Constipation

Now that I have your attention with my indelicate post title, let me explain that cancer patients are universally beset with either constipation or diarrhea.  Dang, I can never spell the D word right!  Thank you spell-check!

Constipation usually is a result of trying not to live in pain.  It seems most painkillers will cause it.  I try to eat a lot of fruit and thanks to some lovely ladies this week who sent me an Edible Arrangement, I had some FANTASTIC fruit to eat.  J  But even lots of fruit doesn’t cut it sometimes.  And thus, it’s on to Phillip’s Milk of Magnesia.  I remember a Gallagher bit about constipation.  He was making fun of the products that promise ‘no cramping’ ‘stool softening’, etc.  Gallagher said that when he is constipated, he wants a BOMB!  Amen brother.

Now, let’s get past that fascinating subject and on to a strange time in the hospital at the New Year.  I had several visitors, amazingly all at the same time.  One of the hospital’s admins came to see me, as well.  She was perturbed because I had no religion listed on my paperwork.  I just find it easier to leave it blank than to have to explain that just because I am pagan, I don’t worship your devil-figure.

So, she just came right out and asked me, and being under the influence of some interesting drugs, I told her, “I’m a pagan.”  You would have thought I told her I was a commie baby eater!  She got pale, started to back from the room, when one of my visitors told her, “But she’s a GOOD one!”  Oh my gosh, I cracked up.  Anyway, we never saw THAT admin person again.

 I’ve always thought that spirituality should be between you and your chosen deities.  You can have a more personal relationship and communication that way.  But I understand the need for a community-based spirituality.  You have like-minded people, willing to support you, and give you comfort in troubling times.  My sister is a Christian Minister, and a more loving woman you will never find.  She writes incredible prayers, and I know how much she loves me.

In the books about coping that I am reading, there is an emphasis on spirituality being a boon to your coping mechanism.  I find it soothing to write prayers.  As a pagan, you are free to express your devotions in the most simple or the most elaborate means.  I like to keep it simple.  Especially since the brain tumors. :D

Love and hugs to all!

Brain Tumors and Fear

I really thought I’d be much more terrorized by the words Brain Tumors, but I guess since they were there, and I was still alive, that took some of the fear away.  I simply cannot believe the amounts and types of medications I am on.

I have to take anti-seizure meds, now, and the Decadron keeps the swelling at bay.  I can type much better with my left hand, now, although it’s still not up to par. 

I had a really hard time getting to sleep last night because of the leg pain.  Still not quite ready to use those heavy narcotic patches, so I took a Naprosyn, and that helped me at least get to sleep.  But I was awake at six AM, because the pain was back.  But that’s ok… I started working early.

It’s not as easy to work as I had anticipated.  But I definitely can do it.  It’s just I have to be more diligent about proof-reading things before sending them out.  And, double check when I make system changes.  It’s probably for the best, all these safety measures. J

I swear, if I wasn’t due for a radiation treatment today, I would have taken a nap around 1PM.  Oh, and you know something terribly dangerous?  Dunkin Donuts opened a shop just down the street.  I made my poor sisters do a donut run this morning.  Like that’s a healthy meal!  But they surely were good!  Yes, I had two.  Bad, bad, cancer girl!

You should see all the jewelry I am wearing today…. Disco ball earrings and bracelet, and my very favorite ring, rainbow moonstone and onyx.  I have sworn to wear copious amounts of jewelry from now until the end… for what was I waiting?

Count is now at FOUR brain Tumors

Today I had my first radiation on my thigh, and it went swimmingly.

The sims for the brain radiation did not progress so well.  I hated the hot wet thingy over my face; freaked me out.  And it will be placed on my face for every brain radiation.  I got a script for Ativan.

Dr. Ono, my radiation oncologist showed me my MRI and we counted out the four tumors... inoperable and all affecting my motor skills.  Because there are so many tumors, and some of them quite small, we expect that there are more we cannot see yet.  So we will be doing a course of whole brain radiation.  Joy.  But it's only sixteen sessions.  Remember I did 28 lat year on the esophagus.

Sixteen sounds very doable.  We're going to do the leg concurrently, and that's 16 sessions as well.  So it all sounds quite doable, although the whole brain radiation does have substantial risks, mostly with my motor skills.   But I have faith... and I choose hope.

Love and hugs to all.