Hospice

I made the decision today to apply to hospice.  My oncolgist says all we can do now is try to give good palliative care, and we're going to go through the course of radiation on the bone cancer, and the radiation on the brain.  This way, I can have a good quality of life with what's left, and not have to go back through the torture of chemo that doesn't work.

I got through the initial brain radiation, and it wasn't of course as bad as my antipation of the terror.  I did come home with waffle marks all over my face from the evil mask they snap onto your head and adhere to the table.  You WILL NOT MOVE!  Jane says they were more like honeycombs.

One of the ladies I always see while waiting for radiaion brought several of us homemade bread.  Mine is blueberry and carrot.  It was still warm, and very fragrant.  And MY was it fabulous.  I grabbed a hunk to eat on the way home.  This is same woman who knitted me a purple hat because I didn't have one.  She's a snowbird from Michigan.  An angel of a woman.

So, my primary care doc, Dr. Ramaswamy is going to get the hospice stuff started.  We will probably wait until both rounds of radiation are finished.  But I can't tell you how relieved and happy I am at making the decision.  I no longer have to go through treatments that ultimately don't work, but torture me in the meantime.  I can concentrate on my job, my family, my friends, my doga and help them undertand that this is the very best decision I can make right now.  And I am happy!

I'll keep you up to date on my progress as we take this journey; I am almost excited to see where we'll go.

Love and hugs to all!

Oh Bah!

So, there I was... all girded for the brain radiaition.  I had two prayers ready to go, and I'd had my happy pill....and thank the goddess I only took ONE.  Alas, the computer was down.. no brain radiation for me today, just the leg.. and a happy time it was, too!  Oh yes, the happy pills work WONDERFULLY!

But, I did see my PCP, Dr. Ramaswamy who is working frantically on getting my insurance company to fill my prescription for Ondansetron, AKA Phenergan, the best of the anti-nauseas.  I have a couple of Compazine here, also generic, but it doesn't work as well.  My BP was a tad low at 98/65, but that happens with cancer sometimes.  Just have to make sure I'm not bleeding internally somewhere.  I see no signs of that. :)

And I saw Dr. Ono, who is concerned about my skin getting burned due to the high intensity of this 16 round thigh zap.  Well, so far, my skin looks fine.  I had 28 days of zappage on my chest, and though it fried me interiorly, my skin fared well.

Thursday I'll see my Medical Oncologist, Dr. Fastenberg, and I know he'll be wanting to pop me on some hideously toxic chemo regimen.  But hey, I've done it before... ad nauseum... sorry .... and I can do it again.

And there you have it, the exciting life of a cancer-filled woman, trying her damdest to not let it take over her world, but it is... and I will deal with it.

Love and hugs to all. :D

I'm So Happy!

I know I've said it before, but I enjoy working.  Everyone says I'm nuts.  But, what the heck, I'd surely rather be happy to work than be dreading every weekday.  The thing is, I like challenges, and those are everywhere when you're starting a new job with new responsibilities.

To be honest, I did feel a bit overwhelmed that first week, but I'm settling in to the job and it feels great.  And I have such a wonderful work group, and my management is so full of support; yeah, I'm one happy girl.

Monday I have pre-chemo labs to do, and Tuesday is infusion day and then back on those damned Xeloda pills.  I need to buy stock in a hand lotion company.

But most excitingly, next week my sister Wendy and her SO, Dean will be coming in from Ohio for a visit.  That's Nurse Wendy of past blog posts.  I'm so excited to see them both.  And the following week it's Winter Solstice, so holy moses, it's going to be one fantastic December.

Speaking of Wendy and Dean, they got me a new game called Elder Scrolls V:  Skyrim.  Oh boy, am I having a blast with this game.  It's not on one-line mulitplayer as is my usual haunt, but this one is single player in a HUGE world in which you can just explore to your heart's content.  And it's beautiful.

And Skyrim is why I haven't posted since Monday; too busy playing.  I play more than when I was a kid; we didn't actually play much.  Mostly we did homework and read.  But we all got great grades, so that was the trade-off.  Anywho, I must be making up for lost time. :)

Now you all keep warm, and have a great weekend if I don't post before then.

A Catch-22

I'm still not an active employee, yet, although Dr. Fastenberg, who got the paperwork to fill in on Monday, had it back to Medical by Monday afternoon!  He's an angel!

So, I had called Medical yesterday, and Nurse Maureen said, yep, I should be an active employee again, as of the 28th.  But I didn't do too much yesterday, as it was chemo day.  What I did do, was plot out all the things that needed doing, so I made lists, and tried to decide if I needed more equipment here at the house, and how I was going to get myself more office space in the library if say, I needed to have a printer and a fax.  I think that was pretty productive.

I got up this morning, all ready to log in and get cracking, but alas, no luck.  So I called our Help Desk, and got a really fantastic tech.  We tried everything, and at least I got to the time-keeping system so I could log my hours, but that was it.  He sent me up to tier II, and we discovered that during the 4 months of my leave of absence, the company had issued new badges.  Alas, I had no clue of this, since I hadn't been getting e-mail.

Well, that meant I had to go into the plant, and you know what a production that is.  But the last time I did it wasn't the day AFTER my chemo infusion (Camptosar).  I was sick as the proverbial dog, but I had to take care of this.  Headed into Security, got my new badge, which I assumed would be activated by them, but alas, I was told I had to get my activation code from... my e-mail account.  Which I can't access... because....my badge is not activated.  Yeah.  Ok.

I call the Help Desk again, and he says ... wait, they show you still on Leave of Absence, so I can't help you.  So, I call leave services, and the lady I get says, "I'll leave a message for your Leave manager, and tell them to make you active."  Um, and that would happen when?

Anywho, I'm starting to think Dr. Fastenberg was right and I am nuts to want to go back to work, but I'll have a new set of responsibilities, essentially a new job, and I'll be permanently virtual, except to someday get my badge activated so I can access what I need to do my job.  In any event, I was so exhausted when I got home that I took a nap.  And when it does all get fixed, and I know it will, I'll be happy and productive and not nuts at all. :)

Love to all!

Something About Exercise

Today, for the first time in ages, I used my NuStep.  I managed a whole six minutes, but I did it at a good pace, and it gave me great satisfaction.  I have set a goal of adding a minute a day, if I can.  I also want to do it every single day, just like I used to before I got sick.  I really NEED to get my strength back.  My sats (oxygen saturation point of my blood) went to 93, but that's OK, as long as it doesn't go below 90,.

Before all this started, I was doing 45 minutes a day on my NuStep.  I credit this fact with helping me survive all the chemos and radiation that I have had so far.  And though I have lapsed in the use of it, I know that getting back to some type of routine exercise can only help with my prognosis.  Besides, I am going to need to get stronger if I want to go back to work.

Jane and Nancy are out at some race at Phoenix International Raceway.  They work there twice a year, but I'm sorry to say, I can't remember for which vendor they work.  It's a great job; it gives them their Winter Solstice money.  So while they were out, I had Cathy go get some Curbside Takeaway from Outback Steakhouse.

Can I tell you JUST how bad I was?  I got the lobster tail add on to go with my Filet with Wild Mushroom sauce.  I was in heaven.  Although, frankly, the lobster was a tad overcooked, it was still very, very yummy.  And Outback does steamed veggies really well!  At least I wasn't so bad that we added one of their desserts to the order.  No Chocolate Thunder from Down Under for us.  ;)  Dammit.

Meanwhile, on the health front, I am SO sick of coughing.  It's been over three weeks of this.  I'm off the prednisone, and finished the Doxycycline, and now I want to be well!  But I am sleeping well, and that is truly helping.  My INR was a bit high, so I had no Coumadin yesterday, but today I will have 2.5 mg and that will continue until Monday, when I have my next test.

So, all in all, I'm really doing well, I think, thanks to all the support and love I get from my family and my friends.  You all take such good care of me!

Cough... Cough

Well, whatever this malady is that is now affecting my lungs, it seems to be pretty tenacious.  I had lots of liquids today, some chicken soup, and still, the goopiness persists.


Doc called to tell me to stop the coumadin for a couple of days because my INR was up to 5.  Ai carumba!  Don't get a paper-cut, or bang your knee on a table.   I have to go in to see him on Monday afternoon.  Got more lab testing on Monday morning; the regular PT/INR and then my pre-chemo stuff, the CBC and platelets with differentials.


The worry I have is that they won't let me do my chemo on Tuesday if this coughing is still active.  Although, frankly, I can't see how it will make a difference.  But that's me... I worry.


Oh yes, I am sucking on my hookah again.  I figure if I do it just before I try to get to bed, I should have a better chance at getting to sleep, despite being wired up.  Much easier to sleep when you can breathe. :)


Sometimes it just gets overwhelming, the things you have to do to try to survive cancer.  My left leg is swelling again, at the foot and ankle.  I was hoping that would go away with the coumadin and the dissolving of the DVT.  Maybe it is just going to take longer than I want.  At least the pain in my thigh is a thing of the past.


Then, there's the watching of the glucose levels, my heart rate, my oxygen saturation, my temperature, my weight, the condition of my feet and my hands, and good gods, how on earth do we survive as a species?  We're so complicated and have so many systems that can break down!


I need to go get new glasses, but my vision changes almost every day.  That's the chemo.  It's just all so weird.


But, it's time to try to get some sleep.  Monday is Samhain, or Halloween, and I have lots and lots of family and other loved ones that have passed beyond this world, and I want to honor them and remember them and ensure they know that  death doesn't end the loving.  


Peace and love.

AC's Back On

And the reason this is?  We want to sleep.  It was just not cooling down enough last night, but I wasn't about to go around the house at 2AM shutting windows, so I didn't turn the Air Conditioning back on until this morning.  Oh, and yes, it was a bit warm today. :)


Jane and Nancy have soccer tomorrow, so Cathy and I are going to do something in the crock pot.  I got the recipe from "Not Your Mother's Slow Cooker Cookbook."  A rather unwieldy title, but it does have some freaking awesome recipes.  Any book that includes SEVERAL recipes with Hominy has GOT to be good! ;)


I can't remember exactly what the recipe was but it definitely involved turkey smoked sausage and a jar of good salsa.  We're going to slap it over whole-wheat pasta; whichever type we have in the pantry is fine.


Today, I decided to get up and put on my compression socks.  Holy carp, what a workout.  I guess they wouldn't work well if they were not a job to don.  Did they work?  The jury is out, only because I didn't put them on right out of bed. I think my ankles had already started swelling before I put them on my lotion-slathered feet.  Don't forget, I'm still trying to stave off the nasty Hand-Foot Syndrome from my chemo.  


On the agenda for this week?  Monday, a plethora of blood tests; my PT/INR, and some exciting pre-chemo checks...CBC, platelets with differentials and something called a D-Dimer to check my clottiness, so to speak.  Thankfully there is no test to check my snottiness.  I think the results might be pretty fascinating, though, if there were.


Then, Tuesday, it's Camptosar infusion time, followed by the start up of my week of Xeloda, and of course, the Dreaded Decadron Insomnia.  After that, the remainder of the week will be filled with me trying not to be nauseated.  Although, on Thursday, it'll be back to the phlebotamist for another PT/INR.  


But on the happy side, my sisters and I will be attending BlizzCon, virtually of course.  Wouldn't want to barf all over an actual convention, and I think the airlines would charge me a fortune to pack up my scooter, Darth Vader (my oxygen concentrator), and my CPAP.  


And now, it's time to take my night time bevy of pills and read a bit before I head off to slumber land.  I hope you all have a great upcoming week full of peace, sleep, and much happiness.

Good Bye, Steve Jobs... rest well

I think when you have cancer, you feel an empathetic connection to everyone else that is battling the evil crap.  And when one of us dies, it hurts us all.  We understand that some of us won't win the war, no matter what, and I think we feel diminished in some way when any of us succumb.

Yesterday was not my normal Tuesday for chemo, it should have been last week, but I was in hospital, so it was a totally different crowd.  But crowd it was not.  There were lots of empty chairs.  Jane was disconcerted because of the about 20 people there getting their infusions, I was the only one that had someone with me.  It's rare to see that.  But, I surely understand that when you are sitting around having toxic stuff dripped into your chest, it's not the most exciting of ways to pass the time.

Jane either reads, or does the jigsaw puzzle of the day, or we just jabber.

I went out and picked one of my hibiscus.  I would, if I had more hair, have worn it, but I forgot how HUGE my blooms are.  It's bigger than my head!

Here is a shot of it on a tea towel.  We tried to just take it on the quartz counter top, but it's pretty much the same color, so it needed a bit of contrast.

I love flowers.  They brighten up the world so much!  Oh, please note, I was wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt today.  It was only like 84!  You know, kind of chilly to us. ;)  And as you can see, the hair is coming back... slowly and very, very straight.  Ai carumba!

Oh, Polly, if you read this, Jane brewed up some of the lovely tea you brought me back from England.  It's fantastic!  Nicely full-bodied.  Gotta love the British and their tea.  I could probably substitute coffee willingly for this.... well, maybe not, but it would be close. :D

Ok, love and hugs to all!

A New Week Begins

Today, I have a noon appointment to get my clotting factor measured.  I hope Dr. R. gets me set up at the Coumadin Clinic at Banner Baywood soon.  I'm almost out of veins to be tapped.


Tomorrow I'll see Dr. Fastenberg and we'll decide if I am well enough to return to my chemos.  Plus I want to see the final CT result for myself.  I'm so happy about the shrinkage of my adrenal gland tumor, and thankful for some good news for a change. :)


Nancy and I are going to make three-bean turkey chili for dinner tonight.  We're using black beans, kidneys and great northern beans.  Jane had made a bunch of sauteed veggies yesterday:  Asparagus, red onion, orange, yellow and red bell peppers and jalapenos.  We'll finish them off tonight.  Actually, I think they'd be great as a topper for the chili.


The turkey chili is a slow-cooker thing so we'll get that put together when we get home from the blood-letting.  It will make the house smell so good!


I'm feeling strong enough to take my walker to the lab today, rather than my scooter.  Even with the Handicapped parking space, their actual location withing the building they occupy is about as far in as you can get. :D  But I'm looking forward to walking on my own two feet.  Keep those blood clots at bay!!


Speaking of walking, I'm off to take a gander at my back garden.  It's nice and cool this morning, so I must take advantage of the temperature.


Love and hugs to all!

Tumor Shrinkage

Dr. Fastenberg came in this morning, and I finally got a bit more information on the results of Friday's CT scan.  The lymph node in the middle of my chest had significant shrinkage, but the most amazing news is that the tumor on my adrenal gland shrunk by HALF!

Talk about good news! :)  I am so very lucky.

I won't be having my scheduled chemos this week, but we do want to continue on this regimen.  Who wouldn't?  Dr. F wants to see me next Tuesday and we'll go from there.  As for my stay in hospital, there is no telling when I'll get sprung from 'dis joint.'  I can't wait to get home to Cisco, who has not been taking my absence very well.

Well, I'm going to go read for a while.  Love to all!

Coming up on Number Five

Tuesday will begin round five of the clinical trial chemos.  Blech.  Funny how you can make yourself do something that makes you so sick.  It's the promise of cancer redemption that keeps you going.  I'd like to think, too, that doing this trial is helping other people as well.  Stage I of this trial helped define the dosage tolerances.  I'm not sure what Stage II is doing, but whatever it is, we're doing it!


I had a dream last night; Jane had a weird screen saver on her computer's display.  I told her it was creepy because it was exactly like an ocular migraine.  Then I woke up... and was having an ocular migraine. :P


Having read about my cupcake cravings, Jane and Nancy came home with ingredients and made a batch of red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting.  And of course, I was done with my cupcake cravings.  But did I say NO to those pretty little things?  Heaven forbid!  Must eat those things made with love, you know.  Just don't eat five of them. :)


Last night saw a deluge of rain.  My sister-in-law, Julie, had called to say they had hail, really high winds and their power was out.  Julie lives ESE of us, and while we were on the phone, our house had blue skies and a light breeze, but you could see, off in the distance, a lot of dark thunderheads.


About an hour later, we got the deluge; no hail, plenty of wind and so much rain you couldn't see across the street.  It lasted probably fifteen minutes, and when I put the dogs out around Nine PM, my back yard was dry.  We really needed that rain!  I think it's still considered part of monsoon season, here, and it was quite a show with all the lightning.


So, I'm approaching Tuesday with trepidation, since the toxicity of the chemos is building up and it's taking me longer each time to start to feel human.  But I can't stop now; I'm in the home stretch!  I'll just learn to nap more.


Now it's time to hit the hookah (my pet name for my nebulizer) because it's humid and I have a hard time breathing when the air feels like a sauna.  Funny, when I lived in California, the spa my mom and I went to every day after work for our exercise regimen had a sauna, and I LOVED it!  Of course, I hadn't been diagnosed with asthma yet, back then.  Who knew I'd move to Arizona and get to experience wide-spread sauna-like conditions? :)  Luckily, we're USUALLY a dry heat.


Alrighty, then.  Have a fabulous week, all.  Kiss a puppy, or a kitty, or your spouse. :)

No Appetite

Losing your appetite is just another part of the whole chemotherapy journey.  It's my Chemo Week ON, which means I'm having chemo, in one form or another, for the entire week.  Tuesday starts Chemo Week OFF. :)


When I find it hard to eat, my sisters work diligently to tempt me.  Today, Jane made Steak Tagliata with Fresh Vegetable Salsa.  The salsa was scrumptious and complemented the steak with fresh, vibrant flavors.  Didn't eat much of it, but what I had was fantastic!  I'm trying to make sure I eat plenty of protein, so there is a bunch of greek yogurt in the fridge.  I like to mix it with granola or my muesli.


Tomorrow my sisters and I are going to do another all-sister dungeon run in World of Warcraft.  Hopefully, we can get past the first boss in this one.  Last time we tried, we just didn't have our hearts in it, and the boss kicked our pixels. But, we've gotten better gear, enchanted up, added gems, and I got my healer to level 83, so that should help a bit. 


And that's it for this post.  I'm tired, I hurt, I feel like crap, but it's only three more days until this week's chemo is done, and I can start to recover.  Love to all, and share some hugs!

Infusing

Lots of very social and loud chemo patients here today.  Unfortunately, when people can't hear well, or live with someone that doesn't hear well, they tend to speak very VERY loudly.  They are giving me a headache.


Cancer has definitely given me patience.  Either that, or I am secretly lamenting my lack of a concealed weapon.  Just kidding, mostly.


I'll post more later.  I'm off to find a weapon.

---------

Now that I am home, where life is much quieter and more relaxing, and  because there were no weapons to be found, damn the luck, I can continue. :D


I had a new oncology nurse today, and I liked her quite a bit, but I couldn't read her name on her badge, although it started with a C.  She had a little trouble accessing my port.  Somehow, I think it says something about me, that I didn't mind the pain of the miss, as much as I minded the very loud, very obnoxious senior citizens.  Hmmmm.


And besides, what is another bruise?  I have the black hand of death thing going on from yesterday's visit with the phlebotamist.  Third stick was the charm, though, as usual.  


Oh how I hate Atropine.  But I think I probably should appreciate it for the reason it is given.  It's just that it makes me dizzy, screws with my ability to focus, and makes me irritable.  Thus my reaction to the decibel-blasting geriatric set.


So, I have to start my chemo pills (Xeloda) again, with dinner.  I have heard reports of people saying my blog has been about food quite a bit recently, but if you follow the pattern, that's only on my chemo off week.  Yeah, once I get my appetite back, I do tend to enjoy food again.  But for now, my chemo week ON, I tolerate it.  Gotta have something in my stomach to cushion the blow of the pills, but I do not actually enjoy it this week.  You should see how my weight fluctuates between the two weeks! :D


Have a great week, all.  Love, hugs and kisses!

Lunch Out

Today I had a special treat:  Lunch out with sisters.  We went to Bellagio's.  No, not the one in Las Vegas, although I hear they have a few decent places to eat there. :D


Their Cilantro Jalapeno Hummus is fantastic.  We had that for starters.  I wanted a salad, but yeah... those pesky fresh veggies and their bacteria.  Still, I had something I loved anyway, the Chicken Shawarma Pita.  Yes, there was hummus in there, too.  Have I mentioned that I love Hummus?  Yum. :)


Well, of course, I can never eat everything they give you at restaurants, so frankly, I have dinner for tonight as well.  And we had a lovely time.  It was fun, but exhausting.  I could probably take a nap right about now, but I don't like to sleep after a meal.


I'm feeling relatively decent today, but I'm getting some sporadic pain in my left leg... it's the leg that always gets chemo related pain worst of all, for some reason.  I've had dopplers on both legs, and they were in good shape, so I am not worried about blood clots.  And in the general scheme of things, this pain is not a problem at all.


And that's it for this post.  Happiness is good hummus and yummy chicken and excellent company. :)

It's Chemo Week Off!

Already I have discovered my appetite is back.  I want really, really GOOD raviolis.  Which is weird, since I rarely eat raviolis.  I guess cravings don't make any sense; you just know you want something.

Hey, have I mentioned that I'm sick to death of squash?  We learned a great lesson this year on the farming front:  try not to plant too much of any one thing. ;)  Yes, the squash are still producing, but I think Sunshine Acres is going to be getting all the rest.  I can't even LOOK at squash right now...lol.

Still, we have probably 25-30 chili pepper plants of various varieties and I don't have a problem with them.  You can dry them, you can use them in every meal under the sun, you just can't get sick of chili peppers!  Oh, and the tomatoes; how amazing that we did it all right this year.  The flavors just explode in your mouth.  When you cook with them, it's stunning.  When you eat them just as is, with a little salt and pepper, heavenly. 

I just need the larger chilies to mature, like the pasillas.  I am dying for a spectacular chile relleno.  I wonder if I could manage a trip to Tia Rosa's restaraunt this week?  Despite it being my chemo week off, I'm still kinda weak from the chemo week ON. :D 

Good lords, it is time for bed and all I can think about is food.  See what happens when the chemo stops for just a bit?  But, I think this chemo is working.  And I say this because those referencing pains in my throat and shoulder are all but gone.  Yes, I had something very like a muscle spasm in my shoulder today, but it was way different than the 'normal' pain.  Still, it's early in this cycle, and while I do not want to get my hopes up, I refuse not to be optimistic.  I can be just as big a pollyanna as anyone else!

Ok, before I think up more food items to crave, I'm going to play a little more World of Warcraft, then get to bed.  I'm having fun with my undead Rogue, Ynez.  I rarely play her, but today, I got her to level 84.  Maybe it's all tied in with the weird cravings!

Love, hugs, and prayers for good health and long life to everyone!

The BIG Dust Storm

I've lived here in Arizona since June 3rd of 1985, and we see dust storms several times a year.  But yesterday's... oh holy moses, that was something else!  That link shows several videos and photos.  I just was awestruck.  We weathered it well with no damage, but folks across the street from us had gates ripped out, and fence slats torn right away.


The dust lingered for SO long, and when we first saw it, it actually looked like fog was rolling in, and though we HAVE gotten fog, and that's weird enough on its own, this was obviously not fog.  


Our poor cars; they looked like they had been through a volcanic eruption.  Even mine, which gets to have the garage to itself, was still covered in dust.


So, nothing major on the agenda for tomorrow; just work, and then Friday morning it's off to Ironwood Cancer and Research Center to have my CT with contrast and of course to drink my yummy frosty barium shake before hand. :D  Actually, it's much more palatable these days, it's almost drinkable. 


We've got more thunderstorms forecast for tonight, so I'll turn off all my 'puters early and go to bed and read.  "A Dance With Dragons" should be delivered next week, not in time for chemo, darn it, but I'm just happy I'll have it!  I hope to gods someone lives through this book. :D


Peaceful dreams, all.  

Stuffed Squash

It's only 102 degrees at 3:30PM, but the humidity is up at 27%.  Oh sure, sounds pretty good to folks in places like the southern states that get REAL humidity, but it's still yukky to us. :)

Oddly, yesterday I was getting my Thursday-after-chemo leg pains.  It was very sporadic though, thank the deities.  And I had another Ocular Migraine.  At least in this round it's only been two of them.  I'm beginning to feel antsy about the CT that I will be having on Friday.  I can't tell you how hard it is to try to just keep these tests in perspective.  The results of this CT will tell me if this very toxic chemo regimen is doing me any good, or not.  I need to not think about it until Friday rolls around, and then I can be an anxious, neurotic mess until I see my Oncologist on the following Tuesday.

And on that Tuesday, the 12th, I am supposed to have my fourth chemo of this round.  I'm feeling wildly ambivalent about that.  I will not lie and say my body could not really use a break from all this.  And if the results of the CT are bad, it will get its break.  But if the results of the CT are good, we'll go for chemo four, and it'll be more pain, more feeling sick,, more creepy side effects, but I would still be getting RESULTS, I would still be LIVING.

But if the results of the CT are bad, will there be anything left to do?  Let me clarify that; will there be anything left to do that I could survive?

Well, I had to get all that off my chest, and now I can move on to today's happier subject, stuffed squash!  I looked around and found a decent recipe from the Food Network, and had to bastardize it.  For one thing, there will be no oven use until... oh...around November, I'd have say.  Unless we have one of this past year's winters from hell.

Back to the squash.  I scooped the seeds from a round zucchini, a normal zucchini, an acorn squash and one I could not identify, but looks like a variety of turban squash, which is weird since I thought they were winter squash.  After getting the seeds cleared out, I put them in a large glass bowl, with about an inch and a half of water in the bottom, and steamed them in the microwave.  Each variety of the squash was done in its own time, so I had to watch them like a hawk. :)

After they were all cooked, I got out some ground, lean turkey, and with Jane's help, we made the stuffing.  Once the meat was cooked through, we added a can of original Rotelle, sea salt, cracked pepper, corn, and let it simmer for a bit.   We diced another zucchini, and a slice from that unknown turban, and added it to the stuffing along with some of the last of our collards and spinach.  Finally, we had made our favorite brown rice mixture, and folded that in as well. Oh, and I tossed in some chopped walnuts for some extra texture and nutrition.  I also love to use McCormick's blend of Greek seasoning, so I tossed a couple tablespoons of that after rubbing it between my palms.

Once we were satisfied with the seasonings, we stuffed it into our squashes, topped it with Parmesan and popped it in our Oster Toaster Oven on broil, just enough to get it all warm again and melt the cheese.  I must say it was WAY satisfying; toothsome, flavorful and SO fresh!  I love growing my own food.  On the off chance that this cancer gets cured, I think my sisters and I should go buy a small farm somewhere cool.  Dreams.... :)

Oh, and Happy Fourth of July to America.  In honor of this occasion, I watched "John Adams" on HBO with the brilliant Paul Giamatti.  In fact, I don't think there was one sub-par actor in that movie.

Back to work tomorrow for many of us.  Have a great week, and I'm sure I'll be writing again soon.  Love ti all!!!

120 Degrees on the Way... dear gods

If you happen to read this blog on Friday or Saturday of this week, try not to faint at the Weather Channel widget's numbers.  The National Weather Service says Phoenix could get to 120 degrees on both Friday and Saturday.  That's 48.88 Celsius, which actually sounds scarier somehow.


So if Phoenix hits 120, then here in balmy Mesa it should only be somewhere around 117 or 118.  Doable.  As long as you do not go outside or move around a lot.  And we'd all better pray to the entire pantheon that the power does NOT go out.


Haven't been feeling my best yet this week.  I don't have much of an appetite, but I had some Muesli with dried fruit this morning, a Glucerna Bar for lunch and then I had a mushroom craving at dinner, so I sauteed a bunch of baby bellas with our black opal basil, and a Serrano chili, in the heart-smart margarine-ish stuff I've been using for many years.  Tastes pretty good, considering it's a knock-off of a knock-off. :D


Seems like every chemo cycle, the bad days lengthen and I can't spring back as well.  I'm drinking fluids like crazy, trying to stay hydrated.  In fact, I guess I had better go get some more of my coconut water; probably need the potassium.  


On the nose front, all is mostly well.  I think the Cellulitis has cleared up well, but it's still very dry and I'm still putting the AYR saline gel in it, especially before bedtime.  I still can't use my oxygen, but at least the CPAP is keeping me breathing while I sleep.  Maybe I should call my DME (Durable Medical Equipment) supplier and ask for the CPAP mask that covers both mouth and nose.    Granted, they tried that first, but I thought it was too hot; and I don't like things covering my mouth.  Maybe another residual phobia from that near-drowning.


Anywho, I'm still getting better day by day, so for that I am very thankful, and for dried fruit.  And for Prunes especially.  I hate CHEMO!!!!!  :D


But I love you all.  Keep the faith, I shall fight on, and next week, get my CT.  Take care all, and have very sweet dreams.

Ahhh, Tooth is Covered

What is it with teeth, or your mouth in general, that makes your tongue seek out and obsess over even the slightest change?  Maybe it's just me. :D


Dr. Baker fixed me up, using a clove flavored putty-like substance as a temporary cover over the crumbling filling.  It's hard as a rock now, but it WAS putty when it went into my mouth.  It took approximately 15 minutes total, with my drive over and my drive back home.  It's good to have a dentist just around the block.


Later, I had my appointment with Dr. Tsai, the Radiation Oncologist.  She says I don't need to see her anymore unless Dr. Fastenberg thinks she's needed.  She checked my lungs, as she always does and was happy with the air movement.  I did tell her I'd had several infections since the beginning of this round of chemo, as well as four ocular migraines in one month.


She told me that Dr. F was thrilled at how well I was tolerating the chemo.  HAHAHAH, that means I haven't been hospitalized.  But I did tell her about the horrible pain and that I can tolerate it because I know it won't last.


So, I'll tell all this again to Dr. Fastenberg on Tuesday before my next infusion.  Monday I go for my pre-chemo blood-letting.  Can't wait to see those results, since I didn't do the Neulasta shot.


We woke up this morning to TV news 'copters circling the neighborhood.  Sadly, a house fire took the life of an elderly gentleman, although he managed to get the woman who lived with him out to safety.  I knew this man, vaguely.  In my younger days, I used to do a lot of volunteer work in my city.  I remember very well the day he stood up and called the city council 'whoremongers.'  And that was just the tip of the iceberg for this guy.  But he certainly was a citizen who felt strongly about community involvement.


Of course, being a very hot, very smokey fire, and because we were in the middle of an Ozone Health Watch, I was having a hard time breathing well today.  Again, thank the deities for my Albuterol and the nebulizer.


Since I had such a trying day, I think I'm going to go have a glass of red wine.  Just kidding about the trying day, but not about the glass of wine. :D


Be safe, all, be well, happy and may you always have many hugs in your future.

Another Chemo Adjustment

Well, not an adjustment to my chemotherapy, but how I have to adjust to my chemo. :)  Saturday a filling in my tooth started to crumble.  Although it feels like the Grand Canyon when I run my tongue over it, you can't really see it.  It doesn't hurt in any way, either.


So, anyway, I called my dentist this morning, and they said, "well, you really need to talk to your oncologist first before we touch you."  Alrighty, then.  I called Ironwood and talked to one of the nurses and she looked at my chemo regimen and told me that as long as they were going to do a quick temporary fix, and if I did it toward the end of the week, we should be OK.  So, I'm going on Thursday and we'll see how it goes.  As for any other dental procedure; not until after the chemo is over, and then not for six to eight weeks after.


I'm saddened to say that I lost a beloved cousin over the weekend.  Helene was a Sepulveda that ended up in Hawaii.  We found each other years ago via Ancestry.com.  The minute I saw her, I knew she was family.  She was like a hybrid of my two aunts, Cee Cee and Lottie.  A tiny woman, full of strength of character; a dynamo of energy.  She had just been diagnosed with Stage IV Bone Cancer.  Rest well, now, Helene.


I've got a friend from work coming this afternoon to help me with my handicapped placard renewal.  Despite having your doctor attest to your permanent disability, the placard needs renewing every five years.  I certainly understand why they do this; to prevent fraudulent use by people that are in no way incapacitated.  We just have to sign it and have it notarized, and that's where Judy comes in.  She's an angel; how kind of her to come to my home to help me out. :)


Well, Ned Stark decided finally, that family was more important than his honor, but his timing couldn't have been worse.  And thus, he lost his head in last night's second-to-the-last episode of "Game of Thrones."  Ned, you idiot.


And that's it for this post.  I'm sending love to all, and please give someone a hug today, if at all possible.