I'm watching them, and my sats (oxygen saturation, or the level of oxygenation of my blood) are staying above 96, and my peak flow numbers are par for me.  And I did 24 minutes this morning on my recumbent stepper, albeit not at my normal pace, only about 75 steps per minute.  The radiation tech said I probably need more protein.  I sent Jane out for some Mu Gu Gai Pan.  And if that doesn't work, then I'll swill another bottle of Glucerna.  Yes, I lost another pound.  If I wasn't sick, I'd be ecstatic. :D

So this week's notes for my consultation with Dr. F:

• weakness
• dizziness
• tiredness
• and certainly I should be doing the stepper, right?

Now, I'm going to go sit in my Poang chair and relax.  Hugs and kisses to all... tired ones, but there you go. :)

Tired, tired, tired...

It really amazes me how 40 seconds of being zapped by radiation, five times a week, can make you feel weak as a kitten.  Some days, I'll go outside to get the mail, if I see our postal person our there, and it feels like I have to go miles across the desert to get there.  But believe me, I want to walk; I want to stay up on my feet and push and not let this weakness bring me down.  And, not to worry, it won't... I'm far too ornery. ;)

Isn't coffee a wonderful pleasure?  I think back to my parents, and when I say that, you should know that I had three;  Mom, Dad, and my mom's sister, Auntie, who had always lived with us.  There was always coffee in the house.  Of course we children were not interested, nor would we be given any.  Oh sure, with eight of us, wouldn't it be great if we were caffeine'd up?  Gods forbid.

Not sure when I picked up the love of coffee.  I drink mine black, for the most part. As did my parents, as Dad was diabetic, and Mom was diagnosed, too, many years later.  We didn't, in fact, have much sugar at all in our lives, except for Halloween or when my dad's sisters Charlotte and Cecilia gave us all our Easter Baskets.  Oooh, See's Candy eggs.... great memories there.

Coffee just tastes good to me.  Wendy, on the other hand, never developed the taste for it.  In this house Jane and I can drink coffee all day.  I've been known to get up, have a cup of coffee, and then go back to sleep.  Mom was the same way.  I wonder if we become caffeine resistant.

Today is radiation number 14.  Is it weird that I am counting them?  I think I count them because of all the warnings I have had of the cumulative effect of them, and so far, I'm doing pretty well, and you'd think after thirteen of them, I might be having pain, irritation, etc.  Thankfully, I'm not; at least not enough to worry about.

I saw the Radiation Oncologist following my zap yesterday, and she was delighted with my appearance, my lungs and my progress... and remember, we LIKE it when she's happy. :D  I just don't know enough about this progression to understand what's good and what's not good, but Dr T certainly does.  I have great respect for her.  So if she's happy, so am I!

Had to do some bedroom re-arranging yesterday.  My NuStep got moved over toward my closet so that I could steal the Poang chair and ottoman from Cathy's room.  Gosh, this thing is so comfortable.  When I get tired, I sit there and shuffle through the seventy zillion cable channels, and usually find nothing I want to watch.  But, I cuddle up there with Lindsay's and Sandi's quilt and revel in that softness.  I am spoiled. ;)

Well, I think I'll go try to play some World of Warcraft for a bit.  I hear all the major cities are under attack, so I must go defend my homeland.  Zug Zug!

Tomorrow is Chemo number 2...

...and radiation number six!  I really have a good feeling about these treatments.  I think it's going to work!  Got my little netbook all charged and ready for that marathon chemo session.  Too bad it won't run World Of Warcraft. ;)

I can't believe how GOOD I felt today.  Must be because the chemo finally worked its way out of my system, so it's only natural that we put it back IN tomorrow! lol... alas.

Oh, I ran into an old friend from my Commercial Helicopter days, while I was at the blood lab.  Nellie looks great, and she's been retired for a couple of years.  We caught up and I was just so happy to have the chance to tell her HI again.  There are SO many wonderful memories of those years;  but so many wonderful people we've lost.  My dear friend Evelyn Lyles and my buddy, John Dickman.  I miss them both SO much. 

I'd never been to a Southern Baptist church until Evelyn's funeral, but I was mesmerized by the warm feeling of community in the congregation.  I could understand the allure of such warmth.

Well, must get to bed; it's a long day tomorrow, and I want to make sure both the poisoning and the frying do their best work. ;)

Hugs and kisses!

Feeling pretty good!

Today was my third radiation, and I saw my RO right after the treatment.  She said that creating the plan for my treatment was very complicated, (since my crappy lungs are right there behind this tumor, it's very hard to avoid injuring them further) but that she's confident in how we're progressing.  She also almost made me cry; she said that my MO told her that I had "the most beautiful attitude" he's ever seen.  Hey, it's just that I appreciate everything they are doing for me, and it behooves me to do the best I can as well. :)

We had some lovely chicken and prosciutto tortellinis for dinner tonight, and you know, it just barely hurt to eat them.  Then, I had something I haven't had in ages;  bread and ...well.. margarine, but OMG, bread IS the staff of life!  Yeah, I've lost a little more weight, so I decided to have those darned carbs and hope my diabetes meds can keep up. So far, so good.

Thursday, I have to make sure that my MO is getting my Medical Leave paperwork done.  It would be quite hideous to miss a paycheck.  Especially so close to Winter Solstice!

So, let me tell you what my week is like:  Monday, and Tuesday, it's just radiation.  Wednesday, I have to have bloodwork, then radiation.  Thursday is Chemo and Radiation, and Friday is just radiation.  Saturday and Sunday, I recover from... the chemo. :P  Really, it's not that bad, but yes, being out on medical leave is certainly taking A LOT of the stress out of it all.

It's weird, though, that I feel my worst in the morning, and as my day progresses, I do feel much better.  Maybe I'm not a morning cancer person. ;)

I had a great chat with my friend Annette this afternoon, and you know, talking with friends is always a happy occasion.  And just because I'm not at work doesn't mean I'm not going to want to talk to my Boeing family... so you all feel free to call!

Hugs and kisses!

Chinese food, and I ate it!

Just back from radiation round two, and I timed the actual frying time by counting, and it stopped when I got to 40.  Amazing that I get so wired up for 40 seconds worth of radiation.  It's just that the MO says the cumulative effect is really going to beat me up.  And, I suppose I am anticipating that, far too much.

Ok, I don't want an iPAD, now, because I had kind of forgotten the little netbook I keep in the kitchen for quick recipe reference.  But now, I'm going to take that to my marathon chemo sessions.  Got myself a little wireless mouse for it, because I hate touch pads. Nancy ran out to Wally World and found a zippered notebook that fits it all perfectly.

In yet another attempt to get me to eat, Jane's heading out to our local Chinese food purveyor to get me some scallops in garlic sauce.  I'm a sucker for scallops... and garlic!

Here's something my friends will gasp over, but I haven't felt like playing World Of Warcraft.  I'm too tired and I can't concentrate.  My druid is a tank, and really, if you don't play her well, you kill your group, and that's not the goal.  So, I haven't done a Headless Horseman run in days.  Although frankly, most players are so well-geared in anticipation of Cataclysm that I could probably just muddle through and we'd be fine.

Ok, well, that's it for today, and happily I have two days free of treatments.  It's funny, because all the folks in the radiation area were all pretty giddy with happiness at it being Friday... oooh, FRYday.  Heh, every day is FRYday there, except Saturday and Sunday. YAY!

Tequila's Big Adventure

Ok, you saw below that things didn't start out very well, but thanks to the medicinal properties of a relaxing shower, and Xanax, it did get better.

Got to Ironwood and met with MO (medical oncologist).  I will probably see him every two weeks.  He told me I really needed to do a Medical Leave of Absence, so I called our company's leave people, and they are going to send him the paperwork.  He wants me out for six months.  Thank gods I am covered.

He told me to get some Ensure, go to McDonald's for shakes (pass!), and iterated that this treatment regimen is going to be tough on me, but I have to keep my weight where it is.

MO took me down to the infusion ward, as I like to call it, and sadly, the place was hopping with people.  And holy crap, I feel SO YOUNG! :)

Now, because I am really, really tired, I'm going to put the rest of my notes here as bullet points.

• There are 32 chairs in the infusion ward, and we were full.  That made me so sad.
• As noted, almost every person here is past middle age (and thus, I feel like a teen-ager)
• The Benadryl did make me very sleepy
• Next time, I want to get a chair that doesn't face right into the giant clock
• Something in those infusions got my kidneys pumping and I got my exercise with LOTS of trips to the facilities.
• I love the staff at Ironwood
• Did fine through the first chemo, and wondered if maybe it was just saline, but no, there were the words Toxic and Hazardous Material... gads
• My oncology nurse is Donna :)
• I ate some Pringles Baked Wheat Jalapeno Sticks, and drank some juice.
• I want an iPAD!  Ironwood has a hotspot in the infusion ward!
• The Taxol went first, then we did the Carboplatin

So, really, everything went swimmingly with the chemo.  Then I headed over to radiation, and oooh, what a cool machine this thing is!  Got scanned first to make sure the marks on my body were still in the right place, and then got the treatment.  Afterwards, I got my tattoos where the radiation goes in.  Crapola, how can people stand HUGE, REAL tattoos? 

You know, journaling through it all really helped me to put things into perspective.  Hey, it wasn't a fun day, but it wasn't a trip to Bonzo's House of Horrors, either. :)

Radiation is a GO!

Talk about a double-edged sword... I'm thrilled that I have been given the OK for the radiation treatments, as they are, minus the surgery, my best hope for survival, but ... you know,... the thought kinda scares me.

I know, I know, I'm supposed to reserve judgement until I actually experience it myself.  I wonder if they will let me take some Xanax before the first one?  What a coward I am. :D

So, first radiation treatment is also on Thursday, just about an hour and a half after my first chemo.  The nurse said to check in right after chemo, and if they can get me in, they will.  She also said I won't take long, and I liked the sound of that.  It's just I have to do it every single day (with weekends off) for eight to ten weeks.

Well, you know, considering the alternative, I'll be there with bells on!

I've been making a list of things to talk to the oncs about:  Do they have a nutritionist at the center, or is there one they recommend?  Should I go ahead and get some liquid nutritional supplements?  Can I have a glass of wine if it doesn't hurt?  Oh, and of course, can I take a Xanax before the radiation? 

Talked with my friend, Polly, today.  She always makes me laugh, and we both agree that to keep laughing will  definitely have a positive influence on my ability to manage all these treatments.  I got tired, though, after talking for about twenty minutes.  But I love Polly, and she can surely brighten up my day.

I've got my Kindle loaded up with books, reference materials and games, so that's what I am taking with me on Chemo Thursdays.  I don't think I should actually need any diversions for the daily rads.  I know the first infusion contains Benadryl, an anti-nausea and some steroids, oh, and Pepcid, or something like that.  If I am lucky, perhaps the Benadryl will make me sleepy and I can catch a nap through the next two infusions. One can but hope. :D

And that's the news of the day!

TGIF, baby!

YAY for Fridays!  I love Friday because it means TWO WHOLE DAYS of no doctors, or surgeries or chemo or radiation starting tomorrow!!!  WOOHOOO!

Well, I saw the radiation oncologist (RO) today, and BOY is this going to be an adventure. :D

She tells me that one of the side effects of the radiation is hair loss.  At the site of the radiation.  Which is my chest.  Now, I don't know about the rest of you ladies, but... I don't HAVE any hair on my chest.  So, no worries there.  Next on the list of immdiate side effects?  Could be something like a slight tan to a sunburn.  Hmmm, my oldest brother used to call me Mayonnaise because I was as white as Best Foods REAL Mayonnaise.  I apparently got my skin tone DNA from my Irish-ish mother, and not my Mexican-ish father.  Yes, I am ... pale.  So, maybe I'll finally get some color, and how bad can that be? 

Ok, that's two side effects with which I can deal.  But of course, there has to be the actual serious ones, and those would be inflammation of the esophagus, a radiation related pnuemonitis, and possible heart injury.  Again, if we don't do this, I die... so really, is there a choice?  I'll takes my chances.

But don't think for a moment that I do not appreciate the candor of all the doctors with whom I'm working.  I'm a revoltingly happy person, but despite that, I do fully understand that I may not have another birthday.  So many complications can arise from any and all of the coming treatments, but I also know that WITHOUT them, I have no hope at all.

RO is going to consult with MO (medical oncologist) on Monday, and weigh the risk/benefit ratios and see where we go from here.  One option is to begin the chemo and see how that progresses before radiation begins.  In theory, that would lessen the radiation area of effect and limit the possibility of more damage to my lungs.

Yes, optimally, we would just get on with the chemo and radiation together, but as the RO says, she doesn't want me to end up on O2 24/7 because of the radiation.  Right now, I only use Oxygen in a bleed into my CPAP while I sleep.

So, I'm taking the weekend off.  I'm going to read, eat what I can, play World of Warcraft and sleep as much as possible, and I'll see you all on Monday. 

TGIF!