One Tired Puppy

The ever-popular post-decadron insomnia reared its ugly head last night.  I fell asleep after 4:30AM, and woke at 7AM.  On the plus side, I read two books last night. :)


My hands are getting a bit tingly today, and a little red, but I took my B6, and keep putting a ton of lotion on 'em, as directed.


I am really, really weak today.  The walker is my friend, and I have to remember NOT to get up from a sit too quickly.  I got horribly dizzy once today; I'd rather not repeat that, thank you. ;)


So, I found some stats for my type of clinical trial on the internet, though it's the British Phase I and II Trial stats.  These are definitely the numbers my oncologist quoted to me when he was reading up on it. It made for interesting reading.  If you can get through the regimen, the results are damned good.  But less than 35% of the subjects can make it through six rounds before the toxicity becomes too much for them. They lost one patient before they could even start the trial.  Most of the six round patients have made it to 10 months of survival.  I am currently at 11 months myself. :)   It would be QUITE lovely to get another ... oh... 10-20-... 60(!) more months.  Yep, I am optimistic.


If you want to see what's up with this trial, here are the stats from the British Trials


I got to speak with my manager today and told him I was SO ready to come back to work.  I am scheduled to be back on October 18th if I can get the OK from my oncologist.  Happily I can telecommute most days, but I surely would love to spend at least one day a week at the plant.  Gosh, I miss everyone so much.


Hugs to all, and remember that every day is a gift.  Just look for the wrapping paper and bows; you'll find 'em if you look!

The Ostrich Pulls her Head out of the Sand...

When I was adding the link to Ironwood Cancer and Research Center in one of my posts, I decided to look around and clicked on Esophageal Cancer.  Now I could tell from the reactions of all the doctors that are caring for me, that this was a pretty nasty cancer.

I was not prepared to see that only 5% of people survive to five years post diagnosis.  What amazes me, is that when I READ it, it scares the crap out of me, but as soon as I put it aside, it just becomes numbers and statistics, and … hey, someone DOES survive, and why can’t that someone be ME?  Hope that doesn’t sound selfish.

I think at the beginning, I didn’t want to know anything about stages and my chances of survival because I didn’t pay attention to that stuff with the BC, and I got through it with flying colors.  And in the general scheme of things lots more people GET BC, and so more research has been done to cure and/or control it.

Esophageal cancer is relatively rare.  Estimated new cases in the United States in 2010 (of which I am now one) will be 16,640.  This is from the National Cancer Institute.  14,500 people will die from this cancer in 2010.

I know this posting isn’t exactly in keeping with my normal positive writing, but I needed to put it there, type it, see it, and not be afraid of it.  I am not afraid of it.  Not thrilled in any sense of the word, but certainly no longer afraid to know the truth about it.  I am ‘strong like bull.’

And now, I can just get on with the fight.  The truth is out, and when you think about it, they’ve been telling me for quite a while that my lungs would shorten my lifespan, so I have, for a good long time, now, taken living as an amazing gift.  That won’t change.  And although there will probably be quite a few unpleasant things in store for me, I still have my family, my wonderful friends, Chihuahua slobber, beautiful Arizona skies, my hibiscus, and the trees in my back yard.   I can still write, I can still read, I can still watch The Food Networks and eat vicariously through them. :D

A Pre-Chemo Haircut...

Dr. T, the RO had told me to call her on Tuesday afternoon, if I had not heard from her by then.  Had to leave a message, but I did call.  Hopefully, someone will call back soon.  I need to get this ball rolling, you know?

Today, though, I went and got my pre-chemo haircut.  I never realized I had such a pin head.  Seriously.  Here, look:

Yeah, I don't think we could have gotten this cut much more.  My question is:  Who stole my eyebrows?  I never quite had Brooke Shields' type eyebrows, but dang!

Just at the bottom of the photo you can see the incision where the port tubing got attached to the superior vena cava.  Both of the incisions are almost completely healed, so I'm good to go... now if only they would GET ME GOING!  (the gritted teeth should be implied by the CAPS)

My sister-in-law, Julie, was just here, bringing me hand-knitted goodies to get me through the coming frosty winter.  I know people in Michigan and Illinois, not to mention Ohio (Wendy and Dean) would grin knowingly about how awfully 'cold' our winters are, but hey, this is the coldest place I have ever lived!  It's all relative.

Anywho, Julie made me a wrap and matching hat, and then a second hat, all of which are oh-so-soft.  She took pictures and I'll share those just as soon as she sends them to me.  Why I didn't have her d/l them to this one while she was here,.... drat.

I can smell some wonderful chicken with chilies ... Jane's making me stew.  Oh the temptation of that scent.  Poor Jane is trying so hard to keep me fed.  I hate worrying her, but I think she's taking this whole thing pretty darned well. 

I once told someone that truly one of the hardest things about having cancer is the effect it has on the people that love you.  My family is not stupid and they know how to find out the survival rates on this type of cancer, and it's hard to see someone you love going through this ordeal without a way to tangibly help them.  I just want everyone to know that I'm going to fight as long as I can, but if it comes down to the point where it's pointless to put myself through treatments that ultimately are not working or helping, I am quite fine with the inevitability of death.  I am not afraid of it.  I don't believe it's anything to worry about or fear.  And besides, everyone does it. :)

So stay tuned for upcoming photos of me in my cool new knitted accessories.  I'll be stylin' in the infusion ward.