Those That Have Gone Before

Samhain is here, and deep feelings for my departed friends and family are rampant today.

To my Dad; thank you for all your hard-won life lessons.  You passed them on to us, and you taught us the values of truth and sharing and compassion.

To my Mom; I still miss you so much.  We had a wonderful life here in Arizona.  For all your neuroses, Mom, you were still the strongest woman I have ever known.

To my Auntie; you were the great balancer between Mom and Dad, the third parent, the older sister, the friend.  I will always have "Travels With My Aunt" in mind whenever I think of you; that and "Stormy Weather!"

To my brother Bunny; You were always so handsome, and strong and kind.  You raised a fine family and gave them your gifts of love and compassion.

To my brother Pico; The world is not quite right here without you.  But you know, your boys are simply wonderful, and your daughter is making one hell of a good woman.  I love you.

To my brother Jes; The first Halloween without you, my brother, and it's very hard.  I'm so happy you had Lauri by your side for so many years.  I will miss our phone calls.  When next we meet, I'm going to hug you SO hard, and you won't be able to get away. :)

There are so many lessons each of you taught; we have only ourselves to blame if we didn't choose to learn them.  Cousin Helene, we found each other through the gift of the world wide web, and I was blessed to have you in my life for even the shortest of times.  But I will keep in touch with Noe, that I promise.

And all my family still here with me, you can't imagine how much love I have for you.  You have sustained me in so many ways.  I could not fight these hideous cancers without your support, love, encouragement and comfort.

Have a happy Halloween everyone; keep your Trick-or-Treaters safe!

Cough... Cough

Well, whatever this malady is that is now affecting my lungs, it seems to be pretty tenacious.  I had lots of liquids today, some chicken soup, and still, the goopiness persists.


Doc called to tell me to stop the coumadin for a couple of days because my INR was up to 5.  Ai carumba!  Don't get a paper-cut, or bang your knee on a table.   I have to go in to see him on Monday afternoon.  Got more lab testing on Monday morning; the regular PT/INR and then my pre-chemo stuff, the CBC and platelets with differentials.


The worry I have is that they won't let me do my chemo on Tuesday if this coughing is still active.  Although, frankly, I can't see how it will make a difference.  But that's me... I worry.


Oh yes, I am sucking on my hookah again.  I figure if I do it just before I try to get to bed, I should have a better chance at getting to sleep, despite being wired up.  Much easier to sleep when you can breathe. :)


Sometimes it just gets overwhelming, the things you have to do to try to survive cancer.  My left leg is swelling again, at the foot and ankle.  I was hoping that would go away with the coumadin and the dissolving of the DVT.  Maybe it is just going to take longer than I want.  At least the pain in my thigh is a thing of the past.


Then, there's the watching of the glucose levels, my heart rate, my oxygen saturation, my temperature, my weight, the condition of my feet and my hands, and good gods, how on earth do we survive as a species?  We're so complicated and have so many systems that can break down!


I need to go get new glasses, but my vision changes almost every day.  That's the chemo.  It's just all so weird.


But, it's time to try to get some sleep.  Monday is Samhain, or Halloween, and I have lots and lots of family and other loved ones that have passed beyond this world, and I want to honor them and remember them and ensure they know that  death doesn't end the loving.  


Peace and love.

Hookah Power!

It's 4:33AM and I am using my nebulizer once again.  Actually, I am doing MUCH better since yesterday morning when I went to get my PT/INR.  I had to take the scooter because I was WAY too weak to walk.  That's nothing to worry about; mostly a combination of the chemo and this cold I have that is running its course.  I hope to be back to walking on Thursday when I have to return to the lab for more blood-letting.

There really is nothing new and exciting to tell you about for this post, but I wanted to let you all know that I am feeling better.  And most happily, my breakfast dose of Xeloda this morning will be the last of this round, and then I have my chemo week OFF. :)  YAY, I need a break.

My hands are definitely beginning to feel the effects of Hand-Foot Syndrome.  There are many things I can't do with my hands at the moment, like open bottles, make coffee (our carafe's handle, the one we fill with water to pour into the coffee maker, has a very uncomfortable handle for me.)  It hurts to grasp anything, which is a bit problematic for someone who, when she walks either uses a cane or a walker.  But the good news is that Hand-Foot Syndrome clears up once the chemotherapy drugs are withdrawn.  So, I shall just suck it up. :)

And that's it.  I'm looking forward to Halloween on Monday; hopefully we will have trick or treaters, and I can watch them from a distance. 

Love and hugs to all.