Fear Makes you Tired

Now comes the waiting game.  Only it's not a very enjoyable game.  I had my CT Scan this morning.  My barium drink was berry flavored.  It was very, VERY berry flavored.  And at least it was nice and cold.  Drank that down over 45 minutes and then into the CT room I went.  


First, though, we had to go over to the infusion ward and get my port accessed, which is always a breeze, and then back we went to get that damnable scan. ;)


This one was checking my abdomen and chest; we did the first few shots to make sure everything was lined up, and then the iodine came on board.  If you haven't had iodine sent into a vein, you've missed some excitement.  It doesn't hurt, it just feels a bit warm and does strange things to certain of your 'parts.'  My problem is that it really screws up my breathing.  Which, of course, was already screwed up by the left over dust in the air.  But I had taken a hit off my Xopenex inhaler before we started and once we were finished, I took another hit.


And yes, now we wait.  I really suck at this waiting stuff.  I'm brooding.  Normally, I'm pretty good at just putting these scans out of my mind, but I think if we don't get good news, we're running out of options.  Well, unless there is some study group I can get into with 'investigational' treatments.  In some cases, these trials work very well for people.  Other people die.  It's all a crap shoot, I guess.


Anywho, I have started watching "The Big C" with Laura Linney.  It's on Showtime.  I didn't see the first season; I couldn't figure out how they could have a comedy about cancer treatments.  But I have to say, they do a great job!  Now I should go to Cox On Demand and see if I can find the first season and watch it.  


This season, she's seeing a new oncologist, played by Alan Alda.  He mentions his crappy bedside manner... oh, dude, you're a neophyte.  My mom had a cardiologist that even the nurses referred to as 'that arrogant Swedish bastard."  He could give Alan Alda lessons. :D  But he was, of course, a damned fine cardiologist.


I'm really, really tired today, for some reason.  I attribute it to fear of CT results. I need to get the hell out of that, and move on to something better.  Oh, "Torchwood" is on in about 25 minutes.  That's something I've been anticipating with happiness.  I just hope the move from the UK to the US doesn't screw up the show.  I shall reserve judgment. :)


So, I think I'll go get a glass of wine and try to chill out for the rest of the evening.  Try to reclaim my normal "whatever the results, we'll deal with it" attitude.  I can do that.


Sleep well, all.  Many hugs!